This holiday break, one of my exes, "A," is visiting home from the military. This is the same ex that knocked me up a few yrs ago(I talked about this in recent threads). We had maintained contact and friendship over the last year and a half or so since we stopped dating. Over the last few months, we talked more than usual and "A" kept telling me that he missed me. Almost a month ago, "A" asked if he would be able to stay with me for a portion of the time that he would be visiting home, and I agreed. (he doesn't have a stable place to stay here, since he normally lives at the military base) I've been trying to become less promiscuous, so I figure it's good that he's here because it'll keep me out of trouble lol(i.e., meeting lots of guys).
It's been good seeing him again, and we've been catching up on things. We hung out last weekend and then went to our separate families' houses for Christmas. He also spent some time visiting his old friends and catching up on things with them(perfectly understandable). We considered hanging out Christmas night when we were done with our families. I got back from my faraway family's house late(around 9-10pm) and by that time, "A" was already getting drunk at his friends' place and partying with them. I would have liked to catch up with him as planned, but I figured I'd catch up to him later in the week, so I hung out with my friend M--k instead.
This past week, it's been a bit hard to make plans with "A." He's been hanging out with his friends a lot and partying with them. (During this week, he's been crashing at his buddies' house) We considered hanging out this weekend, and then yesterday "A" told me that he would be hanging out with his friends Saturday night and watching some pay-per-view event as part of a "boys night out." He said that he'd be up for hanging out Saturday day though. Not being the type to wait around, I went ahead and made plans to hang at the bars in Town X Saturday night with some old friends I haven't seen in a while. I understand that he has a lot of friends to catch up with, but I'm starting to question if perhaps "A" is only staying with me on days that he doesn't have his buddies to party with, which doesn't fly with me(I don't want to be a "standby girl" for him).
Today when he called me to finalize plans, he's now saying that it is his mom's birthday tomorrow so he's gotta see her during the day...so now we're not hanging out tomorrow afternoon either. He reiterated that he was invited to his friend Heather's to see the pay-per-view event with the rest of his guy friends later that night(Heather's "one of the guys"?). I then said, "That's cool, and would I be able to 'invite' you to hang out with me on Sunday?" He said yeah he would spend Sunday with me and he would call me Saturday night after he's done watching the event with his buddies so maybe we'd be able to meet up late Saturday night. I told him that I would be in Town X because I made plans to hang out with some friends(it felt good showing that I wasn't waiting around for him), so perhaps he could meet us in Town X later if he really wanted.
Do you think I should expect him to hang out with me more, since after all he wants to stay at my place? Would it be too demanding for me to expect such a thing, or should I expect this to avoid be a doormat/free room? I'm wondering if maybe I shouldn't count on him. I mean, I could be going on dates/outings with other interested guys who have been calling me lately, but instead I am NOT going on dates, so that I can focus on "A" while he's here(I'm trying to be less of a player/promiscous). Should I disregard "A," and feel free to go on dates with some of the other guys? Or, should I not worry so much? I just want to make sure that I'm not being a doormat or a "whatever Wanda," since that was my problem in the past when I was dating him.
Should I communicate my intentions to "A" a little more clearly, or would that be unnecessary? To clarify, the reason things didn't work out with "A" in the past was because I was too unassertive about my feelings. When I was pregnant, I shied away from telling "A" my feelings and plans on the issue, which led "A" to wonder if I even had my own opinion on the matter. I let a lot of people give "A" and I put-downs when I was pregnant, without defending myself or "A". I was a total doormat. Months later, I expressed these opinions to "A" and finally started standing up for myself for some things concerning "A." Back then, "A" told me that I needed to be more communicative and assertive with my opinions. "A" is aware that I've been becomming more assertive and firm these days...and he has commended me in recent past for doing so.
I'm not good with the whole "dating" thing, since it's been a long time since I dated "A" or the long-term ex that I had before "A." I usually avoid relationships or any form of dating past casual hook-ups for a reason...it confuses me and I don't like the emotional involvement. I guess you could say I'm "new" with dating in a way. Advice or feedback?


).
Reply With Quote


Yes I came out of the womb as a virgin, but for a good portion of the time past puberty that I *was* a virgin, I was frustrated about it and seeking to lose my virginity the way you discard trash in a garbage can LOL.
Bookmarks