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Thread: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

  1. #1
    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    I know this probably isn't interesting anymore, but I just have to vent somewhere.

    I've just broken up with my partner of nearly two years. We've lived together for one year. The problem is all about his crazy ex, who he has a child with. Though I'd hardly call her a mother. I've been questioning her parenting abilities for awhile. The boy is 7 right now. When her son was 5, my ex (we'll call him "Steve") stopped by and found her under the influence of methadone (which she got from a friend) while her child was in her care. She's also been known to leave him alone in the house (at least since he was 5 years old. We've caught her doing this 3 times. She went to a spa once instead of picking him up from school. We found this out when the school finally called us after he'd been waiting for almost 3 hours. She once missed a plane while out of town, and asked if we could just drop him off at her house. She said Rosie could babysit him through the night until she got back the next morning. Rosie is a cat.

    then about a month ago we find out she's relapsed into hard drug use- again. She's had a serious problem with heroin and coke, among other things, in the past. But my bf has once again decided to not do anything about it. He still drops his son off with her every other week. He refuses to report her. He refuses to go for custody. He says she's "promised to do better" and not relapse again. Like she always does.

    Maybe it's because I grew up with a similar mother, and everyone in my life who was in a position to help decided to look the other way time and time again. But I just can't deal with it. I don't look at him the same way. I can't respect him. In fact, a lot of the time I really hate him. Everything was going so well before this too. I thought we would get married someday. My family wants me to stay with him anyway. I don't know what to do.

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    Senior Member PrincessShea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Can't you report her? That child is obviously in danger, and if his own father isn't going to step up, someone needs to.
    "take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent!"

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    yup. your guy is a loser. not sticking up for someone who is too young and weak to stick up for themselves is reprehensible.

    CPS:

    it seems every state has a CPS, even though sometimes the regs differ.

    this doesn't have to do with your guy at this point. it's only about the kid,
    and I would hope that you'd also report any kid that you had such a plethora on of bad parenting info.

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    I've been thinking about it. And at times he says "why don't you just report her then!" Basically, I'm worried that if I don't choose the moment correctly, they'll just test her and if she pees clean, that will be the end. I don't have proof of anything, just what I've seen, and he's made it clear (as have all the mutual friends) that they'll deny it. And once I do report, and they look into it and decide everything's ok, they'll be less likely to take me seriously if I make a report later.

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    Senior Member PrincessShea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    You can tell CPS your concerns about reporting her.

    You should still at least try. I promise if you do not do anything, and something happens to that little boy, you will regret it for the rest of your life. He is just in too much danger... either his mother could hurt him, or he could hurt himself while she isn't paying attention (which seems to happen a lot).
    "take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent!"

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Princess, you're right. Even if it's fruitless, at least I'll know I've done everything I could. "Steve" and I still live together. I keep trying to talk some sense into him but we just end up fighting and nothing happens.

    My aunt actually works with social services (in another town) and she said this is what would happen: they would take away her custody, She would have a year to attend parenting classes, and drug treatment programs. She would be tested randomly throughout the year. Until she completed those programs, she would be allowed to see her son through supervised visits once a week. Steve says he's not reporting her because he thinks it would be too hard on him to only see his mother once a week while supervised. I think it's a cop-out. Plus, she pulls the old suicide threat a lot too. She's had very good luck manipulating people with that one.

    I hate this woman so much. Every week he's with her I have to worry.

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    Senior Member PrincessShea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    "Steve says he's not reporting her because he thinks it would be too hard on him to only see his mother once a week while supervised."

    While I can understand what he's trying to get at, he needs to consider how hard it will be if something happens to that little boy.

    It's just a sad, sad situation. I wish people would realize that children aren't a right, they are a blessing.
    "take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent!"

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Yeah, I can understand the concern too. But the fact is, it's not a good situation. There's no way to make it ideal. That's what happens when you have unprotected sex with an abusive junkie for the better part of year. Bad situations arise. At least if she was being treated there would be a chance she could turn it around. And there would be professionals watching her and holding her accountable.

    So, here's what the situation is going to be. The Ex (will call her Jane) is not going to get any drug treatment. She's agreed to go to parenting classes (but she's agreed to many things during this ordeal, and gone back on all of them). But unless Steve is willing to go with her every time, there's no way to verify she's going regularly, or at all. And there's no way to know if she's using drugs.

    I can't bare to stay, and Steve can't afford a 2 bedroom apartment on his own. He'll have to share a single bedroom with his son. I was going to help him watch his son while he went to school next year. It would have been a lot of babysitting. And if he goes to school he will have to work less and will lose his childcare benefit.

    So he's totally f-ed himself up financially, destroyed his plan to go to school and therefore build a better financial future, and lost a very serious relationship, all to take a junkie at her word, and continue turning his son over to a situation that is not likely to improve, and which he will have no way of keeping track of. F-ing brilliant. My bf is an idiot who f*cks sick junkies and can't handle the repercussions.

