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Thread: when does it become stalking??

  1. #26
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    ^^^you could also cover the car and park it in different places too. Can you get a license plate number registered to a different city like your parents or friends house too?




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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    ^^
    Im not sure I guess so. But it's really important to me that he doesn't know what my next car is. He is creepy as fuck.

    Man I seriously don't know what to do.

    I have been thinking of two alternatives and neither seem too attractive:

    (1) Tell him in as nice as possible a way that I think he is becoming too attached and perhaps I should not dance for him anymore (I actually don't dance for him, he pays for conversation but same thing).

    The problem with this is that it could tip him over the edge. Im actually very concerned that if I do this he will go crazy stalker. I do think he will feel that he has spent all this money on me for nothing. He has actually kept a record of how many times he has been to the club, how much he has spent etc.

    (2) Keep him as a customer but maybe tell him I am getting married or something? He knows I have a boyfriend, although he never likes to bring that up. Try to distance myself by asking him if he has met any nice girls etc?
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  3. #28
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    ^^
    Im not sure I guess so. But it's really important to me that he doesn't know what my next car is. He is creepy as fuck.

    Man I seriously don't know what to do.

    I have been thinking of two alternatives and neither seem too attractive:

    (1) Tell him in as nice as possible a way that I think he is becoming too attached and perhaps I should not dance for him anymore (I actually don't dance for him, he pays for conversation but same thing).

    The problem with this is that it could tip him over the edge. Im actually very concerned that if I do this he will go crazy stalker. I do think he will feel that he has spent all this money on me for nothing. He has actually kept a record of how many times he has been to the club, how much he has spent etc.

    (2) Keep him as a customer but maybe tell him I am getting married or something? He knows I have a boyfriend, although he never likes to bring that up. Try to distance myself by asking him if he has met any nice girls etc?
    If he gets tipped off about spending money on you kindly remind him that this is your work and you don't get paid to be there and he is a customer. you could also tell him that he chose to give you the money, and that you didn't straight out ask for it, but you wouldn't be there if you didn't get paid.

    That or tell him you have some incurable disease or STD and that you can never be with him so he won't contract it......




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    Veteran Member Bellona's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Can't you figure out a way to make HIM stop liking you? Is there a certain type of girl that annoys him? or maybe drugs? be whatever he doesn't like. you never know, it might work. Good luck

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Fart on him!!!!!!!!! a good crunchy smelly one!




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    Veteran Member Bellona's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    crunchy? lol

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    dont think he would smell even my worst fart over his death/corpse breath LOL.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  8. #33
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Why the fuck would he say something like this?
    I think we (people) tend to be pretty good at picking up on creepy individuals. Not everyone, not all the time, but enough so that if your creep-o-meter is going off, I recommend trusting it.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Then he keeps saying "Im a nice guy and I have been taken advantage of before, I would hate for it to happen again". I dont know what he is getting at.
    I would be concerned, definitely. It sounds like he thinks there is something real happening between you two. We know this happens, happens a lot, based on so many other posters.

    Safety first, even if it means a loss of income.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I have been thinking of two alternatives and neither seem too attractive:

    (1) Tell him in as nice as possible a way that I think he is becoming too attached and perhaps I should not dance for him anymore (I actually don't dance for him, he pays for conversation but same thing).
    Probably the best option - he's spent a lot of money on you, and if you just say 'thanks and goodbye', his ego is going to take a missive hit.

    Letting him down gently does at least let him walk away with a bit of dignity intact, (which may be important to him).

    And is he goes a bit nutty when you tell him, best he does it in the club with bouncers about, than just broods and decide to confront you OTC.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    (2) Keep him as a customer but maybe tell him I am getting married or something? He knows I have a boyfriend, although he never likes to bring that up. Try to distance myself by asking him if he has met any nice girls etc?
    Why not combine with your first option - just start slowly bringing your boyfriend into the conversation more and more. Over a month, you should be able to gradually increase the percentage of time you mention your boyfriend to where it dominates the conversation.

    If he says "what about us", just say how much you value his company ITC, but unfortunately, you already have a bf OTC.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Just avoid him. Do not make eye contact with him. Do not go near him. Do not accept his money. Do not talk to or with him. Just stop.

    Does he come in on a specific night and that night only? If so, is it possible for you to switch your roster to another night and stop working that night or even to drop it totally?

    This is the tactic I would personally take.

    Inform the club management and bouncers about him as well.

    Is it possible for you to be accompanied by a bouncer, your boyfriend or someone to your car?

