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Thread: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Now I've seen everything.

  2. #2
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Most awesome video. Ever.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Yes, I thought so too! It's so long at seven minutes, but it keeps getting funnier and funnier. That illustration of gay sex near the end just cracks me up so hard!

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    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    oh gawd! LMFAO!

    Sad thing is, there's more info in there, than in any of hte sex ed classes my cousins sat through in school. How's THAT for effed up?

    I come in many colors and fragrance!

  5. #5
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Yes, I thought so too! It's so long at seven minutes, but it keeps getting funnier and funnier. That illustration of gay sex near the end just cracks me up so hard!
    I know!! When I saw how long the video was, I was like, "Damn, Yek!" But it just got funnier and funnier!!

    The gay part was awesome!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    I just sent this to my parents, my dad called my laughing his ass off and talking in his fake indian accent.... oh dear. thank you so much, yek... this one's a pearl!

    ("a pearl??" what am i, 86?? weird... where the fuck did that expression come from...)

  7. #7
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Glad they liked it!

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    I love the sound they use when popping up the condom icon, like from a video game. BING! BING! WOOP! SCORE!


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Veteran Member Lapaholic's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    lol ... The pink condom was a tickler and the blue was "ribbed" (for her pleasure)... They are so open - its very refreshing...

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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    That's a bangin' commercial, Yek!

  11. #11
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lapaholic View Post
    lol ... The pink condom was a tickler and the blue was "ribbed" (for her pleasure)... They are so open - its very refreshing...
    Funny thing though that they don't even kiss in movies.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member SweetMelissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    That was awesome. The song was so catchy I couldn't stop watching it ya know besides it being so educational and funny at the same time.

  13. #13
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    I posted this on MySpace. I hope my brothers watch it. I just thought it was funny, but you know, for teenage boys this would actually be quite educational! It even shows how to put one on properly, which even my skanky ass didn't know how to do.

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    That was fucking fabulous!
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I posted this on MySpace. I hope my brothers watch it. I just thought it was funny, but you know, for teenage boys this would actually be quite educational! It even shows how to put one on properly, which even my skanky ass didn't know how to do.
    My oldest turns 13 in 3 weeks. I think we'll skip the "birds & bees" & go with the condom clip.

    Seriously, though...

  16. #16
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Budai View Post
    My oldest turns 13 in 3 weeks. I think we'll skip the "birds & bees" & go with the condom clip.

    Seriously, though...
    It sounds weird, but I actually think that's a fabulous idea! Funny and informative!! My two favorite things!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  17. #17
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    i'm going to start calling condoms nirodh.


    and um, nice photo when talking about gay sex! i've never seen something so brazen! i like it though.

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    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Woah, weird. Hilarious but I can't believe how damn long it goes on for.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Veteran Member RC's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Where was this when we were in school? That's so much more fun than the sex-ed tape we got from th 60's!



    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    How to pick up a stripper- have a thick cock, don't talk too much, and fuck like Satan. That is all.

  20. #20
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    I looked up "Nirodh" on Google. Apparently it's the Hindi word for "protection," and it's the leading brand of condoms so all condoms are referred to as Nirodh, even the other brands. Sort of like how we call them all Trojans when they might actually be Durex or whatever, I guess.

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    Senior Member juggernutz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    This was fucking hilarious, thanks for posting it.

  22. #22
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Dear, use me while having in sex? Yup.


  23. #23
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Haha, I actually caught myself bouncing around to the song .........lol. I love how they are all so happy!!

  24. #24
    Senior Member juggernutz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by cutey503 View Post
    Haha, I actually caught myself bouncing around to the song .........lol. I love how they are all so happy!!
    I think that tune has taken possession of me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Twain
    Will the reader please to cast his eye over the following lines, and see if he can discover anything harmful in them?
    Conductor, when you receive a fare,
    Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
    A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare,
    A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare,
    A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare,
    Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
    CHORUS
    Punch, brothers! punch with care!
    Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

