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Thread: She's making me dread coming to work

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    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default She's making me dread coming to work

    Hello all...
    Have a dilemma here, hoping someone can relate....
    First I want to say I did use the search, but was not satisfied with the results. I hope it's o.k. I am posting a thread unique to my situation.

    I have been dancing for about 6 months now, and have been at the same club the whole time. I had the usual "newbie" drama (mainly speaking of being bullied), which has all blown over for the most part. All except for one person who STILL has it out for me. I have no idea why.....and it is getting really old. I get along with 99.9% of everyone at my club, management included. I am a nice person! I really have never given any one a good reason to dislike, or in this case, downright LOATHE me. I by no means am saying I am holier-than-thou, or the perfect employee, I mean I've had my nights where I got a little too tipsy, acted a little silly and whatnot, but I have never started fights/talked shit about other girls/caused major drama EVER.
    With that said, I just don't understand why this person is out for my blood. I catch her staring at me like she's daydreaming about stabbing me to death or something. She will look for reasons to make rude comments to me and always makes sure that she gives me the "I want to kill you" eye every shift I work with her. She even sat and talked major shit (very vocally and visibly) during a feature preformance that I did. But through it all, I have kept my mouth shut, I have never said a word to her, until last week. The club was SUPER packed and I accidently bumped her (someone backed their chair into my butt right as she passed me) I said I was sorry, she stopped, pointed her finger at me and said something rude, which I couoldn't make out (it was really loud inside that night) I finally had it, I asked her what her problem was! She just responded by telling me to shut up and get out of her face.

    I have sought advice on this from a few close friends (work and non-work) and everyone says the same thing. "She's just jealous of you" HA! I am not buying it! This girl has NO reason to be jealous of me. I think it's a ridiculous concept. She has one of the hottest bods at the club, and is actually really beautiful (physically at least), has alot of good customers and seems to always make great money. I always see her smiling (well, except when she's looking at me, haha) If she was just a miserable person and angry at the world, I would think she would be acting the way she does towards me to many other people, but that's not the case. I am singled out, as far as I know.
    What makes it worse is when I tried to talk to management about it, they sided with her. They said she's a "real positive asset" to the club and they are sorry, but it's her word against mine. Even though, well, I haven't even done a f**king to deserve this. I'm not sure what they mean, I am guessing she blows me out of the water as far as how much money she makes for the club? I'm not a "top earner" but I don't exactly walk out of there with no $$ on a constant basis either. On the average, I do well, I sell a good amount of VIP time and do decent champagne sales (my club is big on us selling bottles)

    I guess what I really want to know is if anyone has had a similar situation, how you handled it, the outcome, etc.
    Thanx for reading!

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    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Well, you say she's not jealous of you, but maybe she sees potential in you as a new dancer and is worried about you being competition? She may be hot and make good money, but that doesn't mean she is free from insecurity and worry about staying on top.

    At this point, I'd say probably just stay out of her way as you have been and don't stir the pot. You asked her what was up, and she told you to go away, so I'm assuming even if her beef with you has some logical basis, there's nothing you can do to make it better. Unfortunately, some people are irrational haters. I know it's obnoxious to have an enemy when you haven't even done anything, but I say ignore her and think nothing of it.

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    I think you should ignore her or stand up for yourself the next time she causes shit. It she throw you a dirty look don't even notice. she doesn't exist, i think acting as though she is there will be the best damage you can do.




  4. #4
    buffie06
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Sounds like she sees you as a threat. Ignore her, don't smile at her(don't even look her in the eye, purposely look away with your head held high) . When you have to pass her don't say "i'm sorry " and meekly move outta her way, hold your head hi and shoulders square and keep your space. Body language says so much and this will tell her that you are not below her and she does not intimidate you. If done properly , it should not cause more drama. Don't resort to her level by discussing her with anyone period. People like her are poison and you need to do your best to forget she is even there.

