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Thread: Why are guys so misleading ?

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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Why are guys so misleading ?

    I swore off dating men about a week before I found out I was pregnant which was summer of 05 and I haven't dated since . I wanted to stop dating because I was really getting my heart stomped on . One date for example took place right before Thanksgiving , it was a casual date with a guy I met online . He seemed really persistent and sorta cute . We met up at a gas station because I was semi new to the area and then we had drinks at one place , things were going great and then he asked me if I wanted to go met up with his friends for a drink ( so he must like me right ?) This next place was super nice , trendy restaurant way atop a building over looking the city ...so nice .....anyways I am having a great time . Oh at the first stop he looked at me and so sincerely he said "wow you are really beautiful" with big eyes and I totally bought it . Anyways I was living in this college town so we did the bar hopping thing and I ended up at his place because he said he had some beer and we could hang out for a bit , then he could take me to my car ......yeah I bought that one too . He had no beer nothing to drink at all , we hung out for a bit and then he proceeded to beg me for sex and then he wouldn't take me to my car because he was to tired to drive (blah blah ) he started to get pissy .....anyways I ended up having sex with him but honestly I liked him so much and I knew that if I had sex with him things wouldn't be the same .....anyways he acted all weird in the morning , dropped me at my car and then blew me off for our next set of plans . He took me lunch a few days later and it was clear he felt obligated and that things were over .......they were , until several months later when he booty called me .

    That was just an example of how my good dates go !

    If things actually progress into a relationship , they usually end because the BF's friends hit on me or treat me like crap or fill his head with insecurities ......I have never had a good relationship with a guy and I gave up , if your not good at something and its hurting you why continue ?

    So since I was pregnant I spent alot of time online and sometimes I would talk to a guy BUT every damn time things would get sour within 2 weeks !! This has been going on for 2 yrs ! They are always so dishonest . I let them know sometimes about the 2 week thing and ALWAYS I get the I will prove to be different , just watch I will show you .....yeah they show me alright , they show me that I was just one of many and sometimes they can't even remember personal things about me like were I live !!!! I am trying to keep this short so I am sorry if any of this seems vague BUT really I could go on and on with examples and all the bad dates ......After awhile I had to start thinking that it was me BUT the only thing I can see that I did wrong was not doing do anything wrong ...you know what I mean , I am nice and friendly , I dress cute and take of myself , i like(ed) sex and was open to new things , I cook and clean , parents like me , I have a good relationship with my mom .......I dunno I just don't know .

    If they didn't like me why couldn't they say so ? Why did they have to drag me through crap and break my heart ? Even now I will talk to someone online and still they act like I am the friggin cats meow at first time we chat and then they get cold like the next damn day ......I wish I didn't care but its confusing . I think the Internet was the worst thing to happen to dating , at least for me . It lets these guys play the field to much , they send out 10 emails trying to get one date for the weekend ...sucky ...Anyhoo thats my rant for the day !!!
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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Wow , long boring rant ...sorry
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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    I understand. Its really hard to find good people. I think a great way to avoid these jerks is to be friends at first, for a while. Really get to know them, this way you wont have to deal with their allusions of pretending to be good guys then ditch you. If they are a good friend and care about you they are gonna be less likely to want to hurt you when you start dating.




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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Where do you met guys that want to be friends and don't have pyscho jealous GFs ?? I all for it if they exsist
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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    All I have to offer is the mere fact that it's not about what they want, or how they're acting, it's what you want. Be patient, you have time and are in no hurry. You have someone now who needs you to be whole for yourself so please, try to come to terms with the fact that there is a lot of shit out there you have to weed through before you come onto something nice.

    So get in mind what YOU want, and remember that life is about YOU. No one else.

    But I do know how you feel, that place is just so saturated with people who are passing through phases in their lives. I really admire it for that. Very sexually liberated in the right circles, interesting, but definitely hard to find someone of quality who isn't so busy that they want to have a solid relationship.

    Good Luck.
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    Veteran Member wasfatboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    this fits my 2 unarguable truths in life:

    1) all men are stupid
    2) all women are insane

    justification for truth see other truth..........
    Baby's, the OTHER other white meat!

    I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.............................................r ibs.

    im damn sexy and you know you want me!

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sindi View Post
    Where do you met guys that want to be friends and don't have pyscho jealous GFs ?? I all for it if they exsist
    You meet them anywhere! Try traveling or going to events with things you like.




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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quit talking to guys online. Most men are just trying to get laid and will tell you want you want to hear. Once they conquest, they lose interest. Don't sleep with guys too soon, make them wait. If you do sleep with them right away, don't expect anything to come from it because most men are fucking pieces of shit that will say anything to get a piece of ass with no regard for feelings.