    Avoid him like the plague. Stop talking or interacting with him. No eye contact with him. Never EVER become dependant upon anyone for your income no matter how much money they spend upon you. Seriously.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  11. #36
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I agree about not encouraging him. If keeping him out of the club doesn't work, could you switch to a different club? Just up and leave - don't tell anyone where you're going.

    If that fails, tell him you have HIV?



    I wish I could be more help. Just wanted to say good luck. Being stalked is like a nightmare.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    ^^^ I really don't want to say this the wrong way, but ...

    Yes, our industry does seem to attract the occasional attention / affection deprived sicko ... guys who are very capable of building up some sort of Wunderland view of their 'relationship' with a favorite dancer, and who are also capable of behaving irrationally / violently when their Wunderland view is suddenly hit with a cold bucket full of reality.

    However, where some aspects are concerned, it takes two to Tango. The sicko guy's Wunderland view did not happen overnight - it developed over a period of weeks or months during which his favorite dancer kept accepting large amounts of money and at the same time failed to dispel the guy's increasingly unrealistic Wunderland view of his 'relationship' with the dancer. Of the handful of nasty incidents which have happened to dancers I knew / worked with, every one was the result of a guy's Wunderland view (with associated OTC expectations) that was allowed go on and on by the dancer (in exchange for high earnings which also went on and on) until a 'day of reckoning' could no longer be avoided.

    From what you have said about this guy, the potential is there for a NASTY incident ! Please be VERY careful. This guy has all of the personal information about you that he needs in order to create a dangerous situation where you will be extremely vulnerable. Also. while I don't know how much the Duke Rape Case results have affected Australian cops / judges / juries, I will mention that if such an incident were to happen in America today it's entirely possible that the cops / judge / jury might consider this GUY to be the victim !!!

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    Veteran Member 423texas's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    If Australian cops are anything like American cops, they are going to be unable to do anything regarding this 'disappointed regular' until he actually does something illegal (like, for example, following you home after the club closes and raping you !!!). Intimidation by bouncers and/or getting this guy banned from the club will make things better INSIDE the club, but may indeed make things worse OUTSIDE the club. It sounds like this situation has been allowed to develop beyond the point of a friendly parting of the ways. This guy has apparently spent thousands and thousands of dollars on you over a period of months, and you have accepted those thousands and thousands of dollars under the premise (in this customer's mind at least, based on his comments about being ripped off before) that you will eventually 'deliver'.

    If a similar situation had developed in the USA, I would advise two courses of action. Option #1 pay off a couple of bouncers to 'work this guy over' outside the club in order to send this guy a very clear message (via broken bones and lacerations) that he needs to stay miles away from you. Option #2 pack up and move to a different city without telling anyone where you are going.
    Those are two very radical options Melonie.

    I guess if those two don't work you she could always poison him

    BTW jaizaine: If you choose to rough him up note my avatar though I think your problem is in Australia which is quite a way from where I am.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Those are two very radical options Melonie.
    well, let's just say that the fact that the body of a dancer I had worked with was found in a dumpster a couple of blocks away from our club one sunday morning tended to prompt me to take these potential risks seriously !!!

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    Veteran Member 423texas's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    well, let's just say that the fact that the body of a dancer I had worked with was found in a dumpster a couple of blocks away from our club one sunday morning tended to prompt me to take these potential risks seriously !!!
    That's absolutely awful and I was joking of course.

    But I would hate to see jaizaine go from the victim to the perpetrator.

    Unfortunately, we know how the police generally treat strippers (and believe them). If in fact, this guy had his legs broken and jaizaine could be tied to it, she could be liable for some serious stuff. That would be really bad since she is the aggrieved party.

    As to moving, especially if it's forced and sudden, that is very difficult. And jaizaine has said that is out of the question.

    So, what is my solution? I don't know. Probably a combination of what 's been said. Get the bouncers involved. Start letting the customer down. Keep telling him you have a BF and you are getting closer and engaged (whatever). Tell the custie that you really appreciate his business but make it very clear that it's business. It's clear that he has unrealistic expectations, and it's probably almost all his problem. But whatever you might have done to produce those unrealistic expectations should be changed.

    There are some very sick Fs out there but not all, or most, are violent. Creepy yes but generally not violent. Of course you don't need to be taking any chances. Again, I'll say there are some real sickos.

    While it was funny, I would skip the wild stuff. It would be great if you could fart on him and drive him off. Or tell him you have an STD. You might tell him that you are engaged and looking forward to getting married. Maybe that would give him a chance to lick his wounds and soothe his ego. You be the judge.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    I would not tell him I had an STD imagine he spread that around, it would damage my reputation!!

