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Thread: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Thumbs down Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    I don't want to sound like a bitch simply because I'm over 21 but...it's really starting to annoy me when underage minors want to tag along on "big girl" ventures. Let me explain better...

    My friend "Carrie" has a 17-yr-old guy friend named "Dean". He's the kid brother of one of her best friends, Larry. A few months ago, we were planning to meet up with some guys that we hadn't seen in a long time and a bunch of their friends. We'd already planned this like a week or so ahead of time, since we felt bad that we bailed out on these guys before. The one guy even drove 8 hrs up from North Carolina that weekend to see us and his guy friend. Well when I get to her house that evening, 17-yr-old kid Dean is there and wants to tag along with us to the party these guys were having after the big game. I'm thinking, "Uhhhh I don't know how well that will fly, a bunch of athlete guys having an underage BOY trying to party with them when there's gonna be tons of alcohol." But we were too nice to say no, so we politely let him ride with us to the city until we found out where the guys were specifically partying. Sure enough, they were partying at one of the clubs/bars. There was no chance in hell they'd let in Dean, who is 17 but looks 15(plus, why would GUYS vouch for a boy??).

    So we had no choice but to turn around and drop Dean off, which not only made me look like a "prick" in front of Dean for doing this, but also made us extremely late in meeting up with these guys. I really shouldn't have let Dean tag along anyway...I guess I was too nice to say "no," and being too unassertive always kicks me in the ass. But lesson learned for next time.

    A few months later, Carrie brought Dean and another guy over to hang at my apartment for a bit. Of course Dean and the other guy kept asking for alcohol, so Carrie and I drove up the street to buy alcohol for them. But Dean was picky, and JUST HAD TO get Sparks black variety. And of course this bar didn't have sparks. I tried to buy him an alternative so he'd have something, but Carrie said, "OMG Dean would never drink that, he ONLY drinks Sparks! Let's drive 15 mins to the other side of town to the other take-out bar to find Sparks!" (Well she was driving, so it was her gas expense...I didn't mind)

    Now is it wrong for me to be thinking: "It's a priviledge enough that Dean is getting the chance to drink at his age, so he really cannot afford to be picky"??

    Now it is New Year's Eve, and my ex and other friends all want to hang out. However, my ex is in the military and is not down with drinking amongst minors and harboring underage drinking, since he doesn't want to risk getting kicked out of the Navy. We're all still sketching together some New Year's plans, and I told Carrie what my ex said and she said it wouldn't be right for her and the other friend to ditch Dean on New Year's. True enough. I might party with them instead of my ex, or catch up with him and his friends later...who knows. But the point is...isn't Dean a bit demanding and high-maintenance for someone that is only 17? I wasn't exactly an "alcohol virgin" when I was 17, but I usually had to fend for myself by stealing parents' liquor when they were asleep or actually succombing to drinking mouthwash to get my "buzz." Hells even when I was 20, my YOUNGER friends ditched me because they didn't want to get in trouble giving me alcohol!(bizarre story) When I was young, it sucked but I had to suck it up and wait until I was "of age." I do not know if I want to associate with someone that will always expect Carrie and I to commit a crime by getting him alcohol or sharing some of ours, you know? What do you guys think?

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    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    If he wants to tag along that bad he should get a quality fake ID
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  3. #3
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    I mean, I had to suck it up and be left out of the "big kids'" activities when I was under 21, so why can't he? Here's one such example:

    When I was 20 yrs old, my 19-yr-old friends excluded me from hanging out with them at the bar. They were sneaking in underage with their older friend, who had some kind of networking/link to the bar and was able to sneak them in. When I asked them if I could come along, my one friend impatiently responded "No. We can't have too many people in our group or we will get caught underage drinking that much easier, ya know."

    Looking back, I realize now that the real reason they didn't want me coming along was because I looked so young. I was 20 but looked about 15 or 16, so I would have stuck out like a sore thumb as an obviously underage person, thus getting them in trouble. (the other girls in their group could easily pass for 21...when the same friend and I went to Chi-Chi's one time, the server thought my friend was 22 and I was 16...at the time, she was 18 and I was 19)

    See, even when I was OLDER than my underage friends, I was ditched. But I sucked it up. Hells, I didn't even think of how so-called "unfair" or "mean" it was that my friends did that...I didn't even think about that incident at all until recently when I saw 17-yr-old Dean act like he was entitled to get alcohol all the time. (apparently he does that a lot when he hangs with Carrie...I've only met him a handful of times)

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasPrincess View Post
    If he wants to tag along that bad he should get a quality fake ID
    Good point! However, he looks obviously too young to be 21(although not too terribly young looking) so I do not know how well a fake ID would work, but I guess it's worth a try.

