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Thread: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

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    Default Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    This is Magda Carter, a woman who visits strip clubs throughout the world and writes reviews for other women. The Lumberyard is a large, all-nude, all-female, BYOB facility with three levels of wooden floor stages. On the second level, next to the stage, there is a shower stage for novelty, dj-ed shows. All of the patrons who were showered and “tormented” by strippers were male.


    Overall, The Lumberyard is female-patron-tolerant, if not female-patron-friendly. For a menial tip (one dollar), dancers tend to give male patrons one of two options: a face-in-crotch or face-in-cleavage experience. For the same or a few dollars more, however, the dancers will disrobe willing female patrons; and in some cases, they will engage in borderline-pornographic activities with said patrons.


    I've been to many strip clubs across the country, but have yet to encounter one that involved such friendly contact between dancers and [female] customers. From the perspective of a female patron, one disappointment, was that the $15 cover charge (which applies after 7pm on Fridays and after 5pm on Saturdays) was universal, regardless of the patron's gender.


    Generally speaking, female patrons could enter the club and watch the dancing from a distance without having to worry about being hassled by either circulating dancers or other patrons. Circulating dancers primarily focused on male customers, when making their rounds, but my party of three 20 to 30-something females, did have the luxury of being graced with light conversation by one very friendly circulating dancer.


    Reviewers complaining about The Lumberyard seem to have the same two complaints: the dancers are overweight and/or rude.


    In answer to the charge that the dancers are overweight: We saw 15 dancers this Saturday night, and I took note that 3 were clearly underweight, 6 were slim to average, 3 were above average, and 3 were overweight, though not obese (based on the definition of obesity requiring a BMI of 30 or greater). Even though I tend to prefer watching and interacting with slimmer dancers, my favorite dancer at The Lumberyard was one of the above-average sized ones, named “Brittney.” The more slim girls tended to be more acrobatic on the free standing poles (they were connected to the floor, but free at the top), but there was one of the overweight girls who could climb the pole at least as well as the smaller girls. Interestingly, none of the dancers performed the typical pole-dance routine, which involves quick spinning and acrobatic dismounts. Even still, every one of these girls were incredibly flexible and put on a good show.


    In answer to the charge that the dancers are rude: we only experienced rudeness with one dancer. She was an overweight Asian woman with the stage name of “Lilly.” She was late arriving to the stage, after her call, which ought to have been a cue that she is cynical and burnt out on her profession. She wore a long V-neck sweater, with thong bikini bottoms. As soon as she stepped onto the stage, she removed her bikini bottoms, and pulled down the top of her sweater so that the “important bits” were showing. She never did any more stripping beyond that. I thought it was curious that she did not remove her sweater, and determined that maybe it was because she'd had a baby, and had abdominal stretch marks that she did not wish to expose (as there was another dancer who continually wore a bikini top, pulled aside to expose her nipples, but also hide her breast implant scars).


    I found Lilly attractive, in part, because I'd created a story in my mind where she was an imperfect woman posing as a man's perfect fantasy. Due to this, I placed a tip on the stage for Lilly, and upon picking up the tip, she guided my hands to her breasts and buttocks, and briefly put my face in her cleavage. She then moved over to my female companions, who were less enthralled with her, and demanded that they tip her. When they shrugged, indicating they weren't interested in a personal interaction, she stopped dancing and told them that where we were sitting (a side of the stage which was almost entirely empty, except for us), was only for tipping customers. We might have accepted this graciously and accommodated, except for the fact that we had been sitting there, not tipping, without difficulty, and we had witnessed plenty of other people sitting around the stage, not tipping, and also not being subjected to harrassment from the dancers.


    The general rule of strip clubs is, if there is room, sit at the stage, and if you're interested in the dancer, tip. Just like the fact that it is considered impolite for waitstaff to demand a certain tip, it is also considered impolite for strippers to demand a certain tip. As it happened, I, and one of my companions, ended up having to pay her to get her to leave us alone. After that, we decided it was time to leave.


