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Thread: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

  1. #1
    Pamela
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    Default I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Please. My first peom. Creepy? Not to me. Relating, with the SK's. Learning how they live, survive in the world....is tough when i don't normally believe the books. But one man who has written twice now.

    Thanks...i need more work. I am building the blog, and it's tough when you use your own material... Open for anything. Good, bad, sucks...

    Thanks.

    I don't feel, you're not allowed.
    My time running on your dime.

    Shh! don't be afraid, you're something.
    A trophy, a prize, a passing moment.
    When i'm gone you'll be alone, cold.
    I'm quick, i'm swift, i'm fast.
    Don't speak, do shed tears.
    Yea it's over, you're out of time

  2. #2
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    I like it. It IS creepy though. But I like it.

  3. #3
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    I found it sad, but not creepy. In the case of poetry though, isn't any emotion it makes the reader feel a good thing? I thought the whole idea behind poietry was to attempt to put a feeling or emotion into words.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    I found it sad, but not creepy. In the case of poetry though, isn't any emotion it makes the reader feel a good thing? I thought the whole idea behind poietry was to attempt to put a feeling or emotion into words.
    That's really going into the philosophy of art. You're asking: What is the point of poetry? Must it have a point? Is it required to communicate something? Or can it just be an expression of a feeling or a thought? Can it be a creative interpretation of an experience? Or must it be written for the express purpose of inspiring an emotion in the reader? If so, must that emotion be positive or could it also be negative? What makes a poem a poem? What makes poetry poignant?


    In my opinion, this poem seems to be Pamela's reflection on the complex emotional experience of stripper/customer power dynamic -- that weird experience of being both used yet secretly using the user, apparently disempowered and yet actually powerful.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    I found it to be creepy but not in a gory kind of way, but in a sad way. When I read it, it sounded like something a SK would think.

    But then again, anything relating to SK's would creep me out.

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Yea...i suck at this. I thought and wrote. It's actually about the mind and works of a SK. But sad to me...i think it touches a soft spot for me, and makes me very very sad for any victim of murder (violence) It really has no meaning...I try to write it like it has a purpose.

    I just wrote a second one, that is named. It's a Victims date with a SK, but with a twist i guess....still i need work.

    Thanks for the comments...i always welcome them as i really want to get much more into SK's since Dennis Radar.

  7. #7
    God/dess Bob_Loblaw's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    I thought it was really good. I found it to invoke a feeling of vulnerability and helplessness. It stirred your roommate's emotions too which is evidence that it is in fact powerful and moving which is what poetry should be.

  8. #8
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Thanks. I felt in it, but not sure what... many emotions i guess.

    Sad comes to mind first.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post

    I don't feel, you're not allowed.


    Make me feel, here are my boundaries, cross them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    My time running on your dime.
    I am in control, I am using you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    Shh! don't be afraid, you're something.
    Manipulation, Identification

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    A trophy, a prize, a passing moment.
    Obssesion

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    When i'm gone you'll be alone, cold.
    I control your life

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    I'm quick, i'm swift, i'm fast.
    God complex

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    Don't speak, do shed tears.
    Control, make me feel.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela View Post
    Yea it's over, you're out of time
    Relief, control, I have used you.



    Is it what you are feeling, or what the SK is feeling?

    If its the SK then Creepy Disturbing, yuk. (good job)

    If its you then I don't like it at all. (way to creepy disturbing)

  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Svelt. Good lord not what i feel, i'm happy. The poem was broken down quickly as i wrote and read it to actually mean a person is feeling like God and playing God, Giving instructions from start to finish. The end.

    It is indeed about the mind/s of many SK's i believe. No one particular came to mind when i wrote it.

    As i read it over a few times it become rather morbid to me, and not sure i like it.
    Guess i hoped it sent a message about SK's and me both. How they think, act and live, and how we are often not aware of them living around us.
    Don't know....trying to sort writings out about them.

    It's untitled at this time.

    I have one that is titled. Here it is....it sucks as well...

    A Victims Date with a Serial Killer

    What weeks, months a year now.
    The leaves have fallen off the trees.
    It's December, cold.
    I want a cup of warm tea.
    No. No time, clocks are ticking.
    What minutes now, maybe 10, who's counting.
    No lights, no warmth, not yet.
    You came for complete control.
    Why i don't know.
    Now the tables have turned.
    Go straight to hell.

  11. #11
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    Quote Originally Posted by rooster470 View Post
    Pamela, based on reading your poem I have a book recommendation for you. Your poem reminded me of the book Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates. It's a fictional work from the point of view of a serial killer similar to Dahmer. Check it out.
    As i learn about more books! Sounds like a good read. I will check it out.
    Gosh i have ordered about 6, and have a stack here already...crazy huh?

  12. #12
    Veteran Member Delilah27's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    I think it's...morbidly exquisite...reminds me of when my lover and I do a certain kind of role play. That dark twisted sexuality aspect to it. Yeah sorry tmi....I like it.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: I need opinions. My roomate says sick.

    No, thanks for your opinion. I think it's too sad for me, i wrote it, but am working on my poems, they need much work. They will all be dark, but different because they represent attacks, or murder. The whole point of me and Serial Killer shit.

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