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Thread: Telling mother (long)

  1. #1
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    Default Telling mother (long)

    I was thinking of 'asking Cameron Keys' but she's probably inundated with questions so I thought I'd just put it out there.

    So i'm hoping to start dancing again when I move to Canada. Biggest problem I have with this is my Ma.
    First off, I'm a terrible liar.
    Last time I was dancing I spent the first few months saying I was bartending in the SC. Basically I didn't have the balls to tell them what I was really doing even though they are very accepting and encouraging of personal expression.
    The only family member I told was my brother and we ended up having the only real argument we've ever had over me lying to my parents. So I told them. My Da was cool with the dancing but we had words about honesty and we spoke very little for a while. My ma was different, she tried to accept it but couldn't manage to get her head around it. Not so much the getting naked part but letting go of all the preconcieved ideas she had of the 'culture' of the industry. I tried to help her with this and even took her to the miss nude Victoria comp (bad idea) and after a while, she kind of accepted what I was doing and that she didn't like it but I was going to do it anyway. Part of the reason she found this so hard was because of the lifestyle I was living at the time, lots of drugs and booze and an older man with a motorcycle. Needless to say, she was relieved when I quit.
    So, skip to 4 years later. I have a university degree and have managed to travel the world with my professional job. I'm healthy and happy after an amicable breakup with a nice boy (my own age) looking to move in with a different boy she's always liked. She's very happy with my life as it is, but I want to dance again.
    I brought the subject up with her and she wasn't too happy, after expressing her concern at the 'sleazy' nature of the business she said she couldn't speak to me about it. I tried to explain that I would get just as much sleaze walking through piccadilly circus on a saturday night but she can't hear it. I haven't broached the subject with my Da yet.
    It would be easy to hide because I'll be on the other side of the world but i suck at lying and I hate hate hate doing it. I'm veeery easy to read, especially to my mother, even from so far away.

    So what do I say? How can I help her to be okay with it? I really don't know what to do

    Sorry this was a bit of a rave. Any and all help is appreciated.

    XXXS

  2. #2
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Telling mother (long)

    Well...you have already brought it up and she said she didnt want to discuss it. So if I were you..I'd say "I'm dancing again for my own reasons...I know you dont like it so I promise not to bring it up again"

    Then...you've told her. You arent lying..and wont have to since if she doesnt want to talk about it she'll know not to bring up anythgin work-related.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Telling mother (long)

    It's always easier when someone else points out whats staring you in the face. Thankyou Cameron.

    Now all I need are the balls to be direct and not over justify myself, which I do alot.
    XXXXXS

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    Default Re: Telling mother (long)

    I have a "least worse" case sort of attitude to this sort of problem.

    There is no good way of dealing with things, so all you can do is pick the least worse option.

    As to telling your parents, will they be more concerned if they know, or more concerned if they think you are hiding something from them?

    If telling your mother you're dancing again will cause her more anxiety than leaving her in ignorance maybe it's better not to tell.

    In that instance it's not a case of hating yourself for lying, but telling yourself that you're taking the 'least worse' option and saving your parents anxiety. (And you don't have to lie, just not bring the subject up in the first place).

    If you don't tell your mother and she eventually finds out, will she be more upset that you're dancing again or more upset that you didn't tell her?

    If she's going to be more upset you didn't tell her, then the 'least worst' option is to tell her in the first place.

    No easy choices, so all you can do is pick the one that'll cause the least problems all round.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Telling mother (long)

    Thanks Phil.
    When looking at the outcome of any such situation I tend to find a little saying swimming around; ->"What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve".<- Yes it would probably be easier to leave her in the dark but lies beget lies and by telling her I'm not dancing i'd also have to tell her what I am doing, what's it like, daily occurences ("what happened at work today honey"?) how I'm able to give her money when I'm working in a bar, restaurant etc. So yeah, I have to tell her.
    What's getting to me (most) now is how I can make it easier for her to accept. She says she doesn't want to talk about it but she will, because that's what she does.
    Ugh, I'm crap at this, imagine the stress I go through everytime I have to give someone bad news in the hospital, eek.
    XS

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    Default Re: Telling mother (long)

    I agree with Cameron, its straight forward, and once its said, it done, no more worries.




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