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Thread: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

  1. #51
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    I can't ever remember being spanked in a controlled manner.
    Kaylinn:

    I share your memory of corporal punishment, which is why my sons live in a "time out" household. My parents were old school African and European disciplinarians who tended to dish out consequences under the full-blown sails of rage.

    Furthermore, our schoolteachers in England & Nigeria would spank or cane us and then call our parents about it, setting up another spankfest when we got home.

    So, I never spank my sons...

    However, I do spank the monkey frequently!

  2. #52
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    My parents spanked me and I turned out fine. It straightened me out when I was being bad too.

  3. #53
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I got hit and it did nothing, nothing good for me to change my behaviour.


    I got spanked for grades, grades people! and I have scars for it, got hit with a belt, belt buckle, got put to kneel on raw rice and cheese graders, do you know why I had bad grades? I am dyslexic.

    I got spanked for lying when I was a kid, kids lie, they make things up, part of the process of growing up and what happened, I just learned how to lie better. I have grown from that of course but at the time it did nothing.

    Got to the point where I knew I was going to get spanked and I would just stand there and laugh.

  4. #54
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    HHL, I am so sorry that happened to you sweety. I don't want to say your parents were bad, but that should not have happened.




  5. #55
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Thanks, I think this is why I don't even want to think it's ok for my family because I bet it didn't start off with thinking it would get that way but most spankings happen out of frustration and anger and leads to horrible memories and scars.

  6. #56
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I don't plan on spanking my child. I think that teaching a child not to hit... and then hitting them... is confusing to the child.

    In my mom's defense, she had four kids, all within a couple years of eachother... but she scared the crap out of us with her wooden spoon. She'd just get frusturated/ angry and hit us. Then, she had a hard time understanding when she had to stop (because we were too old) and use our brains instead (which was actually possible way before highschool, sheesh). I'm sure it depends on the child, but I think that if you spend enough time on building a healthy relationship, showing true dissapointment in them may be enough... sometimes a time out... taking away dessert... I mean, they're just these little people who need to learn all of these rules about what is appropriate behavior and how to control their impulses. There are ways to train other than pain (woohoo! I rhyme!).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  7. #57
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I was spanked as a child, but never out of anger (controlled) and only when I completely disobeyed all the other warnings. My father would remind me what the punishment was and let me go from there.

    This is what I do with Makayla. I remind her what the end result will be if she continues doing what she's doing. Spanking is only for really bad offenses (like lying)...the last time I spanked Makayla was sometime last year and I didn't do it when I was angry with her. I sent her to her room and cooled off a bit and then when she came down, we discussed why she was going to get a spanking and how many. Then, I gave her 2 swats with a flat brush.

    Spanking has it's place, but it must be used properly. There is a difference between spanking out of control and spanking out of control. It's not abuse if you are calm, and able to explain why you're doing it. Before the age of 3, though, it is still effective (like for running into the street)...but you still have to use it the proper way.

  8. #58
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendita View Post
    I agree. Once I was old enough to know (thanks to school) what was going on, I told my parents I would report them if they did it again.
    That's a load of shit right there. If the day ever comes where my kids threaten to report me for disciplining them, they had best pack the fuck up and move out before i get up.
    That's half the problem with society today, parents are AFRAID to discipline because their kids will report them. I say fuck that, it's my kid(s) and if they need a whuppin then a whuppin they are gonna get.
    I'll be damned if some schmuck who doesnt live with or raise my kids is gonna tell me how to raise and/or discipline them.

  9. #59
    Featured Member lizlizliz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    no spanking for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by alessandra View Post
    I like them large and cut. Sort of like strawberries.

  10. #60
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    My sisters and I were never spanked. I don't believe in spanking. If spanking worked you'd only have to do once.

  11. #61
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    This is an interesting conversation. The majority of parent's responded that they do occasionally spank their kids, in a controlled manner.
    I think the 2 keys to using spanking are
    1. controlled, not out of anger
    2. Explaining to the child what he did wrong and why it deserved a punishment.

    I think those are very important. I also agree that for certain things, like running into a street or reaching for a hot stove ,you have to do something that instills how very important it is to never ever do that again.

    I also think it is very very important for parents to be in agreement with punishment.
    I remember my dad punishing me, and ruinning to my mom who would stand up for me and yell at my dad. Even if I had done somethign wrong.
    This made me hate my dad and favor my mother. And I knew I would get out of trouble by running to her.

  12. #62
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^That was why when I spanked my kiddo I made him wait until dad got home so he could talk to him too and know that we were in agreement on it.




  13. #63
    Veteran Member Morgan_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    In my opinion, the issue is not spanking vs. non-spanking, but child discipline in general. And what I've found is that well-disciplined children have parents that practice consistency and self-control.

    The self-control is obvious. But in addition to not spanking while angry, it can also apply to not screaming or yelling at your kids. Frankly, I'd rather see a parent giving a well-controlled, non-angry spanking than a parent who loses their temper and yells at the child. So if giving a spanking early on in the incident helps to restore order and sanity before tempers get out of hand, then I say go for it. But my issue here is not "spank" or "don't spank", but don't lose your temper with your kids.

    (And if you DO lose your temper, find a safe place to catch your breath, and then APOLOGIZE to your kids!!! Tell them, "I'm sorry I lost my temper. I wish that you wouldn't do that, but that's no excuse for me getting mad and yelling. Can you forgive me?" In other words, go ahead and admit that you did something wrong and apologize. Set a good example for heaven's sake!)

