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Thread: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

  1. #1
    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Arrow Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Ok here goes I have a few questions and some background info. I know I
    need to speak to an attorney, but I have some burning questions that
    are
    preventing me from sleeping well at night.

    Will I lose out by filing first? It will be a fault divorce due to
    reasons of adultery and abandonment. I was told the person filing has
    to
    pay the fees. I have no money for this. I am not in a rush to get the
    papers signed, I just want some spousal support.

    He is military and he is obligated to take care of his family (for
    anyone reading who has issue with me asking for support). I had no job
    when he moved out, basically getting me and our kid evicted while he
    moved in with his bitch.

    I am not in a hurry for divorce because I don't want to lose my medical

    insurance. I have a medical issue that is getting taken care of, but
    needs some more time.

    I didn't press the money issue in the past because he had the power of
    taking away my insurance. I am not afraid anymore and will risk it.

    While I was barely getting by he is enjoying $30,000 bonuses....and at
    the same time calling me to tell me I need to pay for the vehicle I am
    driving that is his.


    Also is it true adultery will only fly in a divorce case if the person admits to it? He has admitted to me, but I doubt he will if asked by a judge.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Sorry about how that post came out- I'm on my cellphone.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    I have never been Married much less divorced. I did spend a day or two in the Army however.

    His base pay is his though a percentage can be garnished as support for you. All the entitlements such a separate rations, housing allowance, etc, those are yours (paid to him for your support). You just need to see his Chain of Command and fill them in on the situation. Then see the Judge Advocate General (JAG) who will see that you have the proper paperwork to go to Finance with and have those funds Direct Deposited in an account you control. Next go to the Military Police station and file a complaint for Adultery, a crime in the UCMJ.

    There should be an Attorney in your area that specializes in Divorce and/or Military criminal law (Courts Martial). Hiring a Private Investigator for a day or two that can actually catch the Husband and his new girfriend in a public display of affection on film or video wouldn't hurt either. MP's and the Local PD are going to give a low priority to investigating otherwise since you have not stated any physical abuse.

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Thanks ArmySgt. Is a picture enough though? I have pics of them hugging and kissing. Gotta luv myspace.com huh? Lol.

    Honestly I didn't want to get him in trouble because if they will garnish his pay, and I certainly don't want that. Although I would get a kick out of both of them on extra duty.

    Secondly, the chain of command already knows. They don't care. I am prior service, so I know all about those commanders who don't care about enforcing Army values.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Oh yes. Gotta love MYspace. Definitely proof of an inappropriate relationship. Copy those and save them to disk, not just on the hard drive but on a disk too. Print hard copies.

    Every Chain of Command has another above it. If ultimately you can't get satisfaction from the Army there is the Congressional route. Contact your Congressman and he will have his staff write up a formal letter, that is delivered to the Department of Defense (DOD) The DOD will push this all the way down to the lowest level, the Chain of Command then has something like 30 days to respond with a resolution. If that happens your husbands Chain of Command won't be protecting him anymore as thy will be covering for their own careers.

    If both are Soldiers, then yes go with the filing a complaint at the MP station and see JAG. Each is just as responsible.

    Remember everything after the Base Pay is yours. That is your rent and grocery money, that is why it is paid to him.

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    His chain was already notified through IG. Do I have to contact them again?
    Best believe I will be at Jag in a few days- he had the nerve to say he didn't owe me anything since we are no longer together.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    I don't know a whole lot about the military aspects. However I can tell you a S#!TLOAD about divorces !!!!

    There are actually two separate issues involved with any separation / divorce ... the legal one and the financial one. Maybe Sarge knows whether there are any military restrictions in regard to which state will wind up having jurisdiction over a divorce filing. The reason that this is important is that, in your particular situation, you appear to have the option of filing in more than one state ... and different states have FAR different de-facto standards regarding division of property / spousal 'compensation' etc. in addition to child support payments. You can potentially file for divorce in the state where you were married, or the state where you are currently residing, or even a different state still (i.e. moving to a different state to be near your parents / family as a result of your 'abandonment' and 'destitute' financial state).

    Generally speaking, southern states are less inclined to order spousal 'compensation' than northern states. Generally speaking, southern states are more inclined to 'go easy' on military personnel than northern states. I see that you mentioned NY City as one of your locations. If you are in fact originally from NY and have family in NY, I would definitely 'drop the hint' to the MP's and JAG that you will probably be 'forced' to move back to NY as a result of your abandonment (whether you really will or not). This should wake their a$$es up to the fact that by not hanging around the (assume) military base area where your husband is currently stationed that this won't be a simple case of the 'good ol boys' at that base + local law enforcement + local family court judge keeping a 'lid' on your situation and making some sort of a back room deal that will leave you and your child with the 'short end of the stick'. If the base CO, local cops, and local family court judge must even THINK about the possibility of New York family court investigators making inquiries, they'll be far less inclined to try and pull any sleight of hand.

