I seriously do not know if I am intended for monogomy. And beleive me, I ADORE my boyfriend. We've been together nearly five years, and are very close. I've never really been into the idea of getting married, but I'm totally happy with the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.
So why do I fantasize about other guys? What the hell is wrong with me? I don't do it all the time, but a few times a year I will be seriously tempted to cheat. I'll meet some guy who has the right combination of pheremones, looks, and personality, and I'll feel like there's nothing I wouldn't give to fuck that guy, no strings attached, just once.
I dated my first serious boyfriend for two years, from the time I was 18 to 20. I tried to break up with him several times, but he would threaten suicide, and I would get back together with him out of pity and familiarity. I also cheated on him with other guys. Many other guys. To me, cheating on him meant excitement, independence, and freedom. I think I learned that pattern too well.
I've never cheated on my current boyfriend, but I've thought about it many times. We've been in a couple of threesomes with both men and women, and both enjoyed it a lot. Still, that doesn't satisfy that dirty little cheating urge in me.
There's a new guy working for me in my dayjob, whom I find really attractive. It just so happens that we're going out of town together on a work-related trip this weekend. He and I and another guy from will be sharing a hotel room. I'm not going to do anything -- my self-control is really good. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm giddy as a teenager abou the possibility...
The urge to cheat doesn't get any weaker as I get older, or as my boyfriend and I are together longer. It dies down for months at a time, but then it comes back. It's like an addiction. I'm afraid I'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Does anybody know what I mean?



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Fantasizing is a totally normal, monogamy-compatible thing.


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