I have a question of curiosity. Say you meet someone you are interested in and want to continue seeing. What if they don't put out immediately? What if they want to wait to know you well before becoming sexually involved? How long would you wait?
I have a question of curiosity. Say you meet someone you are interested in and want to continue seeing. What if they don't put out immediately? What if they want to wait to know you well before becoming sexually involved? How long would you wait?
Wow, i have waited months. But the best is the ex who i jumped right into pretty quick (a week)...he is still the only one i have sex with...![]()



If they don't put out immediately?
I must be a part of some alien race. I'd make Claudia Schiffer wait until I was sure...
My suggestion, he might be shy - try leading gently - or, just wait a while. At least you know he isn't seeing other people, having one night stands or playing the field.
Best of luck.
I am talking about myself. I haven't been directly asked for sex nor have I asked for it but I have made it known to the person I am seeing that I think people should know one another before jumping in the sack together.
Not saying I haven't had sex with strangers. But since I am looking for a relationship I want it to be built on friendship and trust instead of sex. Plus I have a tendency to get emotionally involved with someone I am having sex with on a regular basis. I don't want to be too emotional about someone than find out they are like men I have previously dated.





"I couldn't care less about sex unless I meet someone who I think is wonderful."
- Kirstie Alley
You're really feeling this guy, huh? How was the topic approached GIDL1? Was he the person who asked or answered it first? If so, he's already thinking about it...and apparently you are, too.
Is scripted sex important to you (some folks need that sense of control)? Has natural chemistry between you & someone ever led to sex without prior discussion?
I'd argue that you can't realistically make a hard-and-fast rule about when it is appropriate to become sexual with another person. You're talking about a few million years of biology here. Maybe it's not helpful to say, "When it feels right, it's right" but that's what it comes down to, IMHO.
So you are asking how long he will wait before getting bored or pissy? Again, that's hard to say. If he truly enjoys your company, he'll be fine about a delay. Besides, short of intercourse, there are all sorts of physical activities that are pleasurable betwix a man and a woman.
He hasn't asked me. We've been out three times and made out a bit this last date. But I let it be known that I want to establish friendship/deep connection before having sex. I think he will respect that. He doesn't seem like the type of person that would stop seeing a person for that reason.
I was just curious in general if men or women for that manner expect by a certain time before losing interest. I mean what length of time would you wait? I have heard men say till the end of time for a woman they respected and love and I have heard three dates. Just curious...
To be honest, if this guy is the type of person to put timelines on the 'appropriate' time to have sex, he's not the type of guy you want anyway.
Wait til you're ready, if he has a problem with it, fuck him. If you really care about someone, the time you wait til you get laid isn't important.
I believe you Dottie and you have my support
Yeah but I am not going to tease someone either I am seeing. I'll flat avoid situations we could end up having sex in. I mean when we made out the other night. I just said I better get going before I get too excited and hopped out of the car.
I am not going to grope him or let him feel me up. I'll just keep things from progressing to that point. I mean I feel like once you get to that point it's shitty not to finish.





For me there really isn't no time in particular, it's when I feel comfortable.



It depends on where I think the relationship can be going. For just a fun girlfriend, I wouldn't wait long, maybe a couple of weeks. For a serious, I'd marry this kind of girl, I'd probably wait a few months, maybe more.




otoh, you will know more about the person once you do have sex with him/her.
your position can be taken the other way too. e.g. let's say you do end up liking this person thru talking and such and then get it on. but it turns out they (or you) suck in bed or have some other unmentionable issue.you're emotionally committed at this point because you've defined sex as one of the "levels of relationship".
not saying jump in the sack right after every handshake but i think it's better to find out earlier rather than much later with a lot of emotional investment already in the relationship.
i guess i'm not a big believer in "waiting" (what a surprise from a guy). i think "waiting" places too high of a value on the act that sometimes is misinterpreted by either/both sides.
i understand the emotional attachment to the act you mentioned but i think "he's" paying the price of previous relationships. imho, that's not fair to him just as it wouldn't be if it was in reverse. hth





No, he didn't or I didn't put a "timeline" on it per say. I just told him that I, in general, want to get to know someone before having a sexual relationship. Which was a response to him saying the reason he hadn't had a lot of really long-term relationships is because the relationships turned physical quickly and he ended up staying in them for that reason. He said he didn't want to do that anymore because he is 44 now and wants to settle down/have a family. He said he is short on time and doesn't want to wait 5 more years before starting a family for obvious reasons.
![]()
Frankly, I think a long, slow walk toward a full-on erotic encounter would be very fun and motivating, provided I liked this person and knew the teasing and play had a reason: to build comfort, trust and lust until a crashing crescendo of torn-clothing-scream-to-the-rooftops animalistic fucking and perfectly synchronized orgasms.
Wow. I have to go have a cigarette now.![]()





I guess I am lucky because I've rarely had "bad sex". I can honestly say every partner I have had over the last five years has been very good.
I just know the last relationship I had I jumped in the sack right away and I ended up emotional over someone I shouldn't have gotten emotional over.
My ex-hubby and I waited four months and established friendship first. Hey, we aren't together but we still talk on a monthly basis. We don't hate each other either.



I'd be in a "contents under pressure" state of mind but lets face it ... women choose the moment, men are merely prepared for it. *smiling* As I recall.




funny, i can say the same thing for both of my ex-wives.![]()
that i can only say for the 2nd ex.(her i actually still like!
)
it's nice to be able to do that (waiting thing) but i just don't "weight it" as much as i did when i was younger, i guess. i'm not sure if it's a good thing or not (my viewpoint) but it's really a moot point for myself at this time.
i just wouldn't want you to invest too much into the "sex" and liken it as some kind of validation level. the sex should just be the side dish imho. i.e. it helps the serious relationship but shouldn't define its starting point. just my opin.
If we're talking serious long term relationship potential and not casual dating, however long it takes. It'll come when the time is right for both.
Bookmarks