    I came across these jingling rhymes in a newspaper, a little while ago,
    and read them a couple of times. They took instant and entire possession
    of me. All through breakfast they went waltzing through my brain; and
    when, at last, I rolled up my napkin, I could not tell whether I had
    eaten anything or not. I had carefully laid out my day's work the day
    before--thrilling tragedy in the novel which I am writing. I went to my
    den to begin my deed of blood. I took up my pen, but all I could get it
    to say was, "Punch in the presence of the passenjare." I fought hard for
    an hour, but it was useless. My head kept humming, "A blue trip slip for
    an eight-cent fare, a buff trip slip for a six-cent fare," and so on and
    so on, without peace or respite. The day's work was ruined--I could see
    that plainly enough. I gave up and drifted down-town, and presently
    discovered that my feet were keeping time to that relentless jingle.
    When I could stand it no longer I altered my step. But it did no good;
    those rhymes accommodated themselves to the new step and went on
    harassing me just as before. I returned home, and suffered all the
    afternoon; suffered all through an unconscious and unrefreshing dinner;
    suffered, and cried, and jingled all through the evening; went to bed and
    rolled, tossed, and jingled right along, the same as ever; got up at
    midnight frantic, and tried to read; but there was nothing visible upon
    the whirling page except "Punch! punch in the presence of the
    passenjare." By sunrise I was out of my mind, and everybody marveled and
    was distressed at the idiotic burden of my ravings--"Punch! oh, punch!
    punch in the presence of the passenjare!"
    Two days later, on Saturday morning, I arose, a tottering wreck, and went
    forth to fulfil an engagement with a valued friend, the Rev. Mr.------,
    to walk to the Talcott Tower, ten miles distant. He stared at me, but
    asked no questions. We started. Mr.------ talked, talked, talked as is
    his wont. I said nothing; I heard nothing. At the end of a mile,
    Mr.------ said "Mark, are you sick? I never saw a man look so haggard
    and worn and absent-minded. Say something, do!"
    Drearily, without enthusiasm, I said: "Punch brothers, punch with care!
    Punch in the presence of the passenjare!"
    My friend eyed me blankly, looked perplexed, they said:
    "I do not think I get your drift, Mark. Then does not seem to be any
    relevancy in what you have said, certainly nothing sad; and yet--maybe it
    was the way you said the words--I never heard anything that sounded so
    pathetic. What is--"
    But I heard no more. I was already far away with my pitiless,
    heartbreaking "blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, buff trip slip for
    a six-cent fare, pink trip slip for a three-cent fare; punch in the
    presence of the passenjare." I do not know what occurred during the
    other nine miles. However, all of a sudden Mr.------ laid his hand on my
    shoulder and shouted:
    "Oh, wake up! wake up! wake up! Don't sleep all day! Here we are at
    the Tower, man! I have talked myself deaf and dumb and blind, and never
    got a response. Just look at this magnificent autumn landscape! Look at
    it! look at it! Feast your eye on it! You have traveled; you have seen
    boaster landscapes elsewhere. Come, now, deliver an honest opinion.
    What do you say to this?"
    I sighed wearily; and murmured:
    "A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, a pink trip slip for a three-cent
    fare, punch in the presence of the passenjare."
    Rev. Mr. ------ stood there, very grave, full of concern, apparently, and
    looked long at me; then he said:
    "Mark, there is something about this that I cannot understand. Those are
    about the same words you said before; there does not seem to be anything
    in them, and yet they nearly break my heart when you say them. Punch in
    the--how is it they go?"
    I began at the beginning and repeated all the lines.
    My friend's face lighted with interest. He said:
    "Why, what a captivating jingle it is! It is almost music. It flows
    along so nicely. I have nearly caught the rhymes myself. Say them over
    just once more, and then I'll have them, sure."
    I said them over. Then Mr. ------ said them. He made one little
    mistake, which I corrected. The next time and the next he got them
    right. Now a great burden seemed to tumble from my shoulders. That
    torturing jingle departed out of my brain, and a grateful sense of rest
    and peace descended upon me. I was light-hearted enough to sing; and I
    did sing for half an hour, straight along, as we went jogging homeward.
    Then my freed tongue found blessed speech again, and the pent talk of
    many a weary hour began to gush and flow. It flowed on and on, joyously,
    jubilantly, until the fountain was empty and dry. As I wrung my friend's
    hand at parting, I said:
    "Haven't we had a royal good time! But now I remember, you haven't said
    a word for two hours. Come, come, out with something!"
    The Rev. Mr.------ turned a lack-luster eye upon me, drew a deep sigh,
    and said, without animation, without apparent consciousness:
    "Punch, brothers, punch with care! Punch in the presence of the
    passenjare!"
    A pang shot through me as I said to myself, "Poor fellow, poor fellow!
    he has got it, now."
