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Thread: Survival skills

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Survival skills

    Inspired by the "Privileges" thread!

    I grew up really sheltered. Don't get me wrong, I'm very aware of the blessings and I hope I can raise my family (ye gods, someday) in a safe, stable environment like what I had. But there are a TON of blind spots in my understanding of the world, largely because my parents either never volunteered information or told me it was none of my business.

    For example:
    • The big one is that I know nothing about money. All I ever heard was "you should save your money for college," but never any methods of saving, investing, etc. If my parents did/do anything with their money, I don't know about it. This also extends to taxes--beyond the basic 1040 and using free online tax programs, it's all a blur. I hate thinking about money besides counting it and spending it.
    • I have never had a credit card and I'm accruing no credit (I'm a ghost). The Hubby's mom had to co-sign for me being able to buy my car, and I put down a $5k down payment so it was clear I wasn't messing around. Also, I don't pay the bills. The Hubby does. If it can be set up on auto-deduct from my bank account, great, but I just don't mess with them. I feel like all of these are huge and crippling in case something ever happens to him and I have to fend for myself.
    • I'm totally ignorant about insurance. We always had Tricare (dad was in the army) so I never had any conversations regarding what HMO/POS is, what they mean, what I need, anything. I'm still uninsured because I'm afraid of getting robbed or something.
    Those are just some examples of how I feel like growing up with a lot of "privileges" left me really weak and ignorant of how to survive in the real world. And obviously I know that these are all remedied by uhhhh learning about them and doing them. It's just frustrating to come into my own and realize that in many ways, I'm at a disadvantage at all the things that matter as an adult. Anybody else feel that way?


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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I'm the complete opposite. I grew up very un-privelaged and I think that hurt me more than anything. I remember paying for rent when I was 14 because my mom and her bf would spend all their money at the bar. My mom used to steal my money to pay for her fun. I never had anything for myself. When I moved out at 17 and finally had money for myself I spent it because I was so used to not being able to have my own money for very long. Then when I became a dancer I still have that problem. I don't know how to save. When I have money I get anxious. Like I have to buy something. I think I have a disease!
    Sorry, I hope I didn't threadjack! I just wanted to say "nope, I don't have the priviledge problem!" I wish I did though!

  3. #3
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Not a threadjack at all! I guess I could expand on the original question to say "what survival skills do you really wish you'd learned growing up?" cuz that's what it boils down to, really.

    And I definitely get the "ahh I have money must spend it" theory. Looks like we both came out of childhood with vague (aka zero) ideas of how to properly save money.


  4. #4
    sun child
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    You really should get health insurance as a dancer. It's a cliche, but you could fall and break a bone. As I posted in Body Business, a mere kidney infection that could probably be cured with a round of antibiotics turned into septicemia and I ended up in the hospital for three nights.

    anomar recommended ehealthinsurance.com to me. There is a lot of help on that site (a FAQs section) and you can also chat with a customer service person who will answer any question you might have. It helped me a lot. I also had no health insurance like you because I was confused and worried it would cost a ton of money. That site taught me about various aspects of health insurance and allowed me to compare local plans. My coverage is $140 a month and it's very worth it.

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    ^ Definitely get health insurance & have a "rainy day" savings fund. My credit is destroyed because of illness.

    There was a financial expert on "Oprah" who said that our relationship with money is related to "love" and there is a correleation between spending habits and whether we got enough "love."

    Draw your own conclusion. I like the nicer things in life and am willing to work to get them.

    I grew up pathetically poor with a lazy, crazy mother and a poor but wise dad. I refuse to be poor. Fuck that shit. I feel like Scarlett O'Hara when she vows to God she'll never be hungry again...

  6. #6
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by sun child View Post
    anomar recommended ehealthinsurance.com to me. There is a lot of help on that site (a FAQs section) and you can also chat with a customer service person who will answer any question you might have. It helped me a lot. I also had no health insurance like you because I was confused and worried it would cost a ton of money. That site taught me about various aspects of health insurance and allowed me to compare local plans. My coverage is $140 a month and it's very worth it.
    Thank you! I will check that out ASAP.

