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Thread: Advice about Advice?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Hidendragon75's Avatar
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    Default Advice about Advice?

    What do you do with a friend who seeks your advice on how to deal with a bad boyfriend, yet constantly ignores it. I'm sure many of you have been in similar situations.

    I'm getting frustrated and tired of repeating myself and I want to tell her as politely as I can that I'm really close to being done with giving her advice since she is choosing to ignore it (because its really not what she wants to hear) and I refuse to turn into a broken record on the topic.

    She tells me she respects my opinion above all others, but then promptly disregards it as soon as he calls. Is it silly of me to feel a little insulted that I help her to start to stand up for herself and not tolerate this guys bullshit, then she goes out on the town with him and I feel like all the progress that has been made has been undone. In my gut I know he's gonna turn right around and treat her like shit again and its back to the begining.

    Part of me feels as if I'd be a bad friend if I told her I was done giving advice on this particular topic, but the other side of me says "if she values your advice so much, she never seems to use it, so why give her something she won't use?"



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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice about Advice?

    Its certainly not silly to get upset or insulted when she constantly disregards your advice. However the sad truth that I've learned is that most of the time in cases such as this, the person seeking advice is only going to learn the hard way that the advice they didn't want to hear was right all along.

    I've had many friends who acted just like this, some of them I still talk to, others I do not. However, all of them decided that they had to learn the hard way.

    I'd just make sure that no matter if you decide to keep giving advice, or to tell her that since she never listens to it, that you won't be giving advice on the subject, that you tell her that you'll be there for to be supportive no matter what happens. Its about all you can do I think.
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  3. #3
    zxcire
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    Default Re: Advice about Advice?

    I told her I wouldn't get involved anymore. She was not to talk to me about how badly he treated her if she wasn't planning on doing anything about it.

    I'm not somebody's dumping ground.

    It takes a bit of guts to stand up for yourself in this way, but you have to make your feelings absolutely clear.

    On the other side, I was once the one in a bad relationship and constantly crying on others' shoulders about him. It's a shitty situation all around, but I wish someone had stood up and told me he was just an asshole and wasn't going to change...

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    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice about Advice?

    It's totally understandable why this upsets you. On the flip side I understand her to. Lots of women (myself included) get in relationships that aren't healthy, but unfortuantly, they still do love the person. Sometimes no matter how bad you know it is, and no matter how much people drill it into your head, leaving is so hard. The only way shes ever going to learn is on her own.
    I think the best thing for you to do is say "look, you know how I feel, and I'm not going to keep telling you. If and when you decide to do something about it, I will be here for you, but there's nothing I can do until you make that choice."


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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice about Advice?

    ^ Yep. What they said. I was there too, on both sides, and all you can do is let her know that you will be there for her when she decides to take action.

    I had to cut a friend loose as well, same exact reason. She couldn't stop telling me how aweful he was but then when we'de go out she wanted him along. I personally found him to be as repulsive as the dump chute in a port-a-potty, so I told her I couldn't hang out anymore while he was around. But I'd be there for her when she came to her senses.

    While I was with my ex (bad dude) I had issues, and people tried to help me, but it all boiled down to I had to see it for myself and make the decision myself.




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