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Thread: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

  1. #1
    Veteran Member LexxusLovely's Avatar
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    Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Hi, I'm new to this whole thing, though I've wanted to be a stripper since I was in the fifth grade. I'm hoping to become a dancer soon, but the problem is convincing my boyfriend (of 3 1/2 years) to be alright with it. I have a long list of pros (including ones that will benefit our relationship), and a short list of cons...

    The real issue is that I'm not sure how to help him cope with what I want to do. He is the jealous type, but I only want to be doing stage and table dancing - no contact stuff. I'm sure you've all had to deal with some sort of jealous boyfriend issues, and I'm curious as to what may have made them comfortable with it. Could you please tell me what makes your boyfriends feel alright about it?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member ellebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    I don't think I even knew what a stripper was in the fifth grade :s
    The world's most uncoordinated stripper

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Life is WAY too short for jealous boyfriends. Either you're a trustworthy, respected adult or you're not.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    In fifth grade you wanted to take your clothes off for strange men when you grew up? I don't know that I even had a thought process like that in fifth grade.

    Interesting.

    Anyway, to you post (althought I have doubts about this one) if your guy is jealous, then he doesn't trust you. No amount of telling him how wonderful stripping is is going to make him trust you, that's a whole other issue.

    And I seriously can't get past the "since fifth grade" thing. I mean, that's 10 or eleven years old! Right?




  5. #5
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    ^^Indeed. If he won't trust you now, chances are the relationship will fall apart in the future due to jealousy issues--even if you never dance.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    I wanted to be a stripper when I was about that age.

    But seriously, I have no idea why some women treat their boyfriends like their fathers.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    We all remember my guy asking for help about feeling better about what I do. But again, that was my guy being scared and hoping to calm his fears about my safety. I just let him know about you girls who are smart and feirce in the world and how I am the same and no matter what I get confronted with (i.e. guys "selling" me the better life (duh!), etc. ) I'll be smart and stay myself.

    I'd tell the boyfriend about it, and come to a conclusion that you can try it for a week, if you change into a horrible monster, then it's not for you. If you stay able minded and make good money and he realizes it's okay, stay. If you stay able minded and he turns into a giant freak-out, leave him, OR better yet, decide what's more important, yhour childhood dream, or your current boyfriend.

    I know I went through extremes here, but, I'm just throwing ideas out.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I wanted to be a stripper when I was about that age.
    Then I must re-evaluate the incredible and undeniable sexiness that Yek apparently really was just BORN with!




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    Veteran Member hikaru's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    You remind me of the other dancer in my club. She said she wanted to be a stripper since she was a kid and she wants to do it for life

    I agree with Yek. And if he really love you, he should trust you about whatever you want to do in your life.

  10. #10
    God/dess kitty260's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    I wanted fake boobies when I was in the fifth grade. If I had known you could make money by dancing naked then, I probably would have wanted that too.
    \

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    My grandmother has a picture somewhere of me at 6 years old wearing her high heels, a ton of makeup, and my prettiest panties, standing up on the coffee table swinging my hips to music. They used to joke and laugh, "She'll grow up to be a stripper." If they only knew.

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    Veteran Member LexxusLovely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Yeah, the wanting to be a stripper in 5th grade is kinda weird... I was sexually an early bloomer... But boobs-wise, not so much.. Didn't sprout those till 9th grade.

    I guess it kinda made me sound like it's my dream to be a stripper Actually, I've always wanted to be a singer. But hearing about beautiful women dancing and everyone being so eager to see has always touched my love for glamor. I don't think I quite understood the whole concept of WHY everyone liked to see them so much in 5th grade...

    I just talked to my boyfriend about it a bit, and he flipped. He said "I am NOT dating a stripper!" and "You just want to have sex with other guys!", and my personal un-favorite "You say you don't want them to touch you, but how far will you really go for money?"

    He knew I was a very flirty and sexual person when he met me... He's just having insecurity problems. I really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting on this. I think I might be able to convince him to be rational, but I'm really tired of him being so oppressive about me looking sexy. He even hates it when we go places together and I wear short skirts or anyone who looks at me. He says I'm doing it for other guys, but most girls (including me) that I talk to like to look and feel sexy for THEMSELVES, and the guys drooling just reinforces that. Am I right ladies?

  13. #13
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Ugh. Life is way too short to spend five minutes with an insecure man.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member LexxusLovely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Habinairo View Post
    We all remember my guy asking for help about feeling better about what I do. But again, that was my guy being scared and hoping to calm his fears about my safety. I just let him know about you girls who are smart and feirce in the world and how I am the same and no matter what I get confronted with (i.e. guys "selling" me the better life (duh!), etc. ) I'll be smart and stay myself.