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    God/dess
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    It's really hard to do but you have to not let this bother you. I doubt she will change. Can you check out other clubs?

  6. #6
    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    I say ignore her, and if she's still being aggressive towards you for no reason, call her out and agree on settling it with the fist. yes with the fist!!! it will be a mutual agreement of course. call her aside and tell her, "How about we go outside and settle this for once?" this will only work for people that don't mind fighting to gain the respect or peace from their colleagues. based on personal experience, I've realized that some people disrespect others until they learn their lesson the hard way.
    Its amazing how much respect people show others when they've gotten their asses kicked. unfortunately, some people are just too dumb to realize that it doesn't have to go that far. The stupid ones never get the point.

    If you aren't the fighting type, just ignore her totally. when she realizes she's the only one with her jokes and misery, she'll give it up eventually.
    My Motto: Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless...!

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by LadySoft View Post
    I say ignore her, and if she's still being aggressive towards you for no reason, call her out and agree on settling it with the fist. yes with the fist!!! it will be a mutual agreement of course. call her aside and tell her, "How about we go outside and settle this for once?" this will only work for people that don't mind fighting to gain the respect or peace from their colleagues. based on personal experience, I've realized that some people disrespect others until they learn their lesson the hard way.
    Its amazing how much respect people show others when they've gotten their asses kicked. unfortunately, some people are just too dumb to realize that it doesn't have to go that far. The stupid ones never get the point.

    This is terrible advice. For one, I don't agree with fighting to solve your problems, an for two, the club has already sided with her once. Who do you think they'd side with if YOU start a fight with the girl? And most decent clubs have a no fighting policy. You fight, you lose your job---no matter whose fault it was. It isn't worth it to take that chance, or take the chance of getting your ass arrested.

    You said it yourself, you are the newbie. Some girls are just bitches for whatever reason. A girl I used to work with tried to intimidate me, but I just ignored her. There's not much a person can do if you are pretending like they don't exist. Mind your own business, make your money, and leave the drama alone. It won't benefit you in the end.
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  8. #8
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by buffie06 View Post
    Sounds like she sees you as a threat. Ignore her, don't smile at her(don't even look her in the eye, purposely look away with your head held high) . When you have to pass her don't say "i'm sorry " and meekly move outta her way, hold your head hi and shoulders square and keep your space. Body language says so much and this will tell her that you are not below her and she does not intimidate you. If done properly , it should not cause more drama. Don't resort to her level by discussing her with anyone period. People like her are poison and you need to do your best to forget she is even there.
    I agree with all this advise. Eventually there will be another new girl she feels threatened by and the drama will move to her. Its probably happened to other girls that are at the club currently when they started.

    She IS jealous. For you being new it may be something you dont see or realize but its true. It happened to me when I was new. The same thing, all the girls were mean to me and it got down to 1 girl. After 3 months I just left but I realized later it was a jealousy issue. I moved on to another club and was very happy there for a couple of years.

    The OTHER choice you have is to confront her. Not by fighting but by asking her WTF her problem is. I did this at a club. I was a veteran by then 5 years dancing but switched clubs. This girl hated me. I followed Buffies advise UNTIL I heard her talking shit about me to customers. That was IT. I confronted her and we ended up in a yelling match where she grabbed a curling iron. I ended up putting the bitch in her place with words and she backed down with a "whatever" and walked away... never had a problem with her again. This was the type of girl no one would confront... she expected to fuck with me enough that I would leave the club. We didnt say 2 words to eachother for a year but eventually started talking (very carefully) I was never stupid enough to let her befriend her...

    So ya got 3 choices. Be the bigger person, confront her, leave.

