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Thread: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

  1. #76
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    I will never spank, and no one else will spank my children either.

    I'm a firm believer in "violence breeds the same"
    The following is a narrative, not an opinion...

    I posted earlier about my disciplinarian parents. I can trace some of my teen troubles & substance abuse issues to my moving to the United States & learning that not all children were beaten regularly. Once I was old enough, I just stopped coming home until I was ready. Why? Because the result would be a beating, whether it was 10pm or 4am.

    Today, I tell my 13-year-old & 9-year-old boys how growing up with parents who used hands, canes and belts to discipline me made me feel. I will usually share this with them when I'm wishing I could light 'em up, and I tell them so at the time. However, because my wife and I choose to use a system of consequences instead, we seem to have eliminated physical violence as an option in our home--for adults and children.

    The down side is that our sons tend to litigate issues with us like little adult fuckin' attorneys; they're constantly negotiating! On the positive side, our family and friends marvel at the fact that two energetic, athletic boys can play roughly with their buddies but NEVER fight one another. OTOH, we have a friend who's been heavy-handed with her kids (in her defense, she's an overwhelmed single mother) and the kids, in turn, are smacking the shit out of each other constantly.
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    Having said that, how one rears one child can be a profoundly personal and controversial topic that depends on culture, family history and a number of other variables...

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I was also spanked out of anger most of the time. I still think children should be spanked as one form of punishment, however, it should be done once the parent is calm. I mean obviously if the child is running towards the road I'd grab them up and pop their bottom. But other than immediate threats I think the parent should calm first then spank them on the bottom with their hand. I don't agree with using belts or paddles. I think when the hand is used it can be felt how much force is being used. With an object it wouldn't be as easy to know how hard it actually is.

  3. #78
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I firmly believe that the only place spanking belongs is in the bedroom. If I'm a naughty girl, spank away. But then, I'm consenting to it.

    My children will never be spanked by me--And if I ever hear that anyone else has touched them, there WILL be a problem.

  4. #79
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^ Well, you are not exactly consenting to it. You are sort of resisting it, in that "Oh God, make me do it anyway" kinda way. Right?

  5. #80
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^^You make a good point.

    I get off on it. Care to see for yourself?

    Somehow, I doubt children do, however.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I do not spank my child. My home is a peaceful place.

    When he is acting up I say "(Son's name), you have a choice. You can either (insert desired behavior here) and get a (insert appropriate rewards here) or do (insert bad behavior here) and get a (insert time out here).

    Then usually he'll say I want to do (desired behavior) and get (appropriate reward).

    Then I congratulate him on making a good choice and he gets his reward promptly.

    If he continues with a bad behavior, he gets a time out.

    This way he learns that he has options and that his choices have consequences. When you do good things, good things happen, just as when you do bad things, bad things happen.

    It's kinda funny...if he starts acting up I'll say "Son, you have a choice...." and as soon as he hears those words, he'll straighten up right then and there.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    The only spanking that goes on in my house is when my hottie boyfriend spanks me while we are deep in the throes of passion. Yeahooo!
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I got my ass busted as a child when I needed it. I suppose as a result of that learning experience I spanked my older kids. Often. They were brats. But parenting is tiresome and I got tired after a while. I never spanked my youngest kids. They were brats too. All have turned out to be well adjusted adults and none of them hate me. When I think about it, and considering the results, I'm not sure what advice to offer.

    FBR
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  9. #84
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I believe in spanking. I have personal expirence on just about every aspect of the topic.

    This is probably an extreme case but :My uncle has two boys that are out of control. If I knew I could get away with it I would have spanked them myself. They are terrors, throw things, hit you, run away and they are 5 and 7 now...its ridiculous. It is also VERY tiring to hear their mom threaten time out and taking toys away. It does not work with them, they just leave time out...whats to stop them?

    I really think it depends on the kid. I was spanked a few times. Once for pushing my limits, I was pushing down the Den door and my dad fixed it (its not easy) and I went up there to push it again and he said "if that screen comes down your getting a whipin, don't think i wont" I smiled and pushed that door down...and guess what I got...ahah He just used his hand, nothing big. I think I respect him more for sticking to his guns and not getting run over by a 6 year old.

    Obviously I knew what was coming. I wasn't an innocent baby, I was being a little shit and deserved it. I think using a belt is way overboard, I actually busted out laughing when my dad told me of the mystical belt that was "old snappy". I knew I was is baby girl and he'd never hurt me. Obviously I have a very good relationship with my dad to this day and he was always the disciplinarian.

