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Thread: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

  1. #1
    AudreyLeigh
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    Exclamation Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    So... my little bro comes over and teaches me how to use a spreadsheet and we get all the monthly bills set up (which come to $1650 over what we bring in a month without me working BTW) and Im like shit... this isnt good.

    So then hes has me make a spreadsheet with all my and Bs debt inc interest rates etc. Seems we have a little debt. $70,027 to be exact. WTF?! I never really sat down and added it all up before. I had no idea!

    This is it:

    My car - $25K
    My student loans - $14K
    His big loan - $20K (it was actually a big loan he got to consolidate CCs and the $12K he owed on his car)
    All our credit cards - 8 of em (which are all between 19-24% interest rate and maxed out) that add up to just under $10K

    Im thinking this is just freakin great. I mean really... wtf? how did this happen? What do we do?! Were going backwards every month and even if I get a job Im not going to be making $1600 a month and even if I do were still very deeply in debt.

    Im wanting to sell my car and get a cheaper one $10K or so. Thats $15K gone. Maybe consolidate all the CCs into one loan at a lower interest rate - 9% I would hope. Is this a bad idea since we want to buy a house? Were definately not going to be able to buy for another 2 years with the way its looking. I want this paid off before I get into an even bigger debt.

    I just dont know. Im looking at all the little things - I cancelled my tanning membership, my kickboxing, my credit monitoring - that will all go into effect after the Dec charge which will save $130 a month. But these others are all minimums and theres nowhere else to cut costs. This is soooo not good and I dont trust financial adisors. I want to be able to do it myself.

    It was fine when I was working because even if I was only working once in a while I was still bringing in at least $2K a month but I cant dance anymore and I want to fix this before the baby gets here.

    Ive got 7 1/2 months to get this plan set and get the ball rolling. Help?! What first? SHOULD I sell the car? Should we consolidate? Would that hurt getting a loan in 2 years?! Oh, but everything is up to date and paid on time. It has been up until now - Im working really hard on getting a job but its just not happening.

    Thx AL

  2. #2
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    ^^^ you really need to run this down to cash flows ...

    How much will you and your guy be bringing in (net of taxes) on a monthly basis ?

    How much are you committed to pay out for costs of living i.e. rent, food, phone, utilities ?

    How does your monthly loan payment total compare to the amount of money that's left ?

    If the $1650 a month shortfall you mentioned is net of all cost of living expenses PLUS monthly payments, you've got a problem. If the $1650 a month shortfall you mentioned did not include cost of living expenses, than you've got a bigger problem. Adding the extra expenses of a new baby will aggravate the problem.


    Since you are a west-coaster there are a couple of things that you need to acknoledge. In the aftermath of the housing crash, the bank CDO crisis, and rising credit card delinquency rates (which are now over 4% nationwide), and new federal regulator guidelines, in your current situation the odds of any lender approving you for a new loan on favorable terms (i.e. your 9% interest rate comment) are essentially zero. You could go for Credit Counseling and get your debts reduced, but this is tantamount to going bankrupt from the standpoint of future credit.

    Your guy's credit situation would appear to be somewhat better than yours at the moment given that he has a regular paycheck and the total loans in his name aren't extremely high. However, when you get married your debts become his debts thus your credit rating will become his credit rating.

    Given your current situation re income versus debts, and given the fact that you have no assets saved up to make a 20% down payment, the odds of being able to get financing to purchase a house within the next couple of years are also close to zero given that mortgage lenders have tightened up their lending standards extremely.

    Essentially your student loans are not a problem. However your car loan and credit cards ARE a problem. If it were me I would start working my a$$ off while you still can to try and get these paid down / paid off (credit cards first) to improve your credit rating, and THEN think about getting married. But that's just my personal opinion.

    Also, as long as you aren't married and can't work, you would qualify to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy ... which would erase all of your debts except your student loan. If you get married and creditors push for it, both of you may be forced to file Chapter 13 depending on how your guy's income compares to the median income in your area, which would result in having to make partial payments to all of your creditors for the next 3-5 years under bankruptcy court supervision.