    But I think I will just try to let him down gently. Although I actually have not SS'ed this guy. I seriously am shocked that he still comes to see me coz i'm not even nice to him!! Maybe he likes being treated like that tho. After I spend time with him in the club, which he pays for I just piss off to the next customer. Yet he still keeps coming back.

    He turns up to the club usually twice a week. I have encouraged him to keep coming in which I will now totally stop. I won't encourage this obsession anymore. It is just too risky.

    Melonie that's just awful about your co-worker. Did they catch the murderer?
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    What a creep! Also, maybe hire someone to keep an eye on him for a while. He might just be a dumbass, but you never know.
    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberrySwitchblade View Post
    As I was walking by the dressing room to the little girl's room, I heard this gem:

    Stripper: "And that wasn't the first time I lost my panties while bull-riding."



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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Tell him you are pregnant and getting married to bf. Then stop looking at him or talking to him or farting in his direction. Be very careful on the way home. Also expect that you car is going to be fucked with. Park it in front of your place and borrow a camera if you have to to record the incident. then take the shmuck to court and pray he leaves you alone after that.
    Also I am not above having him worked over by some friends. Nothing needs to be said- but a message needs to get sent.
    Keep us posted and stay safe. AND you need to tell your man- he may be in jeopardy also. nothing like getting blindsided.
    Try not to show any fear- it will fuel the fun.

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    But I think I will just try to let him down gently.
    I think it might be important to let him down gently. Remember, most of us are generally convinced we are acting correctly.

    Accordingly, he will be convinced in his mind that he's in the right, and that it's you in the wrong. Never mind the fact that most people would recognise that he's been an unrealistic fool, it's what he personally thinks that matters.

    If you just cut him off as suggested, you are going to have one angry customer permanently convinced you've played him for a fool. If you let him down gently, there will still be resent, but it may not be as strong or deeply rooted.

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Although I actually have not SS'ed this guy. I seriously am shocked that he still comes to see me coz i'm not even nice to him!!...After I spend time with him in the club, which he pays for I just piss off to the next customer. Yet he still keeps coming back.
    He keeps coming back, because he's rationalised in his own mind that you'll eventually become his gf. It may be a totally unrealistic expectation, but he won't see it that way.

    And he's spent a lot of money on you accordingly.

    You need to think through carefully how to stage manage your exit with the least damage to this guy's ego. He's not going to be a happy bunny, but a graceful parting of the ways could be the difference between an p*ssed off ex-regular and an obsessive stalker.

    Phil.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    [/QUOTE]

    You need to think through carefully how to stage manage your exit with the least damage to this guy's ego. He's not going to be a happy bunny, but a graceful parting of the ways could be the difference between an p*ssed off ex-regular and an obsessive stalker.

    Phil.[/QUOTE]

    I think this is very true. I am going to take your advise.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  21. #46
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Yeah, I would never use the "totally ignore option" with this customer. If you do that, then you're almost guaranteed to have a psycho on your hands. You have to ease out of this gradually.

    The fantasy-world version of this "relationship" that Phil-W is giving you is nonsense. This "relationship" with this customer is just like any other. As time goes on, more anger and frustration builds up between you two, but unlike most relationships, there's no way for you two to vent these frustrations like a normal relationship, so the anger will be expressed passive aggressively.

    He may become resentful that's he's paying you a lot of money to dance for him. That's perfectly normal. People don't like paying other people big bucks for what they "perceive" to be easy work (yeah, I know, it's not easy).

    I have my own business (Lets call it a "Heating & Cooling" business) and may charge customers $50 to $200 per hour depending on the repair.

    Well, some customers, not many, get annoyed that they're paying so much for what they perceive to be easy money. Once in a while, a customer will make a smart remark about how much they've paid for an hours worth of work. People just don't like paying other people money, period. It's not that you won't be his girlfriend and he's built up some expectation.

    You seem like you're getting bored and frustrated, too. Does this mean that you're building an expectation that he will be you boyfriend. But because the guy is frustrated, according to Phil-W, he's built up a fantasy world in his mind. Nonsense!

    Handle this like any other "relationship." If you're angry at him, then vent a little, and let him vent a little towards you. If you want to end it, let things taper off; this will let both parties have closer. If, after some time, he doesn't taper off, then I'd move toward being more firm and ending it.

    This is how I would get rid of him:

    If you want to drive him away, just be obnoxious toward him. Make smart remarks toward him and make subtle cut-downs. He'll get the hint, and will gradually find you less appealing. Act like a nagging housewife, and believe me, he won't walk away, he'll run.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post
    You seem like you're getting bored and frustrated, too. Does this mean that you're building an expectation that he will be you boyfriend. But because the guy is frustrated, according to Phil-W, he's built up a fantasy world in his mind. Nonsense!
    I'm having trouble making sense of a lot of what you wrote, but in particular this. What are you talking about???


