What did the mother turkey say to
her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now,
he'd turn over in his gravy!
Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?
'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!
What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!
What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?
The Butter Ball
How does a Turkey drink her wine?
In a gobble-let
How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one but it takes 5 hours
Did you hear about the X-rated turkey?
It's served with very little dressing.
What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda?
A turkey sand-witch
What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
Why do turkeys eat so little?
Because they are always stuffed!
What did the turkey do in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?
He played his drumsticks!
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
The Turkey Popped Out of the Oven
The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.



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