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Thread: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that there's anything wrong with dancing for those that enjoy it or choose to do it. I'm only referring to people that are completely done and realize that dancing isn't for them anymore.

    Has anyone ever had this happen to them? I have and it's annoying! Say you finally believe that you are done with dancing for good...you are burned out, the money isn't there for you anymore, you want to pursue the career you attended college for, etc...whatever the reason(s) may be. When you stop dancing and you casually tell people this, there's usually a person or two that says skeptically, "Yeah all dancers go through this and they always end up going back to it," as if they do not take your decision to stop dancing seriously.

    What, do they think that you're a small child with a short attention span? Do they think that you won't "make it" in the "regular" job world, financially or career-wise? I consider this a bit insulting, even if I can tell that the person telling me this isn't intending to insult me.

    Here's one instance where I experienced this. For many good reasons, I quit dancing and was determined to not go back. A few months later with a friend's urging, I tried doing it again for just one day at a place that was supposed to be a little different -- i.e., it didn't require removing any clothing(it was a bikini bar as opposed to a topless club), etc. I gave it a shot and tried it for one day and totally hated it. I was completely miserable the whole time. That's when I realized for good that I was 100% done with dancing. While I was realizing this, another dancer was making small talk with me and she asked me how long I'd been dancing, etc. I explained to her that I had quit doing it a few months back and she said, "Yeah, I understand, now you're back to dancing. We all go through that, where we say we're done, but guess what...we all come back, we'll never leave dancing. As soon as we need money for something and realize that we can't find a stable job or whatnot, we come back."

    I felt a bit slighted by this(even though this was not the girl's intentions), especially since that day did nothing but convince me more than ever that I was officially "done" for good. I didn't want to look like I was "going back on my words" or that I couldn't find stable enough employment and thus was at the mercy of dancing when I needed to pay bills. Most people knew I didn't like dancing much and did it only because I couldn't find another job, and they also knew that my #1 reason for quitting was so I could try and pursue a full-time "real" job...so if people thought I'd probably return to dancing soon, then perhaps it was because they didn't see me as competent enough to find and maintain the "real" job I'd been seeking? I'm happy to say that since last year when that happened, I haven't seen that club ever again and I haven't looked back, not even for one day at a friend's urging.

    I understand that a lot of people say they are "done" with dancing and then a year or two later they go back to it. So I can see where it'd be hard for people to think that I'm "different" from so many others, but still...admittedly it annoyed me a little. I didn't want people to see me as nonserious about my career goals.

    **NOTE: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with dancing for those that enjoy it or voluntarily choose to do it. I am just saying that some people realize it is "not for them" or not what they want to be doing with their lives.

  2. #2
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Now although I disliked dancing, I don't mind working as a server at a club. I get to enjoy the environment and all the things I liked about the club workplace, but I also get to avoid all the bad parts such as dancing on stage or having to hustle people. Serving drinks is much less of a "sales job" and trying to act like a "fantasy girl" that's completely different from who I am and who I want to be. So I enjoy serving better.

    Sometimes people will say, "Why don't you dance?" but I don't want to tell them the real reasons...that I disliked dancing when I did it, and that I want to convince myself that I can keep my word and not turn back, and that I can keep myself afloat on a "regular" job(something I was never able to do before my dancing days, since back then the jobs I had didn't pay shit).

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    I quit dancing when i felt it was time to let go and move on. I have danced over 20 years including private parties!

  4. #4
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    I totally see where youre coming from... but with me Im going to HAVE to go back at least a few more weekends until I get the position I want but I know how it feels to just be DONE with it. Its not fun anymore, the long nights, the assholes. When I feel it wasnt worth it even on the really good nights I know Im done with the game. OMG I really need to go to JCP next week...

  5. #5
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    ^ Good for you! I'm glad to hear that you were able to move on when you felt ready to leave the industry.

    I think part of the reason I was a little bummed when that girl said that I would probably never quit for good, is because at the time(last year), I was trying to prove that I was ABLE to survive and pay bills without the need to dance. So having people doubt that I wouldn't be able to stop, was essentially doubting that I could find(and keep) a stable enough job enabling me to financially survive without dancing.

    I have this obsession with wanting people to see me as smart and capable...mostly because in the past, so many people doubted and overestimated me. For example, my ex made me feel silly for still dancing after I received my college diploma, especially since he knew that I didn't like it much and he knew that my real desire was to have a "real" job. I hope that makes sense.
    Last edited by PhillyDancer1982; 12-03-2007 at 12:27 PM. Reason: added more info

  6. #6
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    I think some people don't take it seriously when dancers say they're done dancing because I know tons of girls who have said "I'm done dancing" or "I'm retiring", sometimes even selling all of their dancer outfits, quit for a few months or so, and then came back to dancing.