    I don't mind if he drinks, as long as it doesn't always involve putting me at risk of criminal charges(i.e., buying him booze), or cramping my plans(e.g., the incident with the guys).

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    Featured Member iseestars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Being over 21, I rarely associate with anyone underage because it is a drag to not be able to do what I want to do. How good a friend is Carrie? Is there anyway you can limit your time with her when she is hanging out with Dean? Personally, I would do what you want to do and not allow anyone under the age of 21 and if she has a problem with it, she can stay home while you have your fun.

  6. #6
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by iseestars View Post
    Being over 21, I rarely associate with anyone underage because it is a drag to not be able to do what I want to do. How good a friend is Carrie? Is there anyway you can limit your time with her when she is hanging out with Dean? Personally, I would do what you want to do and not allow anyone under the age of 21 and if she has a problem with it, she can stay home while you have your fun.
    Good idea...although I don't want Carrie to get too pissed. I think she's already a little pissed that my ex and his hot military buddies don't want to share alcohol with that kid Dean. Here's what she texted me:

    "Well thats gay. No one would be getting caught. It's pretty hard to get caught if we just stay in one place n dont act like assholes but whatever."

    And then when I explained that a few of my ex's acquaintences almost got kicked out of the Navy Seal program for "assisting" underage drinking, she wrote:

    "R u kidding me. His job isnt in jeopardy cuz of that. No one would get in trouble. But whatever fuck that then. This happens too much."

    I'm not trying to personally discriminate against Dean(although the more he acts entitled to alcohol, the less I like him personally), it's just that I don't want a kid dragging us down. It probably seems that I(and other older people) are repeatedly tying to exclude Dean, but it is the AGE issue...not him personally. Where were all MY friends when they went to the bar and left me(older than them!) behind, simply because I was 20 and looked 15???

    Now about limiting my time around her when she's with Dean...that's what another friend of hers is already doing. Our mutual guy friend "Sean" doesn't like when Carrie hangs out with Dean and this other guy, because he thinks that Dean and the other dude drink too much and they do dumb things like percocets. (a few months ago, Dean nearly OD'd on Ritalin or some pill like that, and the stupid loser had to get his stomach pumped at a hospital)

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    You don't need Dean, and if Carrie won't party without Dean, you don't need Carrie, either.

    Dean is going to OD on something one of these days, and everybody with him is going to get charged with contributing.

    As to the fake ID--it has to look reasonable. I used to work door in a bar. If an ID could be legit, we would let the person in, but keep the ID at the bar until they left. Especially with women, hair color and build can change a lot between the time an ID is issued and today's date.

    But once I had some young white guy who has about 5'6" tall come in with an ID for a black guy who was 6'11". When I wouldn't let him in, he got mad. But if I had and we got raided, the bar would've lost its liquor license.

    In Dean's case, if he gets a fake ID, even if it works for him, if he ODs some night on vodka and Percocet, everyone with him who knew he was underage will still get charged. If he dies, they might get charged as an accessory to manslaughter.

  8. #8
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    You don't need Dean, and if Carrie won't party without Dean, you don't need Carrie, either.

    Dean is going to OD on something one of these days, and everybody with him is going to get charged with contributing.

    As to the fake ID--it has to look reasonable. I used to work door in a bar. If an ID could be legit, we would let the person in, but keep the ID at the bar until they left. Especially with women, hair color and build can change a lot between the time an ID is issued and today's date.

    But once I had some young white guy who has about 5'6" tall come in with an ID for a black guy who was 6'11". When I wouldn't let him in, he got mad. But if I had and we got raided, the bar would've lost its liquor license.

    In Dean's case, if he gets a fake ID, even if it works for him, if he ODs some night on vodka and Percocet, everyone with him who knew he was underage will still get charged. If he dies, they might get charged as an accessory to manslaughter.
    I agree with you completely!! Also, I just got off the phone with my ex, and he described in a lot more detail all of the consequences that he would face if he were caught hanging out with drunk minors. He'd lose his $15,000 bonus, he'd get demoted, etc. I agreed with him completely. He said that New Years is the WORST time to hang around people that drink underage.

    At this point, I'll probably hang out with my ex and his buddies and meet up with Carrie and them later. After all, my ex is only in town for another week. Also, Carrie should be able to relate, since she spent oh so much time with HER now-ex boyfriend when he was home from the military this November(I barely saw her for most of November because she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before he left). I think she'll understand. I think the reason she doesn't want to ditch Dean is because there's been several other times that Dean wasn't able to hang with us older folks, so she feels bad.