    But where I see most parents screwing up is consistency. Let you yes mean yes and your no mean no. Enforce your rules. If you don't enforce your rules, it doesn't matter how much you spank the child, they'll never behave.

    Oh, and one more note: child-training. Don't expect a three-year-old to know how to share if you don't spend some time actively teaching them. Case in point: My 4YO DS has been having trouble lately with his temper and his sharing. I had my 6YO bring ONE toy into the living room and play with it in front of his brother. When 4YO reached to grab it, I said, "No! You use your words and ask nicely." He said "Give me the car!" I said, "No! Say, 'Bubba, may I please have the car?'." He said, "Bubba, may I please have the car?" and his brother (who has been through this all before and knows what I was doing) said, "Of course you may," and handed it over. My point is that I had to spend a few hours with them, watching them closely and correcting them when they messed up and TEACHING them the right way to do it. You can't expect a child to behave properly if all you do is correct them when they mess up. You have to teach them the good instead of just punishing them for the bad.

    And that's my $.02

  14. #64
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    My mother's child-rearing practices were very effective (and thus good) until I got to middle school when she started hitting the bottle again.

    Basically, I would get time outs, essay assignments to ponder and analyze what I did wrong, and privileges revoked. If I did something reallyreally bad, I would get a spanking. However, the spanking wasn't supposed to be about causing me pain really, it was more to show her disappointment and shame me. They were short and never hurt very much and I was always made to explain what I did wrong and why I shouldn't do it before and after the spanking.

    The only times I can remember getting spanked were when I was caught in a lie. The message my mom was trying to get across was that by taking responsibility for my actions, the punishment would be more lenient than if I tried to deceive everyone and defer the blame from myself.

    All that essay writing has paid off now btw...

    After middle school started it slowly began to slip downhill...

  15. #65
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess View Post
    I was spanked as a child, but never out of anger (controlled) and only when I completely disobeyed all the other warnings. My father would remind me what the punishment was and let me go from there.

    This is what I do with Makayla. I remind her what the end result will be if she continues doing what she's doing. Spanking is only for really bad offenses (like lying)...the last time I spanked Makayla was sometime last year and I didn't do it when I was angry with her. I sent her to her room and cooled off a bit and then when she came down, we discussed why she was going to get a spanking and how many. Then, I gave her 2 swats with a flat brush.

    Spanking has it's place, but it must be used properly. There is a difference between spanking out of control and spanking out of control. It's not abuse if you are calm, and able to explain why you're doing it. Before the age of 3, though, it is still effective (like for running into the street)...but you still have to use it the proper way.

    Good mama! That's how my mom was back in her day.

  16. #66
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I will never spank, and no one else will spank my children either.

    I'm a firm believer in "violence breeds the same"

    teach a child that it's ok to hit, and you're going to see them do the same. but if you teach them to be kind and compassionate to others, no matter how mad they are, you'll be doing them a much better service.

  17. #67
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I dont have kids. BUT...I am for spanking as a deterrant when the child is in the middle of doing something..but not as a punishment.

    SO when a child is about to touch a hot stove...yep...spank them. When a child is screaming for no reason just to get attention..yep spank them. Basically...I would use it more as a shock inducing atttention getter. As in...ok..now that I have your attention...you will stop RIGHT NOW or THIS will be your punishment*whatever fits the crime)

    Its what I always did when training my dogs. Swat them when thy are caughht IN THE ACT....not afterwards. And the swat was just to get them to stop whatever they were doing...punishment was isolation or no treats or what have you.....

    I see raising small children as being fairly similar to training a puppy(which I will likely get flamed for ....but if you think about it it is true...you cant reason with a pup any mor ethen with a 2 year old....you have to find other options)



    Hope that made sense.
    This is the way I approach spanking. When my son is in the middle of a tantrum and I can't get through to him, a swat on the behind is very effective. Also if I am in the middle of the grocery store and he starts having a fit a swat works when you are unable to do a time-out. I think it is only effective if it is used very sparingly however. If my son was spanked every week I don't think it would have the same effect.

  18. #68
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Hey girls, I want to say congrats on getting to page three without ripping eachothers head's off! And on such a touchy subject too!

    I had been telling the hubby about how sensetive the board was lately, when he heard about this htread he said "page two I bet it gets closed." I bet him a foot rub, he bet me a train car! Yay! I get my feets rubbed!!!




  19. #69
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Hey girls, I want to say congrats on getting to page three without ripping eachothers head's off! And on such a touchy subject too...
    WORD. That's a real accomplishment!

    It's a good feeling when an open discussion doesn't turn into an argument!

  20. #70
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I think it's because we all agree that we want what is best for our children. That in itself is fantastic.

  21. #71
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^True that.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendita View Post
    I agree. Once I was old enough to know (thanks to school) what was going on, I told my parents I would report them if they did it again.
    Heh, I tried that too... Only, that my mom reminded me of the consequences that would come from doing that (jail time for the parent, foster homes for me) and I was like, "Er, nevermind".
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  23. #73
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    A generation or 2 ago it was acceptable practice for a coach or teacher to hit their students. Nowadays a parent would charge the coach if that happened.

    I've got to believe spanking is in serious decline. And I don't know anyone in my family whose ever been spanked.

    Don't know what the acceptable boundaries are but once the kids are old enough to have kids it's ridiculous.

  24. #74
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I'm childless but if I have kids I won't spank them. In Russia, kids get spanked like it's normal. I never liked it... I wouldn't want to inflict pain on my babies.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

  25. #75
    ajbaer
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I liked being spanked...
    sorry been drinking.
    *whispers* but i do
    Sorry again

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