    In most cases, the girls I know who "retired" and came back ended up coming back to dancing because they really needed the money, not because they wanted to. These are not the girls on SW who save and are smart with their money-these are the strippers who live day by day and say "I need to make $500 tonight or I'm going to be evicted."

    Unfortunately, because so many dancers "retire" and end up coming back, it makes it difficult for people to take it seriously when someone really is serious about quitting.






  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    I admit i have quit and gone back over the years, or just went from club dancing to doing my own private dancing. But finally we all do quit. Time will let you know for sure when you quit. It's not really age. It's when you feel you want to move on to a career. Dancing is not a career, it's a job. A good one in the late 80's too! But now i see alot has changed. I tried to change with it, and it kinda sucked.

    So i quit for good a few years back.

  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post

    I have this obsession with wanting people to see me as smart and capable...mostly because in the past, so many people doubted and overestimated me. For example, my ex made me feel silly for still dancing after I received my college diploma, especially since he knew that I didn't like it much and he knew that my real desire was to have a "real" job. I hope that makes sense.
    Dont we all.... OMG the same with me. I got my cosmetology license and my family was like "when are you going to get a real job" Well, at that time I was thinking about the future. Dance another 6 months, save some money, pay down bills so I CAN make it when I finally quit. Duh. Seems simple to me. Why would I quit with no money saved because I spent it all while in school just to be in poverty making $9/hr. I have a plan people. Leave me alone.

    Well, it didnt all go as planned but I DID have a plan... LOL...

  9. #9
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by blondhottie View Post
    Unfortunately, because so many dancers "retire" and end up coming back, it makes it difficult for people to take it seriously when someone really is serious about quitting.
    Yeah that's what I'm thinking. Most girls that say they are "done" end up going back to it...because they need the money, or they realize they miss it, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by blondhottie View Post
    In most cases, the girls I know who "retired" and came back ended up coming back to dancing because they really needed the money, not because they wanted to. These are not the girls on SW who save and are smart with their money-these are the strippers who live day by day and say "I need to make $500 tonight or I'm going to be evicted."
    Yes I notice that too. That happened with a friend of mine. She hated dancing and she wasn't very good at hustling, so she was never exactly a top earner or anywhere close. She didn't have money saved because of her pimpish boyfriend and his mooching sisters constantly controlling(and stealing) her money. (I wrote about her before) She also didn't have an education or any significant job experience or skills. She told everyone that she was "done" with dancing, but a month later she came back when she saw how hard it was to get modelling jobs(or anything that paid better than McDonalds). By this point, she'd been out of work for a month and hadn't secured anything yet, and now her rent was overdue.

    What you said, about the types of girls that are more likely to return to dancing post-"retirement", basically demonstrates why I was a little slighted when some people didn't think I would stay away from dancing for good. I didn't want them thinking that I was incapable of securing a good job like my friend that I just described. I didn't want them thinking that I was some ditz that's irresponsible with money, when in reality I overpay on my car payments and I obsess about keeping my credit score good.

    Blondhottie, you seem to have a very good way with wording exactly how I feel on certain issues.

  10. #10
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    I think people say this because it happens to so many of us. It's like the song Hotel California, "You can check out any time you'd like, but you can never leave!" Lol, obviously that's not entirely true, but it sure does feel like it sometimes.

    I'm sorry if people are giving you grief about it, but I guess if you don't go back they'll realize they were wrong.
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  11. #11
    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    People who quit dancing are not stupid strippers when they go back to it. Dancing provides an undeniable freedom to make money. Many women go back to dancing instead of borrowing from their family or living on the streets or relying on some abusive man or whatever else "other people" do when they can't pay the bills and feed their children. These include good women, many of whom are on SW.

    To blondhottie: I have known and loved too many women who went back to dancing to find your post anything but insulting. Please reconsider your position before you insult anyone else as "stupid strippers."

    The the OP... It's a minor inconvenience in life that you have been stereotyped - and with one that was actually true of you personally. Prove to yourself that you are done and don't worry what anyone else says or thinks.

    And before you go writing more about the stupid strippers who go back and what may make a girl go back to dancing post retirement... think for just a second. WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN THE DAY JOB DIDN'T WORK OUT AND YOU NEEDED $$$??? You went back to the club. There is the motivation that everyone else had too. And any further generalizations that you make not only speak of yourself, but also insult everyone else on this board.


