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Thread: Gimmie shelter

  1. #1
    Senior Member anneholl's Avatar
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    Default Gimmie shelter

    Once again, my boyfriend has made the decision to let one of his struggling friends "couch it' at our house indefinately.

    He has done this without my input at least 7 times in the last year. This makes me SO FUCKING PISSED!!! Obviously he has no respect for me by doing this. Tonight, it's one of his co workers who for whatever reason ,(I'm not sure of the details), has no where to go.

    Just a few weeks ago, his ex girlfriend (from WAYYYYY back... like 6 years ago), unexpectedly showed up at his place of work. basically, she just descended on us and he offered her our couch for a few days. she was having a really hard time mentally with some stuff, but damn! Why the hell could she not have picked up the phone? To make matters worse, I gernerally have to play hostess to these people that i don't even want in my house. His friend's are rarely respectful. eat our food up, don't lift a finger chore wise, and I usually end up fighting with them.

    My guy thinks that i am a heartless bitch (hey, isn't there a website for us?) But I think that I am just a very private person who likes sharing her TINY residence with her boyfriend and two dogs. I am irked be fucking yond belief!!! it just sucks. He is a very generous guy and I feel as if I am genrous as well. just... selectively. God, does that sound awful or what? but I am not comfortable living like this. Plus these aren't struggling college kids. these are grown 30 somethings. to me it's a lil pathetic. I mean, come on folks. isn't it about time you are gettin your shit together?

    what do you guys think?

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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    The years not even over and its already been 7 times?! That is wayyy too often. It's happened twice for me in 4 years. I would tell your bf that if you guys are going to share a home together you also need to share the decision making.

    Just a thought though- who pays the bills for you guys? Do you share equally, or do you pay all/more or does he pays all/more?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    You live together, you pay the rent together, you decide who sleeps on the couch together. It's out of line to invade your home space without asking you. I'd be livid. It's one thing to agree to help out a friend, but it's another to offer up someone else's space without her consent.

  4. #4
    Senior Member anneholl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    I agree ladies. We are a 50/50 expense split couple. But I think you are right... decision making has to be a dual effort. he called me from the bar, while in the presence of his co worker and THEN asked me. incredibly unfair. If I say no, i sound like the bitch.

    I am tired of feeling like my home is a hostel. and the thing is, I'm kinda embarassed by it. We are livin pretty ramshackle these days and I don't feel as if our TINY 700 sqaure foot home can comfortably house another person.

    how irritating. gRRRRRRRR!

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    God/dess phillyvixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    Why not suggest he pay 2/3's of the expenses when his guests are there, thats only fair. I can totally understand you not wanting to come off as a bitch but this is your personal space. Or maybe there is somewhere you can go stay for a few days so he sees that he is picking his friend over you? We have plenty of space in our house but i still don't like people staying over. I need my Naked walking around the house time god damn it!



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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    I can't even BELIEVE I just read "His ex-gf stayed over." HELL NO. NEVER.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    Quote Originally Posted by cutey503 View Post
    I can't even BELIEVE I just read "His ex-gf stayed over." HELL NO. NEVER.
    That is why they are called an ex!

    To the OP: You say he is a very generous guy. He needs to be more generous to you and tell friends he would love to let them crash but has no room.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    Sounds like he still has a young mentality about living space. I agree with phillyvixen ask him to pay more-make him see how it's not just roommates with crash space, it's your home. Maybe there's not enough 'couple' stuff there-communally bought furniture or that sorta thing to make him see 'home' not crash pad? He needs to start feeling more responsible for his home.

    I also think his friends are taking advantage-they're 30ish? Get a hotel! I've had people seek refuge when they've seriously hit bottom, or having probs with the wifey/hubby, but never 7 in one year, or more than a night or two. It happens, even to the oldsters , but that many are just taking advantage. And the ex-gf thing is out of control. *hug*

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    Veteran Member RC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    I had this problem for years only I was the person letting people crash. It might just be that he has a problem saying no and would be relived to have you put your foot down. Some people have a problem with letting others walk all over them.

    Talk to him and see what the deal is. Maybe he doesn't want these people in your home any more than you do.



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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    Not cool.

    Tell him he's sharing the couch with his buddy.



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  11. #11
    Senior Member anneholl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gimmie shelter

    I like that! Imagining him squashed up against his friend, shivering like a bitch on our threadbare couch sends a warm chuckle through me!!!

    Well, it seems that all my bitching temporarily paid off. he did not have his friend over last night after all. However, i'm sure that he made it abundantly clear that it was all his "Heartless girlfriend's" doing. Whatever. I don't mind playing that role if I must. slowing but surely, our versions of nearly every situation are becoming more and more opposite.

    It blows. i really do love him. but there are so many issues that he just won't budge on. I can be reallyy stubborn myself.

    Ah.... the nauseating roller coaster continues.

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