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Thread: Help! I'm fucking up again....

  1. #1
    Kaylinn
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    Default Help! I'm fucking up again....

    I have been workign very hard to remain positive, keep only good thoughts in my head, and go to work. I have worked a few nights so far, and I've ranged form really good to really bad, but on the bad nights I told myself atleast I went and tried.

    But this weekend, I'm back to my old shit of making excuses. What if the clubs to slow, what if I don't make money....it's like I got soo wore out trying not to allow negative thought into my head, my brain just overloaded and broke down and I can't keep them out anymore.
    I didn't work ysterday, and it's verydoubtful I'll work today since it's already 4am. Kinda late to be getting started.

    How do you keep negative thoughts from creeping into your brain?

    I do not want to slide down the path of depression again. I fight it every single day and I don't know how long I can kep it up before it just gets to hard or to tiring....

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Is stripping your only job? Why not take up a small part-time job on the side? I work 16 hours a week as a research analyst and it's fun work for me. I don't make much money from it compared to stripping but at least it keeps me on my toes and I'm guaranteed a small income of around $700 a month.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Maybe instead of judging yourself for the negative thoughts, you could just accept that you don't want to work tonight. So take the night to pamper yourself and get happy so that tomorrow you'll be fresh and happy about working.



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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    If your prone to depression maybe strippings not the best career choice for you as it can be very mentally draining at times. If you really want to keep at it I'd say it would be worth getting a second job. I did this for a while when stripping wasd getting me down and it really helped. Although my other job only really paid me enough to cover my rent and a couple of bills it really took the pressure off so I could just work in the club 1 or 2 nights and it was really just extra money I was working for. Hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon. Remember, there is nothing more important than your health, physical and mental, don't sacrifice for the sake of trying to make a little bit more money, x



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

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    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
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  5. #5
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    ^ I've been a stripper for almost 6 years now.
    It is the job I want to have right now while I am in college. I have explored getting a different job, but I want to dance. it suits my life well. ( schedule, freedom so forth)
    I could never strip, geta second job and go to school. That would be to much for me to handle. I concidered it, and decided against that,.

    I have just started going back a few weeks ago after 6 months off, and have definatley seemd to cured my burn out... I'm just fighting with depression.
    But I want to work. I want to dance.



    Lena...That is exactly what i did, and I am looking foward to doubly kicking ass tomorrow. Start fresh, a new day, a new chance.
    ps. I have been taking the skullcap, it does help with anxiety and nerves, combined with the other thigns I have been doing ( exercise and positive thougths. Trying to change what I can, and accept what I can't and not worry to much. Positive affirmations have been helping immensly as well. I am happy, I am confidant, life is good blah blah)

  6. #6
    Member TrinaGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    I find it important to reclaim myself every so often. I dance because I love the attention, because its a good outlet for my (possibly over indulgent) sexuallity, and because I just love to dance. But I think that all too often we get lost in the money, in the hussle and in the scene in general. Reclaim your body, reclaim your dance. Rediscover what you loved about it in the first place.
    Everyone thinks negative at times, no one can completely force those thoughts from their head and like you said to try to all the time is exhausting. I beleive in embrasing every part of yourself, even the dark side. I'd say take a few minutes and examine yourself. if that day you just can't face the club than don't. if you have to go to work because you need the money, etc.. than embrace the negative and reinforce the positive to make it worth it.
    Reclaim, rediscover and take breaks. that's what i can say.

    oh and go to the spa all the time

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    ^ Thanks. I like that advice

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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    I'm in exactly the same boat as you..and have danced as long as you and am starting school again this semester. I tried getting a waitressing job instead this past summer and I couldn't even make my bills..I couldn't even get enough hours! And I have struggled with depression my whole life too so I know how it can make everything way more difficult in life.

    Have you tried talking to a doctor about getting on some sort of anti depressant that is right for you. They are not pricey but if it will give you the motivation and energy to take control of you life and thoughts. One thing about depression is it zaps all your energy and makes just getting out of bed and going to work extremely hard. Just consider the money an investment in yourself and your life.

    I got back on Wellburtin this past summer along with starting me day with going to the gym and it has done wonders for me. I think working out in conjuntion with the medication has a very positive effect and I am much more able to handle the stress of dancing taking care of myself in this way.

