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Thread: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Carried over from customer service thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post

    Is there a difference between spanking and abuse? Should this be another thread? Yah...this would classify as a total threadjack. Sorry Lola!

    Actually, according to some experts, there is a difference between spanking and abuse. I watched Oprah yeras ago on this. it followed around a few familys that spanked their kids.
    I think the key rule is don't spank when your angry. If your calm, and spank as controlled punishment and dont over do it or leave marks, then it's not concidered abuse. (by these experts)

    I can't ever remember being spanked in a controlled manner.
    My punishment as a child sucked, cause it was either nonexistant, never lasted or was overdone. Groundings lasted a day if at all, but spankigns were way to harsh..I remember doing something bad one day and knew my dad would hit me when he found ouit, so befor he came home I layered on all the underwear I had to pad my butt.
    I also remember getting smacked across the mouth for being a smartmouth or talkign back. I think it's always wrong to hit a kid across the face.
    Or in public. Embarassing for the kid and yoruself.
    Although I think spanking is wrong period. How can you teach your kid not to hit other people if you hit them? even if it is controlled.
    I dunno. I'm divided.

    So..what's the opinion?
    ( ps...this is sensitive subject, is it at all possible to keep this thread NONflamatory. please.)

  2. #2
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    i agree with spanking.

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    Veteran Member SweetMelissa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    My parents never spanked me. The only time my mom spanked my younger sister (like 14 at the time maybe?) was when she wouldn't stop beating on me and my youngest sister (teasing us, banging on our doors, spitting on us, spraying chemicals at us, locking us out of the house and laughing in our face from the other side of the door...I could go on and on..). My mom tried everything she could and so did I and finally she took my younger sister in to her room, told her to drop her pants and she said, "If you're going to beat your sisters, I'm going to beat you. Let's see how you like it." My sister never touched/taunted any of us after that.

    While I was a "second mommy" to my baby sister a few years ago, I only spanked her once or twice when she was about to hurt herself like when she ran in to the street when a car was coming when she was almost 2 and wouldn't respond to me telling her it was bad, etc. I always tried sitting her down, talking to her, remaining calm, explaining it all to her and if she still did something almost hurting herself..a light spank on the bottom got her attention to go "woah, she really means business."

  4. #4
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    it seems like spanking is regional.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I dont like spanking.The last time I spanked Ahrie was a year ago and I got carried away and to see the look in her eyes, it just tore me apart so I vowed never again. prefer the time-out,take toys away.. If its something she does to hurt herself,such as running in the street,I might pop her butt but not enough to even hurt her.She just knows if Im upset enough to even think about it, then she better not do it again.

  6. #6
    buffie06
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I don't think spanking is always effective. As a child I had a choice of a spanking or having my favorite toys taken away. Everytime I did something wrong, lied , etc. I would think about which punishment I would choose afterwards and whether it would be worth it. I was a bad girl so I pretty much always thought it was worth it and I mostly chose the spankings b/c they were over quicker. But, I had to act like it hurt, if i didnt cry or look said I would get another. The time i laughed was not pretty.

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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I used to spank my kids, but then i got older and it started to hurt my hands. I stopped, but from time to time still need to smack em

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I'd have no ethical problems with (contolled) spanking, but like buffie06, I really don't see how its effective anyways.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I have no kids; but I don't have a problem with spanking.

    overall I think the biggest issue is parents try to be friends with their children, not parents.

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    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I'm on the fence with this. on one hand, I don't think it sends a great message to kids that violence is OK but I do think a little fear of your parents is healthy and could be an alright way to keep your kids in line.

    I don't have kids of my own so I don't know if it works.

    I was spanked twice in my life by my mother. The first time I remember thinking that if my mom did that again, I'd hit her back. The second time I did and boy was that a fight....but that was the end of spanking.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    i think that there is always always always another way to get your opinion across to your chid without having to spank them. i'm not totally morally against it but i dont think its the best way of dealing with a childs behaviour.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    My parents never once spanked me in a controlled fashion. Or slapped or hit for that matter. They hit me in the heat of the moment, when they were angry, not when they were actively trying to teach me something or discipline me. I think its wrong to discipline children in a reactionary manner, if only because I know how emotionally painful it was (and well, still is) for me to experience my mom and dad hitting me out of anger.