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    ^ Definitely get health insurance & have a "rainy day" savings fund. My credit is destroyed because of illness.

    There was a financial expert on "Oprah" who said that our relationship with money is related to "love" and there is a correleation between spending habits and whether we got enough "love."

    Draw your own conclusion. I like the nicer things in life and am willing to work to get them.

    I grew up pathetically poor with a lazy, crazy mother and a poor but wise dad. I refuse to be poor. Fuck that shit. I feel like Scarlett O'Hara when she vows to God she'll never be hungry again...
    I hear ya! Hmmmm now I'm analyzing my childhood to see what it says about my love and financial life....


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    Default Re: Survival skills

    ~I don't know anything about health insurance either. i had MaineCare (like medicaid) but then I got 2 jobs and got kicked off. All the sites I go too to find it have no plans for me or my area. I have no clue how to find a good dentist either, which I need.


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    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Sunday, I know exactly how you feel. I was raised in ignorance of all that, too, as was my mother, because it was always someone else's job to take care of all that. It seriously messed me up for a while, and honestly, since I married someone who "takes care of all of that" now, I am still trying to be more educated about real world survival skills. Good for you for figuring this out earlier.

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Budget using MS Excel.

    Make a list of all your bills and let Excel auto sum.

    Include savings into your bills, so it reads as an expense and you don't miss it. Some banks have automatic deductions for things like certificates of deposits (CDs). CDs are great because your money is on hold for 6 months or longer but makes much more interest.

    Find a CPA, and ask their advice. Be honest.

  10. #10
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I can also help you out honey! We're in the same area. The questions you have are EXACTLY what I specialize in!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I never learned how to spend properly. I'll hoard and hoard and then make a bad purchase. I can buy smaller things, but over $2-300 and I get hysterical and lose focus. Which is totally how my mom is. We were poor, and when we'd finally get a little ahead, she'd make some ill-advised purchase and we'd be back to zero. I'm pretty sure right now, even with being in school and not working a ton, I have more savings than she does, though I have no long term savings either. How do you learn to buy larger things smartly?

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    my survival skills are now coming from a different angle

    - raising my own garden plants from seeds
    - growing a lot of my own food instead of buying it
    - canning / preserving the food I have grown

    ... fortunately, my own grandmother had taught me some of this before she died, and she left me a lot of helpful instruction 'notes' as well as a lot of the necessary 'tools'.

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    ^^That's good stuff to know! I can grow my own herbs (the legal sort catnip for the kitties, basil, lavendar), but that's as complicated as it's been. If I ever live somewhere with space I want to learn how to grow veggies. Fresh green beans are amazing.

    In that vein, my grandmother taught me to sew, so I'm never reliant on others to hem things or sew on buttons. I've paid some bills sewing for others as well.

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I was lucky enough to have parents who supported my independence and fostered small trips out from the nest starting very young... I taught myself how to sew, cook, and read people... I moved away at 17, and have been living on my own pretty much since then. It MAKES you learn resourcefulness and grow some street smarts pretty fast. Cunning, strength, persistence, hope, and hesitancy.... these things come with time and experience. As does resiliency. Never underestimate our abilities to rebound in impossible situations.

  15. #15
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    My gf's mother had jars and jars of Jam she made. I don't know how it's done, but it was damn good stuff. Would like to try.

    I have grown many types of Peppers on my window sill. I have trees that produce oranges and limes as long as i fertilize them. These are important to me. And my roomate wants to get a coconut tree this summer, they produce nice around here.

    I love natures food. And think that is a very important survival skill to learn.

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    Inspired by the "Privileges" thread!

    I grew up really sheltered. Don't get me wrong, I'm very aware of the blessings and I hope I can raise my family (ye gods, someday) in a safe, stable environment like what I had. But there are a TON of blind spots in my understanding of the world, largely because my parents either never volunteered information or told me it was none of my business.