    OTOH, I never took my mom seriously, she hit me across the face when I was 7 and i hit her straight back and screamed bloody murder. I've hated her ever since. We fought (verbally) EVERY time we saw each other, which meant I'd have my dad go and get me food since I didn't want to go down stairs and have to deal with her until I couldn't take it anymore and ran away. That is abuse, and it ruined our relationship. Every time I saw her i swelled up with hate because I did NOT understand why I deserved to get slapped across the face.

    It's all based on your personal circumstance. I would not find it odd to have two children, one whos never been spanked because they obey with just a warning, and the other to get spanked b/c they are naturally rebellious. There is always a difference between hitting a child out of anger and warning a child of whats going to happen and following through. Theres actually a intellectual process required in the latter, not just a primal response of fear.

  10. #85
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post
    ^ Well, you are not exactly consenting to it. You are sort of resisting it, in that "Oh God, make me do it anyway" kinda way. Right?
    TOO, I'm not that into oral sex, so what you normally post doesn't affect me sexually.. but lordy, you got me here and you weren't even being explicit! "Consenting"... "resisting"... Oooh, you give me fever, When you kiss me
    Fever when you hold me tight, you give me fever...

  11. #86
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I don't agree that striking a child in any form or fashion is a good idea.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    ^^^I have to agree with you. I think it sends a terrible message--"I'm bigger than you and I'm the authority of you so I have the right to hurt and humiliate you." I believe it can cause psychological damage.

    My parents would both get insanely angry and strike me hard across the face for "talking back". I was a good kid, too, just a little mouthy. My parents were both beaten as children, so this was an improvement for them. My stepdad would get super angry and sweep me up, throw me on my bed and spank me. He was only spanked, not beaten. The "out of control"-ness that the anger caused was what scared me the most as a kid. It was terrifying.

    I lost so much respect for them for so many years because of this and other treatment. Respect I've gained back as an adult and can look at them as humans just trying to do the best they could.

    I believe if you don't have the control to treat your children with dignity and respect at all times you should have kids. Another reason I'm just not going there, personally. I don't trust myself.

  13. #88
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I feel weird in a more-or-less child abuse thread with ppl getting sexual... ...I'm out! Nice to see it on-point at least till page 4....

  14. #89
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    As for the holy-terror boys. I've had friends who "threaten" to do things, and they just keep threatening. In fact, I have one friend who uses "1-2-3 Magic" with her son when it's time to leave. "Johnny, I said 3, that's 3 Johnny. Johnny, did you hear mommy? I said you were on 3. THREE! Get over here, you're already at 3!" Then, she'll leave him ignoring her and being a terror while she'll turn to me and say, "I'm going to leave him here while I put his sister in the car." I finally got fed up with it and said, "No. I'll carry your daughter out, you carry him." I was so tired of that crap. He screamed his head off...and I told him, "If this is the way you are going to act when you come to MY home, I will just not invite you over, anymore. This isn't fun for me." And you know, it worked.

    With my friend there is no consistency. No discipline works when you don't follow it up. With Makayla, she does something like that and I tell her, "Enjoy it while you're doing it because you keep acting like this and you won't come back for *time frame here*." And I mean it...and she knows it. But, I also change my tone of voice with her. I go from fun-playful mommy to I'm-dead-serious mommy and there's no question as to what I am expecting...immediate obedience. My friend never changes her voice...it's always that calm, soothing, "mommy-doesn't-want-to-upset-you-so-you-don't-scream voice". Fuck that. I have no tolerance for sitting around twiddling my thumbs hoping my daughter will do what I tell her sometime during the day.

    And, if spankings are used sparingly, they are effective. I haven't spanked Makayla in a long time and just the reminder of it: "What happened the last time you kept lying to me?" "I got spanked." "Do you really want to get spanked again?" "No." "Well, if you tell me the truth I may get upset or angry...but I will not spank you. I will spank you if you keep lying to me." And, she'll usually just 'fess up. I don't have to spank her...but I don't spank for every little thing and I don't "threaten" things that I have no intention of following through with.

    Whatever form of discipline you choose to follow...you have to be consistent. What is ok today, has to be ok tomorrow and the next day. What is not ok today, cannot be ok tomorrow. If you threaten to take toys away or time out, or whatever, you have to do it. If your child doesn't stay in the time out corner...well, strap them to the chair. I had to put Makayla in her car seat...strapped in...on the floor of the kitchen to get her to stay for a while. After a couple of times of that, she didn't move. I also reset the timer each time she got out of her chair and reminded her that if she were to just sit there and accept her time out, she'd have been out already. Time out only starts once she is sitting, quiet (she can cry or whatever quietly...but she cannot scream bloody murder and throw a loud temper tantrum).

    And, if any teacher or coach hit my child, I would lay them flat right there. Disciplining my child is MY job. If he/she does anything that the teacher/coach finds needs disciplining, they need to come to me and I'LL handle it. No one else it to touch my child. Ever.

