In 2007, I stopped working because of depression. I didn't work for 6 months. I lost my house, moved into a smaller apartment, frequently had the heat, electric and phones disconnected. Days when I didn't eat, or ate ramen noodles repeadly. Because I didn't work and my boyfriend couldn't sustain us on his income alone, his credit cards all defaulted and were sent to collection agencies and his credit was ruined. It was all he could do to keep a roof over our heads. We got into payday loans, because even knowing how terrible of an idea they are, when your hungry, you do what u gotta do. Unfortunatly, it because a vicious cycle, as the always do. My car was almost reposessed several times, only paying a minimum amount at the last minute. I gained 15 lbs because I started overeating to seek comfort and just feed my depression. I started having anxiety attacks, so bad that I couldn't leave the house. I had suicidal thoughts almost daily. A few times I came very close to attempting. Searching the house for some kind of pills (being dissappointed that all I had was tylonal in the house, and that wouldn't kill me just my liver), playing with knives, leaving my car running in the garage....I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't cope any more.
Going into 2008.....
I will be entering 2008 with a clean slate. All of my shut off notices, past due bills and payday loans will be paid. i will be 100% current, and hopefully, if all goes right at work, I will be able to pay Jan. bills by the second week of Jan. And pay all of Feb. bills before Feb even hits. I would like to be one month ahead on everything.
Aside from my financial mess being cured, I have a personal mess to contend with. As you all know, I have gone back into work. It's still a struggle, I'm still combatting my anxiety and depression, but I am working. And I'm very happy to be back. every day I go in I feel better about my self, my self esteem and confidance increases.
I hired a personal trainer to start training me twice a week for 8 weeks. I need the help and motivation to work out, and I need to lose this weight I've gained. Plus..I just need to exercise to stay happy. He cut me a really awesome deal, and is allowing me to pay him per session. $15 per session. And he is really good. I had 1 free session and he worked me hard and pushed me.
I am going to quit smoking on Jan. 1st. I'm scared shitless and don't know how I'll ever be able to do it, all I know is that I WILL do it. I am going to put the money saved from not smokign into a special savings account, and at my 6 month quit mark, i'm going to do somethign really special for myself, hopefully in the way of a shopping trip in the Forum shops. Somethign I've never done before.
I'm going to adhere to a goal and reward system. I don't think I reward myself enough, or treat myself good enough, and taking care of yourself is very important to stay happy.
I have very definate goals for 2008, which include several different savings goals for vacations, emergency cash, medical expences and other important things. I also developed a budget. I have a work schedule and a nightly and weekly work goal.
I also have personal goals for myself throughout the year, and rewards for each goal.
For example, I have wanted a puppy for a long time now, but have been financially unable to care for one. If I can prove to myself that I can go to work and stick to a consistant schedule, I am going to get a puppy on Jan 15th.
If I can stick with my training schedule and lose the weight I want, and keep up with exercise, I am getting a beautiful outfit made my Guen. ( which I already made a commitment to buy, so I HAVE to stick to this and do it)
If I stick to my savings goals, I have a cruise planned for November. The deal with that is aside rom having the vacation savings, I must first save the emergency cash and medical expences savings, then save for the vacation.
I am also filing for bankruptcy in June. My credit is unrepairable. It is a postive step for me to take in repairing my credit in the long term. I have ignored that problem for long enough, and it's time to take action. I don't want to be a 30 year old with a credit score of 300.
Aside from all of that, I am still in college and doing well, and plan on tranferring to UNLV next fall semester.
As I said before, I have been trying to learn how to cope with stress better, and to worry less. I have been trying to just acept what i can't change, and try my hardest to change what i am able to. I have been trying to remain positive, and realize that life isn't all that bad. Certainly not bad enough to stop living!
On that side of things, I have decided to volunteer my time to a charity of some kind, and repay my debts. Help others less fortunate to myself.
Awhile back, there was a thread abotu homeless people. I have decided to start my own charity of sorts, due to that thread.
From the info I gathered there, I plan on buying 2 bookbag a month, and filling it with things I can buy from the dollar store. Socks, a blanket, ready to eat food, water bottles, sun screen, stuff like that. when I have a bookbag filled, I will drop it off to a homeless person I dive past. I see them daily, they won't be hard to find.
I also am looking into becomming a Big Sister.
The world has been very kind to me, and I feel like I need to repay some of that kindness. Also..I just need to remember that my life is good, and appriciate it.
Sorry this is such a long post, but I need to do one more thing before I shut up
I need to say thank you to StripperWeb, and all of the wonderful people on here that have helped me and stuck by me and listened to me whine and complain. I have to thank all of you that have pushed me and motivated me and tried to cheer me up when I was down. You all know who you are..and I cannot thank you enough. I never imagined I would find such great friends when I signed up for these forums, and I am very grateful. Hopefully one day I will have a chance to repay the kindness I have found on this website.
So on NYE I am partying! probably by myself, but that's fine by me. I am washing away all of the crap of 2007 and bringing in 2008 on the right start! Paving the way for all of the wonderful things to come this year.
I will NEVER allow myself to get that bad again. Now that I'm out of the pit, I will never go down that road again. It's only up from here. And up has soo much to offer!
Ok. I'm done. Was that to sappy? I know it was to long winded! Oh well!![]()
Kaylinn is getting her groove back!![]()
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I had to share the happiness!



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