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Thread: when does it become stalking??

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default when does it become stalking??

    If a regular customer was mentioning things like what car you drive and where you live would his intentions be to creep you out or is he just clueless?
    This is what mine has been doing. He has always been very clueless but he has said some things lately that are just wrong.

    I knew he knew where I lived because I knew he lived in the same area and even though I lied about where I lived he obviously saw my licence plate and then saw my car parked at my house.

    When he asked me if that was where I lived I said no and if he saw my car it must have been parked at a friend's house.

    Then recently because I had the car accident and I was saying I need to buy a new car he looked at me and said "do you know what's a nice car, an audi. I see this really nnice black one parked on the grass at this house all the time, it's really nice".

    Well I got shivers down my spine because he is talking abotu my boyfriend's car that is parked out the front of my house all the time.

    Why the fuck would he say something like this?

    Then he keeps saying "Im a nice guy and I have been taken advantage of before, I would hate for it to happen again". I dont know what he is getting at. He pays me for my time, I am not taking advantage. I'd prefer not to see him anyway after all this creepy shit.

    Is he stalking me?
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    answer: YES. the stuff he's saying is psychologically manipulative bullshit so you won't take any action... i.e. stop seeing him or get the bouncers on his case, or, if things proceed, call the cops. Right now, I would hand a bouncer a 20, tell him what's up, have him pull mr. stalky aside and give him a nice heart to heart. there's not much more you can do right now.

    but STOP dancing for him. I know it's a loss of income, but knowing where you live, talking about it, displaying jealousy and showing a manipulative side= NOT GOOD. end it... for your safety.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    ^^^^
    When I talk to other customers esp another regular of mine his face changes. It looks like he is going to explode. I know he is obsessed but he is getting worse and down right scary now. He looks furious when he sits there watching me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    yeah... i would try to keep this one out of the club.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    answer: YES. the stuff he's saying is psychologically manipulative bullshit so you won't take any action... i.e. stop seeing him or get the bouncers on his case, or, if things proceed, call the cops. Right now, I would hand a bouncer a 20, tell him what's up, have him pull mr. stalky aside and give him a nice heart to heart. there's not much more you can do right now.

    but STOP dancing for him. I know it's a loss of income, but knowing where you live, talking about it, displaying jealousy and showing a manipulative side= NOT GOOD. end it... for your safety.
    His money is not worth it to me anymore. He makes me feel so uncomfortable that I cannot stand it anymore, I'd rather just make less money. He gives me A LOT of money. I think he is responsible for 50% of my income but I think it's time for it to end and im not sure how to do it. i want to minimise the craziness.

    I even spoke about the fact that I have finished my degree and I am looking for a job and he turned around and said "But what about me, how am I goi g to see you then?"
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I knew he knew where I lived because I knew he lived in the same area and even though I lied about where I lived he obviously saw my licence plate and then saw my car parked at my house.

    When he asked me if that was where I lived I said no and if he saw my car it must have been parked at a friend's house.

    Then recently because I had the car accident and I was saying I need to buy a new car he looked at me and said "do you know what's a nice car, an audi. I see this really nnice black one parked on the grass at this house all the time, it's really nice".

    Well I got shivers down my spine because he is talking abotu my boyfriend's car that is parked out the front of my house all the time.
    This would freak me out. I would cut him off completely and report him to management.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I would stay the hell away from him also. No amount of cash is worth stuff like this.
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    The absolute second you want it to stop.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I agree with everyone here--take it seriously. It may be nothing, but he is clearly being manipulative and trying to tug at you with some menace--he seems to think in some weird way that this will frighten you into paying more attention to him. I would let management know and, for a period of time, change the timing of your habits--where you park, when you park there, etc.--just to throw him off if he is watching. He seems to know a few things about you and he didn't get there by guessing. Good luck with this and take care of yourself. Let us know what happens.
    Last edited by jhuka; 11-04-2007 at 10:56 AM.
    JK Jim

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    When I talk to other customers esp another regular of mine his face changes. It looks like he is going to explode. I know he is obsessed but he is getting worse and down right scary now. He looks furious when he sits there watching me.
    that's scary weird.

    nip this before it escalates. money's nice but not worth the grief he's already giving imho. his spending so much may evolve to feelings of "entitlement", which seem to already have manifested. (unfortunaely, it seems to be a common theme in this industry )

    good luck!

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    If Australian cops are anything like American cops, they are going to be unable to do anything regarding this 'disappointed regular' until he actually does something illegal (like, for example, following you home after the club closes and raping you !!!). Intimidation by bouncers and/or getting this guy banned from the club will make things better INSIDE the club, but may indeed make things worse OUTSIDE the club. It sounds like this situation has been allowed to develop beyond the point of a friendly parting of the ways. This guy has apparently spent thousands and thousands of dollars on you over a period of months, and you have accepted those thousands and thousands of dollars under the premise (in this customer's mind at least, based on his comments about being ripped off before) that you will eventually 'deliver'.

    If a similar situation had developed in the USA, I would advise two courses of action. Option #1 pay off a couple of bouncers to 'work this guy over' outside the club in order to send this guy a very clear message (via broken bones and lacerations) that he needs to stay miles away from you. Option #2 pack up and move to a different city without telling anyone where you are going.

