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Thread: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    My cousin is my best friend and her 7 year old son is my godson and he is an adorable, well behaved and sweet child. The father and her broke up when her son was a year old and she since met another guy and married him.

    I cannot stand the way that he treats her son. It is so apparent that he just sees him as an inconvenience. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with them recently and we were all talking and her son butted in (as kids do) and her husband snarled at him "we are talking, wait your turn. or why don't you go play in the traffic?" WTF. My cousin always sticks up for her son and looks very hurt about these comments. But IMO it's unacceptable to allow this man to treat her son this way.

    I have noticed her son seems shy and nervous all the time so I think it's having a permanent effect on him.

    He also said "mummy can i please go to the toilet" and she said yes and as he walked off, the husband yelled "hey where do you think you're going?" her son stopped dead in his tracks and said "mummy said I could go to the toilet".

    I could give many more examples of this. He was drunk at the time. It just hurts me to watch this defenseless child be treated like this. Im not even a kid-person but I love my godson and I cannot stand seeing children get hurt mentally or physically.

    I dont know what to do about this situation. I feel that I should say something to her about it but I dont want her to crack it and not speak to me over insulting her husband. Plus he wears the pants in the relationship so I dont think it would make any difference.

    There is a big age gap too. She is 28 and he is 51. He has no kids of his own.

    He also asked what her son was doing when he touched his mum's arm WTF this guy seems jealous if she gives her son any attention.
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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    My cousin is my best friend and her 7 year old son is my godson and he is an adorable, well behaved and sweet child. The father and her broke up when her son was a year old and she since met another guy and married him.

    I cannot stand the way that he treats her son. It is so apparent that he just sees him as an inconvenience. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with them recently and we were all talking and her son butted in (as kids do) and her husband snarled at him "we are talking, wait your turn. or why don't you go play in the traffic?" WTF. My cousin always sticks up for her son and looks very hurt about these comments. But IMO it's unacceptable to allow this man to treat her son this way.

    I have noticed her son seems shy and nervous all the time so I think it's having a permanent effect on him.

    He also said "mummy can i please go to the toilet" and she said yes and as he walked off, the husband yelled "hey where do you think you're going?" her son stopped dead in his tracks and said "mummy said I could go to the toilet".

    I could give many more examples of this. He was drunk at the time. It just hurts me to watch this defenseless child be treated like this. Im not even a kid-person but I love my godson and I cannot stand seeing children get hurt mentally or physically.

    I dont know what to do about this situation. I feel that I should say something to her about it but I dont want her to crack it and not speak to me over insulting her husband. Plus he wears the pants in the relationship so I dont think it would make any difference.

    There is a big age gap too. She is 28 and he is 51. He has no kids of his own.

    He also asked what her son was doing when he touched his mum's arm WTF this guy seems jealous if she gives her son any attention.
    Unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do, except really support the child and give him a "safe haven" when he needs it.

    Although, knowing me, I would probably put that asshole back in his place...especially if he pulled that shit while I was around them. I have not tolerance for that. Go play in traffic? WTF?

    But, the bigger question is: Why the hell does your friend allow this man to continually abuse her son this way? If he does this to her son, he's probably doing it to her. And the best way for this friend to stick up for her son is to divorce this asshat.

    If she never found another man who cares? At least her son would be growing up in a safe environment where he is not continually being emotionally and verbally abused.

    The only way to really resolve this situation, in your case, however, may be to tell the guy off and tell him that talking to your godson in this way is unacceptable.

    But, I don't know what kind of person your friend is and I don't know how she'd respond to you saying anything...but at this point, this little boy has NO ONE sticking up for him or his well-being.

    Good luck and please update when you can.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    I agree with everything VG said. I felt a little sick reading this because I hate when people allow others to treat their kids like shit. That guy sounds like a complete asshole.

    Im really just at a loss for words...

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Im not sure if he is doing it to her or not. It always seems focused on her son. But she did tell me that he has taught her son to call her "barge ass" coz apparently she has a fat ass (which is total bullshit).

    Just a fucking asshole loser. He always has been. I was against them being together in the first place. He hardly works, she supports his ass an d then has the nerve to say that her son expects his dinner to be paid for when he doesn't help around the house. Then he said he had a paper round when he was 15 and her son should get a job - he is fucking 7!!!!!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    What a fucking loser.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    oh gosh this makes me sick. Please keep us updated if anything changes or whatnot...


