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Thread: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

  1. #1
    Glamazon
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    Default Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Among my mother's crazy ideas, she believes that there is no such thing as unconditional love. What kind of person (a mother, no less) thinks like that?? She uses this article as the basis for this crazy notion:



    Discuss.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Uhm. Bullshit?


    That's all I can say about that. I guess, you could break it down and analyze it (which I'm sure someone will) and say that you can't love someone who doesn't take care of you or provide you SOMETHING in return.

    But that's bogus.

    As a mom, I know it exists.

    And as a doggie owner, I know it exists.

    Then there's religion, but even somethings are too tabu to talk about on SW.




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    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I'm not approaching the religion topic because I don't actively participate in any, therefore I don't know enough about any religion to comment but I know true love exists. There's not a thing anyone in my family could do to make me not love them. I second what EE said, as a daughter, sister, niece, pet owner, and ex-girlfriend, I know it exists. You can also love someone and not like them. It exists.
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I've got a lot of love in my heart, and no Jesus. So you do the math.

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Unconditional love definitely exists, but it is not the same as unconditional acceptance. I think a lot of people confuse the two, and think that if you love someone then you should support everything they do. I disagree with that.

    Example: I love my brothers unconditionally. I will always love them, because they're my brothers and there's just the history there. But say one of them were to rape a woman. My love for my brother does not require me to accept him as a rapist or support his action, and I would be right there making sure he suffered terrible consequences for his action. And I would not want him in my life. I would still love my brother the memory, but I would not accept the rapist he chose to become.

    I do agree with the article's position that this "everything you do is okay" culture we have created is not doing anyone any good. It's destroying us.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    ^^^I came here to write the same thing as Yek, but she beat me to it.

    In regard to the article, Glamazon, keep in mind that any wackjob can write anything and publish it on the internet. That makes it neither true nor consistent nor grounded in actual evidence. It doesn't mean that it reflects anything other than the arbitrary opinions of the author. The fact that your mother puts some stock in a strongly worded but ultimately inconsistent and nutty bit of propaganda is more disconcerting than the article itself. I get kind of distressed about a lack of media literacy.
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I didn't bother to read the article based on the other posts. However I know there is unconditional love- it's just few and far between.

  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Being a mother I know unconditional love exists. You love no one like you love your children and no matter what my daughter does I will still always love her.

    I totally agree with Yek. I may not accept some of her choices (as my mom with me) but I will ALWAYS LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT.

    BTW - I read 2 paragraphs of that and dont need anymore. I know it exists.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    The premise is nothing new. It goes right back to original sin. We are in every way incomplete until we ask Jesus Christ into our hearts as our personal lord and saviour. Then we will know unconditional love, forigveness, true happiness and lots of other things that some people don't believe they can find on their own. I think it's utter bullshit, of course, but whatever works for them. We're all just trying to find our way. When your way become the ONLY way and you're forcing it on others, that's where I take issue.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I have to admit that I only read part of that article, and skimmed over it; I find it hard to read stuff that is too religiously charged. But I do feel that every being, deep down inside, very deeply and unconditionally loves every other being. I feel that is how my soul (core, whatever you want to call it) works, and I feel that of the people I encounter in life.

    When I look out at people navigating through our culture, I don't see people who do not love. I see people who shield themselves to navigate through well-established cultural paradigms. They do not want to put themselves on a fence to be shot down.

    When I develop close and loving relationships, I feel like, under the beautiful euphoria, it is more like letting go. That it is my native way of being, but I just cannot express that with every being that walks and talks. But underneath the cultural paradigms -and my own fears- I am just in love all those other beings out there. And this transcends our human identities, sexuality, what kind of relationship we have with each other, whether or not I "like" them, etc.

    Maybe I am weird and maybe that sounds super corny to some, but that is how I feel about it.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    The problem with the term "unconditional" is that it's often used as a guilt trip.

    I have a lot of love in my heart too (yes, it's true!) but it's not unconditional love if the conditions for loving someone else hurt you or take advantage of you.

    You have to find what your boundaries are and hope the people you love respect them.

    There's making compromises for people you love, but once things start to affect you adversely, it might be time to reconsider one's personal definition of unconditional love.

    But that's JMO.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Wow, what Yek said is so true. Thanks Yek! I was trying to figure out why I felt so weird abut some people, especially when they pull the unconditional love card.
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    And as a doggie owner, I know it exists.
    That's the first thing that came to my mind.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by FrustratedBunny View Post
    That's the first thing that came to my mind.
    True, but animals aren't people. Your dog might ruin your favorite shoes by crapping on them or chewing them up, but they'll never hurt or betray you the way another human being potentially could.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  15. #15
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    My brother has done some horrid shit in his life and no matter what he does my mother loves him and suffers when he's in pain and feels joy when he is happy, I believe there is such a thing.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    My mother can be an evil, cold, heartless woman. Selfish and manipulative. But I love her. I don't always like her though.