    PS. I only quit once, so that's not why I am offended. I am offended because I think back to the great women I know with whom you are complaining about being associated. You are not as "different" as you think.

  12. #12
    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    As of yesterday, you started a post about your "sales skills" in a club. At what point did you quit??? Oh, and waiting tables isn't quitting. Give up the money and it quitting.

  13. #13
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    Dont we all.... OMG the same with me. I got my cosmetology license and my family was like "when are you going to get a real job" Well, at that time I was thinking about the future. Dance another 6 months, save some money, pay down bills so I CAN make it when I finally quit. Duh. Seems simple to me. Why would I quit with no money saved because I spent it all while in school just to be in poverty making $9/hr. I have a plan people. Leave me alone.
    Yeah that's pretty much how I was after college. I had gone through a lot during my college years(ha read my post on the "when I was broke..." thread for a tip of the iceberg), so when I finally received my diploma, I wanted to take a few months to just work, pay down some of my loans ahead of time, relax, and finally be able to BREATHE. Also, I didn't want to start the jobsearching process just yet because I'd had such bad experience with it before, and I'd been very insecure in the past about the fact that it was so hard for me to find a decent job, so I really didn't want to depress myself just yet. But here was my ex(who I'd recently broken up with at that time) saying, "Why oh why are you still dancing??? I thought you were better than this. Why did you waste money and time at college just to not even use your degree?"

    At first I didn't care much that he was saying this, since I was content with taking some time off and dancing before delving into the brutal jobsearching world, but after a while when I started jobsearching and couldn't find anything, it started to really bother me that I was still stuck dancing full-time and nothing else. I started making less and less money dancing, and getting more and more burned out. I resented the fact that my "only job" was a job that I didn't even like. After a while I got a job, but it was part-time and didn't pay much at all...I only took it so that I could use it as a "stepping stone" to gain invaluable work experience.

    I was supposed to move up to a full-time job with "real" income, but that fell through. This made me angrier than ever that I was still stuck dancing to keep a roof over my head. So...I quit. Because I quit before I was financially stable, I had to put rent on credit card that month and I had no idea how I would pay for things. But I was that determined to quit. Besides, by this point it wasn't even financially worth it for me, with all the $30 and even $6 nights that I'd been having.

    I'm glad that I didn't look back and I'm even more glad that I was able to find a full-time job only a month later. (The experience obtained from the part-time job made jobsearching a LOT easier than before, when I had no experience!) I feel a lot healthier, mentally and even physically, since I stopped dancing. (When I danced, I was prone to getting strep and the flu all the time)

  14. #14
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    I'm sorry if people are giving you grief about it, but I guess if you don't go back they'll realize they were wrong.
    LOL yeah I think they've realized that now, since it's been well over a year since I quit. With the exception of that one day that I attempted to reenter dancing(I considered it to be a little better, since this place didn't involve taking off any clothes and since it was far away; one of my biggest concerns about dancing was the risk of running into relatives or people I knew from my hometown), I haven't gone back. I eventually went back to a club, but that was to work as a server...I like it a lot better than dancing.

    It feels very empowering to make a goal for myself and to be able to achieve it. Now if only my friend M--k was able to finally quit his hated part-time job(in addition to his full-time job, which doesn't pay him enough) that he's held at Acme Supermarket for the past 7 years...

  15. #15
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
    The the OP... It's a minor inconvenience in life that you have been stereotyped - and with one that was actually true of you personally. Prove to yourself that you are done and don't worry what anyone else says or thinks.
    That's what I've been spending the last year or so doing...working my full-time job, with a second job for extra money(first I worked with M--k at Acme, then I waitressed at a family restaurant, and now I serve shots and drinks at a strip club). Part of my motivation for doing this was exactly what you said, proving to myself that I was ABLE to do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
    And before you go writing more about the stupid strippers who go back and what may make a girl go back to dancing post retirement... think for just a second. WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN THE DAY JOB DIDN'T WORK OUT AND YOU NEEDED $$$??? You went back to the club. There is the motivation that everyone else had too. And any further generalizations that you make not only speak of yourself, but also insult everyone else on this board.
    Actually...the reason I went back to trying dancing(just for one day) was NOT because the day job didn't work out. The full-time day job with the life insurance company fell through a few months earlier. During that time, I continued to work my part-time hours at the insurance branch office while jobsearching for something else and putting my rent + living expenses on credit card for the moment. I did NOT return to dancing during this time.