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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    this story makes me sad. I want to rescue every child.
    I hope you build up his self esteem and maybe talk to his mom about standing up more for her son.



    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Tell him that he's a load his mom should have swallowed.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    could you discreetly video tape a family 'get together'? sometimes when people see the events from a 3rd party perspective (i.e. the camera) they realize what they (i.e. your cousin) have been ignoring all along.

    imo, the trick will be to be able to do it innocently and without giving the bastard husband a chance to "act" for the camera. my guess is if he sees the camera he'll be on better behaviour.

    i'm not thinking of the video as evidence against his verbal abuse (not yet anyways ) but more as a window for your cousin (and others) to see what you've been seeing.

    just keep in mind, who's going to speak for the little boy if not you? good luck and definitely speak up on this eventually with your cousin.

    (it's crap like this that really reinforces my stand against another relationship for myself. i mean, why subject my kids to any chance of bullshit like this? simply not worth the risk/hassle/drama)

  9. #9
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR!



    This pisses me the fuck off!

  10. #10
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Thats so sad that women put themselves before their children. Children should ALWAYS be #1 and if a man EVER said something like that to my child my boot would be in his ass. No way.

    I agree with VG that most likely he speaks to your cousin this way. I mean, obviously, you posted he calls her "barge ass". This is just the beginning. I can see it getting much worse for the 2 of them.

    Im so sorry. I wish I had the magical answer.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    VG summed it up nicely.

    You may want to tell your cousin that there is a chance that her son will continue this cycle of abuse should she stay in this relationship. By staying with this loser she is showing her son that her husband's behavior is OK when really, it isn't.

    I hope she realizes that she and her son would be so much better off without this PL and that there are guys out there who will love her and her son and treat them both with the respect they deserve.

    I'll pray for your cousin, that she will make better choices so she and her son will be happier.

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Definitely try to talk to her. I doubt it will help much, but at least you can feel like you've tried. Poor little boy. This seriously makes me want to cry, or knock the shit out of some well deserving asshole.

  13. #13
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    how can a woman put some jackass in front of her son?

    It makes me sick to hear things like this.

    I know it's not your place, but if it was me, I'd say something. Maybe hearing it would be a reality check.

  14. #14
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    I think you should put that loser in his place in front of your cousin and godson. At least this way, your godson will know that someone is on his side and everyone else will know where you stand.

    Oh, and I agree with what everyone else said.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Just based on the barge ass comment and the fact that (I am assuming she cares about her boy) a mother would let anyone be so hurtful to their child, especially in front of other people, that she is probably being abused as well.

    "he wears the pants in the family" sounds lik ehe has controlling behaviour at the very least.

    I hope you can find a way to talk to her and maybe if you can try not to sound like you are critisising her, if she is also being abused she would need understanding more than someone else in her life disempowering and critisising her. But definately try and show her what you see happening, she might be in denial. so sad I would kick someone in the head repeatedly if they told my child to go play in traffic, then I would put THEM in front of the traffic., or at least try!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    I think you should put that loser in his place in front of your cousin and godson. At least this way, your godson will know that someone is on his side and everyone else will know where you stand.

    Oh, and I agree with what everyone else said.
    I tried to put him in his place at the son's birthday once and he snapped at me "coming from someone who doesn't have kids" and I said "Firstly I don't need a kid to know that's not right and secondly you don't have any either".
    Plus my cousin didn't back me up that time.

    I am going to speak to her privately about it but make sure I dont come off as rude/interferring. I know that she knows this isn't right.

    Plus I agree with the post that she should be putting her son's happiness above her own- that's what parenting is about. That's one reason why I am not a parent because unless I was sure I was able to do that I would not be a parent.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    He sounds like a terrible person. How in the world could someone treat an innocent child like that? I remember being a kid... it would've broken my heart to be told to "play in traffic." And that comment about his mom's bottom... what a jerk. I don't know what you can do J, except maybe pull the child aside discreetly and tell him that you are there for him if he ever needs you and show him how to call you.

    Is this the same friend that is battling problems with alcohol? If so, I hope she's doing okay.

    You're a good friend and a kind person J.

    I'd like to say thank you on her behalf, in case she doesn't recognize how much you care about her.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    ^^
    no my friend battling alcohol addiction is my best friend from high school but this is my cousin who is my best friend in the world - soul mate even.

