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Thread: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

  1. #1
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Okay I don't remember why I thought of doing this but I just kind of put this together. Hope yall get a chuckle or two out of it!

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the club
    Not a custie was stirring, not even for grub;
    The stockings were stretched o’er each delicate leg,
    Enticing the PLs to pay and to beg.

    The dancers were waiting by the 2-for-1 signs,
    While visions of dollar bills danced in their minds;
    House Mom in her pimp hat, and the DJ in shades,
    Were chatting above the hip-hop serenades

    When out on the stage there strutted such a ho,
    I sprang from the couch to see what was the deal, yo.
    Away to the tiprail I flew like a flash,
    Tore open my wallet and threw up some cash.

    The lights beaming down on the babes down below
    Gave to each bouncing bosom a rosy-red glow,
    When, what to my wandering eyes should come in,
    But a huge entourage, wearing each a huge grin,

    With a little old man I could easily peg:
    I knew in a moment it must be The Reg.
    More rapid than eagles his favorites came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

    "Now, Jasmine! now, Lily! now, Willow and Krissy!
    On, Roxy! on Stacey! on, Moet and Missy!
    To the top of the stage! to the top of the pole!
    Now grind away! grind away! grind away all!"

    As quick as a newly-earned paycheck is spent
    With one well-timed hustle, down to the last cent,
    So into the VIP room the girls ran
    With a giggle, and leading The Reg by a hand

    And then, in a daze, I saw through the gauze curtain
    Such bodies! Such beauties! Of that I was certain.
    As I peered through the thin veil, I struggled to see,
    What, within the club rules, was full debauchery.

    The girls shimmied and swayed, from their hair to their feet,
    And their faces in turn went from saucy to sweet;
    Some girls kissed; some girls dropped it down, back to back,
    Some girls bent far over, with a cheesy buttsmack.

    The Reg’s eyes were twinkling, so pervy and merry!
    The room smelled like roses, like vanilla, like cherry!
    The floor was astrew with bikinis and bows,
    As with each passing hour the girls misplaced their clothes.

    The Reg merely watched, grinning with his white teeth,
    And the dancers encircled his chair like a wreath;
    He tipped girls with sweet faces and girls with flat bellies,
    And girls who could shake it like bowls full of jelly.

    He tipped slender and plump, tattooed and uninked,
    (And most tips were really big-hearted, I think);
    A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
    Let the girls dance as if they had nothing to dread.

    He spoke not a word, kept his eyes on their work,
    And he sat on his hands; and he wasn’t a jerk.
    Then finally, exhausted, he signalled to cease,
    And bowing to each girl, giving each hand a kiss,

    He returned to his entourage, gave them a nod,
    And away they all left, leaving tips in a wad.
    But I heard him exclaim, to the room full of honeys,
    "Happy holidays all, and to all LOTS OF MONEY!"


  2. #2
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Oh my God...

    I. Love. It.

    You are a goddess.

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    That's awesome, Sunday! Kudos!

  4. #4
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    (Psssst I gave a shoutout to both of you in the poem! )


  5. #5
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Awesomeness:p

  6. #6
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    I noticed! I felt so very loved.

    Sunday, I plan on starting your novel this weekend, instead of studying for my finals.

    Is that wrong?

  7. #7
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    That made my day!! How fucking fabulous! Can I repost on my myspace?

  8. #8
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    That made my day!! How fucking fabulous! Can I repost on my myspace?
    Absolutely! I'm unpublished so treat my brain as public property! Glad it brought you some holiday cheer (now if it actually brought us holiday CASH then I might patent that ol' brain of mine!).


  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Sunday, you and I must meet for coffee when we're rich and successful writers.

  10. #10
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Hell with that! I'd buy you a cup o coffee with my last $4.72 plus tax! Success, schmuccess!


  11. #11
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    You wrote that?! So cute and well thought out.

  12. #12
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Thank you!


  13. #13
    God/dess
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    This site has a ton of parodies of 'Night Before Christmas', it's pretty entertaining.

  14. #14
    God/dess
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    I'm so printing this out and posting it in the dressing room! Adorable! I'll give you credit of course

  15. #15
    God/dess
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    When out on the stage there strutted such a ho,
    I sprang from the couch to see what was the deal, yo.
    This was my favorite line.

  16. #16
    God/dess
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Excellent! Going to my dressing room too. How do you want to be credited?

  17. #17
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    I'm totally putting it in my dressing room too.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  18. #18
    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    Abso-fucking-lutely amazing. I love it. This IS going to my dressing room.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinder View Post
    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  19. #19
    Alaska
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    I loved ALL OF IT!!!

    I love the eyes so pervy and merry too, what a freakin great piece o work there Sunday...!!

  20. #20
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Night Before Christmas....MY way!

    <---eating up the praise like sweet sweet pie. Mmmm pie. But not the blue pie.

    Really, I couldn't have written this without yall. You're the wind beneath my wings. The inspiration raining down on me like crisp new dollar bills. OK but now how do I turn it off?!


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