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Thread: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

  1. #1
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Oh... my... GOD...


    Ok. I'm at work. It's about thirteen million kinds of dead. I'm counting on getting my paycheck cashed, cuz my tank is on Empty. I just, two weeks ago switched banks, so i have no atm or bank card yet, so i NEED this check to cash. Did i mention my tank is on E thirty miles away from home? I did, okay. Well, lemme stress it: my tank is on E thirty miles away from home! I totally NEED this check to cash. Well i go to cash it at the bank my work banks at and since it's over a thousand dollars they tell me i have to have some kind of siggy from MY bank to let them do it. Some promise signature. Does that make ANY SENSE AT ALL? If i was at my bank to get a whatever siggy so some other bank could cash my check, um... I'd have cashed my check.

    Ao anyway, long story short, my shortsightedness got me in a bind. I was at work with no gas 30 miles away from home. I call around, no one's home. Not a soul. Sooooooooooooo, last resorts. I call momma. She's like "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU... yadda yadda *insert shit i already knew and had asked myself 100 times by then.* Worst part is, she's having lunch with my GRANDMA.

    Look, i had no idea US bank had rules about over 1k. I don't bank with US bank. I barely even bank with Commerce Bank! I literally JUST switched to them.

    Sooooooooo... Mommy comes to bail out Junior. Grammy helps baby boy cash his 1000+ check that no one wants to touch SINCE SHE DOES HER SHIT with US bank.

    I get my check cashed after Mommy and Gramma drive only god knows how far out of their way to bail little boy out of a bind.

    Meanwhile, i'm just feeling like microwaved shit...

    Long story short, i get my gas.

    After all, who wants to end up on the side of the highway?

    20 minutes later, guess where i am?

    Home? >BZZZZT<
    Safe? >BZZZZZT<
    Secure? >BZZZZZZT<

    Those of you who guessed: ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY get a chocolate frog.

    I blew a fucking TIRE less than twenty minutes from waving goodbye to my mom and Grandmother.

    Sit there, call alstate, get a tow truck. Allstate pays up to 50$ (something i did not know) So of my freshly cashed check 100$ whistles dixie as it marches into union guns. We go TWO MILES to a firestone. It's black friday, everything closes at 7. I'm dying. They can't get me in. Do to Dobbs and they can fit me. I sit there watching Chris Hansen catch internet predators going after teenage girls/boys for an hour while they chip away at 400$ putting tires on my car (I ainst changing one tire, they were getting there anyway, so fuck it goo 'em all).

    I sit there. Get Chineese food, then sit there some more. Some Rabbi almost attacks Chris Hansen cause he caught him E-Preditory handed, that was funny. Car's done, pound of flesh paid. FINALLY i get to go home.

    I'm home. After the day i've had i NEED some no bullshit female companionship. I've got like 1100=+ left outta my check, don't get my bank card for a week but i have the ability to go to MY new bank and get money. Fuck it.


    I go to a strip club. My nerves need it. I have a few beers. There's nowhere to sit at the bar, so i sit at a table. I need a beer. I Need a beer! I NEED a beer!

    I have a couple of drinks. Dancers come and go, i get rid of them as politely as i can, i need to loosen up a little. They seem to sense it somehow. O only get one dirty look and that from a girl that didn't come to my table. Soon as a bar seat opens up i make for it to evade the hunting grounds. At this point i just want to loosen up a bit. I'm tipping the stage, but tipping it by walking up and standing there till she notices me then going back to my seat. That's how freaked out i am. This is like three beers into getting there, less than 30 minutes. This REALLY sultry hot as hell dancer that i haven't seen before takes the stage and i'm digging her, just looking at her dance is doing the trick the beers aren't. I go up and tip her a twenty stageside, hoping she'l come find me (You have a way of doing that even in the most crowded clubs).

    THEN, SUDENLY. There are two seats at the bar, on one end sits a black haired sort of grizzled loocking dude, one the other end, nearest to me, sits this bald dude. I get to the bald dude first and ask "Someone here?"

    "NAH, Man."

    I sit and order another beer.

