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Thread: History repeating.

  1. #1
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default History repeating.

    The guy I've been seeing for the last six weeks told me this morning that he got a woman he works with pregnant. She's about six weeks along, actually.

    I was floored by this for two reasons:

    1) He's Mr. Careful about condom use, but apparently wasn't using using them with her. It seems he'd been seeing her on and off for a few months. She was on the Nuva-Ring and her Mormon grandfather doctor gave her antibiotics but didn't inform her that antibiotics weaken the efficacy of hormonal birth control.

    This woman has a JD and works at a top NYC firm and she doesn't know that? Even smart women can try to force things along a bit by being manipulative. I'm projecting here, but it just sounds...off.

    2) My saga with my ex a while back. This is like a fucking running theme now.

    We spoke on the phone for a while earlier and he wants to see me after he gets back from a work trip but before I go back to Europe. But any progress in the romantic aspect of the relationship has come to a screeching halt.

    As of now they're not sure what they're going to do, but I have a feeling she'll keep it.

    Of course, six weeks isn't six years like with the last guy this happened with, but yeah, this hurts. It's not agonizing, but it hurts. I've been good at learning to under-react for the past few months. I'm having some Xanax before bed tonight and allowing myself a little cry.

    Oh, well. Moving right along. Again.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Wow. First of all, did you know he was banging other women? I get the sense you two hadn't had the "exclusive" chat, and so he wasn't in technical violation of that. But still...

    And he probably thinks he can continue with you romantically, too, until she delivers. Some guys make up funny rules like that. Please don't give him the satisfaction.

    Reminder to self: Re-order Xannax.

    Feel better, D_N.

  3. #3
    God/dess TheTempest's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Wow, it just sounds like he wasn't being honest with you. Even if it was a lie by omission.

  4. #4
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    The fuck with him. If he's dumb enough to knock someone up by "accident" you don't need him anyway.

    //Two of my exes had this done to them- one paternity check grabber, the other a bipolar chick with ulterior motives.
    ///"That's why you bang her in the ass!"

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor View Post
    Wow. First of all, did you know he was banging other women? I get the sense you two hadn't had the "exclusive" chat, and so he wasn't in technical violation of that. But still...

    And he probably thinks he can continue with you romantically, too, until she delivers. Some guys make up funny rules like that. Please don't give him the satisfaction.

    Reminder to self: Re-order Xannax.

    Feel better, D_N.
    No, I didn't know, but I assumed and didn't ask. He knew I was leaving when we had our first date and we discussed still seeing each other right before I left on periodic visits home, but there was no talk of exclusivity and I was perfectly fine with that.

    She's six weeks along anyway and we've been seeing each other for about that long anyway. I'm not peeved about the timeframe, just the situation.

    And to be fair, he did say that until they figure out what they're going to do he won't be dating anyone. See my comment about the romantic end of things coming to a screeching halt. Which is understandable.

    I'll probably see him for brunch on Saturday like we talked about, but the fact of the matter is I don't want any more negative energy in my life. If they end up having the kid, he won't have much time for us to be "friends" and after six weeks, even though we were getting on well, we just don't have that much emotionally invested in each other.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  6. #6
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Run for the hills, girl, you don't need another guy like that. You have the worst luck in the world when it comes to dating. Maybe you should go after women for awhile instead of men, it could help!

  7. #7
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    The fuck with him. If he's dumb enough to knock someone up by "accident" you don't need him anyway.

    //Two of my exes had this done to them- one paternity check grabber, the other a bipolar chick with ulterior motives.
    ///"That's why you bang her in the ass!"
    Lots of people on this site have been knocked up "by accident". She was using a form of birth control that's 99% effective when used properly. Men place a lot of trust in women with that kind of thing. But I do think he should have wrapped it up too.

    She works with him at his firm, same level as him. I doubt it was a check-grab. But since things were "on and off" it's entirely possible she wanted them to be more "on" and nudged them along a bit...
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  8. #8
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    This happened to me some years ago. It broke my heart and I continued to sleep with him because I was a dumb-young twat "in love."

    Sorry that happened again. I 100% agree with you. Women do have that trump card of pregnancy. On to the next, I'm right there with ya............

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  9. #9
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Run for the hills, girl, you don't need another guy like that. You have the worst luck in the world when it comes to dating. Maybe you should go after women for awhile instead of men, it could help!
    I was, this past fall. I was quite the pussy magnet. :-P

    It's not nearly as bad as the last two though, really. But at this point part of the reason it doesn't hurt that much is because I'm afraid to let myself really fall for anyone because I have had such bad luck. This ain't gonna help that though.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  10. #10
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Well, regardless of whether his story is true or not he wants out. I am sorry for your hurt heart. I know how it feels all too well. I wouldn't let him tag me along as a "side-kick". He can't have one foot in the door and one foot out. My suggestion would be to break clean and move on.

  11. #11
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Damn, ND...you cannot catch a break, can you?

    Hang in there.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  12. #12
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by NinaDaisy View Post
    No, I didn't know, but I assumed and didn't ask. He knew I was leaving when we had our first date and we discussed still seeing each other right before I left on periodic visits home, but there was no talk of exclusivity and I was perfectly fine with that.

    She's six weeks along anyway and we've been seeing each other for about that long anyway. I'm not peeved about the timeframe, just the situation.

    And to be fair, he did say that until they figure out what they're going to do he won't be dating anyone. See my comment about the romantic end of things coming to a screeching halt. Which is understandable.

