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Thread: How long would you wait for sex?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default How long would you wait for sex?

    I have a question of curiosity. Say you meet someone you are interested in and want to continue seeing. What if they don't put out immediately? What if they want to wait to know you well before becoming sexually involved? How long would you wait?

  2. #2
    Pamela
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Wow, i have waited months. But the best is the ex who i jumped right into pretty quick (a week)...he is still the only one i have sex with...

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    If they don't put out immediately?

    I must be a part of some alien race. I'd make Claudia Schiffer wait until I was sure...

    My suggestion, he might be shy - try leading gently - or, just wait a while. At least you know he isn't seeing other people, having one night stands or playing the field.

    Best of luck.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    I am talking about myself. I haven't been directly asked for sex nor have I asked for it but I have made it known to the person I am seeing that I think people should know one another before jumping in the sack together.

    Not saying I haven't had sex with strangers. But since I am looking for a relationship I want it to be built on friendship and trust instead of sex. Plus I have a tendency to get emotionally involved with someone I am having sex with on a regular basis. I don't want to be too emotional about someone than find out they are like men I have previously dated.

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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    What if they don't put out immediately? What if they want to wait to know you well before becoming sexually involved? How long would you wait?
    "I couldn't care less about sex unless I meet someone who I think is wonderful."
    - Kirstie Alley

    You're really feeling this guy, huh? How was the topic approached GIDL1? Was he the person who asked or answered it first? If so, he's already thinking about it...and apparently you are, too.

    Is scripted sex important to you (some folks need that sense of control)? Has natural chemistry between you & someone ever led to sex without prior discussion?

  6. #6
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    I'd argue that you can't realistically make a hard-and-fast rule about when it is appropriate to become sexual with another person. You're talking about a few million years of biology here. Maybe it's not helpful to say, "When it feels right, it's right" but that's what it comes down to, IMHO.

    So you are asking how long he will wait before getting bored or pissy? Again, that's hard to say. If he truly enjoys your company, he'll be fine about a delay. Besides, short of intercourse, there are all sorts of physical activities that are pleasurable betwix a man and a woman.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Budai View Post
    [I] scripted sex important to you (some folks need that sense of control)? Has natural chemistry between you & someone ever led to sex without prior discussion?
    He hasn't asked me. We've been out three times and made out a bit this last date. But I let it be known that I want to establish friendship/deep connection before having sex. I think he will respect that. He doesn't seem like the type of person that would stop seeing a person for that reason.

    I was just curious in general if men or women for that manner expect by a certain time before losing interest. I mean what length of time would you wait? I have heard men say till the end of time for a woman they respected and love and I have heard three dates. Just curious...

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    To be honest, if this guy is the type of person to put timelines on the 'appropriate' time to have sex, he's not the type of guy you want anyway.

    Wait til you're ready, if he has a problem with it, fuck him. If you really care about someone, the time you wait til you get laid isn't important.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor View Post
    Besides, short of intercourse, there are all sorts of physical activities that are pleasurable betwix a man and a woman.
    Yeah but I am not going to tease someone either I am seeing. I'll flat avoid situations we could end up having sex in. I mean when we made out the other night. I just said I better get going before I get too excited and hopped out of the car.

    I am not going to grope him or let him feel me up. I'll just keep things from progressing to that point. I mean I feel like once you get to that point it's shitty not to finish.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    For me there really isn't no time in particular, it's when I feel comfortable.

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    Veteran Member Robertjordan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    It depends on where I think the relationship can be going. For just a fun girlfriend, I wouldn't wait long, maybe a couple of weeks. For a serious, I'd marry this kind of girl, I'd probably wait a few months, maybe more.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    Not saying I haven't had sex with strangers. But since I am looking for a relationship I want it to be built on friendship and trust instead of sex. Plus I have a tendency to get emotionally involved with someone I am having sex with on a regular basis. I don't want to be too emotional about someone than find out they are like men I have previously dated.
    otoh, you will know more about the person once you do have sex with him/her.

    your position can be taken the other way too. e.g. let's say you do end up liking this person thru talking and such and then get it on. but it turns out they (or you) suck in bed or have some other unmentionable issue. you're emotionally committed at this point because you've defined sex as one of the "levels of relationship".

    not saying jump in the sack right after every handshake but i think it's better to find out earlier rather than much later with a lot of emotional investment already in the relationship.

    i guess i'm not a big believer in "waiting" (what a surprise from a guy ). i think "waiting" places too high of a value on the act that sometimes is misinterpreted by either/both sides.

    i understand the emotional attachment to the act you mentioned but i think "he's" paying the price of previous relationships. imho, that's not fair to him just as it wouldn't be if it was in reverse. hth

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    For me there really isn't no time in particular, it's when I feel comfortable.
    ditto.