    Occasionally a gem does come along. And I actually found my gem online. I found him, signed up for the site specifically because of his profile, immediately sent him a message, spoke to him a few times, met and had a one night stand, and stayed together for 3 years. But that is a rare mix of all the right things happening at once.

    I hate 'em.

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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Well I am glad no one was mean about it You always have that worry when you put yourself out there online .

    The reason for the online dating was because I moved across country and new no one at all and I worked almost 2 hrs from my home and wanted to meet people closer etc ..then I moved again to another place I knew no one at .....so my friends are scarce and I am home with the baby .


    I don't even really know my point to this thread because I am not really interested in dating anyone anyways , I like hanging with my kid but it would just be nice to talk to a guy here and there that is a nice person and thinks I am a nice person too ........ya know what I think , I think I need a bunch of great GFs

    Ok so I am starting a personal for friends !! Boston , NYC , Tampa and Miami OR Las Vegas .....wanna be friends ?
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Men are just IDIOTS! Major ones, and most are assholes as well. And they don't like to be honest if they don't like us that much, they are way to immature to just say "I don't think this is gonna work out."

    This is exactly the reason I used to wait months before sleeping with anyone. Pissed a lot of people off, but weeded out the ones that weren't that into me.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Quit talking to guys online.
    I would second this, but expand it to online dating sites per se. And the advice applies to women and men. Dating sites can be addictive, I think, and the people who spend time on them will return to them, even when they've entered a relationship. They are in a never-ending pursuit of some ideal, imaginary match. Look, even people who are highly sympatico (physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially) are going to hit rough patches from time to time. Returning to the candy store (i.e., the dating site) is a big red flag, in my opinion.

    Best to meet people the ol' fashioned way: Drunk, in noisy bars.

    Edit: That's not to say online sites don't have their place. They are excellent ways to meet horny people who cut to the chase. But long-term adult relationships? Not so much.

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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    All I have to offer is the mere fact that it's not about what they want, or how they're acting, it's what you want. Be patient, you have time and are in no hurry. You have someone now who needs you to be whole for yourself so please, try to come to terms with the fact that there is a lot of shit out there you have to weed through before you come onto something nice.

    So get in mind what YOU want, and remember that life is about YOU. No one else.

    But I do know how you feel, that place is just so saturated with people who are passing through phases in their lives. I really admire it for that. Very sexually liberated in the right circles, interesting, but definitely hard to find someone of quality who isn't so busy that they want to have a solid relationship.

    Good Luck.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post

    This is exactly the reason I used to wait months before sleeping with anyone. Pissed a lot of people off, but weeded out the ones that weren't that into me.
    This may be a better idea. This way you kinda know who is serious and who is not! I believe you should try and be friend first with a guy. This way you know if you want to be bother!
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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Most men are just trying to get laid and will tell you want you want to hear. Once they conquest, they lose interest.
    This is a fact/reality that you need to cope with. Men often tell hot looking women whatever they want to hear to get laid. Many do it without thinking about it, because it works to get laid.

    And yes, the Gems do come along, however...

    The onus is on you to find them and treat them right, and the other half of this issue is that many women are their own worst enemies when it comes to attracting the gems... because they unconsciously chase the asshats and losers while the gems (that would make good long term partners) bore the hell out of them in the short term.

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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Well, you f'd up the first time by going to a guys place you barely knew. What is he going to think if you'll just go to his place at the drop of a hat, your either naive or easy. Then you really messed up by having sex with him. I mean seriously, you control your actions. Men may try to manipulate you but you ultimately have the final say and the majority of the power until you have sex with him. Men well respect you as much as you respect yourself.

    I am a member of a couple of dating sites. Conservatively I was getting around 100 messages weekly. I saw at least a 1000 profiles and read all sorts of bs. I met five people total. Only two of those people I saw more than once. The first guy was nice when we met but then wanted me to come over to his place for dinner on the second date. I declined, so we met for coffee/tea instead. He realized I was going to get to know him before I went anywhere with him. He got lost in about 30 minutes. The second guy I am going out with again tonight on our third date. We have went as far as kissing. I won't go any further until I know him better and he meets my expectations.

    People will fuck you right up the ass if you let them. Learn to love and respect yourself and other people will do them same.

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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    Well, you f'd up the first time by going to a guys place you barely knew. What is he going to think if you'll just go to his place at the drop of a hat, your either naive or easy. Then you really messed up by having sex with him. I mean seriously, you control your actions. Men may try to manipulate you but you ultimately have the final say and the majority of the power until you have sex with him. Men well respect you as much as you respect yourself.

