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Thread: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    I don't know much about womenly problems, so I'm turning to the lovely ladies of stripperweb for some help.

    Here's what's going on with my 27yr old girlfriend of the past 1yr:

    Just recently the topic of sex frequency has come up. Right now its averaging between 1 and 2 times per week and its been like this for the past 10 months. She never initiates activity and fequently complains about being tired. She just doesn't seem interested and I feel that that she does it just to keep me happy. She never has had an orgasm - during oral she squirms away and says that she cant take that feeling and during sex, she feels the need to pee and takes 2-3 breaks. She never "plays" with herself down there and overall I just don't think shes very sexual.

    Any ideas on what be going on? I'd just like her to enjoy sex and maybe even initiate it on occasions. Any advice, tips, suggestions would be helpful.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    A few things that popped in my head as I read your post:

    how are you at 4-play?
    have you ever read erotica or watched sexually themed books?

    I'm no sex expert but it sounds like your GF is not comfortable with her body. ie. sexuality. I'm not just gonna say go out and buy a bag of toys, and hot oils, and candles (sounds yummy though lol) but maybe start out slowly with her.

    I take it you and her have been involved for quite some time right? Then you two should be able to talk about your likes/dislikes. Ask her what you could do to make her feel better sexually. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn't like.

    It took me a while to finally start being "vocal" when my partner was not "doing me" right. So intead of me wasting both our times, I can now confidently explain that, "yes I like it HERE, HERE, oh no not over there...yes that's a good spot. Keep it right there" lol..up into ecstasy!







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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    A few things that popped in my head as I read your post:

    how are you at 4-play?
    have you ever read erotica or watched sexually themed books?

    I'm no sex expert but it sounds like your GF is not comfortable with her body. ie. sexuality. I'm not just gonna say go out and buy a bag of toys, and hot oils, and candles (sounds yummy though lol) but maybe start out slowly with her.

    I take it you and her have been involved for quite some time right? Then you two should be able to talk about your likes/dislikes. Ask her what you could do to make her feel better sexually. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn't like.

    It took me a while to finally start being "vocal" when my partner was not "doing me" right. So intead of me wasting both our times, I can now confidently explain that, "yes I like it HERE, HERE, oh no not over there...yes that's a good spot. Keep it right there" lol..up into ecstasy!
    Thanks for the response ck 4-play is good, she does get aroused by it a bit. I really don't think she is comfortable with her body, like I said she never "explores" herself so I dont even think she knows what feels good and what doesn't. I told her to play around with her various parts, but she was against that for some reason. She just wont relax and let herself go during oral and regular sex and I think thats why she isnt fully experiencing it. She did mention the possiblity of a vibrator though.

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Then bring on some toys!! Maybe you two you visit a sex shop together? If that's too much, online shopping??
    Last edited by SarahSynn; 11-09-2007 at 12:05 PM. Reason: more info

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    If she squirms away when you're going down on her, then you are not doing it right. I know a lot of men believe they have mad skillz in that department but most don't, and most women would rather have no oral than bad oral.

    Aside from that, it sounds like she's just not that into sex. You can either accept her as she is, or move on to someone with whom you have more chemistry. None of us are going to be able to tell you anything to change her personality.

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    um, I hope I don't hurt your feelings by saying this but it's possible that she's just not sexually attracted to YOU. It sounds by your post that things were fine for the first two months, but now they suck. I'm only bringing this up as a possibility because I've been through it first hand. I think it's kinda hard to give advice when the request for help isn't coming from her...you can't tell us what she's thinking so how can we give advice tailored for her?


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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    If she squirms away when you're going down on her, then you are not doing it right. I know a lot of men believe they have mad skillz in that department but most don't, and most women would rather have no oral than bad oral.

    Aside from that, it sounds like she's just not that into sex. You can either accept her as she is, or move on to someone with whom you have more chemistry. None of us are going to be able to tell you anything to change her personality.
    LMFAO!!!!!!!! That is so fucking true!

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Bad oral can be uncomfortable to the point of pain. Women need to be already aroused before there is any direct clitoral stimulation (especially if you are being rough).

    Beyond that it sounds like she just doesn't like sex that much. Many women seem to be this way. If that is the case, I don't believe there is much you can do to change this. Also, if she is still uncomfortable with her body at 27 she is unlikely to get over it.

    Jasmine

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Aside from him "maybe" giving bad oral sex.... MANY women think they SMELL. Perhaps she thinks she smells bed and is backing away?