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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    I am not going to grope him or let him feel me up. I'll just keep things from progressing to that point. I mean I feel like once you get to that point it's shitty not to finish.
    Amen, Green! I want you to shout that out on "Oprah"!

    Blue balls are the work of Satan...

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by sxybrat07 View Post
    To be honest, if this guy is the type of person to put timelines on the 'appropriate' time to have sex, he's not the type of guy you want anyway.

    Wait til you're ready, if he has a problem with it, fuck him. If you really care about someone, the time you wait til you get laid isn't important.
    No, he didn't or I didn't put a "timeline" on it per say. I just told him that I, in general, want to get to know someone before having a sexual relationship. Which was a response to him saying the reason he hadn't had a lot of really long-term relationships is because the relationships turned physical quickly and he ended up staying in them for that reason. He said he didn't want to do that anymore because he is 44 now and wants to settle down/have a family. He said he is short on time and doesn't want to wait 5 more years before starting a family for obvious reasons.

  16. #16
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    I mean I feel like once you get to that point it's shitty not to finish.


    Frankly, I think a long, slow walk toward a full-on erotic encounter would be very fun and motivating, provided I liked this person and knew the teasing and play had a reason: to build comfort, trust and lust until a crashing crescendo of torn-clothing-scream-to-the-rooftops animalistic fucking and perfectly synchronized orgasms.

    Wow. I have to go have a cigarette now.

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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor View Post


    Frankly, I think a long, slow walk toward a full-on erotic encounter would be very fun and motivating, provided I liked this person and knew the teasing and play had a reason: to build comfort, trust and lust until a crashing crescendo of torn-clothing-scream-to-the-rooftops animalistic fucking and perfectly synchronized orgasms.
    Dude, are you channelling TOO?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    otoh, you will know more about the person once you do have sex with him/her.

    your position can be taken the other way too. e.g. let's say you do end up liking this person thru talking and such and then get it on. but it turns out they (or you) suck in bed or have some other unmentionable issue. you're emotionally committed at this point because you've defined sex as one of the "levels of relationship".

    not saying jump in the sack right after every handshake but i think it's better to find out earlier rather than much later with a lot of emotional investment already in the relationship.

    i guess i'm not a big believer in "waiting" (what a surprise from a guy ). i think "waiting" places too high of a value on the act that sometimes is misinterpreted by either/both sides.

    i understand the emotional attachment to the act you mentioned but i think "he's" paying the price of previous relationships. imho, that's not fair to him just as it wouldn't be if it was in reverse. hth

    I guess I am lucky because I've rarely had "bad sex". I can honestly say every partner I have had over the last five years has been very good.

    I just know the last relationship I had I jumped in the sack right away and I ended up emotional over someone I shouldn't have gotten emotional over.

    My ex-hubby and I waited four months and established friendship first. Hey, we aren't together but we still talk on a monthly basis. We don't hate each other either.

  19. #19
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Budai View Post
    Dude, are you channelling TOO?
    Maybe I AM TOO. He's never been seen, as I understand it. Not unlike Darkman, a favorite anti hero of mine.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Budai View Post
    Dude, are you channelling TOO?
    Thanks for your input CE but I thought the same thing.

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    Veteran Member Ferret's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    I'd be in a "contents under pressure" state of mind but lets face it ... women choose the moment, men are merely prepared for it. *smiling* As I recall.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    My ex-hubby and I waited four months and established friendship first. Hey, we aren't together but we still talk on a monthly basis.
    funny, i can say the same thing for both of my ex-wives.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    We don't hate each other either.
    that i can only say for the 2nd ex. (her i actually still like! )

    it's nice to be able to do that (waiting thing) but i just don't "weight it" as much as i did when i was younger, i guess. i'm not sure if it's a good thing or not (my viewpoint) but it's really a moot point for myself at this time.

    i just wouldn't want you to invest too much into the "sex" and liken it as some kind of validation level. the sex should just be the side dish imho. i.e. it helps the serious relationship but shouldn't define its starting point. just my opin.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ava Jadore View Post
    There is always Mr. Hand in the meantime.
    Poor poor Mr. Hand. Nobody ever feels he is worth waiting for, or building a connection with first.

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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    If we're talking serious long term relationship potential and not casual dating, however long it takes. It'll come when the time is right for both.

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    Featured Member Ava Jadore's Avatar
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    Default Re: How long would you wait for sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage View Post
    Poor poor Mr. Hand. Nobody ever feels he is worth waiting for, or building a connection with first.
    Haha... God Bless Mr. Hand!!!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
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