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    Senior Member PrincessShea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.



    I'm sorry hun. That's the hardest part of forming relationships with people, is watching them make stupid decisions and keeping your mouth shut while they fuck themselves.
    "take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent!"

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Princess- thanks for listening. I'm starting to feel a little better.

    I think I am going to make a report tomorrow. Or at least talk to someone anonymously about my concerns first. Even if they don't take it seriously, maybe eventually someone else will file another against her, and it'll have a little more validity then.

    It is a really sad situation. Every time I look at this little boy I think about my crappy childhood, and how all of that might be waiting to unfold in his life too. And there's little to nothing I can do to stop it.

  11. #11
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvia View Post
    Maybe it's because I grew up with a similar mother, and everyone in my life who was in a position to help decided to look the other way time and time again. But I just can't deal with it. I don't look at him the same way. I can't respect him. In fact, a lot of the time I really hate him. Everything was going so well before this too. I thought we would get married someday. My family wants me to stay with him anyway. I don't know what to do.
    That's exactly what you're doing. It is not only your right, but your obligation to report this woman.

  12. #12
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    I have a very good friend who's parents were junkies. She always protected her little brother, and kind of took the brunt of the worst of their homelife. When she was 13, she found a family that was willing to take in her little brother. She called the cops for the last time, they went into foster care, and she ran away from her fourth or fifth foster home at 17 and supported herself. Her brother stayed with the same family until he turned 18 and went out west with a relative. He is doing reasonably well.

    My friend is not. She has post traumatic stress syndrome, has tried to commit suicide, was commited to a mental institution for over 6 months...I mean, she has some chemical imbalances, but combined with the childhood trauma, it has not worked out well. I have known her for 10 years, but over the past few years that the trauma of her childhood surfaced in a bad way, she is a totally different person.

    Anyway, the point of this was to say that you are morally obligated to do everything in your power to save this boy's childhood. He might get over the stress and trauma later on, or he might not. So better shelter him than gamble.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    I had an ex sorta like this-when we visited his daughter (A.) (once a year!) she'd be dirty, and in too-small clothes, while the mother's older daughter (not his) wore the clothes we'd bought A. We actually bought her new stuff from the unders out more than once. And he didn't care. He paid his paltry child support (oh, yes, it was paltry) and called occasionally, he didn't want to rock the baby's momma boat and hold her to her word about any number of things, like her boyfriend of the week living in the house. Okay, she calls and screams anyway! Make her wash your kid!

    I had to break up with him, because I knew if we ever had kids, he'd be justy as spineless. I totally regret not calling child services back then.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    poor kid.

    father's an idiot and parental failure and he's still the better of the two! jesus h.

    i feel so bad for that kid. i have no idea what could be racing thru his mind as he looks out on his life and the mess of life that he has to call his "parents".

    no offense, but your bf's an ass. and i can't think of curse words that can adequately describe his ex.

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Ok, so last night I told Steve I was going to report his ex. He said everything will go to hell if I do that. He said that he's been smoking weed a lot lately (not when his son is in his care), and that if I report Jane, she's going to immediately turn around and say "He's a drug user too! Test him!" and then they will and then they will both lose custody and the boy will end up in foster care in a state that I know has a really messed up foster care system.

    So, once again, I don't know what to do. I know Steve is feckless and slow to react and isn't making the right choices here. But I do know he's a good father to his son. He's crazy about him and spends every spare second he can with him. Not to mention, the child has a mild case of Aspergers, and Steve has spent so much time working with professionals and working with his son, and he's come so far. I don't want to risk having him taken away from Steve and put in a horrible foster care situation, but I don't want him left with a stupid junkie every other week!

  16. #16
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    Steve should stop smoking weed, get an attorney and get custody of his son.

    In until he can piss clean, he needs to consult an attorney about his options. There has to be something that can be done. You could also call CPS and ask anonymously how a situation of this type is handled.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    i take back what i said about the bf.

    they frickin' deserve each other and the kid should get himself some new good parents.

    and since i'm already wishing for a fair and righteous world i think i'll ask santa for a pony and puppy too.

    i'll say it again, jeebus!

    try the anonymous route but also look into relatives and such. but imho, steve should "man up" here and start being a father and stop being a useless douchebag. his son needs a father/parent...now. [/end-rant]

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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    ^^I must agree, Snoopy. I think it's going to be one excuse after another-he doesn't want custody-he wants to hero dad when he feels like it. This kid needs to get away from the drug using mom, since she's likely leaving him home alone even more than you guys realize. You need to report this, hon.

  19. #19
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Another stripper dates a loser story *sigh*. Yeah, it's me.

    ^^I'm going to have to jump in and echo these wise words. There comes a point where the excuses have to END. This child is in danger. That is the only thing that matters in this situation. He needs to be removed and quickly.

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