  9. #9
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    As bad as I want to deck her in the face with all my might, it'll never happen. I've never even been in a fight before! God it would feel good though.....and yes I would be the one to lose my job because management has already made it clear to me they worship her for some reason.
    As far as checking out another club, there aren't any others in my town even worth trying. I live in a pretty small town and my club is the biggest and busiest. There are some great ones to work at next town over but they are about an hour commute. As soon as I save money to buy a car (which hopefully will be soon) I am going to go and check it out.
    For now I guess the only thing to do is ignore her, and I am also going to try working day shifts to completely avoid her (she only ever works late nights) I am going to go in mid shift today and see how I do. From what I've heard they aren't bad.
    Thanks for the responses, and if anyone else has anything to say or has had this happen to them, or are going through it right now, please let me hear from you!

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Ha ha, this just happened to me. I was going to pick a fight with her but luckily the manager stopped me.

    Get a friend on your side and confront her two against one in the dressing room. Or find a new club for a while, or kick her ass. There you go, three options that will work.

  11. #11
    Pamela
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by buffie06 View Post
    Sounds like she sees you as a threat. Ignore her, don't smile at her(don't even look her in the eye, purposely look away with your head held high) . When you have to pass her don't say "i'm sorry " and meekly move outta her way, hold your head hi and shoulders square and keep your space. Body language says so much and this will tell her that you are not below her and she does not intimidate you. If done properly , it should not cause more drama. Don't resort to her level by discussing her with anyone period. People like her are poison and you need to do your best to forget she is even there.
    Best advice when you have to work with a bitch!!!! EXCELLENT ADVICE actually!

  12. #12
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    ^ Yes this is the best thing to do.

    You have to turn it around in your mind too so it won't bother you- instead of being hurt, be flattered that SOMETHING about you makes her crazy with jealousy.

    Plus, fighting in public really turns off regulars. The Bitch tried to steal my regular & when I told him about it later, he had no clue about what was going on...Men hate girl drama.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    I have to say if i asked all the dancers who i worked with who HATED me what their problem was, i would have never made any money. It's so easy to ignore others when they are being a bitch. I was tha master at this (and it was no game) because this was a job, a job that i wanted to make damn good money at...so i acted as if i owned the club. Smile, smile & smile! Never spaek to another dancer unles you have to. I was not one to help many over the years. By god i learned all the hustle i had by watching top earners, and went from there.

    I was not there to babysit, fight or play games. Ignore is the best feature our minds have...you just have to teach yourself how to use it!

  14. #14
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by CherryBomb954 View Post
    As bad as I want to deck her in the face with all my might, it'll never happen. I've never even been in a fight before! God it would feel good though.....and yes I would be the one to lose my job because management has already made it clear to me they worship her for some reason.
    As far as checking out another club, there aren't any others in my town even worth trying. I live in a pretty small town and my club is the biggest and busiest. There are some great ones to work at next town over but they are about an hour commute. As soon as I save money to buy a car (which hopefully will be soon) I am going to go and check it out.
    For now I guess the only thing to do is ignore her, and I am also going to try working day shifts to completely avoid her (she only ever works late nights) I am going to go in mid shift today and see how I do. From what I've heard they aren't bad.
    Thanks for the responses, and if anyone else has anything to say or has had this happen to them, or are going through it right now, please let me hear from you!
    I think thats a good idea. I know how it feels to be stressed about something like this, makes your money go down. Hopefully changing shifts will make your income go up so you can buy that car.

    I have a 2 hr commute each way to work. Sometimes its soooo worth the money to make a long commute.

  15. #15
    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    This is terrible advice. For one, I don't agree with fighting to solve your problems, an for two, the club has already sided with her once. Who do you think they'd side with if YOU start a fight with the girl? And most decent clubs have a no fighting policy. You fight, you lose your job---no matter whose fault it was. It isn't worth it to take that chance, or take the chance of getting your ass arrested.

    You said it yourself, you are the newbie. Some girls are just bitches for whatever reason. A girl I used to work with tried to intimidate me, but I just ignored her. There's not much a person can do if you are pretending like they don't exist. Mind your own business, make your money, and leave the drama alone. It won't benefit you in the end.
    Sorry I didn't mention yet that this will occur off work premises of course.