  15. #90
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess View Post
    And, if any teacher or coach hit my child, I would lay them flat right there. Disciplining my child is MY job. If he/she does anything that the teacher/coach finds needs disciplining, they need to come to me and I'LL handle it. No one else it to touch my child. Ever.

    It boggles my mind that this is still legal in some places...

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I was never spanked, and only once, that I can recall, was I struck in anger.

    When I did something wrong, we'd have a talk, and my parents would ask me to explain why I did it. What torture. I used to say, "I don't know why I did it... can't you just punish me?" lol

    Of course, some may think I turned out pretty fucked up, so maybe theirs is not a model to follow...

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by stellaforstars View Post
    It boggles my mind that this is still legal in some places...
    My kids still go to a PUBLIC elementary school where this is legal AND USED!!! My kindergartener (6YO) was having problems right after we moved here with disruptive behavior on the playground, and after being sent to the principal twice, the principal sent home a letter (2nd time in her office) informing me that if he got sent to her office for the same thing, he'd be getting spankings.

    WTF?

    I took a note to the office with copies for the folders of all THREE of my kids and explained that I did NOT consent to corporal punishment.

    Truth is, I can see corporal punishment on my 4th-grader. She's a drama queen, and if you just threaten her with a trip to the principal's office, she'll watch her attitude. But for a KINDERGARTENER?

    GMAFB.

  18. #93
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    We got paddled at school when I was a kid. It was pretty rare for girls to get paddled but I managed it a couple of times. Our principal had this wooden board with holes in it and you did NOT want to be hit with that thing. I got it twice, and then I'd get it again when I got home because my mother would be pissed I got in so much trouble.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    We got paddled at school when I was a kid. It was pretty rare for girls to get paddled but I managed it a couple of times. Our principal had this wooden board with holes in it and you did NOT want to be hit with that thing. I got it twice, and then I'd get it again when I got home because my mother would be pissed I got in so much trouble.
    I got it once in high school... Had my first ever orgasm when I got it, too. Took me about two years to realize why my (male) principal and (male) teacher looked like they were about to burst out laughing at me... After the principal finished, I couldn't decide whether I had to go pee or not, and I guess I was wiggling and probably flushed. The teacher and principal were exchanging this little look I couldn't figure out, like they were shocked but trying not to laugh...

    Two years later when I finally had my first sex-related orgasm, I figured it out...

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    We just went over this in my human development class. There are several studies that show that kids that are spanked have more behavioral problems, lower self esteem, lower self control, and more relationship when they are adults. I don't know how one would disciplin a child without spanking since I don't have any, but I do not agree at all with spanking.
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  21. #96
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Im not reading all the posts but I do not spank but believe if you want to spank its your choice. A swat on the but to hurt feelings is ok. A beating or leaving marks is not.

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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan_TX View Post
    I got it once in high school... Had my first ever orgasm when I got it, too. Took me about two years to realize why my (male) principal and (male) teacher looked like they were about to burst out laughing at me... After the principal finished, I couldn't decide whether I had to go pee or not, and I guess I was wiggling and probably flushed. The teacher and principal were exchanging this little look I couldn't figure out, like they were shocked but trying not to laugh...

    Two years later when I finally had my first sex-related orgasm, I figured it out...
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  23. #98
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    I want to thank everyone for keeping this thread on track. It was a nice, adult conversation where everyone could express their personal views without any arguments.
    Thank you.
    SW has made me proud

  24. #99
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan_TX View Post
    I got it once in high school... Had my first ever orgasm when I got it, too. Took me about two years to realize why my (male) principal and (male) teacher looked like they were about to burst out laughing at me... After the principal finished, I couldn't decide whether I had to go pee or not, and I guess I was wiggling and probably flushed. The teacher and principal were exchanging this little look I couldn't figure out, like they were shocked but trying not to laugh...

    Two years later when I finally had my first sex-related orgasm, I figured it out...
    That sounds like a bad porn plot...

  25. #100
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spanking your kids - yes or no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    I can't ever remember being spanked in a controlled manner.
    My punishment as a child sucked, cause it was either nonexistant, never lasted or was overdone. Groundings lasted a day if at all, but spankigns were way to harsh..I remember doing something bad one day and knew my dad would hit me when he found ouit, so befor he came home I layered on all the underwear I had to pad my butt.
    I also remember getting smacked across the mouth for being a smartmouth or talkign back. I think it's always wrong to hit a kid across the face.
    Or in public. Embarassing for the kid and yoruself.
    Kaylinn, I think we had the same childhood. Things got really violent in my household many times. Not because my parents are abusers, but because they have very poor impulse control, anger management issues, and never worked on communicting with one another.
    Last edited by Katrine; 11-21-2007 at 05:20 PM.

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