    In spite of the unpleasant end to an otherwise pleasant night, I would recommend The Lumberyard to female patrons. There are two major reasons why women tend to be unwelcome at all-female-dancer clubs. The first, is because the dancers tend to feel threatened by female patrons, and make this apparent. The second, is because male patrons harrass or intimidate female patrons. Neither of these issues seem to be a concern at The Lumberyard, Des Moines. So, Ladies, go and enjoy the view!

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    Default Re: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    Actually, it's considered rude to sit at the stage without tipping. If you are not interested in the dancer, move away from the stage to make room for someone who is. While I'll agree that it's slightly rude to overtly demand a tip, it's also not something I have a problem doing to a customer (male or female) who is being rude to me in the first place.

    As well, I doubt that most dancers are as likely to feel threatened by female patrons as we are to feel annoyed that the female patrons are sitting around dissecting us and being rude, or that they don't seem to understand the generally accepted tipping practices. I've also never seen a female patron getting harassed or intimidated by a male patron she wasn't apparently there with.

    In ny case, I'm wondering if this post wouldn't fit better in Customer Conversation, or some other part of the site.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    Yes, it is very rude to sit at stage and not tip. If a dancer is on stage your not willing to give a dollar to, then you should leave the stage and only return when you are willing to tip.

    Aside frm that....I wonder how you arrive at the assumption that dancers fel threatened by female customers? What are we threatened by, exactly?

    The truth of the matter is that dancers have been jaded by to many ignorant female customers, and so we tend to just ignore them all together, as we have learned from experience that most female customers are more of a pain in the ass than anything. Out of the millons of people i have met in a strip club, I could count on my fingers how many pleasant interactions I have had with a female customer. I have met far more jealous customers, or ones who feel threatened by us! What they don't realize is that we don't give a fuck about their man, we are getting paid to pretend we care!

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    Default Re: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    Hummm...

    If:
    1: The post is uber structured and analytical.
    2: Poster states "she" travels all over the world doing reviews for women, but:
    2.1 This is first post by this member.
    2.2 The member (and world-wide reviewer) is not familiar with basic stripclub etiquette.
    3: Post content is likely to cause heated discussion.
    4: Post is in the incorrect section of the board so as to be more visible.

    Then:
    1: The poster may be a troll.
    2: The globe-trotting poster doesn't get out much!
    Last edited by Moodmaster; 12-30-2007 at 06:37 AM.

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    Default Re: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    Who the h*ll is this "woman" to come on a stripper board and critique our weights, attitudes and pole skills?

    If she was a man critiquing the club, at the very least (though probably still obnoxious) it would have the value of being based on the opinion of what the majority (and $$ spending) customers (men) think.

    What the heck do I care about what some chick thinks of a strip club when she doesn't even dance and - for lack of a better word - is a snot? Oh, wait here's one: troll.

    To the OP, why don't you get on the stage and deal with what "lilly" deals with everyday? Like: crummy managers, abusive customers, other dancers stealing your stuff, hosts extorting our money, other dancers offering extras. Go deal with that stuff, and then come on her and tell us about who *in your opinion* needs to go on a diet.

    Oh, and PS, stop putting the dancers names in "quotes." Ok, "Magda"?

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    Default Re: Review: The Lumberyard, Des Moines, Iowa

    Quote Originally Posted by magdacarter View Post
    In spite of the unpleasant end to an otherwise pleasant night, I would recommend The Lumberyard to female patrons. There are two major reasons why women tend to be unwelcome at all-female-dancer clubs. The first, is because the dancers tend to feel threatened by female patrons, and make this apparent. The second, is because male patrons harrass or intimidate female patrons. Neither of these issues seem to be a concern at The Lumberyard, Des Moines. So, Ladies, go and enjoy the view!
    Also, we ARE strippers! You are posting on a stripper board. We get to "enjoy" stripclubs every day. Oh, and if I want to "enjoy the view" I just get naked and look in the mirror.

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