    Also, as long as you aren't married and are pregnant, you're probably eligible for various social welfare benefit programs that are worth 'real money' i.e. subsidized rent, subsidized utilities, mediCal. These could knock a few hundred dollars per month off of your cash flow requirement.

  3. #3
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Bankruptcy not an option. Were going to get through this. Were really rushing marriage because he gets free medical thru Kaiser with his job and I really dont want Medi-Cal.

    My car is in both our name. The only debt I really have is $2300 in CCs and student loans. All the rest is his debt. (acquired together but in his name)

    The $20K loan is an equity line he took on his moms house. so no way thats going thru a ch7. His mom helped and thats just not an option.
    My car wed lose in a ch7
    That only leaves $7800 in CC debt of his

    Im dumbstricken on these bills. I never sat down and saw ALL the bills. We had mine, his and ours... I never knew what our TOTAL was.

    Im doing more research into our bills - how to lower them and what costs can be cut. The major problem is hes commuting 2.5 hrs each way 5 days/week and thats $100 a week in gas. Hes looking for a job that is closer but theres not many opportunities here. Were trying.

    Back to number crunching...

    EDIT: OK, I just got a little more realistic on our bills. Theyre $5145 a month and B brings home $3200 a month net. This includes everything from rent to minimums on CCs, bills, food and gas. EVERYTHING. I even have a catagory for misc which will need to be cut. I just wanted to see what we REALLY spend.

    SIDE NOTE: Currently his child support order is $1400 a month + $400 a month in back support. The back support will be paid off in Jan/Feb. Our marriage should lower it, the baby should lower it. And his attorney is going to go after her and force her to get a job so that should lower it more... but Id like to get the expenses low enough that when all that happens well have extra income.. not 'just enough'
    Last edited by AudreyLeigh; 11-20-2007 at 11:18 AM.

  4. #4
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    So you won't work any more until you have the baby? But I thought you are not really showing now?

    I know you wanted to get a stylist job, but maybe it would be easier to get caught up on some bills if you worked dancing for a few months?

    I'd say get rid of the car asap, and pay down the highest interest debt, if thats possible.

  5. #5
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Problem - Im one of the girls that cant handle the job unless Im drunk. I havent worked sober in years and when I try I make nothing. I cant handle it. So dancing is just not going to happen. I dont think Im going to go back to dancing. Ever.

    Im actually going to go thru the garage and list stuff on CL to make some extra cash and sell all my dancewear.. maybe on here. Im racking my brain for ways to bring in more cash. I was actually thinking about setting up an account on eBanned. Think theres many guys with a pergnancy fetish that would pay for soft nudes (no crotch shots?) I really need ideas to bring in more cash....

    And selling the car is a definate. Im going to have to do it. Today Im going to a few body repair shops to get quotes for the damage. Well go thru insurance... then sell it so itll be a month or 2.

  6. #6
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post

    Your guy's credit situation would appear to be somewhat better than yours at the moment given that he has a regular paycheck and the total loans in his name aren't extremely high. However, when you get married your debts become his debts thus your credit rating will become his credit rating.
    Not so if they do not place each other's names on their respective debts.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  7. #7
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    Problem - Im one of the girls that cant handle the job unless Im drunk.
    OK, that is perfectly understandable.

  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    I just called my guy and told him what the figures were and hes like "Itll be ok, well manage" How the hell are we going to manage with that big of a monthly deficit? We dont even have available credit to cover bills if we really got into a crunch.

    It frustrated me that hes so "la de da" about money. Whatever - Itll work out while Im over here worrying (which I think is the correct thing to do)

    Am I crazy or should he really freakin care more?!

  9. #9
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Yes he should share your worry. Unless he has a backup plan you don't know about, he should be more worried than you since he will be provider when you are carrying the baby and after it is born.

    How long was he with his first child before the divorce? It worries me that he got behind on his support payments for the other child.

  10. #10
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    hehe ^^^ thats an interesting story. Hes never been married. He had a 3 week fling and she got pregnant. When he found out he filed for support, paternity test, etc (when she was 3 mos along)

    She dodged the paperwork and moved to Ohio where she proceeded to file her OWN paperwork in that county after the baby was born. This is why theres back child support. Because it took time for the courts to get the paternity test this means that since they backdated the child support he was already in arrears because of the court all because its not going thru 2 counties.