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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    If you're anything like me, you wouldn't even accept this kind of talk or outward behavior from someone you were even interested in dating. If a girl I was dating started making comments like that she'd find the door very quickly. I would either tell a bouncer and management that this guy has been making comments that lead you to believe he's unstable, he's fully aware of where you live, and ask (pay) them for some help; or I you could take it upon yourself to tell him that the comments he makes are starting to turn you off of him. You could take some time to devise a script even. It might be more effective and carry more weight with him if you deliver the message yourself one night.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Florida has a VERY strict stalking law. If you lived here and filed a complaint, they would at best (it's all they can do at this point) talk to the guy. He would remain on their 'shit list' if anything else was to happen.

    I had a man tell me he KNEW i loved him (wtf) and he loved me back...that was enough. He was allowed to drive down my road, it's public, but the police where kind enough to go talk with him. He did not live far it turned out. But it all stopped as far as i knew..i kept my eyes open.

    Sick shit.

  14. #14
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I once had a regular (he was a RIL--yuck!) who had said to me, "Do you always take Curtis Rd. when you drive home?" That freaked me out.

    Yes, this guy is stalking you.

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    Veteran Member RC's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I don't know about picking up and moving though. Anybody remember poor Bianca?



    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    How to pick up a stripper- have a thick cock, don't talk too much, and fuck like Satan. That is all.

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    God/dess kitty260's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by RC View Post
    I don't know about picking up and moving though. Anybody remember poor Bianca?
    *shudder*

    That guy is a whole different kind of stalker-extreme.
    \

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    Veteran Member RC's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I know. But it does remiond you to take these nut-jobs seriously. Jeff would have seemed perfectly normal if I hadn't read his website...



    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    How to pick up a stripper- have a thick cock, don't talk too much, and fuck like Satan. That is all.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Is he stalking me?
    Looks pretty much like it to me.

    He's obviously been following you - which indicates stalkerish tendencies.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Then he keeps saying "Im a nice guy and I have been taken advantage of before, I would hate for it to happen again". I dont know what he is getting at. He pays me for my time, I am not taking advantage.
    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    It sounds like this situation has been allowed to develop beyond the point of a friendly parting of the ways. This guy has apparently spent thousands and thousands of dollars on you over a period of months, and you have accepted those thousands and thousands of dollars under the premise (in this customer's mind at least, based on his comments about being ripped off before) that you will eventually 'deliver'.
    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I think it's time for it to end and im not sure how to do it.
    I hate to say it, but I think this is going to be a problem for you.

    Look, someone rational would have realised a long time ago that you don't gain a friend by spending money on them month after month. Most guys would have realised it's SS by now. This guy hasn't.

    In his mind he's been building castles in the air that you're going to meet him OTC and become his gf. He's spent thousands of dollars on you with that expectation - because he doesn't realise he's got a commercial relationship with you.

    Now he's going to realise that the thousands of dollars he's spent on you have (from his POV) been wasted. He is not going to be a happy bunny.

    Frankly, I don't know what advice to offer - because I've no practical experience of this sort of problem. All I can do is make some common sense suggestions.

    Firstly, if you haven't already do so, I'd suggest you tell your bf you have a work related problem. Means he's prepared it this guy approaches him in the street.

    Secondly, I'd tell the management at your club that you have this problem, and I'd ask them to have one or two bouncers in the background when this guy next comes into the club.

    I'd then have a heart to heart with him, and explain that he's been paying for your time, you can't see him OTC, and maybe it's better if you don't dance for him again.

    I think the least you're going to get is an unpleasant scene. (Which is why priming the bouncers would be a good idea).

    I'd also think defensively for a while. Like, vary your time and route home, always make sure your car is locked, etc.

    Above all I'd be very careful at the moment. In *his* mind you've taken advantage of him. This guy may not behave in a rational manner.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Ugh what a weirdo. Please be really careful and at least let bouncers and the managment know. I hate these creepy stalker stories, gets me worried .


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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by RC View Post
    I don't know about picking up and moving though. Anybody remember poor Bianca?

    I don't. Can someone fill me in?
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by DSUsb19 View Post

    I don't. Can someone fill me in?
    There's a thread on the blue side in Shop Talk called "And the Winner for ultimate PL of the Universe is..."

    That'll explain all.

    Phil.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Scary. You are not being paranoid. All these flags are red. Good luck.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Well moving is absolutely not an option.

    I also think that it would be worse to get him banned from the club coz then it might escalate to trying to communicate with me OTC.

    I'm thinking along the lines of - keep your enemies close.

    I should have seen this evolving. He became my regular when I first started dancing and I didn't see any of the warning signs that I now do see.

    The fact that he has not been able to tell that I don't even like him as a person all this time just shows me that he is not a normal person. I dont even put on SS for this one. I can't believe from my body language he has not picked up on this.

    Im scared to tell my bf because it will give him yet another reason to pick on my job.

    I do have some friends who could definately take care of him OTC but I hate violence. However if it comes down to my safety then I would not hesitate.

    Melonie. Our stalking laws are useless as you might have guessed. He would have to do a series of things for it to be considered stalking. As most stalking behaviours are psychological/inuendos - it's so hard to prove.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I am just gonna throw tis idea out there, if you wanna have more evidence. Put a car cover on your car when its at home and you are not using it, your bf's too. Or park your car inside the garage. Tell him you moved. If this man says that you haven't moved he has been on your property, which should be some sort of violation of the law i hope. You should also install a car alarm, a video security camera outside of your house and an alarm for your house.

    IF you have him on camera near your house you have proof he is stalking you, right?




  25. #25
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    The car cover is a great idea actually coz I am buying a new car and I don't want him to find out what sort of car I get or the number plate for my new car. We don't have a garage unfortunately.

    It sucks having to worry about this shit coz of the industry we are in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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