    This one is for the "fighters" only: the next time she gets in your way, you walk up to her when you and her are alone and tell her, "how about we handle this in a physical way. this will be confidential of course. since you don't like me, let's settle this like the men do once in awhile - fist to fist. if i win, you get out of my way or whatever, if you win, you stay off my way."...***record scratch*** 1) she'll either be shocked you even mentioned that (you don't care, you just wanna see what she has to say) or 2), if she'll be so stupid or think she's a "fighter" type like you, she'll go for the bet....and of course this will all take place off WORK PREMISES. if she agrees, you both sign a written agreement and take it to the boxing ring. the rest will handle itself.
    This is if you at this point, you really reallly really wanna beat her ass legally. just around this time, she's really gotten on your last nerve, your only resort is to let loose that last inch of human civilization left in you have in you which she stripped away, and just go barbaric on her. LEGALLY!!!

    Or if you aren't the "fighter" type, you can just ignore her. eventually, she'll get it. no matter how she even tries to recruit people to try criticize and get in your way, just ignore them all...just like my motto says Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless..."
    unless you are the "fighter" type....lol jk... don't mind me. i'm just making analogies on different ways this problem could be handled.
    Last edited by LadySoft; 12-04-2007 at 02:02 PM.
    My Motto: Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless...!

    Quote Originally Posted by pantsarehellagay View Post
    Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you've never felt before.

  16. #16
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    I didnt read LS's post but I get the general idea with the first line. I have to say there are better ways to settle things than to fight. Having been a child who was bullied and pulled into fights having no clue why I will never ever commend fighting. Its never necessary and has life long emotional scars. Those fights kept me from continuing my education and made me a very shy, scared person for a long time. Dancing is what brought me out of my shell but I am still uncomfortable in certain situations and I know it goes back to my childhood.

  17. #17
    zxcire
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Oh my I am having flashbacks to this gem of about 3 weeks ago!

  18. #18
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Having been brutally beaten up, chased, and tortured from grades 4 until I dropped out of school in the 9th grade and going on home school its not funny. I thought daily about suicide. I took 2 bottles of asprin when I was 12 and had to have my stomach pumped. Its just not something to joke about. It brings back horrible memories and hurts inside. Once the physical pain wears off the emotional pain is always there. And altho it may have been a joke (and I want to read the post but am scared too) its just not funny to those who 10 years later are still baring the scars from the past.
    Last edited by Tina; 12-04-2007 at 05:51 PM.

  19. #19
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    aww, i appreciate the idea that you think you could get me to stop it made me laugh.
    Britt - honestly - youre just adding fuel to the fire.

  20. #20
    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    ^^^but i have to say, i really do appreciate that i even stir up something in you to at least respond to my comments....they must be very important for you to respond to them...
    Last edited by LadySoft; 12-04-2007 at 02:49 PM.
    My Motto: Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless...!

    Quote Originally Posted by pantsarehellagay View Post
    Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you've never felt before.

  21. #21
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by zxcire View Post

    Oh my I am having flashbacks to this gem of about 3 weeks ago!
    Thats the one where I talked about the curling iron! Boy was I surprised!

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    If someone threatened me like that I'd tell the manager asap and I'd call the law if some dumb bitch layed a hand on me. But that's just how I am. I'm not a fighter, and I make a living off of my looks. If someone wants to fuck with that they'll pay the price.
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  23. #23
    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    If someone threatened me like that I'd tell the manager asap and I'd call the law if some dumb bitch layed a hand on me. But that's just how I am. I'm not a fighter, and I make a living off of my looks. If someone wants to fuck with that they'll pay the price.
    on what proof? if its that serious all the manager would do is review the tape in the club and if they even hear the conversation they will know it was a proposed agreement regarding a legal fist fight, nothing threatening about it. the law won't do jack without a probable cause.
    then you can sue her for the pain and suffering she put you through for not only calling the law on you on accusing you of threatening her, but also harassing you at the work place. witnesses are there to testify they've heard her make nasty comments that inconvenienced you.
    My Motto: Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless...!