    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post
    If you want to drive him away, just be obnoxious toward him. Make smart remarks toward him and make subtle cut-downs. He'll get the hint, and will gradually find you less appealing. Act like a nagging housewife, and believe me, he won't walk away, he'll run.

    I couldn't disagree more. This could well feed into a further delusion on his part that he is dealing with a real relationship versus what it is, a paid for situation in a strip club. Subtle cut-downs could well end up with her being stalked by a guy who gets it into his head to beat her ass in an alley for being such a bitch to him. This is playing with fire, and not a sure way to break it off at all.

  23. #48
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    This reminds me very much of a situation an ex of mine had with a RIL, who actually built a little shrine to her in his house (he told her). Some of these guys have never had a real relationship with a woman (this guy was a 53 year old virgin), so they don't know what one is, and they want one very badly, so they assume they have one with you. Wishful thinking carried to extremes.

    They don't understand what reality is, so they create their own. In their reality, you are 'their girl', and when their reality bubble gets burst, the reaction is never pleasant. This is why some women avoid regulars, period. Hopefully you can end it without too much of a scene or physical danger, as the woman did in the case above.

    She tried telling him the truth about dancing, especially when he tried to make her jealous by getting dances from other dancers, who he thought liked him because they let him touch them more, etc. I sat and listened to her saying on the phone that when she danced for guys, it was like rubbing on the arm of a couch. She tried explaining the social mechanics of the clubs in pretty plain language, but it was too late, the guy was just too far gone.

    He would babble on and on endlessly, she gave me the phone once and I listened for a bit, the fucking guy was out there. Body language, factual explanations of club dynamics, telling him you have a boyfriend, none of it is likely to help.

    In her case, he did attack her car, but he was such a wimp (thank god!) all he did was let the air out of her tires instead of slashing them.

    The best idea of all is to avoid what nights he goes in, if you can. You have to end it now, one way or another, and the safest way is to disappear as much as possible from his screen. With any luck he'll pick another dancer, but you cannot count on that. The bouncers and management definitely need to know, and maybe tip them a bit extra to walk you out and watch out for you.

    You definitely need to take extra precautions about driving home, getting to your car in the parking lot at the club, and getting from your car to your house once you get home. Get mace, get a spiky key chain, get something you can use to defend yourself, and always keep your right hand free (or your left if you are left-handed), or have whatever weapon you choose in it and ready to use.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage View Post
    I'm having trouble making sense of a lot of what you wrote, but in particular this. What are you talking about?

    I couldn't disagree more. This could well feed into a further delusion on his part that he is dealing with a real relationship versus what it is, a paid for situation in a strip club. Subtle cut-downs could well end up with her being stalked by a guy who gets it into his head to beat her ass in an alley for being such a bitch to him. This is playing with fire, and not a sure way to break it off at all.
    I don't know, re-read the proceeding paragraphs, put them all together, it seems pretty easy to understand to me.

    I'm trying to make the point that just because someone gets more frustrated and angry in this situation doesn't mean they are frustrated because they want more of a relationship. Anger builds up over time in all relationships. It's not as complicated as everyone makes it.

    If she's obnoxious to him, he'll get the hint. If I want to get rid of someone, I'll be obnoxious as hell, and they get the hint real fast. That usually works.

    He's not going to beat her ass if she's being obnoxious to him. If this were the case, we'd hear more stories like this on SW. Women can't be afraid to stand up for themselves and worry that some guy is going to hit them. You guys are fear-mongering almost as much as G.W.Bush.

    The guy that Djoser is talking about is about one in a 100,000 SC goers. Let's not make the exception the rule. This guy doesn't sound like that. Everyone makes this stuff way more complicated than it really is. Handle it like any other "relationship" in your life.
    Last edited by James Bond; 11-08-2007 at 09:05 AM.

  25. #50
    zxcire
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    Default Re: when does it become stalking??

    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post
    He's not going to beat her ass if she's being obnoxious to him. If this were the case, we'd hear more stories like this on SW. Women can't be afraid to stand up for themselves and worry that some guy is going to hit them. You guys are fear-mongering almost as much as G.W.Bush.
    Oh BS. As a (presumably) non-psychopath, James Bond, you seem to think that because you can't put yourself in that mindset, it doesn't exist. Or that it is much more rare than it actually is.

    Even if this dude isn't a delusional psychopath, it benefits the woman in question to treat him as if he might be, in order to protect her own safety. And really it's not like he hasn't given clues as to his obsessive behavior.

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