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Thread: What's wrong with me?

  1. #1
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default What's wrong with me?

    So, I have been through two shitty relationships in the last ten years. Both wanted someone else. The last guy I went out with didn't like me all that much either. What am I not enough for anyone?

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    There is nothing wrong with you, actually its them.
    they are assholes. dont let them get you down.




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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    http://www.amazon.com/Honest-Youre-N...6631899&sr=8-2

    i have it, ive never read it all but books like that could help you get some perspective!

    and this is a breakup book http://www.amazon.com/Used-Miss-Him-...6631999&sr=1-1
    but i loved it!

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    ^^I've read that book and still have it somewhere. I might give it another read. Its a good book.

    Susan W once essentially said somewhere in SW land that relationships are not a value of self worth. In other words just because the last few didn't work doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    There's nothing wrong with you.

    Maybe you're just attracted to men who aren't right for you.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    http://www.amazon.com/Honest-Youre-N...6631899&sr=8-2

    i have it, ive never read it all but books like that could help you get some perspective!

    and this is a breakup book http://www.amazon.com/Used-Miss-Him-...6631999&sr=1-1
    but i loved it!
    Thank you for the recommendations Britt

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by DylanAngel View Post
    There's nothing wrong with you.

    Maybe you're just attracted to men who aren't right for you.
    I've been contiplating that and I agree it's the case. I wonder how I might become attracted to men who are better for me? I joined eharmony.com btw, apparantly they match you based on your personality.

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    I think as we get older we learn to base our likes and dislikes on things other than just looks/sex.

    I think companionship and humor are way more important than either of those two anyway. I mean, you have to have chemistry, but we all know that chemistry ebbs and flows as does our desires.

    But having someone whose company you enjoy and someone that makes you laugh is what gets you through those times when you're not in sync, you know?

    I noticed that my long term relationships were with people I waited awhile to have sex with. Only because I got to know where their heads were at before I let sexual chemistry (other than the initial "butterflies") enter the picture.

  9. #9
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Sweetheart, I've felt this way more times than I can count.

    You are an incredible human being and you deserve someone who makes you the CENTER of their world. Please hold out for that person--I couldn't stand to see you settle for less.

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Hey Greenid,

    I have told you before, but I will tell you again. I have seen the pic of your wonderful and warm smile. I have read the words you have typed here and I see someone that is insightful and thoughtful.

    You are a "catch." You just haven't met the one that will appreciate you for the wonderful things you have to offer. He is out there. You will find him. Keep going and keep smiling.

    Sincerely,

    Da Criz...

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    I think Al Bundy said it best when he said "It doesn't matter which one you pick, it'll be the wrong one." So, there's probably a bit wrong with all of us- you, me, the rest of SW, and the rest of the planet.

    While it's good that you are being introspective, looking for things about yourself to improve (to the degree you can and are willing to, of course), I'm sure you realize that you are only part of the equation. They may actually be assholes. It's hard to tell.

    You seem to be a good person. You also seem very vulnerable and insecure. And, it seems that moving into a relationship fairly quickly is important to you right now. I don't know how much and how often those things surface in your interactions with potential partners. I do know that those things, too much and too often, can put someone off.

    So, my suggestion (if you're still reading) is try to move through life with as much strength and confidence as you can muster. Take your time finding someone. It's a lot worse to be trapped with the wrong person than to be alone. After my divorce a co-worker suggested that I wouldn't want to grow old and lonely by myself. I told her that it's better than growing old and lonely with someone else. And, I think that's true.

    Enjoy your life. People who enjoy their own life are the kind of people most people want to be around. Mostly, don't put up with anyone as a romantic prospect that you wouldn't want as a friend. After the initial chemical reactions subside, the really hot jerk will just be a jerk.

    I hope that helps.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  12. #12
    Pamela
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Nothings wrong with you! Two relationships do not count!

    hang in there, date more it will happen

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    Mostly, don't put up with anyone as a romantic prospect that you wouldn't want as a friend. After the initial chemical reactions subside, the really hot jerk will just be a jerk.
    Exactly what I said and refreshing to hear from a man's point of view. Great post SB.

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    You've always sounded like a catch to me, greenid, so I'm guessing these guys would pass up a million dollar check for a dollar bill--in other words, they did not appreciate what was in front of them.

    There is a song that goes "God blessed the crooked road that led me straight to you." I know the road feels long, but I'll bet you are learning a lot about yourself--about what you like and do not in men--and each time you will learn more. Though we do it in different ways, I think both men and women search for peripheral things (one woman I know calls it her "checklist") in a mate, and tend to ignore their instincts. Being on the crooked road, as we all are, will help bring you toward your instincts--toward what you really want. So now give yourself time, and listen to your instincts and heart, and not to what anyone else wants for you. Only you know the right man for you, and you will find him.