    This isn't to say that parents shouldn't be strict. In fact, I think strictness is very important for a child's growth. I just think that when a parent punishes a child, they should carry said punishments out in a controlled, non-emotional fashion.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^^ I totally agree. I never felt like I was actually being punished-I felt like the mom was angry and out of control! And that's scary.

  14. #14
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I think if you're doing your job right you don't need to spank, but I have no problem with giving a young child a hefty swat on the backside. It doesn't hurt them for long and I think it's good for very young children to have a little fear of pissing their parents off.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I used to have a special little wooden paddle that was kept on top of the refrigerator. It sucked having to go get it for my spanking. "Go get the paddle!" My dad was the only one who spanked me, never my mom. I hated him for it too. Honestly it made me more rebellious and sneaky and respect him less I think because I was often spanked for bullshit reasons (example: dad was teaching me to ride a bike and ordered me to stop but I was terrified and just kept rolling along around the cul-de-sac. He grabbed the bike to stop me, hauled me in the house, spanked and grounded me for "not listening to him" WTF???) But that was normal in my day. There was always a child or two among my peers whose parents literally abused them and then there was always the token child whose parents NEVER spanked or slapped them (we were always in awe of that child) but most of us were spanked.

    I think that sometimes a child could use a good, swift swat on the ass but that it should be reserved for extreme cases and definitely in private. And spanking is TOTALLY regional. Generally speaking, parents in New England do NOT spank their children like parents in Texas will!


  16. #16
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I think there is definitely a difference between spanking your child and punching them in the face. But there is a whackload of evidence that says that spanking is not generally effective, that children below a certain age (3) lack the cognitive ability for it be effective, etc.

    In general, I do agree with the standard that "You would not be allowed to assault anyone else in society - so why are you allowed to do it to your children?" But, then again - locking anyone else in a room would be pretty criminal as well, but nobody is suggesting that you shouldn't be able to ground your kids. I think, though, if parental authority is grounded in fear of violent punishment, there is an inherent problem in the relationship. Up here you are allowed to spank your children within pretty narrow parameters. Between certain ages, in private, etc. There was a very famous case that determined the criminal parameters of physical punishment of children ("The Spanking Case" - yes, really) and there were pretty strong arguments on both sides.
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  17. #17
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I was spanked once by my father...one strike across the bottom when I was 7. I lied and that got somebody hurt. I never lied again, and to this day have a real issue with lying. It worked for me... but I think it worked because it was only used in a severe case.
    ON THE OTHER SIDE: I saw something horrifying and terrifying when I had my first nanny job. I was new to the field and didn't know what to expect from some of these people. I knew something was wrong the moment I arrived for many reasons (I won't waste too much time here)
    The mother spanked, and though I thought it was a little over the top, her children did have certain behavioral concerns so I kept my mouth shut, kept tally and NEVER used that threat/action myself with them (even though she almost MADE me). I feared one day it would go too far...and it did
    I've never seen anything soo sad in my life. A little 3 year old being spanked repeatedly while I and the speak therapist are trying to pull mother off of her the little one said over and over "I'm sorry...I'm soo sorry" (she didn't even do anything wrong) and the mom yelled back "Sorry doesn't mean anything."
    I was crying, the therapist was crying. I called child services and left the family immediately. The mom was hitting her child so hard that she missed once and got me. I had a bruise the size of a grapefruit and intensely painful..that poor child.
    Sorry for the threadjack
    Moral of the story....think twice before you spank, and be calm if you are going to do it because you don't want to be responsible for getting out of control.

  18. #18
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    PS .... I am not implying that all families that need a nanny are like this. I had plenty of nanny jobs that were awesome.