    That make sense? Tha babys only 18 months old... it took a while for everything to get set in place - thats why he had back child support.

    Never married. Since she doesnt work they just took a percentage of his pay and set that as the order. He is currently in court to make her get a job because its bs that she can just sit on her ass and live on his money. supposedly her expenses are over $3k a month (in her paperwork) but why does she have $600 in childcare expenses when she not working and how does she pay for $3k in bills when her income is only $1800.

    This is a huge thing theyre battling. hes also trying to get visitation. Its a mess.... and shes a bitch a money grubbing bitch.

    I guess she expected him to marry her "for the baby" since she got pregnant and hes never been married was in his late 30s. It didnt work out in her favor so shes being a cunt. And I do not use that term lightly. Ive spoken to her, read the court papers, read the letters about how he should "stand up and be a man and marry her" Shes a nut.

    Its a long story and a huge mess... its hard to explain but its a bunch of bs.

    He wants to pay her $800 a month in child support - her to have physical custody and to get visitation. Hes even willing to go to ohio and have supervised visitation. I think it sounds reasonable but she wants MORE money.

    She actually sent a letter not too long ago saying she was putting the baby in a play program to meet other children and that was $150 a month and she wants him to pay half. ON TOP OF WHAT SHES ALREADY GETTING. Money hungry nut.

  11. #11
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    ^ Tell her to find the PD child playtimes. They're only (around) $40 for 6 weeks.

    Sorry to hear about all of that.

    Hope it all works out for you!!

  12. #12
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    All I can say is that continuing to run a $2000 per month deficit is a fast track to bankruptcy court.

    I'd also be concerned that spending 5 hours a day commuting is going to take a hell of a toll on B's car ... which may result in even HIGHER bills if expensive repair bills start rolling in or if the car needs to be prematurely replaced.

    also, $1,400 a month = $ 16,800 per year is totally off the Ohio child support chart. Part of this HAS to be spousal support. If so, then the birth of a 'second' child may not have much effect in regard to massive payment reductions.

    Once you are married, you need to track down the absolute best lawyer you can locate in Ohio and try to get this cut down to size.

  13. #13
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    No spousal support. Its thru Placer county in California. Even tho her paperwork is all being filed in Ohio and she dodged the paperwork its still going thru Placer county because thats where HE originally filed and she dodged it but the baby was conceived here so thats whats going on. The 2 counties are fighting over rights of the case. She wants it in Ohio - he wants it to stay in California.

    He makes 108K a year. They did a set rate thru Placer County for now.... and gave him no rights or visitation. Still waiting for THAT court date.

    Like I said - its a mess.

  14. #14
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Just got off the phone with him. He said that he had already spoken with his attorney about changing the case to Ohio (since thats what shes fighting for) and then when he re-files with his new marital state theyll have to issue a new order and itll go by Ohio guidelines rather than Californias.

    Tellin you - its a mess... I can barely get my head around it. All he wants is to see his daughter and have a fair child support amount. She wont comprimise.

  15. #15
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    maybe you could do phone sex or work as a doorgirl in a club. if you could make 500 a week (which is really quite relistic) you'd be ok, right?

  16. #16
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    yes. monday im going to go search for a job again.... so frustrating. I really need to bring in around that... $2000 a month.

  17. #17
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess View Post
    ^ Tell her to find the PD child playtimes. They're only (around) $40 for 6 weeks.

    Sorry to hear about all of that.

    Hope it all works out for you!!

    It was just some BS excuse to get more money. He said he WOULD pay half but only if he could send it directly to the place - it was a daycare or something and she would have nothing of that. She wanted the money to go directly to her. Ummm.... nuh uh.....

  18. #18
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy Shit are we in debt... HELP?!?!?!?

    At least you are trying to see where everything goes and make a plan. I would say just try and work doing something to make some money and get the cheaper car. It sounds like you have some good ideas already. Have you been able to sit down with him and have a real talk about it? Sounds like he needs to visualize what the real situation is so he can try to work on changing the situation too, like finding a job with a shorter commute or saving money in ways he can.

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