    I'll probably see him for brunch on Saturday like we talked about, but the fact of the matter is I don't want any more negative energy in my life. If they end up having the kid, he won't have much time for us to be "friends" and after six weeks, even though we were getting on well, we just don't have that much emotionally invested in each other.
    What a shitty situation. You seem to be handling it very well, which is great...it's too easy to be all "omg he's a dog!", when it doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong pertaining to you.

    Six weeks isn't that long, but it can be a big deal if you really felt a connection with this guy. I'm sorry that life chucked this at you.


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    Senior Member RandomUser's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    I have never had an "exclusive" chat with a girlfriend to establish "exclusivity". I had always assumed it's exclusive until we talk about open relationships or "go on a break" or breakup. Maybe it's just me but in the time of AIDS and stuff I would want to know what's going on with my bed partner. Of course I couldn't handle dating two women at once. I would be a wreck.

  14. #14
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    my gosh thats crazy. yeah i agree. run for the hills.. what a piece of shit.

  15. #15
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    What a nightmare! In the end I guess you can't be angry with him since he did come clean and was honest about the pregnancy but maybe this is a sign that you shouldn't date anyone for a while and just be alone?
    I know it sucks but the times that I concentrated on being away from people I learned so much about myself. It could help realign you on a more positive path.

  16. #16
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver View Post
    What a shitty situation. You seem to be handling it very well, which is great...it's too easy to be all "omg he's a dog!", when it doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong pertaining to you.

    Six weeks isn't that long, but it can be a big deal if you really felt a connection with this guy. I'm sorry that life chucked this at you.

    True. I honestly don't feel cheated on or betrayed. I think some men would have tried to keep things going until the kid popped. He seems to be handling the situation very honorably so far from my POV. In some ways I think this is the best way it could have ended. At least I know it had absolutely nothing to do with me and won't torture myself wondering what I did wrong or could have done differently with him. This just happened and the timing was shitty.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    What a nightmare! In the end I guess you can't be angry with him since he did come clean and was honest about the pregnancy but maybe this is a sign that you shouldn't date anyone for a while and just be alone?
    I know it sucks but the times that I concentrated on being away from people I learned so much about myself. It could help realign you on a more positive path.
    I waited five months after my previous boyfriend (who DID cheat on, lie to and betray me) to date someone again, and six months from my six year relationship to my last boyfriend, so I don't have a problem being alone and taking time for myself.

    I've been alone in Europe since my reason for going out there in the first place fell through at the last minute and have been getting a shit-ton of writing done, so that's been great.

    Spent last night with an ex I've known for over 10 years and had a good cuddle, woke up very happy today.

    I'm actually in a really good place right now and very happy, even despite the fact that my love life is becoming a running joke.

    I've spent the better part of the last 10 years being someone's girlfriend and have given up a lot for the men I've loved, but not gotten much in return. I feel like I'm coming into my own finally, even though it's been hard at times over the last couple of years.
    Last edited by NinaDaisy; 01-09-2008 at 11:20 AM.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  17. #17
    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. At least he was honest and sounds like a good guy. Just try to have fun being single for a while. Sometimes it is the best thing.

    Really though, no matter what they decide I wouldn't take him back, because he was having sex without disease protection with someone he didn't know that well. You have no idea what he could bring home to you that way. There is no excuse for not using a condom, no matter what other methods of birth control are being used.

    (I'm a little tough with the use a condom shit because I watched my college advisor and friend slowly die from AIDS. He got it from someone he loved and trusted.)

  18. #18
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    I didn't mean to imply you have a problem with being alone, just that maybe it's not a good time for a relationship (spiritually, astrologically, karmically, whatever). Or maybe its' just that men usually suck. Don't take what I said too seriously because I'm not trying to say that the problem is you at all. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that from happening.

  19. #19
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine View Post
    I'm so sorry this happened to you. At least he was honest and sounds like a good guy. Just try to have fun being single for a while. Sometimes it is the best thing.

    Really though, no matter what they decide I wouldn't take him back, because he was having sex without disease protection with someone he didn't know that well. You have no idea what he could bring home to you that way. There is no excuse for not using a condom, no matter what other methods of birth control are being used.

    (I'm a little tough with the use a condom shit because I watched my college advisor and friend slowly die from AIDS. He got it from someone he loved and trusted.)
    I was very surprised he wasn't using condoms with her, because he was very careful with me, which is a huge plus in my book. According to him, they were seeing each other for just a few months and it wasn't serious. I guess he was the only guy she was fucking, who knows.

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    I didn't mean to imply you have a problem with being alone, just that maybe it's not a good time for a relationship (spiritually, astrologically, karmically, whatever). Or maybe its' just that men usually suck. Don't take what I said too seriously because I'm not trying to say that the problem is you at all. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that from happening.
    No worries, I didn't think you implied anything negative, just letting you know a bit of background.

    And yes, I know there's nothing I could have done.

    Even if they don't end up keeping the kid, I think I just need to take myself out of the equation regardless. But it'll hurt less in the long run.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  20. #20
    Alaska
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    Default Re: History repeating.

    gosh...it's almost like he had ESP.....he slept with her, got her pregnant, somehow knew it, freaked out, and found you to sleep with to ease his problems.



    DOOOOOOOSH (if that's the case but obv. not)






    i'm sorry babe.

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