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Thread: cheating fantasies

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default cheating fantasies

    I seriously do not know if I am intended for monogomy. And beleive me, I ADORE my boyfriend. We've been together nearly five years, and are very close. I've never really been into the idea of getting married, but I'm totally happy with the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.

    So why do I fantasize about other guys? What the hell is wrong with me? I don't do it all the time, but a few times a year I will be seriously tempted to cheat. I'll meet some guy who has the right combination of pheremones, looks, and personality, and I'll feel like there's nothing I wouldn't give to fuck that guy, no strings attached, just once.

    I dated my first serious boyfriend for two years, from the time I was 18 to 20. I tried to break up with him several times, but he would threaten suicide, and I would get back together with him out of pity and familiarity. I also cheated on him with other guys. Many other guys. To me, cheating on him meant excitement, independence, and freedom. I think I learned that pattern too well.

    I've never cheated on my current boyfriend, but I've thought about it many times. We've been in a couple of threesomes with both men and women, and both enjoyed it a lot. Still, that doesn't satisfy that dirty little cheating urge in me.

    There's a new guy working for me in my dayjob, whom I find really attractive. It just so happens that we're going out of town together on a work-related trip this weekend. He and I and another guy from will be sharing a hotel room. I'm not going to do anything -- my self-control is really good. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm giddy as a teenager abou the possibility...

    The urge to cheat doesn't get any weaker as I get older, or as my boyfriend and I are together longer. It dies down for months at a time, but then it comes back. It's like an addiction. I'm afraid I'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Does anybody know what I mean?

  2. #2
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    No one is meant for monogamy. It's a completely unnatural state. You just have to decide whether you want it anyway.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Hun no worry, fantasy is not cheating. When you act on this fantasy then you have cheated the one you care for. Maybe take a few steps back and see if you want to date around first? Men do it why can't we!

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    Veteran Member ultra_manic's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    ^^ great answer, I was just having this same convo with a friend the other day and this is what we came up with.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    what's the difference between aspirin and a stripper's boyfriend?
    Aspirin works.
    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.
    A text I got:
    When a guy talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!


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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    I've always been a cheater up until 5 yrs ago when I met my bf. I still fantasize but it's completely innocent, right?? And I do a lil harmless flirting!

  6. #6
    God/dess phillyvixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    I think monogamy is unrealistic. My husband agrees.



    Quote Originally Posted by Hatshepsut View Post
    Tell him that he's a load his mom should have swallowed.

  7. #7
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    I disagree; I think that for some people monogamy is the best way to live. Whether that's b/c of jealousy, lack of interest, whatever. I'm not one of those people but I don't believe my relationship style is for everyone. Open relationships take a LOT to be successful; they are by no means an easy way out.

    Grace, my best advice is to talk these feelings out. Sounds like your BF is pretty damn cool if yall have been able to do threesomes without it getting weird; let him know that you have these urges. In my own experience, part of the thrill is that it's illicit. Don't let it be. Talk about it as naturally as you would your dinner preference. It takes some of the edge off the lust and makes it easier to deal with.

    I think people always have that question of "what if" or "what's that one like" or "what am I missing?" That IS natural. It's what you do with those feelings that matters.


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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    Grace, my best advice is to talk these feelings out. Sounds like your BF is pretty damn cool if yall have been able to do threesomes without it getting weird; let him know that you have these urges. In my own experience, part of the thrill is that it's illicit. Don't let it be. Talk about it as naturally as you would your dinner preference. It takes some of the edge off the lust and makes it easier to deal with..
    I agree. Illitness is a dangerous drug. Actually, I did tell my bf about my latest little crush. I figured that would take the edge off it. I made light of it and just told him I was getting to be a horny old lady in my old age, perving on the new kid at work. He didn't freak, but it did seem to bum him out a bit.

    This surprised me a lil, because my bf was very cool about the threesomes we've had. Seeing another guy bone me did raise some issues for him, but we talked it out and it made us closer. So far, our deal is that we can be with other people, but only together...and that has worked for us OK.

    I kind of wish I could be with other people on my own, but I know that's a little too open for him. We've talked about it, and my bf finds the idea of me being with another guy without him too threatening...he's not bothered by me having sex with another guy, but he doesn't like to think about me being emotionally attached to anybody else. I'm pretty sure I could be sexually polyamorous and emotionally monogamous -- sex and love are pretty seperate in my mind -- but that's got to be a hard sell to any guy.

    Does anybody out there have a relationship like that? How does it work?

  9. #9
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    That's technically us but since we're still new and trying to figure out what works, I wouldn't presume to give anyone advice on establishing a successful open relationship! It doesn't usually happen all at once, I will say; it takes a lot of experimenting, discussing, negotiating, and committing. The main rule we have is to respect each other. But there's a billion aspects to keeping it together and staying a strong unified couple, IME.