    As to financial terms of a divorce, under the circumstances (i.e. clear fault on your husband's part) you probably have a fair shot at not only getting guaranteed child support and medical insurance for your child until the age of 21, but you may also be able to get some sort of a cash settlement for yourself and perhaps even a short term mandate that your husband provide health insurance for you for a little while after your divorce is final. One excellent 'trick' in NY family courts is for the 'abandoned' wife to request that the court order the (ex) husband to pay spousal support plus tuition payments for a couple of years that will allow the (ex) wife to prepare herself with the skills needed to support herself and her child (i.e. a 2 year college degree). You may also get a court order that the (ex) husband must finish the payments on 'your' vehicle, and transfer the title into your name only when the loan is paid off. And you certainly should be able to file a claim on 50% of your (ex) husband's $30,000 bonus money, 50% of your (ex) husband's tax refund from next year etc. Of course this sort of stuff will NOT happen in the family courts of a southern state - and particulary not in a southern state city that is heavily tied to a big military base.

    As to the Military still being hard heads about this, another advantage of being 'forced' to move back to New York ( or letting them think that you are 'forced' to do so ) is that you could then have a NEW YORK congressman's office write that letter to the DOD. You better believe that things will start happening in your favor in a major f#@king hurry if they even think that such a development might occur. The last thing that any military CO wants is the DOD brass hearing that an anti-war Democratic congressman from a northern state has yet one more reason to vote against military appropriations !!!

    Please keep one thing in mind despite your current feelings about 'not wanting to get him in trouble'. From this point forward, it will essentially be YOU who is responsible for providing for your child. Getting the standard $ 300 per month (or whatever) military allowance for child support as the result of an 'informal' back room agreement is not going to help you or your child much in the future if your (ex) husband has left the military, is working at a $100k a year job, and decides to still pay you the same $300 a month - or winding up out of the military, unemployed, and paying you nothing in child support. You'll get one and only one real chance to cover your own and your child's future needs via the terms of your divorce and property settlement agreement. Therefore it's really important to 'do this right' the first time. Since jurisdiction is a major factor in the outcome / child support and settlement terms, the person that files first pretty much gets to choose the jurisdiction. Under the circumstances, and with the possibility of choosing New York as the jurisdiction, that person needs to be you !

    ~
    Last edited by Melonie; 12-24-2007 at 08:47 AM.

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    file first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ask your attorney to ask the court for your ex to pay all legal fees. If you are not at fault, you should not pay. However if you get greedy and want evrything, you my get alot or all but get stuck with fees. Don't to keep something like a house if both your names are on it and it is not paid for. you may get the house ,but you might also get the payments too. If he gets the house and forecloses on it, you have court documents that you can present to someone if you want to buy a home later and they see a forecloser on your credit report. good luck, now go get YOUR DIVORCE FINALLIZED BEFORE YOU GET ANOTHER COMPANION. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE.
    ho's before bros'

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Thank you all. Melonie, I am living in NY now and when comparing it to GA's divorce laws- NY certainly seems to be the place that will be more in my corner. I saw that there is some form I can fill out that will waive the initial court filing fees or whatever so I will try to do it that way.

    Since I want to beat him to the punch- can I file papers at the clerk office then go hire an attorney? Or will I have to get an attorney from the get go?

    Poolman- there is no house or assets like that. All we have left are vehicles. Believe me, I am in no hurry to get another potential asshole on my team. Even if I did, I wouldn't be stupid enough to put pictures up incriminating myself.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Any experience with divorce? Some advice please...

    Quote Originally Posted by PleasureVictim View Post
    Thank you all. Melonie, I am living in NY now and when comparing it to GA's divorce laws- NY certainly seems to be the place that will be more in my corner. I saw that there is some form I can fill out that will waive the initial court filing fees or whatever so I will try to do it that way.

    Since I want to beat him to the punch- can I file papers at the clerk office then go hire an attorney? Or will I have to get an attorney from the get go?

    Poolman- there is no house or assets like that. All we have left are vehicles. Believe me, I am in no hurry to get another potential asshole on my team. Even if I did, I wouldn't be stupid enough to put pictures up incriminating myself.
    your welcome the same situation applies to anything you two have joint accounts on. that means anything that you and him have financed under both of your names. Finance companies do not have to honor divorce decrees. If one of you don't pay, it affects both of your credit scores. My ex got her car repo-ed and I got hit with it because we bought it together. Be safe.
    ho's before bros'

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