    And she loves me. Even when I pissed her off to the ends of her wits. She still loves me.

    It doesn't happen for everyone. But it is possible. And I think it's more often than not.




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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    My mother can be an evil, cold, heartless woman. Selfish and manipulative. But I love her. I don't always like her though.
    Ditto. I'm like this with my mom and my biological dad. I don't like them all that much, but I love them no matter what. I've tried *not* loving them and just when I think I've succeeded, something happens to show me I love them.

  18. #18
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I know unconditional love exists. I feel it.

    That premise made me quite sad though...And I'm not sure everyone has the ability to love unconditionally...

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    Among my mother's crazy ideas, she believes that there is no such thing as unconditional love. What kind of person (a mother, no less) thinks like that?? She uses this article as the basis for this crazy notion:

    http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/...n/uncondit.htm

    Discuss.
    I didn't read the article - but "unconditional love"? That sounds like a pipe dream. To be unconditional, you'd have to accept everything...anything. Does that include someone who beats you? I think not. Love has conditions. Nothing wrong with that.
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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Those psychologists weren't talking about "I can do whatever the hell I want because people will love me anyways". They were talking about a healthy mindset where you know that you don't have to be perfect or do exactly what the other person wants you to do... to be loved.

    That website is for people who think that God is the only one who can love us "unconditionally"... except for the whole... Gah, I'm going to stop here. This isn't the correct forum for this. That essay is really more about God and humans than a mother and child.

    I'm sorry that your mom said that to you. I doubt she was saying that she would only love you under certain conditions so much as that she was trying to preach to you. Still, I can't believe that she would say something so hurtful!

    The last sentances:
    The incomprehensible magnitude of God's love surpasses any concept of love devised by humanistic psychologists. The doctrine of unconditional love is a myth that glorifies man rather than God.

    So yea, it's just saying that we as puny humans cannot fathom "love" like God can. Well, IMO, aside from my personal views on the Christian God and what can be read in the Bible... I don't believe that most people would continue to "love" someone no matter what they did... if they did something really atrocious. Something seriously bad would have to happen for me to stop loving my family.

    And... just to sort of play devil's advocate here... isn't "love" just a chemical reaction in the brain anyways?
    Last edited by Bella21; 11-26-2007 at 06:49 AM.
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    Senior Member Aelfu_Gifu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by MojoJojo View Post
    I didn't read the article - but "unconditional love"? That sounds like a pipe dream. To be unconditional, you'd have to accept everything...anything. Does that include someone who beats you? I think not. Love has conditions. Nothing wrong with that.
    That's merely one story about love out of a billion possibilities. Let me tell you what works for me regarding loving people in my life:

    My friends and I love each other exactly as we are and exactly as we are not. We negotiate out loud what we expect in our relationships, try it out, and renegotiate as necessary. When we catch ourselves thinking one of us "owes" the other something, we surrender that thought and look at what we can do to generate a loving, mutually beneficial relationship. If an impasse occurs where we can no longer negotiate, we say goodbye with love, knowing that love is generated from within, and that by leaving that person or being left, nothing is being taken from us, but that in leaving, the other person is only taking the next right action in their own life. Just as they trust me to take my own next right action, I completely trust them. You stay, or you leave, knowing you have all the power in the world to generate absolute, unconditional love.
    "She held me close and whispered in my ear how wonderful I was. Since I'm not wonderful. I was pretty sure this was a trap. So I figured I'd better grope her as much as I could before they sprung the trap. You've got to take what you can get in this life. I read that in a magazine. So I started smearing kisses on her and pawing the front of her dress, trying to get my money's worth before somebody bashed my head in." John Swartzwelder

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I don't believe in unconditional love. Does anyone truly love someone, anyone, regardless of how that person might wrong you? Because that's all that would be truly unconditional. I think most people love the notion of unconditional love but when it comes down to it, if someone wrongs you badly enough, you won't truly love them anymore, no matter who they are.

    I don't love my parents because they don't deserve it. And I think it's unhealthy to continue loving someone who treats you badly. Some people think I'm the crazy one for openly not loving my parents anyore (gasp! they're your PARENTS!!) - I think THEY are the crazy ones for allowing people to continually mistreat them and/or trying to keep unhealthy relationships no matter who they are.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    I completely agree with Bridgette. My love sure as hell is conditional. You earn love, you don't just get it free.


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  24. #24
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Quote Originally Posted by stellaforstars View Post
    I know unconditional love exists. I feel it.

    That premise made me quite sad though...And I'm not sure everyone has the ability to love unconditionally...
    I think this is what it comes down to with some people.

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    Default Re: Unconditional Love Is A Myth--WTF

    Glam- are our mothers sisters??? no seriously, this sounds exactly what my crazy mother said to me the last time I spoke to her- two years ago.

    Sorry. Forgiveness is for the person who has been hurt, not for the person has done the hurt... i have to always remember that so I dont' be such a resentful, angry little bitch about her.


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