    I am a member of a couple of dating sites. Conservatively I was getting around 100 messages weekly. I saw at least a 1000 profiles and read all sorts of bs. I met five people total. Only two of those people I saw more than once. The first guy was nice when we met but then wanted me to come over to his place for dinner on the second date. I declined, so we met for coffee/tea instead. He realized I was going to get to know him before I went anywhere with him. He got lost in about 30 minutes. The second guy I am going out with again tonight on our third date. We have went as far as kissing. I won't go any further until I know him better and he meets my expectations.

    People will fuck you right up the ass if you let them. Learn to love and respect yourself and other people will do them same.

    See this is going in the wrong direction . I didn't F-up , he did . Second all of what you said is game playing . I have had guys just come to my house for our first date or meeting and things are fine .....I don't think going to his house was an issue unless he was testing me in which case he is playing games and then who needs him .

    I DO NOT play games with people and if that means that some jerk isn't going to respect me then thats his loss . In all truth I don't respect him for the way he treated me , I was his guest and he treated me like crap . I later learned that he treats alot of girls like he did me .

    Anyways that was just one example of MANY guys I have dated , the ones that stayed around I always had to get rid of them . Its like the ones you want are jerks and leave and the ones that stay are trouble Oh well
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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sindi View Post
    , they send out 10 emails trying to get one date for the weekend ...sucky ...Anyhoo thats my rant for the day !!!
    Wish I could come to the defense of male kind, but I can't. If I were a woman, I would be a lesbian. Anyway, keep looking, and make them wait. That gets rid of 90% of the guys looking for a thump and dump. Plenty of guys have things like a 3 date limit: if they dont have sex in 3 days, they try another gal, etc.
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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Will View Post
    Wish I could come to the defense of male kind, but I can't. If I were a woman, I would be a lesbian. Anyway, keep looking, and make them wait. That gets rid of 90% of the guys looking for a thump and dump. Plenty of guys have things like a 3 date limit: if they dont have sex in 3 days, they try another gal, etc.

    I have heard about that ! After I had sex with this guy on our second or third date he told me about that 3 date rule he and his friends live by ... I was pissed and he stopped calling me too .

    Thanks for the support though . I would be a lesibian too but I just don't see myself settling down with a women ....dating , playing sure but not forever for some reason
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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sindi View Post
    I have heard about that ! After I had sex with this guy on our second or third date he told me about that 3 date rule he and his friends live by ... I was pissed and he stopped calling me too .
    I really hate to put a number on it as it's so high school and sad, but I recommend at least 10 dates before you sleep with them. Would be great if you could just know when it's right, but waiting that long at least will get rid of a lot of guys just looking to get laid. It's not fool proof, but it does help reduce the idiot factor, and as you have learned, they will say or do just about anything to get it...now, if you are just looking to get laid, then fine, have a blast, but it sounds like you were looking for more then that, so, try the 10 date plus rule and see how many idiots run off after date 3 or so!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sindi View Post
    Thanks for the support though . I would be a lesibian too but I just don't see myself settling down with a women ....dating , playing sure but not forever for some reason
    I hear dat...
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    I think you should look in different places. If you have any interests, like film or music or art, start going to events that are centered on these pursuits, that will have a lot of people in attendance. Don't go there with the intent of meeting men, go with the intent of meeting people with like interests who actually have minds and use them. They will have friends as well. Some of them will be men, some of them will be cool.

    You want to expand your social network, with the goal of meeting as many people as possible who are above playing petty ego gratification games. That goes for men and women as well. If you hang out with people who prize the superficial, you will only keep meeting more of them. The superficial assholes just looking to score keep it up because women fall for it, especially women who prize the superficial. It's a vicious cycle.

    You have to escape the confines of that superficial cycle, make your own rules...

    This can be a bit harder to pull off in Florida, 'Land of the Superficial'--but at least you are in the Tampa Bay area, which is much better than fucking Daytona, the veritable crotch of the nation.

    After years in Daytona I finally figured out that what matters is to love yourself first and foremost. If you meet someone you'll be in a much better place to deal with the resulting relationship, and will act out of strength, not need or loneliness.
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Meeting guys online is fine.

    Making guys wait for sex is never going to work, I assure you. It might randomly work once or twice a lifetime, but as a rule of thumb, it is terrible. If you want sex, playing "make him wait" games will have a bad effect, I assure you.

    I will tell you MY exact thoughts when I think a girl is doing that:

    "Damn I thought this chick was cool but she's being fake with damn time-minimums. Oh well, I guess she's not as cool as I thought. I will stick around and say what she wants to hear until her requirement is met, fuck her, and then put her in the 'another notch' catagory."