    As for work...all you can do is give 100% and take it day by day..I understand how stressful it can be when things are not going so well...I've had a few VERY bad nights lately and then I think.."omg, I'm going to have to give up my dream of going to school" "I'll lose everything I worked so hard for" "I love dancing I still want to make money at it because it makes me happy but what if making a living off of it isn't realistic anymore" These thoughts do creep into my mind but you just have to fight them with a positive outlook..customers can sense anxiety and your negative thoughts can have a whole effect on your aura without you even realising it. Remember you have good nights and bad nights just staying consistant with keeping with your dancing schedual should keep you on the right track..as well as saving money and making a few sacrifices.

    But I really would consider spending the money for anti depressants..as someone said this job can make depression and anxiety even worse for people who are predispositioned to it.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    ps. I have been taking the skullcap, it does help with anxiety and nerves, combined with the other thigns I have been doing ( exercise and positive thougths. Trying to change what I can, and accept what I can't and not worry to much. Positive affirmations have been helping immensly as well. I am happy, I am confidant, life is good blah blah)
    Been following and you're story you're doing so much better now. Really, be proud of yourself. Yes going to the gym, waking up in the morning to take a shower, and trying to find ways to cope all seem small but they are huge to me. The only person that can stop you is you. I think of negative thoughts as they are not an option to think of while at work. Keep up your positivity all around.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  10. #10
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Sorry to hear you are feelin down

    Could you set a minimum number of days to work? Or make a quota? I make myself work at least 3 days, and try for 4 if I don't make my quota. That way, you might feel more encouraged to go in knowing you're getting it out of the way, and you'll feel rewarded when you can relax and pamper yourself on the other days And if you are feeling depressed one day, you can still tell yourself, "its ok, I'll work Thursday (or whatever day) instead."

    Also try to keep in mind that no matter how dead it is, you only need 1 customer to make your night. Many of the best nights I've ever had were nights it was slow in the club, or raining/snowing, or other factors that most girls use as a prediction for a bad night. You are right when you say "at least I tried." Its a gamble, gotta keep going till you win, but at least you'll never lose (Theres a positive thought!)

  11. #11
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    K, I just think you need some good old fashion bribery. I bribe myself, but in this case I am going to bribe you. From your recent posts it seems like you went back to Sapphire. If that is the case and you can go early, I have a deal for you. You don't know me but I am a supporter of people getting back on track and going to school.

    This week, Sunday to Saturday. If you, Kaylinn, go into work by 10:30 pm 3x per week and stay a 5 hours one the floor, I will send you a special package.

    I will include things that make me happy; stuff I think will make you happy , too. I think going to work at night and being awake to the world when it still has some daylight will also do wonders for your mood. Are you gonna take me up on my offer???

  12. #12
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Try some other things. If ALL I did was strip...I'd lose my mind. But I have choices...I can do shoots(when they are available), i can go to the webcam studio....look into other options that you can try. Sometimes just haveing a choice...some variety...makes it better
    Last edited by cameron_keys; 12-29-2007 at 02:15 PM.

  13. #13
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    I have been workign very hard to remain positive, keep only good thoughts in my head, and go to work. I have worked a few nights so far, and I've ranged form really good to really bad, but on the bad nights I told myself atleast I went and tried.

    But this weekend, I'm back to my old shit of making excuses. What if the clubs to slow, what if I don't make money....it's like I got soo wore out trying not to allow negative thought into my head, my brain just overloaded and broke down and I can't keep them out anymore.
    I didn't work ysterday, and it's verydoubtful I'll work today since it's already 4am. Kinda late to be getting started.

    How do you keep negative thoughts from creeping into your brain?

    I do not want to slide down the path of depression again. I fight it every single day and I don't know how long I can kep it up before it just gets to hard or to tiring....
    Hmmm here's my perspective on it. I can relate to this, because I used to be the same way. I would work at a place, get fed up with it, take a mini break from stripping and find a club that I think is going to be better, start working there, and then the whole cycle would repeat again. I think when this starts happening repeatedly, that perhaps you should step back and ask yourself if you really want to dance any longer...that's what I did. I realized that although I needed the extra money of dancing, that I was just unhappy with it. I realized that switching clubs was a "temporary fix" and a way to trick myself into finding joy in a job that I really didn't have any long-term interest in.