    As far as the OD thing goes...again I agree. I think it is really dumb that Dean does percocets and prescription pills. Why don't he work on pursuing a good job instead?

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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    You don't need Dean, and if Carrie won't party without Dean, you don't need Carrie, either.
    It's as simple as this.
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  10. #10
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    You don't need Dean, and if Carrie won't party without Dean, you don't need Carrie, either.


    And this is why all my friends are over 21. Honestly Id be hot over this. I can understand wanting to hang out with friend Carrie. I think you should tell her. Look, Im not going to risk JAIL TIME over your little tag a long. I really want to hang out with you but not if Dean is there. And WHY is this obviously grown woman hanging out with a 17-year-old. Thats a little odd to me. I dont care whos friend of a friend or brother or whatever he is. She needs to do a little growing up herself.

  11. #11
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post


    And this is why all my friends are over 21. Honestly Id be hot over this. I can understand wanting to hang out with friend Carrie. I think you should tell her. Look, Im not going to risk JAIL TIME over your little tag a long. I really want to hang out with you but not if Dean is there. And WHY is this obviously grown woman hanging out with a 17-year-old. Thats a little odd to me. I dont care whos friend of a friend or brother or whatever he is. She needs to do a little growing up herself.
    She's a few years younger than me...she just turned 21. I don't know why she's been hanging out with him more often either, except for the fact that he's her best guy friend's little brother and he's also best buddies with her most recent fuckbuddy/probably-soon-to-be-boyfriend.

    Even before she was 21, she had an advantage over Dean, since she looks a lot older than her age and since most guys would vouch for her or buy her drinks(whereas most straight guys will NOT vouch for another guy!). Most of her friends are her age, but Dean is a few years younger. He likes to think that he's "one of us" and for the most part he's a laid-back friendly person, but that doesn't make him any more eligible to get into bars.

    Heh the funny part is, during the time that we had to turn around and drive all the way back home to drop Dean off at his house because there was no way he was getting into the club with us, I made a comment out loud about how he couldn't pass for 21. He acted a bit insulted and actually said, "What? I don't look like I'm 21? Thanks a lot!" as if it was a big shock to him. Dude, he just barely looks his own age. (can we say delusions of gradeur?) And why is he so insulted?...when I was his age(17), people(even kids younger than me) frequently told me that I looked like I was 14 all the time.

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    I already concluded what I will do concerning tonight...I think I want to hang out with my ex and them more, and perhaps catch up with Carrie and them later on or tomorrow for the Mummers Parade. I guess I am more interested in hearing what you guys think about people that are younger but expect to be included as though they're entitled to it. Yeah I was 17 once and I wanted to drink and act older than my age too, but I also accepted the fact that I'd get stuck drinking mouthwash alone in my walk-in closet(hey, it was the closest thing to a buzz I could get when I wasn't able to sneak liquor from my parents' cabinet! lol. but I was still pathetic), or only being able to drink with my buddies a select few times of the year(and those buddies were all underage too). When I was 20 and I was ditched by my even-younger friends, I didn't object...I simply drove around picking up guys until I killed a few hours and my friends came home. Perhaps I was too passive?...I don't know.

    I guess I just feel that if barely anybody helped me when I was 17, then why should I put myself(and my criminal record) out on a limb to help someone else, esp someone I'm not close to?

  13. #13
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Well, you really know your choices.

    Hang with Carrie (and minor)

    Dont hang with Carrie

    She obviously doesnt understand the ramifications of buying a minor alcohol. She wants to hang out with him so look at it like a package deal.

    And play Deal or No Deal

  14. #14
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    I think you made a wise decision.

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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    I would say that a 17-year-old who wants to be treated like one of the grown-ups can stand to hear, "Sorry, no, you're not old enough."

    Or, have him and Carrie meet you and group inside the bar....if he can get in.
    If he can't, too bad so sad! Maybe the snort of laughter from the bouncer will provide the needed reality check.

    Hell, I looked 17 when I was 21, and I didn't even TRY to get into bars until I was legally of age, because I knew I wouldn't succeed.

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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    The whole situation just sounds annoying. What does this 17-year old have in common with a bunch of 21+ people? You made a good choice, especially since he drinks recklessly

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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    This kid is a ticking time bomb. What if he poped a couple pills and you gave him a drink. Who knows what the reaction would be. If he OD'd while with you Your to blame. If you take him to a hospital Your to bale. If he gets really tweaked out and damages property or hurts someone Your to blame. Im the eyes of the law you and your friends are endangering a child.
    Its not fair to you to put yourself at risk just so no ones feeling gets hurt.
    Dont stress it cause at least YOU know your doing the right thing.
    Its just sad this kid seems to be losing control at such an early age.
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    As I think about it, Dean's drinking behavior shows why there are laws against underage drinking.