    Hell any oral i ever got was better than no oral...lick, tongue fuck, you name it!

    She needs to be more comfortable with you.

    PS you need to have "the talk" with her.


  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Why is it everytime a man comes here asking advice about a female he gets torn apart???

    Men read this forum and want to learn more as well

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Some women down right just don't like to get oral either. I agree with most everyone sounding like she just isn't into sex that much. Is she on any meds that cause a lowered libido?
    you live like an ivy vine
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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    From past girlfriend experience, Ive never had a problem with oral sex, so I'm not bad at it.
    It's always been this way, we didnt start having sex until after 2 months, so thats why I said past 10.
    I know she's a attracted to me, thats not the issue.
    Pamela mentioned something about smell, she ALWAYS checks herself down there during oral and says that she smells bad. I tell her that she doesn't and I proceed (she really doesnt ) That could be an issue.
    Everything else in the relationship is going great, I'm very open with her and we've talked about this problem and we're both looking for advice. She's already said that she needs some sort of sexual help.

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    have you guys looked into couple's sex therapy?


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    Veteran Member SweetMelissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha_Male View Post
    Pamela mentioned something about smell, she ALWAYS checks herself down there during oral and says that she smells bad. I tell her that she doesn't and I proceed (she really doesnt ) That could be an issue.
    I know I've always been very uncomfortable when it comes to oral sex. I always freak out thinking I smell bad down there and that I'd freak the guy out and..yeah. I normally give my husband a warning like "you don't have to do it you know if it smells bad." He keeps telling me it's never once smelled bad but ugh. Getting myself ready before we do anything helps a little. I'll use a wet wipe down there, put on fresh deodorant, maybe perfume, etc.

    I squirm away eventually too. After a while of him down on me it starts to hurt because it gets too sensitive for me plus I feel bad because he's been going at it for what seems like forever. I've always been a pleaser so it's really hard for me to be the one being pleased for once.

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    Veteran Member SweetMelissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha_Male View Post
    I really don't think she is comfortable with her body, like I said she never "explores" herself so I dont even think she knows what feels good and what doesn't. I told her to play around with her various parts, but she was against that for some reason. She just wont relax and let herself go during oral and regular sex and I think thats why she isnt fully experiencing it. She did mention the possiblity of a vibrator though.
    Did she grow up in a strict/very religious household? I've heard of women who have and they've never once checked their bodies out or played with themselves. Maybe she grew up thinking it was "bad" or "wrong" to touch herself down there and to get any pleasure out of it.

    Has she had horrible sexual experiences in the past that she's hiding? My ex-boyfriend is dating a girl right now whose never once played with herself and on top of that she was almost raped a few years ago. So she's still dealing with all of that and trying to get past it. He says he has to work really hard to get her to relax and even when he tries to please her he says she's never really pleased probably because what is going on inside of her head.

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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    No therapy yet, we'll try to work it out on our own first.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetMelissa View Post
    I know I've always been very uncomfortable when it comes to oral sex. I always freak out thinking I smell bad down there and that I'd freak the guy out and..yeah. I normally give my husband a warning like "you don't have to do it you know if it smells bad." He keeps telling me it's never once smelled bad but ugh. Getting myself ready before we do anything helps a little. I'll use a wet wipe down there, put on fresh deodorant, maybe perfume, etc.

    I squirm away eventually too. After a while of him down on me it starts to hurt because it gets too sensitive for me plus I feel bad because he's been going at it for what seems like forever. I've always been a pleaser so it's really hard for me to be the one being pleased for once.
    That's very similar to our situation

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    I'm glad TigersMilk brought up the possibility of meds; I didn't see a response to this. For me, being on the pill KILLED my libido. So did my job. I was always stressed and tired, even though I'd be able to "pass as normal" on day-to-day stuff. When's the last time yall have had a vacation together where you could get away from your obligations and just chill?

    Also, just because you were successful with oral with past girlfriends, doesn't mean you're doing what works for this one. The Hubby had no problem getting his last girl to multiple Os but my body works way different than hers so he had to completely change his strategy.

    You've got a lot of stuff to explore and it sounds like she's concerned about it too, which is good--you're not alone! Try to change things up--try new toys, locations, times of day. Spend time just enjoying each other's bodies WITHOUT going right to sex. Listen to her insecurities and do your damndest to make her mind shaddup!