    Quote Originally Posted by pantsarehellagay View Post
    Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you've never felt before.

  24. #24
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by LadySoft View Post
    on what proof? if its that serious all the manager would do is review the tape in the club and if they even hear the conversation they will know it was a proposed agreement regarding a legal fist fight, nothing threatening about it. the law won't do jack without a probable cause.
    then you can sue her for the pain and suffering she put you through for not only calling the law on you on accusing you of threatening her, but also harassing you at the work place. witnesses are there to testify they've heard her make nasty comments that inconvenienced you.
    Well, let's see, most managers would probably take the word of a good, clean dancer who keeps out of drama with other dancers and who has a history of being a quality employee. In the places I've worked this is exactly the reputation I have with my bosses. If someone was trying to intimidate me, I'd let them know what was going on so that *if* the situation came to a head they would have prior knowledge that some psycho bitch was trying to harass me. And, in fact, this is how I handled just such a situation not too long ago. The crazy bitch ended up getting fired.

    And no, I wouldn't call the cops on a threat, but I certainly would call them if the psycho bitch layed a finger on me. I guarantee she would go to jail over it, and I would press charges to the fullest extent of the law. At the very least, she'd be fired from the club and I'd be free of her bullshit. There is no such thing as a legal fist fight. This isn't the old west, you know. There are more civilized ways of dealing with your problems than acting like Ms. Tough Girl and intimidating your way through life.

    Fortunately I work in clubs that have a zero tolerance policy for fighting. I wouldn't even have to say anything for someone like that to get fired. Most clubs don't like having that type of girl working for them because chances are if she's started trouble with one person she'll start trouble again and again until she is stopped. That's how that type of girl operates, which is why the fighter types tend to work in low end clubs where they can get away with that sort of behavior.

    So, in reality, the worry of someone trying to fight me is not actually a worry at all. In 13 years of dancing I haven't had one physcial altercation with another girl. I wonder why that is?
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  25. #25
    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: She's making me dread coming to work

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Well, let's see, most managers would probably take the word of a good, clean dancer who keeps out of drama with other dancers and who has a history of being a quality employee. In the places I've worked this is exactly the reputation I have with my bosses. If someone was trying to intimidate me, I'd let them know what was going on so that *if* the situation came to a head they would have prior knowledge that some psycho bitch was trying to harass me. And, in fact, this is how I handled just such a situation not too long ago. The crazy bitch ended up getting fired.

    And no, I wouldn't call the cops on a threat, but I certainly would call them if the psycho bitch layed a finger on me. I guarantee she would go to jail over it, and I would press charges to the fullest extent of the law. At the very least, she'd be fired from the club and I'd be free of her bullshit. There is no such thing as a legal fist fight. This isn't the old west, you know. There are more civilized ways of dealing with your problems than acting like Ms. Tough Girl and intimidating your way through life.

    Fortunately I work in clubs that have a zero tolerance policy for fighting. I wouldn't even have to say anything for someone like that to get fired. Most clubs don't like having that type of girl working for them because chances are if she's started trouble with one person she'll start trouble again and again until she is stopped. That's how that type of girl operates, which is why the fighter types tend to work in low end clubs where they can get away with that sort of behavior.

    So, in reality, the worry of someone trying to fight me is not actually a worry at all. In 13 years of dancing I haven't had one physcial altercation with another girl. I wonder why that is?
    yes this isn't the wide west and no, there is such thing as a "legal" fight if its consented and created between 2 adults.
    anyway the OP stated, "As bad as I want to deck her in the face with all my might, it'll never happen. I've never even been in a fight before! God it would feel good though....." thus the reason i came up with the idea of a "legal fight." anyway, my suggestions were hyperthetical...
    My Motto: Ignore any negativity directed towards you, unless...!

    Quote Originally Posted by pantsarehellagay View Post
    Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you've never felt before.

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