  10. #10
    exotisch23
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    I feel the same way too. I have the same cravings.. I really do love my b/f and can't stand the thought of cheating on him or breaking up with him because he is such a sweetheart.

    You're lucky you have such an open minded guy. Mine is the opposite.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    That's technically us but since we're still new and trying to figure out what works, I wouldn't presume to give anyone advice on establishing a successful open relationship!
    Cool. You don't have to give advice, but I would love to hear how your arrangement works, if you don't mind sharing. You can PM me if you don't want to post the details here.

    I agree, respect and openness are so important. When you really trust each other, a lot is possible.

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    Veteran Member Toki's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Cheating is different than fantasizing. There's nothin' wrong with dreaming about doing someone else... as long as you don't go behind your guy's back and actually do it. When I get the urge to go after someone else, I just think about how hurt I would be if I found out my guy was fucking some chick on the side.

    However, I think that if the urge to "have fun" with other guys starts to overpower the feelings in your own relationship, then it's definitely time to try something else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    No one is meant for monogamy. It's a completely unnatural state. You just have to decide whether you want it anyway.
    It works well for those of us who hate most people! Fantasizing is a totally normal, monogamy-compatible thing.

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    I seriously do not know if I am intended for monogomy. And beleive me, I ADORE my boyfriend. We've been together nearly five years, and are very close. I've never really been into the idea of getting married, but I'm totally happy with the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.

    So why do I fantasize about other guys? What the hell is wrong with me?
    Nothing, you're human, and a sexual being. What is life worth without some fantasies be they sexual or otherwise? Enjoy them. Like all fantasies, you have to balance them with reality. Some fantasies can become reality, and some can't and or shouldn't. Some come under the heading of "be careful what you wish for as it may come true"
    A cunning linguist...

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    No one is meant for monogamy. It's a completely unnatural state. You just have to decide whether you want it anyway.
    Agreed.

    Monogamy is about choice. Not expectation. Hopefully you choose to be monogamous with someone because it is the most comfortable and happy choice you, as an individual, can make for reasons that only pertain to you.

    It is my firm belief that, whatever the label may be (polygamy, monogamy, whatever) that the only successful relationships are the ones where the people involved value and respect each other as whole individuals, baggage and perks as equals. Regardless of accepted sexual promiscuity, so long as you are a couple that carries/generates that chemistry that re-invents the chase, and keeps things fresh, then you'll find healthy happiness. This breeds trust, comfort, openness, and a foundation of support that can be relied on, unique to the couple.

    Grace:
    Don't fault yourself on your fantasies. If they remain evident, then ponder your true wants, then have a respectful conversation with your boyfriend about them. Arm him with all the knowledge that allows him to make a decision as to if this situation is something he wants to be a part of. You may be surprised. Who knows, maybe by expressing that this is something you want to give a shot to without losing him, maybe you'll find he's interested in it as well. What he DOES will be a true tell, though

    Emotional commitments doesn't need to be ruined by sexual promiscuity provided both are handled in a mature, open, trusting, and intelligent fashion.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  16. #16
    Featured Member lizlizliz's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    ooh that's like nicole kidman in eyes wide shut
    Quote Originally Posted by alessandra View Post
    I like them large and cut. Sort of like strawberries.

  17. #17
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: cheating fantasies

    Mast is reel smart, yall.

    No seriously. Good info. To put it in terms of my own relationship, well, sure I'll try. Basically when we were in the amorphous relationship development, we talked a lot about "is there just one person in the world who completes you entirely?" And we didn't buy it. I simply can't be everything to him; likewise he to me. That's why people have friends, different groups of them for different occasions, varying interests, so on. People are onions (or cakes or parfaits)--we have layers.

    But even if we shared 100% of the same interests, we could never satisfy the human desire to try someone new. We seek to try new experiences but also to redo familiar experiences with new people. I'd never tried karaoke before one friend introduced me to it this past year. Have since done it with the Hubby. It's a different feeling. I can't say one is better or worse, but I don't want to give up singing with one person just because I can sing with my husband.

    Now, it gets tricky when you really try to subtitute "sex" for "singing karaoke." Not everyone can or wants to make that call. It's a loaded situation.

    In my own particular relationship, we are open to sleeping with and even developing degrees of intimacy with other people, gender non-issue. I'm more promiscuous at this point in my life and career than he is. To complicate things more, we're in a loose D/s relationship and my desires always cede to his. So out of respect for him, we have what we call "the jar." When he feels that I have not been giving him enough of me that he feels comfortable sharing me (through flirting or more) with anyone else, he'll tell me I'm "in the jar." It's a quick way of checking me and letting me know that I need to focus on matters at home before giving to someone else. When we are solid, and I find someone that I want to play with, he'll let me know I'm "out of the jar" and can do whatever I want as long as I'm safe. It actually works really well for us; it's a non-threatening, non-insecure expression and keeps us communicating as much as we need to.

    Ummm I guess that's how we work. Hope any of it was relevant and helpful!


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