Oh... my... GOD...
Ok. I'm at work. It's about thirteen million kinds of dead. I'm counting on getting my paycheck cashed, cuz my tank is on Empty. I just, two weeks ago switched banks, so i have no atm or bank card yet, so i NEED this check to cash. Did i mention my tank is on E thirty miles away from home? I did, okay. Well, lemme stress it: my tank is on E thirty miles away from home! I totally NEED this check to cash. Well i go to cash it at the bank my work banks at and since it's over a thousand dollars they tell me i have to have some kind of siggy from MY bank to let them do it. Some promise signature. Does that make ANY SENSE AT ALL? If i was at my bank to get a whatever siggy so some other bank could cash my check, um... I'd have cashed my check.
Ao anyway, long story short, my shortsightedness got me in a bind. I was at work with no gas 30 miles away from home. I call around, no one's home. Not a soul. Sooooooooooooo, last resorts. I call momma. She's like "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU... yadda yadda *insert shit i already knew and had asked myself 100 times by then.* Worst part is, she's having lunch with my GRANDMA.
Look, i had no idea US bank had rules about over 1k. I don't bank with US bank. I barely even bank with Commerce Bank! I literally JUST switched to them.
Sooooooooo... Mommy comes to bail out Junior. Grammy helps baby boy cash his 1000+ check that no one wants to touch SINCE SHE DOES HER SHIT with US bank.
I get my check cashed after Mommy and Gramma drive only god knows how far out of their way to bail little boy out of a bind.
Meanwhile, i'm just feeling like microwaved shit...
Long story short, i get my gas.
After all, who wants to end up on the side of the highway?
20 minutes later, guess where i am?
Home? >BZZZZT<
Safe? >BZZZZZT<
Secure? >BZZZZZZT<
Those of you who guessed: ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY get a chocolate frog.
I blew a fucking TIRE less than twenty minutes from waving goodbye to my mom and Grandmother.
Sit there, call alstate, get a tow truck. Allstate pays up to 50$ (something i did not know) So of my freshly cashed check 100$ whistles dixie as it marches into union guns. We go TWO MILES to a firestone. It's black friday, everything closes at 7. I'm dying. They can't get me in. Do to Dobbs and they can fit me. I sit there watching Chris Hansen catch internet predators going after teenage girls/boys for an hour while they chip away at 400$ putting tires on my car (I ainst changing one tire, they were getting there anyway, so fuck it goo 'em all).
I sit there. Get Chineese food, then sit there some more. Some Rabbi almost attacks Chris Hansen cause he caught him E-Preditory handed, that was funny. Car's done, pound of flesh paid. FINALLY i get to go home.
I'm home. After the day i've had i NEED some no bullshit female companionship. I've got like 1100=+ left outta my check, don't get my bank card for a week but i have the ability to go to MY new bank and get money. Fuck it.
I go to a strip club. My nerves need it. I have a few beers. There's nowhere to sit at the bar, so i sit at a table. I need a beer. I Need a beer! I NEED a beer!
I have a couple of drinks. Dancers come and go, i get rid of them as politely as i can, i need to loosen up a little. They seem to sense it somehow. O only get one dirty look and that from a girl that didn't come to my table. Soon as a bar seat opens up i make for it to evade the hunting grounds. At this point i just want to loosen up a bit. I'm tipping the stage, but tipping it by walking up and standing there till she notices me then going back to my seat. That's how freaked out i am. This is like three beers into getting there, less than 30 minutes. This REALLY sultry hot as hell dancer that i haven't seen before takes the stage and i'm digging her, just looking at her dance is doing the trick the beers aren't. I go up and tip her a twenty stageside, hoping she'l come find me (You have a way of doing that even in the most crowded clubs).
THEN, SUDENLY. There are two seats at the bar, on one end sits a black haired sort of grizzled loocking dude, one the other end, nearest to me, sits this bald dude. I get to the bald dude first and ask "Someone here?"
"NAH, Man."
I sit and order another beer.
Dancer from the stage finds me. She sits down in the open chair between me and grizzled dude and we start talking. We talk for a second, She's in full bloom dancer mode, hustling like crazy. I buy her a drink and she drinks about half and gets up (the Dancer/She-Wolf terrotory mark) and tells me she'll be right back. She asks my name and i tell it to her, it's loud so i have to repeat it again loudly (get to the repricussions of this in a second). Grizzled dude turns and looks at me. "Jim?" He asks.
It's Dan Sienkiewictz, ot Synkiwits, or sienkiwits, i know how to say it but not how to spell it. A GUY I HAVE NOT SEEN IN TWELVE YEARS. This is a guy i have rolled more than a few joints with, tripped more hits of acid with than is probably safe (Anyone remember the story i have told about the midgets, he was there for that!). I was floored!
Dancer stood there while we freaked out at bumping into one anothetr so randomly, she looked delighted! She kept coming back. Maybe it was that i had tipped her well while she was onstage, probable that she thought she would sell some dances (she was right, i was HIP to some dances), but she seemed genuinely delighted by the goodwill in that corner of the club. I was just SO happy to see Dan! It was awesome!
WHAT a day.
See, stuff like this makes me question my own agnosticism (Course, that's par). My horrible day, led to a strip club, where seats led me to sit, where a girl led me to say my name, where music led me to practically scream it... Which led me to an old friend i haven't seen in years.
Dark clouds sometimes DO have silver linings.
I'm surprised i can do this after 85% of the day i had but...
I can smile.



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I believe you Dottie and you have my support
No I did not get a chance to read the midget story...where is it?

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