    By the time I decided to try out my friend's club for a day, I already had started a new full-time job. I didn't go back to it because I was dead-desperate for money; I went back to it just in case it turned out to be a fun, low-key way to make extra money alongside my full-time income. But it turned out NOT be fun, nor financially lucrative...I only made like $60 on that shitty day, which I coulda easily made at Acme but without the 2hr drive time...so that's when I realized firsthand that I was truly and forever done with dancing.

  16. #16
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
    As of yesterday, you started a post about your "sales skills" in a club. At what point did you quit??? Oh, and waiting tables isn't quitting. Give up the money and it quitting.
    I quit over a year ago. When I wrote that thread, I was both reliving the past(back when I would approach customers for dances) and I was mentioning that even as a shotgirl or a mere Macy's department store cashier, I'd still hear that annoying line from customers.

    Since when is "waiting tables" not quitting? Are you referring to waitressing at a strip club, or waitressing(or any 2nd part-time job for that matter) in general? Everyone has different views of various jobs, based on how those jobs work out for them. Now everybody is different here and I want to respect everybody's differences, but for me personally, I'd much rather waitress at a club than dance. If my relatives caught me waitressing at a club, I would be in a lot less deep shit than if they caught me up on stage. Also, I do not think I am good at neither dance skills nor sales skills, 2 things that are essential to doing good as a dancer. I consider it a small "progress"(although you are right, I'd be much more progressed if I didn't work a waitressing 2nd job at all) to get hired as a waitress for a club, considering how in the past nobody wanted to hire me as a club waitress but now they do(my lack of obtaining a club waitressing job led to me saying "fuck it" and going straight to dancing). I hope I am making sense here with all that I am explaining.

  17. #17
    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    If you work at a strip club as a waitress you still work in a strip club. I realize that is different to your grandma, but to everyone else you went back to working at a strip club. And you wonder why people doubt you will get out of the business? And you criticize the women you work with who come back?

    WOW.

  18. #18
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
    If you work at a strip club as a waitress you still work in a strip club. I realize that is different to your grandma, but to everyone else you went back to working at a strip club. And you wonder why people doubt you will get out of the business? And you criticize the women you work with who come back?

    WOW.
    Okay let me explain a few things here. I've been explaining things the whole time(did you see my 5 consecutive posts in this thread?) but apparently that isn't good enough for you. Makes me wonder why I keep trying to explain myself.

    If waitressing at a strip club is different than dancing to my grandma, then that means something to me. For me, one of the main reasons I wanted to quit dancing happened to be because I was tired of lying about my job to my grandma, dad, and other family members. So yeah, it does mean something if Grandma approves of it better. Do I care too much what others think of me?...probably.

    I'll admit, the problem with "people thinking I'll return to dancing" is rather nonexistent for me these days, it being more a problem in the past. Now that I haven't been dancing in over a year, most people do take my decision seriously. It was more in the beginning(i.e., the first few months, right before I found my present full-time job, and then again that one day at the faraway club) that a few people said things. The only reason I brought up this topic was because I was reminded of it and became curious if anyone else had similar experiences.

    Now I am NOT putting down all girls who decide to go back to dancing. I'm not talking about a girl who quits dancing and then a catastrophe occurs which requires her to go back to dancing to pay for it...I'm not talking about a girl who didn't mind dancing too much and decides to dance part-time again so she can afford that nice new house/car/cruise...I'm not talking about a girl that has kids or handicapped relatives to support...I'm talking about the select few dancers that happen to be financially irresponsible and unemployable(no job skills, experience, or direction), quit because they hate dancing, but end up returning to the job they hate because they are too inept to find something else that pays the bills and is actually bearable. Specifically my former friend who left dancing to be a model but returned a month later when she realized that nobody was giving her modelling work. She didn't just quit and come back once(which is understable), more like 3-4 times over a year. But that girl was foolish on many accounts...for example, giving in to her pimpish boyfriend, defending said pimpish boyfriend when he stole $700 from her coworker, not paying taxes, relying on people to give her rides at age 25 because she still didn't have a license or know how to use mass transit, etc. (But on the bright side, even this girl is doing better now. She finally nixed both the boyfriend and dancing, went to bartending school, and is much happier working for a catering company)

  19. #19
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Im with Philly on that one.

    Id have no problem telling people Im a coctail waitress and if they ask where telling them its at a strip club. Its a whole different thing to tell people youre a dancer.

    I dont consider them one in the same...

