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Thread: Adopting your SO's kid.

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    Banned Helle's Avatar
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    Default Adopting your SO's kid.

    I usually don't post too much personal stuff but... thought I'd put this out there and see what kind of replies I'd get.

    I am a single mom with a daughter. Her biological father has never met her, never been tested, is not in state and I'd like to keep it that way. He has no idea she exists and I'm in a serious relationship with someone that she calls her father.

    My SO (significant other) is interested in adopting my daughter as his own legal daughter now. He wants us both to have equal legal custody over here in case we should ever break up, I am out of commision, or whatever. I full support the idea, btw.

    So does anyone know anything about the process of my SO to adopt my daughter legally? How it's done? What it enatails? Any anecdotes? I don't even know where to start and what the rules are so... Thanks ladies (and dudes)


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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adopting your SO's kid.

    is anyone on the birth certificate? specifically the biological dad?

    if not, it's just your secret and i would think it's an application and review by the family court to have him adopt your daughter.

    if the biological dad's on the certificate you'll likely have to go thru the gauntlet of finding him and asking him to waive his rights or declaring him legally dead if you can't find any trace of him (e.g. no tax returns).

    is the biological dad a bad guy and your daughter shouldn't see/know/meet him?
    are you married with your SO? i don't know how the court would react if you're not married to him. depends on the individual case and state laws, i guess.

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    Banned Helle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adopting your SO's kid.

    Yeah, from what I'm reading, it would be best if my SO and I were married for at least a year. That's all fine but I think my SO is a bit afraid to get attached to my daughter because he's afraid if things went wrong, I could just up and run off with her. I suppose that's more a trust issue than this legal stuff, but....

    I have no idea who my daughter's bio-father is. It was a crazy time 6 years ago and I was people I don't even remember. I don't even have any guesses, let alone an idea. I know that sounds horrible but it is what it is.

    No one is on her birth certificate but my SO doesn't want to sign it fraudulantly and have a father pop up one day and try to take her away--even thought, as I've said, there's no way I know who he is and that he knows he's a bio-father.

    Sorry this is typed out so confusing!

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    Senior Member PrincessShea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adopting your SO's kid.

    I'm not sure about OH, but here's what I learned here in CO...

    If he's not on the birth certificate, then he has no rights, period. If he wants on the birth certificate, you either have to say yes he is the father, or have a test. If it's positive, he can be on the birth certificate ONLY if he agrees to pay child support. Many guys will say "screw it" once they hear about the child support.

    In CO, child support and visitation/custody are also two very seperate areas and hold no baring on each other, but I do not know about in OH. The internet is really good for research, that's how I found out all the info I needed when I was pregnant and trying to leave my abusive ex. Also, you can go to the police station/court and ask them about what steps you should take.
    "take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent!"

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adopting your SO's kid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Helle View Post
    That's all fine but I think my SO is a bit afraid to get attached to my daughter because he's afraid if things went wrong, I could just up and run off with her. I suppose that's more a trust issue than this legal stuff, but....
    these are very sticky issues modern families will have to deal with more and more.

    i hate to sound preachy ('cause i'm not, i'm just stating a pov) but if you and/or he can't commit to each other, a lifetime commitment to a child may not be a good idea.

    i'm sure you realize parenting is an even bigger deal. but does he really comprehend the magnitude of it? non-parents usually don't ime, e.g. my eldest birth was a true life-changing event for me. i've often compared it to someone finding out they're homosexual or adopted or something similar!

    a marriage can be walked away from. but parenting is forever.

    and like shea mentioned, child support, whether mandated or self-obligated, is a real part of the deal. and it's really forever and ever. e.g. "dad, can i have some money for shopping?" <- that's a recurring theme whether she's 14 or 24.

    i commend your SO for considering it though. maybe he can separate the commitment to you from the commitment to your daughter, and if so, that's absolutely great! if he's serious (and you're serious) then maybe the court's will eventually allow the adoption without the marriage. again, that depends on the situation and local law most likely.

    good luck!

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