    Thanks for your kind words

    You know how they say abusive men isolate their victims? well i have noticed how difficult he makes it for me to see her alone without him there but I will use some excuse - like some girly thing that he cannot be involved in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Do you spend much one on one time with the boy? This doesn't really solve the problem but maybe you could take him for outings (zoo/park etc) sometimes and just reinforce to him that he's a good kid. Think of it as a mentor of sorts if you will.

    I think that calling the jackass out in front of your cousin and her son, as satisfying as it might feel, will just put your cousin in an uncomfortable situation and might even contribute to him demanding that she spend less time with you. What a shitty situation. Hopefully one day she'll realize that he's just a dink.


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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveSexMoney View Post
    Do you spend much one on one time with the boy? This doesn't really solve the problem but maybe you could take him for outings (zoo/park etc) sometimes and just reinforce to him that he's a good kid. Think of it as a mentor of sorts if you will.
    I think that this is a very good idea. Depending on your willingness to get really involved, I also think you could tell the kid that any time he wants or needs to come to your house to spend the night or have a quiet place to do his homework or whatever, he can. Obviously he doesn't have much agency, being 7 years old, but I think it would be heartening for him to hear that. Of course, you'd have to get your cousin in on it too, in order for the "safe house" idea to have any effect... perhaps the two of you could play it off to the controlling stepfather as "Godmom Jazaine wants to spend more time with her godson," so he might be more amenable to the idea.

    I don't know much about children, but what I'm pretty sure of is this: they are not stupid, but they are often really intimidated by authority, and this tends to make them shut down. I think it might be really good to talk to the kid in plain English about what you see happening. He might not visibly respond to it, but he'll understand if you say, "I notice that your stepfather is sometimes mean to you, and it makes me sad to see him treat you that way. You are a good kid and every time I've seen him yell at you, it's been for no reason. I bet that really sucks, and I bet it's scary and confusing for you. I can't change how he is, and unfortunately I can't snap my fingers and make him not be your stepdad anymore, but I can be a grownup in your life who is not mean, and who doesn't yell for no reason." Make sure he has your phone number, and if he's not sure how to dial the phone, teach him.

    Although the situation sucks, you have the power to be a good influence in this little boy's life. I know it might be weird for you, not being a "kid person," (I'd be nervous as hell in your shoes because I don't know a damn thing about what kids like to do or eat or what they're learning in school these days, etc.) but I'd also know-- as I do now, for you-- that I was doing the best possible thing by reaching out to the boy, even if my efforts were clumsy or sentimental and I didn't know anything about Pokemon or Wiis or whatever.

    I commend you for caring so much. Good luck to you, Miss J.
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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Shit, that makes my stomach turn. My stepfather treated my sister that way and she's a fucking train wreck as an adult.

    I hate to say it, but you owe it to that boy to have a frank talk with your cousin, and if she doesn't do anything about it, then you'll have to go further and talk with the husband.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    The age difference definately doesn't help matters. Yeah yeah age shouldn't matter however that age gap does matter.... people at age 28 and in their 50s are at too completely different stages of their lives. Plus we can't expect HIM to change his ways as anyone who knows anyone around that age or older will know .. it won't happen.

    Plus him not having had any children thought-out his life has a big impact on all of this.. WTF was she thinking marrying someone with so little life experience with children at his age? If they hadn't had any children themselves by that age then of course he is going to see the kid as an inconvenience. He is used to a life without children and has had a life without them...

    So yeah, you really really need to get her away from him and have a chat with her. If she doesn't take kindly to your concern, do something for the child to take him out of that environment at least one day per week.

    He needs a safe haven.


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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    I'd probably say something like "You have a serious lack of respect for this woman and her child"

    I'd also refuse to be around him as well. I think once people see that the good people in their life are avoiding someone, it acts as a wake-up call. It also makes them aware that their partner's assholery is going to interfere with their social life.

    Yes to having a talk with her, and trying to mentor the kid a bit.

    What a world-class loser. He has some serious personal issues if he thinks that's acceptable.

  24. #24
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    Im scared for the child ,does he show any signs of abuse? .With all the news stories that are going on with parents/non-parents majorly abusing their children this scares me.

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    Default Re: I hate the way my cousin's husband treats her son

    I think you need to have a serious talk with your cousin. It sounds like she is in the beginnings of an abusive relationship, both for her kid and herself. Don't put her down, but be harsh id you need to. As much as I try to comfort people and make it easy for them/avoid upsetting them, sometimes a person needs a kick in the ass to make a change.

    I hope things work out...this is an awful position you and she, and the kid are in.

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