Is that even allowed? How do I reject him kindely? ... He already knows I don't hav ea boyfriend from a discussion he overheard a friend and I having in class last week.
Is that even allowed? How do I reject him kindely? ... He already knows I don't hav ea boyfriend from a discussion he overheard a friend and I having in class last week.
" Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan
" If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper





Hi, __________ (Amorous TA)
I'm flattered by the attention but my focus is on academics this quarter (or semester). If I need assistance with the class curriculum, I'll let you know. See you in class...
Fawn
I'm going to cut and past our emails... I just recieved and replied to a couple. Ugh, this is uncomfortable.
" Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan
" If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper
TA: Hey, what's going on? How was your weekend? Do you have aol instant messenger or something?
Me: Actually, I've never learned to use IM. Sad, I know. The weekend was pretty good, mostly studied, but got to watch the Calzaghe/ Kessler fight. You? (By this point I was wondering if he was emailing everyone in the class, like if evaluations were comming up or something)
TA: Um, let's see. I saw American Gangster on Friday. Tailgated with the Sociology department yesterday and went out to hear a couple good reggae bands and now I'm transcribing interviews which I hate with every fiber of my being. It's not sad that you're not a nerd and use instant messengers like me, but I'd like to get you a call. Can I have your number?
Me: Uh, it's 512-555-5555, but I have to let you know I'm not entirely sure how appropriate it is for a TA to have my #. How was American Gangster?
Ta: Well I'm only your TA for another month so I could completely ignore you for the month then call you during winter break if that makes you more comfortable. But I can assure you, I don't go around asking students for their numbers on a regular basis. American Gangster was awesome. It falls somewhere between A Bronx Tale and Heat as far as crime movies are concerned to me.
Still TA: I just thought you seemed pretty interesting and I'd like to get to know you a little better.
Me: That's very sweet. The people from the study group think I'm crazy. Or that I've made some extremely bad choices. Anyway, yeah, it'd be ok if you call over the break. -(I sort of felt pressured into saying that last part)- I havn't seen Heat, but A Bronx Tale was really good. I'll see you tomarrow, I've got to go over soc notes.
" Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan
" If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper
You know what, he actually is kind of hot, and I was into him for about a week, but he's really weird and I got over the hottness.
" Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan
" If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper





Just Say No.
From the messages it's not coming off as clear that this makes you uncomfortable. He needs a bigger hint, its hard for most dudes to read between the lines in situations like this. I like Budai's suggestion.




Sounds like he's just a dopey guy who has the hots for you. Is he the sort of TA who teaches the lab portion of a class, or is he the sort of TA who just does busy-work for the professor? I mean, does he have any control over the grade you receive in the class? Is he a grad student? An undergrad? A post-grad?
It doesn't sound like he's trying to pressure you into anything. I agree that you could be a lot clearer about the fact that you aren't interested. Like, you could have asked him why he wanted your number, and when he said he was interested in "getting to know you better," you could have said, "Well, I don't think that's appropriate under the circumstances. And besides, I have a boyfriend. Sorry." I don't think he has any real power over you, so I don't think you should be afraid to tell him to get lost if his attentions are unwelcome. You could probably cause a lot more trouble for him than he could cause for you, so I'd say you have the power here. But maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation?
"Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]





man, if that was me I would work that shit.









Everyone just say it. .....He's a TA, he is broke.
"Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."





True WGT, but he's a broke TA sitting on a golden "A". I'm not saying she should date the guy. However, the beauty of the SC fantasy is that often, the sizzle is better than the steak.
It appears that Fawn has arrived at the IRL intersection of Ethics Street & Advantage Drive...



Fawn, it sounds to me like you are uncomfortable with this--for a while you found the guy interesting but now you do not, and you are feeling pressured by him. You have the power here: one report to the head of the department about this, with the printed e-mails in hand, would end things very fast. Especially since you indicate that you are not sure it is appropriate for him to ask for your number. You could simply tell him you're feeling pressured and, if that does not end it, take further steps--go to the department if you have to. (I don't know, legally, where he stands as a TA--I assume he is under the same restrictions that professors are). He is, frankly, a fool for doing this.
I don't think trying to string this guy along is wise, and it could backfire on you bigtime. So you get a good grade, but then later, when you reject him, what then? If you are in the same field his anger could come back at you, when he realizes he was used. And then, if others have witnessed that there was a relationship between you, you'll have less moral ground to stand on. Your best bet, in the long run, is to tell him honestly how you feel and take it farther if he does not get the hint. I assume he is at the beginning of a career in this field, so ultimately he should see the wisdom of backing off. Truth is, you might get the better grade BECAUSE he is afraid: there is a kind of witchhunt going on out there these days for these kinds of things, and even though professor-student relationships go on, for professors this is a lot more dangerous to the career than it used to be. In this case, the TA has already changed your learning experience, and he has no right to.
I wish you luck with this. Let us know how it turns out.
JK Jim
This boggles my mind. Which one is more forward about it? The Tits, or the Ass? And exactly, how do they come across? You think either are willing to go the distance? Family? Kids?
People are not ruled by their memories.





just to clarify, I wouldn't string him along either but it can be beneficial to have friends/acquaintances in high places. Especially if you don't currently have a boyfriend, what's stopping you from striking up a new friendship? College isn't just about the degree, it's about making friends and networking. I think you can use this to your advantage without taking advantage of anybody.
But to answer your original question, No it's not allowed for him to contact you in that manner. For some reason, the chy dept on my campus has a problem with that; I've heard of several chy TA's getting in trouble for exactly what you've described.
Your emails definitely don't make it clear that you're not interested. You could send him another email like Budai's, or you could just give him the Ice Queen treatment and if he calls, tell him you're not interested.





^I dunno, Ice Queen treatment got me out of a speeding ticket last Friday!



I see your point, LSM, and I have to admit that I'm a little unclear about the nature of the relationship thus far. From the e-mails, though, from a male point of view, it strikes me that this guy is making a pretty bold, clear play for her, and doesn't seem interested in just a friendship; so the end result of this will be her rejection of him and she has to weigh it out, then--how will he react? Will he get a chip on his shoulder and want to mess her up somewhere down the line or will it lead to more contacts for her? Maybe he is an honest, fair character and she won't have a problem with him. But that is her gamble.
I understand what you are saying about wanting to make contacts, though, and not stringing him along.
If he presses things and she does have to go to the department, chances are the department will watch after her more carefully. That could also be in her favor.
JK Jim





Fawn:
It's possible that your amorous TA sensed your initial attraction to him and is simply responding to that. It seems that he didn't "single you out" as much as he hasn't recognized that you "got over the hottness".
Does your reluctance to shut him down stem from some embarassment or ambivalence regarding your initial feelings towards him?
Groovy...and true! The choice is yours.





I'm curious, what makes him weird?










omigoddddd I just remembered...speaking of messages through one's school email, this guy I knew from school once emailed me a picture of him in his fooking underwear!!! This was in response to a provocative photo I had up on myspace. Yeah, I had a sexy pic up on myspace and he chose to send me an unsolicited photo of himself in his underwear through the school's email client.
So I turn showed EVERYBODY in class.
He is now known as Underwear Joe.




I don't understand this "golden A" thing. Most TA's don't have any say over a student's final grade....
(lol @ Underwear Joe)
"Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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