    Believe me, when guys smell that, they just want to wait around just to hit it because the challenge and in a vengeful sort of thing. Our senses aren't as tuned as women, but we an smell insincerity a bit. Also, the guys who are in demand will have so many options for sex that your game playing really isn't going to do anything to him exact make you look silly.

    Any guy that is very wanted by women is already getting a ton of ass and has learned that a girl having sex with you after the first date is not worthless, etc. Thats juvenile shit. They may frown on a vast swath of partners, but when a girl fucks us quickly, I tend to think "this girl has good taste and is a great decision maker".

    Ten dates before sex? That's captain-save-a-ho shit. I might play along just to get the notch on my bedpost, but believe me, it's not going to look good for her to do some kind of crazy shit like that, especially if i sense she wants to have sex. I would bet any amount that most of the guys willing to wait that long are probably just desperate and not the kind you want anyway. It's a common paradox with women.

    Guys develop the well known "3 date" rule because typically if a guy doesnt have sex with a woman in 3 dates, he usually never does. So empirical evidence has given them a rule of thumb to avoid wasting their time. Not too many men heed it. Only players-in-training do really.

    Because all I supply is real talk, I have to mention that having a kid is a major negative with the kind of guys you really want. Using myself again as an example, I will have sex with a single mom until the cows come home, but I won't 'date' her. Men with some experience under their belt have probably already seen some of the major negatives of that. It's redeemable but you better be damn AMAZING. Like flawless looking, Betty Crocker cooking, etc. I would venture quite a few of the guys have that swith flipped in their head about you when they learn of that. But from what you have described above so far, probably no big losses.

    Guys who beg for sex when you are in their house and shit aren't worth crying over. It's a bad sign. Not mackish.

    I suggest looking on stripperweb.

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    Before the flood starts, I do realize that every guy is not me, etc. But I'm betting more are similar than differnt when it comes to the topic of women.
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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    wow , i don't even know to say Shot .......at first I agreed with you but then as I starting reading I was thinking "did this guy even read my post?" I haven't dated since I had my kid so guys with anti kid switches are my issue . Also I want to point out that I am not "crying" over that punk , I just needed to point one of them for an example .
    When I do talk to someone know they either see me with my kid or they see my Myspace page and can tell I am a mom.

    I am not looking to date anyone , I would just like to have a nice conversation with someone interesting and when that person leads me to believe that they like me back I want them to mean it .....is that so crazy ??

    So basically what I am gathering is that it doesn't matter what you do or who you are .........I guess dating just isn't for me .
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Nah i read your post, but I was responding to you plus several replies.

    The kid part was a bit confusing because it sounded like you were jumping back in it. And we know you arent crying over any guys, sweetie.

    They probably DO mean it when they say it. Keyword being "when"

    Dating is foreverbody, but we just have to learn to take the lumps.
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    I slept with someone after the third date and it has so far been my only really decent long term relationship I have had in my life. It was a really good relationship for many years and just died because of other reasons (mainly I grew "out" of the relationship you could say).

    I slept with someone shortly after my first date yet only because I was looking for "a fuck" and that's all I wanted. Yes, I'm speaking about Fireman Tim who is still around (a year or so later) for that use and purpose if I so desire.

    Actually, from what I have read and seen over my lifetime, it seems that the "gems" are found when you are least looking for them. When you are so full of life that you really aren't looking and really truly ARE happy being single. So I agree with everyone else in that you should stop looking.

    Instead start DOING! Doing something anything that you like that gets you out of the house and amongst people. For me it is working at the Animal Welfare League QLD Shelter (amongst other things).


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    Featured Member Sindi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sh0t View Post
    Nah i read your post, but I was responding to you plus several replies.

    The kid part was a bit confusing because it sounded like you were jumping back in it. And we know you arent crying over any guys, sweetie.

    They probably DO mean it when they say it. Keyword being "when"

    Dating is foreverbody, but we just have to learn to take the lumps.
    Hey i apperiocate it , I was just venting anyways ....not really looking for advice , someone had just pissed me off and I got to thinking about old times
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    Default Re: Why are guys so misleading ?

    1) All men want sex. 2) The ones who have decent values will not screw you over after sex but will instead grow more attached unless rules against that are laid down beforehand.

    The trick is to find the decent guys who will view sex as intimacy and respect that sex is an intimate act that brings two people together emotionally. How do you discover this type of person? I have no idea. Making a guy wait is not the right way as shot points out (i just skimmed his post) unless you want to lose good guys as you screen out the users. But, I really don't know how you would identify this type. I guess lots of talking and a good bs detector.

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