    Kaylinn, I know you said that you took a break from dancing and worked at a restaurant during that time. Do you currently work any other jobs, e.g. a day job? Are you in school and working towards a particular career path? Or, do you have a degree and just need to find a job in your field but need money in the meantime?(for most of the time that I was dancing, that was my situation) Perhaps now is the time to start thinking about long-term careers, so that you will have something lucrative and interesting to fall back on in case you get bored or burned out with dancing more than you already are.

    Now if you're really intent on dancing, perhaps doing things like buying new make-up or new oufits...basically things that will make you feel like a new, "reinvented" person could help. Or didn't you state in a previous thread that your boyfriend would come to work and serve as a good motivator?...see if perhaps he could visit you on occasions where you feel unmotivated.

    Wow I just read the part where you write that it's already 4am...just curious, how late are clubs open until in Vegas? (Sorry if I sound out-of-the-loop...I'm from Philly, where all bars close at 2am) I didn't even know they had all-night shifts like that.

  14. #14
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by shasta View Post
    K, I just think you need some good old fashion bribery. I bribe myself, but in this case I am going to bribe you. From your recent posts it seems like you went back to Sapphire. If that is the case and you can go early, I have a deal for you. You don't know me but I am a supporter of people getting back on track and going to school.

    This week, Sunday to Saturday. If you, Kaylinn, go into work by 10:30 pm 3x per week and stay a 5 hours one the floor, I will send you a special package.

    I will include things that make me happy; stuff I think will make you happy , too. I think going to work at night and being awake to the world when it still has some daylight will also do wonders for your mood. Are you gonna take me up on my offer???

    ohhh a bribe....I like that...Can't turn down a challenge...
    You have a deal.

    And it's a shame I don't know you, because we worked at thr rhino one night at the same time, kikiwiki was there and told me she ran into and met you. it's a shame I didn't have a chance to get introduced to you as well.

  15. #15
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Why are you pushing yourself so hard to dance? Maybe your personality type was not cut out to be a dancer.

    I don't mean this to reflect on you as a person in any way. All I'm saying is that some people are better at some jobs than they are at others. I sucked at being a waitress, but am smart enough to make a living waiting tables. I hated every minute of it, but I kept chastising myself because I didn't do as well as I wanted and would keep requesting to go home early and/or took extra days off.

    I HATED being a waitress. I just thought that I "had to" in order to earn a living. Guess what? I took a job in retail sales, and loved it. I made a lot more money, too. I just don't have the personality to be a waitress.

    I'm trying to draw an apples to apples comparison. Sorry if this isn't making any sense. Maybe you might do better in another aspect of the club, accounting/ bookkeeping or maybe work in a stripper clothing store or be a door hostess or something?

    I sounds to me like you are fighting your own nature when trying to do this job. Wouldn't you be happier if you did something that you could look forward to, not something that you have to force yourself to do day in and day out?


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  16. #16
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    ohhh a bribe....I like that...Can't turn down a challenge...
    You have a deal.

    And it's a shame I don't know you, because we worked at thr rhino one night at the same time, kikiwiki was there and told me she ran into and met you. it's a shame I didn't have a chance to get introduced to you as well.
    DEAL!! 3x by Saturday! Tonight can count, too. I am straping on the shoes, are you??? I really hope to send you your package!!!

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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Sometimes you just have to tell yourself that thinking negatively just simply is not an option. What I do is go in, stay focused and positive, and even if I make only $100, then hey at least I tried. Sometimes I just go in with the attitude that as long as I have fun, that is all that matters. Then the money somehow follows.

    And if you feel that you need to take a day off, then by all means do it and do something nice for yourself. I also tell myself that a good entertainer knows when to stay home. So stay home if you need some "you" time. Then go back in recharged and ready to bank. It's better than working yourself to death and burning out.

  18. #18
    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    I HATED being a waitress. I just thought that I "had to" in order to earn a living. Guess what? I took a job in retail sales, and loved it. I made a lot more money, too. I just don't have the personality to be a waitress.

    I sounds to me like you are fighting your own nature when trying to do this job. Wouldn't you be happier if you did something that you could look forward to, not something that you have to force yourself to do day in and day out?
    I agree with Paris. I'm the opposite of her. I did retail and I hated it, it brought me right back into the club atmosphere and I was happy with that. Sure there are bad nights and when your around douche bag guys it surely doesn't make it any better. But if dancing is bringing you that far down maybe it's time to reevaluate.