    For example:
    • The big one is that I know nothing about money. All I ever heard was "you should save your money for college," but never any methods of saving, investing, etc. If my parents did/do anything with their money, I don't know about it. This also extends to taxes--beyond the basic 1040 and using free online tax programs, it's all a blur. I hate thinking about money besides counting it and spending it.
    • I have never had a credit card and I'm accruing no credit (I'm a ghost). The Hubby's mom had to co-sign for me being able to buy my car, and I put down a $5k down payment so it was clear I wasn't messing around. Also, I don't pay the bills. The Hubby does. If it can be set up on auto-deduct from my bank account, great, but I just don't mess with them. I feel like all of these are huge and crippling in case something ever happens to him and I have to fend for myself.
    • I'm totally ignorant about insurance. We always had Tricare (dad was in the army) so I never had any conversations regarding what HMO/POS is, what they mean, what I need, anything. I'm still uninsured because I'm afraid of getting robbed or something.
    Those are just some examples of how I feel like growing up with a lot of "privileges" left me really weak and ignorant of how to survive in the real world. And obviously I know that these are all remedied by uhhhh learning about them and doing them. It's just frustrating to come into my own and realize that in many ways, I'm at a disadvantage at all the things that matter as an adult. Anybody else feel that way?
    At 24, you are young enough to learn the above before it's too late, but you will be on a steep learning curve. Without having a solid base knowlegde of the above, yes, you are at a huge disadvantage in life, set up for bad things to happen, unless you just marry ultra rich....I recommend starting the process of learning the above topics ASAP. Perhaps start with some personal finance night course or something like that you can find at the Community College, etc.
    A cunning linguist...

  17. #17
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    Inspired by the "Privileges" thread!

    I grew up really sheltered. Don't get me wrong, I'm very aware of the blessings and I hope I can raise my family (ye gods, someday) in a safe, stable environment like what I had. But there are a TON of blind spots in my understanding of the world, largely because my parents either never volunteered information or told me it was none of my business.

    For example:
    • The big one is that I know nothing about money. All I ever heard was "you should save your money for college," but never any methods of saving, investing, etc. If my parents did/do anything with their money, I don't know about it. This also extends to taxes--beyond the basic 1040 and using free online tax programs, it's all a blur. I hate thinking about money besides counting it and spending it.
    • I have never had a credit card and I'm accruing no credit (I'm a ghost). The Hubby's mom had to co-sign for me being able to buy my car, and I put down a $5k down payment so it was clear I wasn't messing around. Also, I don't pay the bills. The Hubby does. If it can be set up on auto-deduct from my bank account, great, but I just don't mess with them. I feel like all of these are huge and crippling in case something ever happens to him and I have to fend for myself.
    • I'm totally ignorant about insurance. We always had Tricare (dad was in the army) so I never had any conversations regarding what HMO/POS is, what they mean, what I need, anything. I'm still uninsured because I'm afraid of getting robbed or something.
    Those are just some examples of how I feel like growing up with a lot of "privileges" left me really weak and ignorant of how to survive in the real world. And obviously I know that these are all remedied by uhhhh learning about them and doing them. It's just frustrating to come into my own and realize that in many ways, I'm at a disadvantage at all the things that matter as an adult. Anybody else feel that way?
    i could've written those words myself.

    i don't understand money at all. i don't know how to do my taxes on my own. i've never had a credit card... my parents paid for half my car, and the other half is a bank loan in their name that i just pay back to them. they take care of my car insurance, my health insurance, my car registration. i would have absolutely no idea how to do any of that myself.

  18. #18
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    There was a financial expert on "Oprah" who said that our relationship with money is related to "love" and there is a correleation between spending habits and whether we got enough "love."
    I can see that being true...

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    ..........
    Last edited by SundayMorning; 10-03-2008 at 08:01 AM.


  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post

    Katrine, I think I will do just that--I was hesitating to bring it up when I saw you, and especially with your "boo work!" post in Random, but I would deaaaaaaaarly love to set up something with you and discuss whazzahell I can do. In very small, simple words for my little head.
    Just venting honey, I'm really sick and its affecting my motivation. I've worked to hard to claw my way to the top, not going anywhere!

    Again, I'll be in SA soon, we'll discuss in private.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I would highly recommend a personal finance course to anyone! I took one this past semester for an elective and it was probably the most useful class I ever had. It talked about checking accounts, savings accounts, retirement accounts, CDs, mutual funds, taxes, health insurance, life insurance, buying a home, credit cards, etc etc etc.

