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Thread: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

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    Default "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Ladies:

    Is Dr. Kerner giving sound advice regarding "Booty Call Protocol" in the following excerpt from Cosmopolitan's "Sex & Love" column? IMO, it seems a bit dated (pardon the pun)...

    Just curious:
    - If the sex rocks, wouldn't calling once a month or less be self-deprivation?
    - Should the protocol apply year-round, or can exceptions be made during the holiday season?

    Booty-Call Protocol
    If you're going to indulge in no-strings-attached nooky, you'd be wise to follow a few rules.

    Booty-Call Rule 1: Once a month is enough. When you suggest meeting up more than once every few weeks or so, it will come across as more of an obligation than a friends-with-benefits thing.

    Booty-Call Rule 2: Avoid the redial button. If he doesn't answer or call back after you make the first attempt, don't keep hitting redial. He could be sleeping or spending time with someone else...and you're not allowed to mind.

    Booty-Call Rule 3: Don't overstay your welcome (or let him overstay his). Sleeping over or brunching can feel awkward when you're just shagging. Stay within your boundaries by skipping the couple-y stuff.

    Booty-Call Rule 4: Be honest with yourself. It can be emotionally taxing to have uncommitted sex, so once in a while, have a truthful talk with yourself to make sure you're still okay (really) with the casual encounters.

    Sources: Sexologist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and Alexa Joy Sherman, coauthor of The Happy Hook-Up.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Oh, that all seems common sense. Budai, the sex might be awesome but you still might not want to hang out with him more than once a month. If it is that good and there's chemistry these things have a way of working themselves out.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    If the sex is THAT good it means I like the guy and will want to hang out with him more often. And if he doesn't want the same, than I have to let them go. Otherwise I will fall for him, he will know, and just use me as he likes. Happens all the time.

    My booty-call sex is almost always mediocre, and seldomly worth the effort of shaving.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    Oh, that all seems common sense. Budai, the sex might be awesome but you still might not want to hang out with him more than once a month. If it is that good and there's chemistry these things have a way of working themselves out.
    I defer to your female perspective regarding "awesome sex" and acknowledge that as a male, I'd conversely want to hang out more than once a month for some exceptional shagging.

    Let me rip off Voltaire and state that "Common sense is not so common." It's my understanding that columnists like Dr. Kerner develop loyal followings of readers who follow their strategies diligently. IMO, Rule #4 allows for the healthy process you've described above ("If it is that good and there's chemistry these things have a way of working themselves out').

    OTOH, not everyone has your level-headed outlook. Rules #1, 2 & 3 seem designed to ensure that "these things" don't ever reach the stage of "working themselves out."

    IMO, if a reader lacks social autonomy, emotional security (or common sense) and reads Dr. K's column for guidance (versus another perspective), Rules 1-3 represent a formula for bailing on anything beyond the immediate sexual electricity of the booty call. Maybe I'm an idealist, but if this is even occasionally true, it seems Dr. K's advice could be more limiting than it is liberating...

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    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    I had a bootycall what I would call around once a year... this lasted about 5 years... LOL... the sex was amazing but I couldnt stand him unless I was really really drunk and horny. Hes in my cell phone under 'whore' (no kidding)

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    Oh, that all seems common sense. Budai, the sex might be awesome but you still might not want to hang out with him more than once a month. If it is that good and there's chemistry these things have a way of working themselves out.
    I agree. This is how i tend to work. Even when the guy insists we get together more frwquently, I maintain the distance if I'm not shotting for a relationship. I WILL cuddle, however. I love cuddling - period. It doesn't means I want more than booty from that individual.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    I think these rules are all very reliant on the idea that the guy is like... doing the girl a favor or something. If the sex is worth having, in my experience, the guy will be calling me before a month is up. Or it won't be a calling situation at all. It'll be one of those things that just happens when you run into each other and the timing is right.

    I think even thinking too hard about booty calls negates the point of having them. They should be like the cherry on top of the sundae... like a little random bonus of life. And I love brunch, so don't think I'm going to turn it down just because it "sends the wrong message" or something.
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    I think these rules are all very reliant on the idea that the guy is like... doing the girl a favor or something. If the sex is worth having, in my experience, the guy will be calling me before a month is up.
    Girls who just want booty know how to direct the situation. Men are clueless on how to go about it. They wil call a day or two later for some more.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmeerah View Post
    Girls who just want booty know how to direct the situation. Men are clueless on how to go about it. They wil call a day or two later for some more.
    Yeah, I know what you're saying. I guess I'm just loath to direct the situation. I always feel like I shouldn't have to. I like having short-term, super-intense booty calls anyway, which I guess makes them more like mini-relationships.
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    I know this is an old thread, but is a 'friend with benefits' different than a 'booty-call"?

    I tend to think it is.

    If anyone reads this, what do you think?

    I'm saying this because I like the idea of 'friend' someone i can talk to, even if I'm not over there shagging. And I don't mean talking about 'matters of the heart stuff'.

    For example: what if you have something in common with an FWB? Like say, the type of films you are into. Would it be wrong if you had a film lying around that he or she didn't have, and you called or texted just to lend it to them or maybe bought them a copy?

    I mean this just as a friend. Is something this simple going too far? Or is this going beyond friends with benefits?
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    ^I think FWB is a more umm consistant type of relationship you got going on. A FWB you do outside things together...dinner and a movie then go home and sex it up.

    Booty Call is the 2am call whisper like, "hey, what you doing...I was just layin here and umm...yea I want u to come watch this movie with me." lol that's a booty call







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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by Corey View Post
    I know this is an old thread, but is a 'friend with benefits' different than a 'booty-call"?