    But I think you need to give and take a little. Set realistic goals as to how many nights your going to work this week & then set time to relax and do other things. Things that will keep your mind out of work. I've always had another job at the same time as being in the club scene so if worse comes to worse look into something else that can rack in the dough. Keep us posted & your in my prayers!
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







  19. #19
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    Why are you pushing yourself so hard to dance? Maybe your personality type was not cut out to be a dancer.

    I don't mean this to reflect on you as a person in any way. All I'm saying is that some people are better at some jobs than they are at others. I sucked at being a waitress, but am smart enough to make a living waiting tables. I hated every minute of it, but I kept chastising myself because I didn't do as well as I wanted and would keep requesting to go home early and/or took extra days off.

    I HATED being a waitress. I just thought that I "had to" in order to earn a living. Guess what? I took a job in retail sales, and loved it. I made a lot more money, too. I just don't have the personality to be a waitress.

    I'm trying to draw an apples to apples comparison. Sorry if this isn't making any sense. Maybe you might do better in another aspect of the club, accounting/ bookkeeping or maybe work in a stripper clothing store or be a door hostess or something?

    I sounds to me like you are fighting your own nature when trying to do this job. Wouldn't you be happier if you did something that you could look forward to, not something that you have to force yourself to do day in and day out?

    It's not that I hate the job and I'm trying to force myself day in and day out to go...I have bene enjoyign dancing since I started back...I just have tons of negative thoughts runnign through my brain and I psych myself out a lot.
    What If i don't make back my hosue fees? what if I don't make enough for this bill?
    what if I look to fat, what if noone likes me

    Those are the thoughts I need to get out of my mind. I have been good if I get there and get to work, then the thoughts go away and I can kick ass...if i don't psych myself out before getting there...

  20. #20
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by shasta View Post
    DEAL!! 3x by Saturday! Tonight can count, too. I am straping on the shoes, are you??? I really hope to send you your package!!!

    Yep. I'm getting ready to leave now!

    Probably work tonight then Friday and Sat.
    I try to avoid NYE. it's a freakin mad house out here!

  21. #21
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    I just got home. How did your night go Kaylinn??

  22. #22
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    I just got home. I got there at 9:30 and left at 2:00. 5 hours almost. I couldn't bear to stay a minute more.
    The good news is I held up my end of the deal. I went. I stayed. I worked.
    The bad news is the club just sucked and I didn't do very well, but that's out of my control. I did my part and tried
    The better news is CES is comming very soon, and I plan on working through that, and I KNOW I will bank. Past CES conventions I have had a skybox every single night they were in town.
    I actually made a deal with myself. I want a puppy very very badly, and I have not had the financial stability to get one.
    My deal is that if I work the weekend before, the weekend after and most days in between when CES is here, I will buy a puppy. On Jan 15th. That's a damn good bribe to work, lol.
    I will work Jan. 4th- 14th ( with a few weekdays off, not striaght through) and if I suceed, I will get a puppy on the 15th.

    That works perfectly with our deal, because if I work Friday and Saturday, then I will have worked the 3 days I agreed to as well
    Last edited by Kaylinn; 12-30-2007 at 04:07 AM.

  23. #23
    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Good work Kaylinn! I am excited to send you a cool package. I have never sent anything to a sw member, this will be a first for me.

  24. #24
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    ^ I'm excited to! I love a good challenge, lol. and I love cool stuff in the mail

    And I like that I HAVE to go now. No excuses. Because I can't look like a fool and tell you I chickened out!

  25. #25
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I'm fucking up again....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Lena...That is exactly what i did, and I am looking foward to doubly kicking ass tomorrow. Start fresh, a new day, a new chance.
    ps. I have been taking the skullcap, it does help with anxiety and nerves, combined with the other thigns I have been doing ( exercise and positive thougths. Trying to change what I can, and accept what I can't and not worry to much. Positive affirmations have been helping immensly as well. I am happy, I am confidant, life is good blah blah)
    That's such a huge difference from a few weeks ago. I hope you're very proud of yourself.

    This bribing thing is totally awesome too! Now I want someone to bribe me! LOL



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