    People have been getting downright mean on these boards lately or maybe I just didnt notice it before. I find myself not really agreeing with people but I dont out and out flame them. Ive re-written responses 1/2 a dozen times before pushind the 'Post' button so its not mean. People really need to think about what theyve written and how its going to be taken by others before posting stuff. This is supposed to be a place for support - and its ok to not agree with people... I dont always agree but Im not downright mean about it. Please take other peoples feelings into consideration when posting...

    /rant

  20. #20
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    ^ Thanks, Audrey.

    I find that I have less of a problem telling guys that I waitress at a club. I tell most guys that I meet that I work there and they're cool with it. Not that this matters, but there's been a lot of times where I even had guys say to me, "I'm glad you don't dance there, because if you were a dancer, I don't think I'd be able to date you because I don't like to date dancers."(not that their opinion is correct or matters, I'm just trying to illustrate how people perceive the difference between the two)

    I've only encountered one person that still had a problem with working at a strip club period, but she's a complete character that deserves her own thread just to fully explain lol.

  21. #21
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    yes please tone it down. or this theard will be closed/deleted.

  22. #22
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    ^ Thanks, Audrey.

    I find that I have less of a problem telling guys that I waitress at a club. I tell most guys that I meet that I work there and they're cool with it. Not that this matters, but there's been a lot of times where I even had guys say to me, "I'm glad you don't dance there, because if you were a dancer, I don't think I'd be able to date you because I don't like to date dancers."(not that their opinion is correct or matters, I'm just trying to illustrate how people perceive the difference between the two)

    I've only encountered one person that still had a problem with working at a strip club period, but she's a complete character that deserves her own thread just to fully explain lol.
    How terrible that you feel like you have to be ashamed, whether dancing or waitressing or whatever. If someone is that judgemental they aren't worth MY time. Too bad you can't look at it the same way. The asshole guy who said that to me would get an earful.
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  23. #23
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    How terrible that you feel like you have to be ashamed, whether dancing or waitressing or whatever. If someone is that judgemental they aren't worth MY time. Too bad you can't look at it the same way. The asshole guy who said that to me would get an earful.
    You raise a good point, that these guys were judgmental. Unfortunately, the MOST judgmental people would definitely have to be my family. They are so strict, that when I was 22 years old, they threatened to disown me if they found out I was having sex. My mom threatened to disown me if I worked as a cocktail waitress at a club...but that's WORLDS better than how they'd react about dancing. When I danced, I went to great extents to hide it from them. I even concocted stories about my so-called restaurant job, going to the extent of "researching" info about various restaurants so that my stories would sound more factual and believable.

    Here's the worst part...it is because my family doubted me, falsely accused me of things, and dumped me out of their house before I was financially ready...that I turned to dancing. During the whole time that I was dancing my butt off 14 hrs/day and sleeping on M--k's sofa a mere 3 hours/night, my family didn't even speak to me or ask if I was okay. I could have been sleeping on the streets amongst the crackwhores for all they knew. The only time they e-mailed me during that time was to retort and bitch about why my mail was still getting sent to their address(even though I did as they said and changed my address with the post office). Later in time when I finally made up with them, my dad admitted that he'd harshly misjudged me and he'd wrongly mistaken me to be "lazier" or "getting in more trouble" than I actually was. But by that time, I was so grateful just to have them speaking to me, that I didn't want to anger them again by admitting the REAL way that I'd been able to support myself.

    I know that some of you do not agree with my rather judgmental views on how my family would judge if I danced...but can you see what these influences have been??

  24. #24
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    Sometimes family can be the most helpful people and sometimes the harshest. Im currently having a love/hate relationship with my mother...

  25. #25
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: People that don't take you seriously when you say you are done with dancing

    ^I agree. I told a few of my friends the things about my family that I posted on here, and some people actually told me to say "screw it" and that my family's not worth associating with. For example, the cousin that didn't invite me to her wedding(I posted about this over a year ago)...she was influenced by our grandmother, the same relative who wrongly told my mother to disown me for false accusations...fucked up things like that. I wonder if perhaps that's going too far. After all...you can pick your friends and your nose, but you can't pick your family.

    So yeah...I wonder if I am a hypocrite for being wrongly ostracized/shunned by my family in the past, doing all that I can(i.e., stripping) so I can survive on my own, and then shunning stripping so I can be accepted by the family that shunned me in the first place. I don't know. But is it wrong for me to say that I feel generally happier being on my hypocritical family's good side, than back when I was "truer to myself", danced, and didn't talk to my family?

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