    I feel very much in the same boat, having recently lost a relationship which I thought would go toward marriage...I'm trying to take the good from it, and move on with more knowledge. But I COMPLETELY understand how you feel, especially waking in the middle of the night, wondering about it all. Sometimes it can overwhelm you. Good things will happen. Hang in there--I think for a good-hearted, sensitive soul like you there are great things ahead.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Three men in ten years? You're a bit hasty with the despair. GIDL, we read your posts on this board and they all have the same storyline. It's like watching a fish flailing about on the dock.

    Relax.

    Stop with the expectations, the projections, the pop culture notions of romance and courtship, the unrealistic appraisals and the self-induced pressure to meet and be with a man. We can smell that desperation a block away like shit in a porta-poddie on a summer day. And no one worth your time flocks to a porta-poddie like that.

    Just be.

    Try that. Just be. Get comfortable with who GIDL is today and what your specific goals and aspirations are for yourself. You're pursuing a cosmetology career, no? Focus on that. Focus on GIDL and what she can do for herself. Get introspective. Stop making self-evaluations based on the reactions and responses of people over whom you have zero control and precious little influence and don't apologize for your innate desires and interests. To thine own self be true.

    What can GIDL control today? The answer to that question is always the same; you can control what you feel, think and do, and that's about it. Recognize that. Embrace that. Reflect upon that reality when you find yourself asking why X guy didn't respond/act/say/do as you had expected/hoped/dreamed. Remove unrealistic expectations from the equation and realize that all you can control is you.

    Not to make light of your situation, but a Demotivator seems unfortunately appropriate here. Address that. Be the satisfying element of a relationship--self-satisfying. Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Do something different, and do it for GIDL.

    Two cents.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    I would like to expand on Silverbacks excellent post. I compliment you on certain traits for one purpose. The purpose is that I hope you see them in yourself.

    I agree with Silverback that you seem insecure about your life. Many people are so this is not unusual. The point I want to drive home is that there is a lot of beauty inside you. I see that in the things you post. If you can also see it then the rest will take care of itself.

    You will have answered the question, "what's wrong with me?"

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    All it takes is meeting one who is right for you and it doesn't matter how many wrong ones you meet.

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Can I recommend a book? Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix was amazingly helpful to me. It helps you figure out the deeper reasons behind who you're attracted to, why, and why you act certain ways in a relationship. Outstandingly helpful to me.

    edit: the full title says it's for couples, but give it a read anyway. Seriously.

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    So, I have been through two shitty relationships in the last ten years. Both wanted someone else. The last guy I went out with didn't like me all that much either. What am I not enough for anyone?
    There is nothing wrong with you!!!! You will find someone, don't beat yourself up over things that are out of your control. And you are probably better off anyway.

    If it makes you feel any better, I am going to be 27 this week and I have never been in love. Hell, my longest relationship was 6 months with a guy that I didn't even really like who was an asshole to me...and it was really just cause i was bored.

    If you had told me on my 20th birthday that 7 years later this would be my love life, I never would have believed you in a million years. Now I wonder if I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

    Nah, one of these days I'm going to get a dog.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    Can I recommend a book? Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix was amazingly helpful to me. It helps you figure out the deeper reasons behind who you're attracted to, why, and why you act certain ways in a relationship. Outstandingly helpful to me.

    edit: the full title says it's for couples, but give it a read anyway. Seriously.
    I read that one with my last boyfriend. It's a good book.

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    Veteran Member TheLioness's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    There is nothing wrong with you. There is a lot wrong with the majority of men out there. I have to agree with CO on one thing. You have to make everything all about you and what you want to do, and really believe that you don't need to have someone in your life in order to be happy. Then you'll get busy with the things you want to do in life and someone will come along and want all that time Just remember, you have to fly over 100 piles of poo to land on a pile of sugar

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    Default Re: What's wrong with me?

    Time has change hun. What the majority of people had viewed, and think a relationship is. Just so happen not to be, what a relationship really is. Finding someone who makes your perfect macth. Well it might takes some time and a lot of weeding out negative people. Dont settle for less! You are very unique, not everyone is for you hun. I dont want you to give up hope. Life is life but with out hope. Life can be hard. People come in our lives for season and reason. Those who you are ment to have come will come in your life, just be ready for them!

    Sometimes you'll find love in the most unexpected places. I know It found me and ran away with me. Forever long or how long love would or did last, I think it is beautiful. So do not give up hope. Love wants you just for who you are!
    Last edited by leilanicandy; 12-03-2007 at 11:21 PM.
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