    Actually I still have my textbook if you wanna borrow it Sunday!

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    SundayMorning, Buy this book: Women and Money, Owning the power to control your destiny By Suze Orman

    If you don't learn how to manage your personal finances in today's world you are as helpless as an illiterate or non-english speaking person. This book is writen in plain language and talks to women where they live ie; the author identifies your exact problem of being sheltered.

    Even if you have a handle on your personal finances, there is great advice in there to help you get even further ahead and generate real wealth in your life.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Budget using MS Excel.

    Make a list of all your bills and let Excel auto sum.

    Include savings into your bills, so it reads as an expense and you don't miss it. Some banks have automatic deductions for things like certificates of deposits (CDs). CDs are great because your money is on hold for 6 months or longer but makes much more interest.

    Find a CPA, and ask their advice. Be honest.
    This advice is way to vague for someone with zero financial knowledge. I know, because I budgeted myself into bankruptcy in 1993. She needs to start from square one, and that is gaining an understanding of what exactly money is and isn't.

    My parents did their best to help me with my finances and understanding of how to handle money. But they were dead wrong on every bit of advice they gave me. I was taught such fine skills as:

    *Always keep a credit card in case of emergencies
    *Pay the minimum balance only on loans and credit cards so that I have more cash on hand for month to month expenses
    *Savings is good if you have a lot of money to invest, otherwise stuffing money in a piggy bank is better until then.

    Seriously. My parents are financial idiots. No wonder I ended up bankrupt by the age of 23. They came from a different era, though. They both have nice pensions from their jobs. They have always had medical insurance from their employers. They will have social security and medicare to supplement them in their old age.

    Oh, and I plan on eventually providing for their housing and other needs when they are too old to live alone.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Survival skills

    I grew up "unprivleged" and didn't learn any of that stuff either.



  25. #25
    OdysseusNJ
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    Default Re: Survival skills

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    It's just frustrating to come into my own and realize that in many ways, I'm at a disadvantage at all the things that matter as an adult. Anybody else feel that way?
    I can see why you feel at a disadvantage but I learned all of these things in very unpleasant ways and I would much prefer ignorant bliss. I learned to do taxes by doing many years of back taxes for my father when I was 18 so I could get financial aid (I qualified for a lot, but you don't get a dime if you can't document it). I learned about estate planning when he died without a will or any preparation whatsoever and I had to figure out a way to keep my mother's mortgage. I learned about health care and medical laws by signing his DNR and then by having to get mom on medicaid ASAP since I had to have her committed and psych wards are *expensive*. I learned all my car lessons (what to buy, how to maintain, etc) the hard and expensive way since they never had one. Ugh. None of it was fun and I regard them as extremely unpleasant of chores at best. Most of them could have been handled well with 5 grand and a lawyer, and I'd have gladly paid that. Hell I'd have paid 50 grand not to have learned those lessons.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lena View Post
    I grew up "unprivleged" and didn't learn any of that stuff either.
    This is pretty poignant... a lot of unprivledged folks are *awful* at things like taxes & finances, health care, etc. Sometimes that lack of knowledge contributes to them staying unprivledged unfortunately, that happened to my parents. Actually when I did all those taxes for my dad he actually had a pretty decent middle class salary, but still had the financial habits (ignoring taxes, not saving anything) of a paycheck to paycheck ex-junkie.


    Quote Originally Posted by Will View Post
    At 24, you are young enough to learn the above before it's too late, but you will be on a steep learning curve. Without having a solid base knowlegde of the above, yes, you are at a huge disadvantage in life, set up for bad things to happen, unless you just marry ultra rich....I recommend starting the process of learning the above topics ASAP. Perhaps start with some personal finance night course or something like that you can find at the Community College, etc.
    You're advice is very good but I don't know if I'd call it a huge disadvantage. Sometimes having parents who still help as an adult, a spouse who takes care of things, or an inheritance to count on later in life are more valuable than certain competancies.

    Sorry if this came off as cry-me-a-river.

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