    I tend to think it is.

    If anyone reads this, what do you think?

    I'm saying this because I like the idea of 'friend' someone i can talk to, even if I'm not over there shagging. And I don't mean talking about 'matters of the heart stuff'.

    For example: what if you have something in common with an FWB? Like say, the type of films you are into. Would it be wrong if you had a film lying around that he or she didn't have, and you called or texted just to lend it to them or maybe bought them a copy?

    I mean this just as a friend. Is something this simple going too far? Or is this going beyond friends with benefits?
    I used to be really thoughtful like this...But I've learned that most people don't share the same level of sentiment about things like that.....It's "sweet" of you but they either don't give it a second thought, or feel it's too "personal."

    The exceptions I've noted are people who travel frequently for work or live far apart from occasional sex partners- I guess small gestures bridge the gap of distance or opposite schedules.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    FWB only works if the guy was a friend for a good while prior to "sex-ing" up the relationship. I have only done this with two guy friends and am still friends with them to this day (tho' the sex doesn't happen naturally as I'm in a relationship).

    Booty call to me is more like what Fireman Sam and Fireman Tim were to me. They were good for a shag and I never over-stayed my welcome (nor did they). We would chat for a bit after the sex however ultimately I left afterwards.

    There is a difference between FWB and "Booty Call" (aka "penis" aka "male sex toy").

    I don't agree with rule number one tho'. Why deny yourself?


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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    If the guy hasn't given you both such hot and prolonged sex that either of you still need it the next day, or two, you can find better.
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    I wanted to know the difference.

    In my situation, the sex has become hotter and hotter over the last six weeks or so.

    In the beginning, I really just wanted a one night thing, he wanted more of an ongoing thing. It was his idea to stay in touch, even when we weren't together.

    It started out like we were going to be friends. But as the sex has become better (almost off the charts), I feel like I am the one who has to instigate emails or phone calls.

    I already know, I don't have to stay if I don't feel comfortable. But. The. Sex. Is. Too. Amazing.!!!!

    He also said, he doesn't want to have any other lovers, while he is with me.

    So, I have a decision to make: I either stay and accept this as a prolonged booty-call or I move on and give up amazing sex with the most unusually striking man I have ever been with. (And I don't mean like Brad Pitt or athletic looking male model, just different from what I have ever had).

    And he doesn't smoke, he is exceedingly clean, he always smells nice....yeah, i need to make a decision.
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post
    I had a bootycall what I would call around once a year... this lasted about 5 years... LOL... the sex was amazing but I couldnt stand him unless I was really really drunk and horny. Hes in my cell phone under 'whore' (no kidding)
    Lol...funny shit, that must have been some weird bootycall, over 5 years chances are u screwed 5 different people lol...
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    These rules just scream "DON'T LOOK DESPERATE" and "DON'T GET TOO CLOSE". Classic don't-let-your-fuck-buddy-thing-get-awkward rules.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    I see this is an old thread, but I really hate "rules" when it comes to these things. I live by the motto whatever happens, happen. Sex is a complex thing and it affects people differently. Some people can have lots of sex and feel nothing, while others get attached. I know people who use online dating as a way to meet people for sex. I think in general booty call is mainly people who don't associate outside of the sex, whereas FWB in many cases are people who generally like each other but maybe for some reason aren't relationship material. However, this does open up many questions, such as if two people are FWB's, why aren't they an official couple or are they?

    In my case, I've had a few what I'd call FWB's. In most cases they were guy friends who I liked, hung out with, but from some reason could never get married to. Several guy friends fit into this because I really liked them, but our views on many issues would never be compatible (a few wanted stay at home wives, not my thing). There was one guy who was married and we mostly used each other for sex. I wasn't looking for anything serious, and he told me he had no intention of leaving his wife. At the time I thought it was a turn on having an affair with a married man but now realize it was rotten doing that to his wife. The affair ended when she found out. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a booty call or a FWB, because while we did other non sexual things together (and didn't sleep together for a while) it was mostly the sex.

    Now, I wouldn't do any casual sex. I really want to sleep with the guy I am interested in, only not now. I love him, know he loves me, and don't want it to be about the sex. I know there is much more there, but sex too soon might turn it into a FWB (though I suspect the opposite).

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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Guys need to plan better if they wanna hit it.

    Booty calls are so 1990's.




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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    My general rules are is makesure its hott & don't expect anything or bring me drama after. If so then sure we can kick it again if it happens that we both are in the mood & see each other, but changes are I believe it's one of those in the heat of the moment things & I'm not planning for it to happen again has to be an understanding for it to work w/me when casual sex is all it is for me no matter how good or hott it is or gets. It's simply an O for an O or multiples enjoy it & go away lol.
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    Default Re: "Booty Call Protocol" For Ladies

    Lol, what a thread bump.

    I think these rules are bullshit. One of my best friends Jon and I were friends with benefits on and off since 2006. We followed none of these rules. This year, we were hooking up at LEAST once a week--sometimes more--and I would sleep over at his place all the time. He'd leave me in his bed to go do shit early in the morning, then come back and crawl in bed with me and we'd cuddle. We texted each other all the fucking time, and hung out all the time, too--we didn't just hang out for the sex. We're wicked close, and we really love each other--just not in the relationship kind of way. We'd tell each other we loved each other, too. Cause we do. I mean, he's one of my best fucking friends, and we've been through some tough shit together. And now I'm very serious with a different guy, and Jon and the bf get along wonderfully well, and Jon is all for me having this relationship. And the bf doesn't have any weird jealousy issues about the fact that Jon and I were FWB's. So, no hard feelings, no harm done.

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