When I was 15, I left my parents' house. My parents were strict, had mental issues of their own (My mom panic attack disorder, social anxiety, and a history of sexual abuse, and my dad had lots of anger due to his chronic disease and suffers depression to this day), and I ended up raising my 5 younger siblings to an extent because they had bitten off more than they could chew when it came to having kids, then got mad because I wasn't a good parent. I won't give the details of why I left, but I was put in foster care for a year. "Problem solving" consisted of drugging me up rather than actually try to solve the underlying problems, which made things worse. After the year was up, my parents refused to take me back in. They accused me of using drugs and prostituting myself (which I did not do), along with many things that I did do (stealing money, sneaking out), and that they did not trust me around my 5 younger siblings. It was the most painful time of my life and I sincerely wanted to die. Rumors spread in the family, and nobody wanted me near them or my children. Some people still talk of these rumors at reunions, which will guarantee a cold shoulder. I was actually relieved when my cousin got busted for drugs, as the spotlight was taken off me.
My aunt and uncle sought legal custody of me and won. They got a very angry, defensive, broken, insecure, hurt, hateful, distrustful teen. However, they made it clear that their love was unconditional. They took the time to take me to a good counselor rather than just drug me up, they listened to me and worked with me rather than shut me up. My foster parents and parents would pull the, "We'll send you back if you misbehave," to control me, which shut me up like a charm but broke me in ways I don't wish on anybody. My aunt and uncle told me that the only way that I would be sent back is if I tried to come between their marriage. Thanks to them, I was able to rebuild my life, learn how to trust again, and slowly shed the walls I had built. They weren't perfect by any means, but they gave me what I needed. They believed in me when everyone else thought that I was a lost cause, and they are all amazed about how I have turned out.
The reason why I am sharing this is because I read this story, in which a woman sent back an adoptive child because she couldn't handle the her. I cried from the flood of memories. I don't begrudge the woman for discovering that she didn't have the energy to adopt a child, although she should have known that adoptive children, especially older ones, are very needy and often problematic rather than grateful for a savior. However, I feel very much for the little girl, who obviously had attachment issues and was acting out pretty typically. I was her once. I'm grateful that I had someone had the time and energy to ensure security and unconditional love. It takes a lot of energy and very special people to adopt. As much as I wish that more people would adopt, I understand that not everybody can do it. I hate to think of what I might have become if I didn't have my aunt and uncle.



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