    Above all, don't worry. Enjoy the intimacy, conversation and experiences that you two share and the romance will come. That's my Pollyanna post of the day.


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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Have you tried a little foreplay in the shower? Soap her up while you make her feel dirty. Take it into the bedroom and tell how sexy she smells and tastes.

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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetMelissa View Post
    Did she grow up in a strict/very religious household? I've heard of women who have and they've never once checked their bodies out or played with themselves. Maybe she grew up thinking it was "bad" or "wrong" to touch herself down there and to get any pleasure out of it.

    Has she had horrible sexual experiences in the past that she's hiding? My ex-boyfriend is dating a girl right now whose never once played with herself and on top of that she was almost raped a few years ago. So she's still dealing with all of that and trying to get past it. He says he has to work really hard to get her to relax and even when he tries to please her he says she's never really pleased probably because what is going on inside of her head.
    Not a real strict upbringing, but she is somewhat sexually repressed. I just dont think she's real open sexually and yeah, she does think that its "wrong" to do any type of action like fingering. She wasn't very sexually active before me, 2 other guys and she even admits she doesn't have much experience.
    Horrible sexual experiences in the past? Ive seriously thought about that, I'm not sure if or how to bring that up.

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    Veteran Member Alpha_Male's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    I'm glad TigersMilk brought up the possibility of meds; I didn't see a response to this. For me, being on the pill KILLED my libido. So did my job. I was always stressed and tired, even though I'd be able to "pass as normal" on day-to-day stuff. When's the last time yall have had a vacation together where you could get away from your obligations and just chill?

    .
    She's not on the pill or any type of medication. We were just in Vegas last month and tend to get away alot. She does have a somewhat stressful job as a teacher.

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahSynn View Post
    Have you tried a little foreplay in the shower? Soap her up while you make her feel dirty. Take it into the bedroom and tell how sexy she smells and tastes.
    We take showers together a couple times a week and I always make sure shes nice and clean - in a sensual way. I'm actually very romantic, thats why it can be a bit frustrating for me.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Does she work out? I heard Yoga & Pilates tightens the vagina making O's better. Keggles work too.

    What about birth control pills, is she on them? I know when I take them my libido doesn't exist and i'm a freak.

    Shower foreplay is the bomb.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Oh, ok n/m I just read the rest of your responses. Hmm... her stressful job can be part of it too.

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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha_Male View Post
    Not a real strict upbringing, but she is somewhat sexually repressed. I just dont think she's real open sexually and yeah, she does think that its "wrong" to do any type of action like fingering. She wasn't very sexually active before me, 2 other guys and she even admits she doesn't have much experience.
    Horrible sexual experiences in the past? Ive seriously thought about that, I'm not sure if or how to bring that up.
    I think you're on to something here.
    And let me say, that I think it's great you're even concerned with helping her.

    As far as bringing the subject up with her, have you two been together a long time? Is she aware you're concerned about her sexual reactions? If yes to both of those it may be as simple as opening up the conversation with her.




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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Wow, everything you described about your girlfriend could have been said of me.

    I don't really inititate sex with guys because they often go for it enough...Sex 1-2 times per week is more than enough for me. I've never had an orgasm, and I don't like receiving oral either. I mean, I don't hate it with some guys, but I'm generally just numb. Like, totally. So it's not what I want. And many guys are so frustrated because they are so positive they can get me off that way, since it works on others. I mean, I can't even feel anything from vibrators, my fingers, nah...I just like straight up sex, that's it.

    I am NOT sexually repressed. I do like sex...but just not that often. Having a diet-coke libido doesn't make a woman repressed. I get frustrated when I get accused of that, because I do like sex. Just a little bit of it though. I have no interest in loads of sex, and yeah, not all boyfriends are compatible with that.

    So, does she generally seem to be 'into' sex when you are having it, besides not liking the oral? I mean, I know it's hard, but sometimes you just have to ask. Does it feel like she's very reluctant EVERY time, or does it seem like she only wants it sometimes?

    I feel like the poster girl for borderline asexuality. Low libidos are a fact of life, you know? It doesn't make a girl wrong or screwed up.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies, my girlfriend needs some help

    Yeah, this is not something we can answer on her behalf. There are way too many potential variables from medical problems, to sociological/psychological issues, to your abilities to just a potential fact of of her life. We could talk to her - tease out some answers, maybe prompt her to ask some questions, but we can't give you an answer relating to her libido.
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