    I did not see Mr.------ for two or three days after that. Then, on
    Tuesday evening, he staggered into my presence and sank dejectedly into a
    seat. He was pale, worn; he was a wreck. He lifted his faded eyes to my
    face and said:
    "Ah, Mark, it was a ruinous investment that I made in those heartless
    rhymes. They have ridden me like a nightmare, day and night, hour after
    hour, to this very moment. Since I saw you I have suffered the torments
    of the lost. Saturday evening I had a sudden call, by telegraph, and
    took the night train for Boston. The occasion was the death of a valued
    old friend who had requested that I should preach his funeral sermon.
    I took my seat in the cars and set myself to framing the discourse. But
    I never got beyond the opening paragraph; for then the train started and
    the car-wheels began their 'clack, clack-clack-clack-clack! clack-clack!
    --clack-clack-clack!' and right away those odious rhymes fitted
    themselves to that accompaniment. For an hour I sat there and set a
    syllable of those rhymes to every separate and distinct clack the
    car-wheels made. Why, I was as fagged out, then, as if I had been
    chopping wood all day. My skull was splitting with headache. It seemed
    to me that I must go mad if I sat there any longer; so I undressed and
    went to bed. I stretched myself out in my berth, and--well, you know
    what the result was. The thing went right along, just the same.
    'Clack-clack clack, a blue trip slip, clack-clack-clack, for an eight
    cent fare; clack-clack-clack, a buff trip slip, clack clack-clack, for a
    six-cent fare, and so on, and so on, and so on punch in the presence of
    the passenjare!' Sleep? Not a single wink! I was almost a lunatic when
    I got to Boston. Don't ask me about the funeral. I did the best I
    could, but every solemn individual sentence was meshed and tangled and
    woven in and out with 'Punch, brothers, punch with care, punch in the
    presence of the passenjare.' And the most distressing thing was that my
    delivery dropped into the undulating rhythm of those pulsing rhymes, and
    I could actually catch absent-minded people nodding time to the swing of
    it with their stupid heads. And, Mark, you may believe it or not, but
    before I got through the entire assemblage were placidly bobbing their
    heads in solemn unison, mourners, undertaker, and all. The moment I had
    finished, I fled to the anteroom in a state bordering on frenzy. Of
    course it would be my luck to find a sorrowing and aged maiden aunt of
    the deceased there, who had arrived from Springfield too late to get into
    the church. She began to sob, and said:
    "'Oh, oh, he is gone, he is gone, and I didn't see him before he died!'
    "'Yes!' I said, 'he is gone, he is gone, he is gone--oh, will this
    suffering never cease!'
    "'You loved him, then! Oh, you too loved him!'
    "'Loved him! Loved who?'
    "'Why, my poor George! my poor nephew!'
    "'Oh--him! Yes--oh, yes, yes. Certainly--certainly. Punch--punch--oh,
    this misery will kill me!'
    "'Bless you! bless you, sir, for these sweet words! I, too, suffer in
    this dear loss. Were you present during his last moments?'
    "'Yes. I--whose last moments?'
    "'His. The dear departed's.'
    "'Yes! Oh, yes--yes--yes! I suppose so, I think so, I don't know! Oh,
    certainly--I was there I was there!'
    "'Oh, what a privilege! what a precious privilege! And his last words-
    -oh, tell me, tell me his last words! What did he say?'
    "'He said--he said--oh, my head, my head, my head! He said--he said--he
    never said anything but Punch, punch, punch in the presence of the
    passenjare! Oh, leave me, madam! In the name of all that is generous,
    leave me to my madness, my misery, my despair!--a buff trip slip for a
    six-cent fare, a pink trip slip for a three-cent fare--endu--rance can no
    fur--ther go!--PUNCH in the presence of the passenjare!"
    My friend's hopeless eyes rested upon mine a pregnant minute, and then he
    said impressively:
    "Mark, you do not say anything. You do not offer me any hope. But, ah
    me, it is just as well--it is just as well. You could not do me any
    good. The time has long gone by when words could comfort me. Something
    tells me that my tongue is doomed to wag forever to the jigger of that
    remorseless jingle. There--there it is coming on me again: a blue trip
    slip for an eight-cent fare, a buff trip slip for a--"
    Thus murmuring faint and fainter, my friend sank into a peaceful trance
    and forgot his sufferings in a blessed respite.
    How did I finally save him from an asylum? I took him to a neighboring
    university and made him discharge the burden of his persecuting rhymes
    into the eager ears of the poor, unthinking students. How is it with
    them, now? The result is too sad to tell. Why did I write this article?
    It was for a worthy, even a noble, purpose. It was to warn you, reader,
    if you should came across those merciless rhymes, to avoid them--avoid
    them as you would a pestilence.
    _________
    -THE END-
    Mark Twain |Samuel Clemens' short story: Punch, Brothers, Punch

  25. #25
    Veteran Member zippyelf's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am the condom friend ever useful to you.

    That.... totally just went on my myspace.

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