    I'd tell the boyfriend about it, and come to a conclusion that you can try it for a week, if you change into a horrible monster, then it's not for you. If you stay able minded and make good money and he realizes it's okay, stay. If you stay able minded and he turns into a giant freak-out, leave him, OR better yet, decide what's more important, yhour childhood dream, or your current boyfriend.

    I know I went through extremes here, but, I'm just throwing ideas out.
    I like that idea. That might actually work. I'll try it out

  15. #15
    Veteran Member LexxusLovely's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    My grandmother has a picture somewhere of me at 6 years old wearing her high heels, a ton of makeup, and my prettiest panties, standing up on the coffee table swinging my hips to music. They used to joke and laugh, "She'll grow up to be a stripper." If they only knew.
    That's priceless... I used to dress up in 5th grade in my underwear and dance when my mom wasn't home.

  16. #16
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Quote Originally Posted by LexxusLovely View Post
    I just talked to my boyfriend about it a bit, and he flipped. He said "I am NOT dating a stripper!" and "You just want to have sex with other guys!", and my personal un-favorite "You say you don't want them to touch you, but how far will you really go for money?"
    Tell him bye bye. So your job is what he is dating?? Not you? If you strip he'll leave you. Hes an ass who obviously has no respect for you or your wants,needs or opinions....get rid of him and do what you want.

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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Like this, "Hey bf I'm gonna be a stripper and thats that."
    He doesn't pay your bills and someone has to. Can't believe he is accusing you of wanting to have sex with strange men you've never met. Ugh yea b/c stripper always = prostitute.

    NEXT!
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  18. #18
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    You should just do what you want to do. He is not your boss, you are. Tell him to shut up with his ignorant comments about dancers and be thankful that you haven't dumped his ass yet....

    oh my... i was being feisty!
    Last edited by pookie; 11-05-2007 at 12:13 PM.




  19. #19
    Veteran Member icey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    With my first boyfriend I told him I wanted to be a stripper he flipped and said NO, or he would leave me. I was dumb and did not do it. Then we broke up because I realized he would never trust me, he always thought I was cheating on him and I never did.

    Anyways 3 years later I still wanted to be a stripper so I told my new boyfriend about it and he was like no, but he thought people would be mean to me. I talk to him for about a month and told I was doing it and that was it. He said if this was something that would make me happy then go for it just be safe! I married that man!

    Also I have always wanted to be a part time stripper since I was a kid too.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    His "I'm not dating a stripper" comment is a red flag. Obviously his issues are about him, not you, or your sanity, or your safety. It's about him.

    Be a stripper. If he doesn't want to date one, then he can hit the road.

    A guy who really loves you would be concerned for your safety and sanity, or he would be accepting and supportive of your dream.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

  21. #21
    sun child
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    I'll just say this. You don't want to be with a guy who's not cool with stripping while you are working as a stripper. It's an emotional nightmare and an issue of control. I say either dump him and strip, or don't strip at all. But either way, it sounds like you two will probably break up down the line anyway, and when that happens, I don't want you to regret not stripping.

    Think about what your goal is. Are you stripping just because it's your childhood fantasy? (BTW I don't think it's weird that you wanted to be a stripper at that age. I used to play stripper with my friends.) You might change your mind after working in it for a few months.

    And, not to burst your bubble, but I'm not aware of any no contact places in the Bay Area. From what I've heard, it's all very high contact. You might want to try a peep show like the Lusty Lady, though. Maybe your boyfriend would be cooler with you being behind glass.

  22. #22
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    i get what everyone is saying, but i wouldnt throw away a 3 1/2 year relationship over dancing.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    I also started thinking about stripping in grades 4-5. I don't think it's abnormal.

  24. #24
    sun child
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    ^ maybe it won't be worth it to end the relationship to strip, but I don't think the issue is just dancing. He gets mad when she wears skirts that are "too short" and he seems to be jealous, anyway. Relationships like that don't usually work out unless one partner is willing to put up with it. Before breaking up the relationship I would suggest doing more firsthand research about the contact levels in the Bay Area, at the very least.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not sure how to talk to boyfriend about stripping

    Okay, I really do have to retract my comment about thinking of stripping at a young age.

    I really didn't mean to hurt anyone feeling's with that. It was just hard for me to imagine. Sorry

    To the OP, what sun child said makes sense. Let's say it wasn't stripping, let's say you wanted to be a cop. And your guy said "I'm not dating some pig cop so she can be an asshole to everyone." Same thing...he's trying to control what you do in life because he's worried about himself. No matter how you look at either of those comments, they are about himself. And that's selfish and a MAJOR warning signal.

    Personally, I would tell any man that said to me "I'm not dating a stripper!" that "I'm not dating an asshat."
    But you do what is going to be best for you...maybe doing the "trail perdiod" will work. But if I were a betting woman, I would put money on him being a jerk about it all the way to the end.




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