  19. #19
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh View Post


    And this is why all my friends are over 21. Honestly Id be hot over this. I can understand wanting to hang out with friend Carrie. I think you should tell her. Look, Im not going to risk JAIL TIME over your little tag a long. I really want to hang out with you but not if Dean is there. And WHY is this obviously grown woman hanging out with a 17-year-old. Thats a little odd to me. I dont care whos friend of a friend or brother or whatever he is. She needs to do a little growing up herself.
    Exactly what I was thinking.

  20. #20
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by gingergrl View Post
    This kid is a ticking time bomb. What if he poped a couple pills and you gave him a drink. Who knows what the reaction would be. If he OD'd while with you Your to blame. If you take him to a hospital Your to bale. If he gets really tweaked out and damages property or hurts someone Your to blame. Im the eyes of the law you and your friends are endangering a child.
    Its not fair to you to put yourself at risk just so no ones feeling gets hurt.
    Dont stress it cause at least YOU know your doing the right thing.
    Its just sad this kid seems to be losing control at such an early age.
    That is very good advice, and that is exactly what I told my ex "A" when I met up with him later that day. Not only can "A" get in a lot of trouble(esp since he's in the Navy Seal program), but I could get in trouble too, considering that I was arrested a few yrs ago and avoided a conviction(based on it being my first real criminal charge) and have been trying to keep my record clean ever since.

    Now perhaps Carrie is right when she points out that odds are, no one's going to raid someone's apartment where a small group of people are simply drinking, chilling, and watching the New Years ball drop on TV. I agree with her there. But nonetheless, it's still not a risk taking, esp when other people(such as my ex) do not want to be around it.

  21. #21
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    As I think about it, Dean's drinking behavior shows why there are laws against underage drinking.
    I don't think he's an alcoholic or anything drastic, just a typical "young and stupid" kid who wants to drink like most kids his age. But the part about taking too many percs/Ritalin/whatever he took, IS a bit drastic.

  22. #22
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by cutey5032 View Post
    The whole situation just sounds annoying. What does this 17-year old have in common with a bunch of 21+ people? You made a good choice, especially since he drinks recklessly
    Yeah and it was especially annoying/laughable that night when I said that he wouldn't look 21 to get into the club, and he actually got insulted. What delusions of grandeur does he have, to actually think that he looks 21, four years older than he is??! LOL. He's a thin, clean-faced(no obvious stubble) 17 yr old who just borderline looks his own age.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Sand's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    So what happened ?

  24. #24
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    Quote Originally Posted by Sand View Post
    So what happened ?
    I went to a party with my ex and his friend who was visiting Philly for the first time. The party was only okay, since I only really knew 1 person there, but it was fun nonetheless meeting new people and all.

    I tried calling Carrie during that night to make sure she was cool with everything and to see if she wanted to meet up perhaps later or today, but she seemed a bit passive-aggressive. At that point, I'd already made up my mind to hang out with "A" and his friend so I couldn't bail out. I think Carrie will understand, especially since SHE spent a lot of time away from her friends to hang out with HER military ex when he was home last month. She should similarly realize that "A" is only home for a few more days so I'd like to see him while he's here.

    Also, I really didn't feel like blowing off a guy to hang with Dean, considering that I wasn't able to hang out with some of the guys a few months ago when Dean tagged along with us. Because of those incidents, Dean's presence kinda annoys me a bit(I hope I don't sound too mean thinking this way).

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    Veteran Member MissAlethea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ugh young-un minors wanting to tag along

    As a minor, I feel I must speak up- screw Dean and the horse he rode in on.

    I'm 20 (so close!), and I have a lot of older friends. I decline invitations to go to bars with them to simply avoid the "What if I get carded?" dilemma. I have no desire to ruin everybody else's evening. I do my drinking at my place, and get my booze by giving my neighbor a list and money, with an extra $10 on top. If I want to drink with my friends, I invite them over. But Lord, I wouldn't put somebody's career in danger, and if they were uncomfortable with it, I'd respect that! I get that I'm underage (but thisclose!), and that means I don't have a right to drink in this country. Period. Sometimes, through the indulgence of the caring overage and somewhat lax enforcement, I get to drink in the privacy of my own home. But it's NOT a right. I don't get that til I'm 21. I care enough about my friends to not put them at risk of arrest.

    You totally did the right thing. Let him be a picky, entitled jerk somewhere else.

    That said, this is gonna be the longest 71 days, 2 hours, 50 minutes and 29 seconds of my life. Ooo, only 17 seconds now!
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