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    In theory I am totally against spanking. In reality, sometimes I swat my 3yr old on the rear. Funny how much your opinions can change once you actually have children.

    At 18mos he had only had time-outs and stern "no's" and he didn't listen to anything I said, he would hit, smack and spit. I started swatting his rear and within a week he was a little angel. Now I rarely have to discipline him at all, it's like the threat that I might spank is enough to keep him in line.

    I should point out that I swat 1-2 times on the rear, I don't spank like parents did 20yrs ago.

  20. #20
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I almost missed this thread.

    K, I was spanked a couple of times when I was a kid by my mom. They were both extreme cases.

    As for my kiddo, he has been spanked two times. Both times the events prior to the spanking were more intense, stressful and punishing than the actual spanking. Which is how I wanted it.
    The first time I spanked him was when he lied to me. I have always had the rule in the house, if you lie or hurt someone on purpose out of anger, you will be spanked.

    So I had him sit in a chair most of the day and wait for dad to come home. The kid was sweating bullets most of the time. Then when dad got home he had to tell him what he had done and explain why he had done it, then explain why it was wrong of him to have done it. Most all of hat in itself was a pretty big punishment. Then he had to get a spatuala from the drawer, pull down his shorts and he got one whack on the tush.
    It wasn't even a hard one, but the fact that he had to go through all of that is what I think made the most impression.

    No, I am not against spanking, but I am against abusing your child. When I see women who just keep hitting their kids butt over and over without it having any result, that drives me crazy! Or when I see a mom smack a kiddo in the face out of anger! I see red!

    One rule of thumb that my mom instilled in me is that if you are going to spank your kiddo because you SAID you were going to spank them, make them go somewhere for a time out so you can have a time out too. Never ever hit your kiddo in anger.

    And by the way, the little guy has not lied to me since, in fact he'll tell me everything now! We have this saying around the house that he started after that "For truth..." Like, "For truth, I don't really like this." Etc...

    The other time he got spanked was when he kicked at the dog because it chewed up one of his toys.




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    God/dess Bob_Loblaw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    it seems like spanking is regional.
    And cultural. I'm all for using spanking as a means of teaching discipline. But there's a time and place for it and there should be a limit to the force and frequency this method is used. Too many people abuse their kids under the guise of spanking.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I was brought up getting spanked. My mom and stepdad had a big rubber belt that we would get spanked with. If we got in trouble we knew what was coming and it straightened us up fast. I believe in spanking, but society is getting to the point where you get locked up for spanking your kids. If your kids act up in public you better know you are going to be the center of attention if you spank them. I hate that, but it is the way it is getting.

  23. #23
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^I totally agree. That's why I felt so bad when I posted that the first time, because many people grew up thinking spanking = abuse, because they WERE abused! Not spanked.

    I remember when I was little and one of my cousing from Cali came to visit for the holidays, we broke something in my room and she darts into the closet to hide. I told her to come out and she said I had better get in there with her before her dad brought out the belt. Wha????

    She looked at me like I was crazy when I said I had no idea what she was talking about. 5 whips with the belt, she said, and if she made a sound 5 more. Are you kidding me?!?!?

    I lived with a couple for a brief time who had a little little boy, just over two years old. They would "spank" the crap out of him and I hated it!!! I think kids that young might not understand the concept of being spanked and to them it's just "mom or dad is hurting me." I dunno.




  24. #24
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I think if you're doing your job right you don't need to spank, but I have no problem with giving a young child a hefty swat on the backside. It doesn't hurt them for long and I think it's good for very young children to have a little fear of pissing their parents off.
    That's basically the way my ex and I acted when the lads were small. Spank 'em nowadays? No way! They are both slightly taller than me, pump iron and are massively strong (unlike their weak-as-a-kitten old man).

  25. #25
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Spanking is a no for me. If I hit an adult because they piss me off I would go to jail why would I hit my child who has not the same level of intelligence, patience and or communication skills as I or as an adult?

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