    Dancer from the stage finds me. She sits down in the open chair between me and grizzled dude and we start talking. We talk for a second, She's in full bloom dancer mode, hustling like crazy. I buy her a drink and she drinks about half and gets up (the Dancer/She-Wolf terrotory mark) and tells me she'll be right back. She asks my name and i tell it to her, it's loud so i have to repeat it again loudly (get to the repricussions of this in a second). Grizzled dude turns and looks at me. "Jim?" He asks.

    It's Dan Sienkiewictz, ot Synkiwits, or sienkiwits, i know how to say it but not how to spell it. A GUY I HAVE NOT SEEN IN TWELVE YEARS. This is a guy i have rolled more than a few joints with, tripped more hits of acid with than is probably safe (Anyone remember the story i have told about the midgets, he was there for that!). I was floored!

    Dancer stood there while we freaked out at bumping into one anothetr so randomly, she looked delighted! She kept coming back. Maybe it was that i had tipped her well while she was onstage, probable that she thought she would sell some dances (she was right, i was HIP to some dances), but she seemed genuinely delighted by the goodwill in that corner of the club. I was just SO happy to see Dan! It was awesome!

    WHAT a day.

    See, stuff like this makes me question my own agnosticism (Course, that's par). My horrible day, led to a strip club, where seats led me to sit, where a girl led me to say my name, where music led me to practically scream it... Which led me to an old friend i haven't seen in years.

    Dark clouds sometimes DO have silver linings.

    I'm surprised i can do this after 85% of the day i had but...



    I can smile.
    Last edited by Madcap; 11-24-2007 at 01:50 AM.

  2. #2
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    Smiley Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    I read your story, pretty interesting. Funny how sometimes things work out at the end huh? Happy for you, you found an old friend.

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    Veteran Member LexxusLovely's Avatar
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    ...wow. That was a hell of a day!

    Great story. Great ending.
    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberrySwitchblade View Post
    As I was walking by the dressing room to the little girl's room, I heard this gem:

    Stripper: "And that wasn't the first time I lost my panties while bull-riding."



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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Geez Madcap, you've had more drama today than a strip club dressing room! Lol. Glad it turned out ok
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  5. #5
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    I know where you are. NEW JERSEY!!!! waaaaahahaa. Anyway. That was seriously entertaining! Good for you! I think yr Grandma played a pivotal role in the timing of it all. No I did not get a chance to read the midget story...where is it?

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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap View Post
    This is a guy i have rolled more than a few joints with, tripped more hits of acid with than is probably safe (Anyone remember the story i have told about the midgets, he was there for that!)...
    Madcap:

    IMO, the lasting bonds forged by shared acid epiphanies can make decades seem like seconds. When I've run into old frymates, talk invariably turns to those absurdly profound/profoundly absurd days and nights...

    "Through my LSD experience and my new picture of reality, I became aware of the wonder of creation, the magnificence of nature and of the animal and plant kingdom. I became very sensitive to what will happen to all this and all of us."
    - Albert Hofmann (Inventor of LSD)

  7. #7
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    ^I like how you put it in trippy colors. Hooray!

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Alaska, i was at an Acid party in a hotel, i left in search of something, and found myself smack dab in the middle of a Midget convention. My Mescaline/Acid ingestion earlier did not lead to my understanding of the situation.

    No cops got called. But Dwarfs are VERY tolerant people. Specially once they learn you are frying your balls off on Peyote!

  9. #9
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    That's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyy.......that rocks! Hope it went okay tho for ya. You had lots of conversations with the dwarfs?

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Uh, i hope i did.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    Sorry about my spelling, reading this sober makes me cringe. 2+2 indeed = 4.

  12. #12
    Alaska
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    I didn't cringe! (and I luvvvv good spelling.) That shit was way fuuny!


    omfg. i did NOT spell funny like that on purpose!! that'd be way lame if i did.
    Last edited by Alaska; 11-25-2007 at 02:51 AM.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A really shitty/terrible/wild/amazing day! (and it even involves a stripper!)

    I heart Alaska.

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