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Thread: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    anyone else here ever dealt with a tia also know as a mini stroke?

    Last thurs. night I had to call 911 because my husband had a tia. It was so scary! He seems totally fine now but I'm freaked because he also seems in denial.

    we were in hospital all weekend while they ran ever test you can think of to rule out even worse things than a tia. Poor guy even had a spinal tap test done.

    to make matters worse I got food poisioning from the salad bar there at hospital and so I spent all day Sunday and Monday sick as a dog. I'm still super weak even as I type now.

    but what has me so concerned is he is acting like it's no big deal! He doesn't seem to be willing to take any of the steps needed to help prevent another tia or even a full fledge stroke and I just don't know what to do. He gets mad and even mean when I try to talk to him about being more proactive about his health

    anyone here ever dealt with this kind of thing? Can you offer me any tips or advice to get him to take better care of himself so he doesn't freaking die on me!

    He is my world. How do I get him to understand he just HAS to change his bad habits? HELP!!!!!

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    I don't know what to tell you, babe...maybe have a full family/friends intervention? Is there someone he really respects that he'd listen to? He's probably terrified, but it sounds like he's just stuck on the "denial" stage and doesn't know how to move past it.

    Good grief....best wishes to you and him!


  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    I had a TIA and didn't know what it was. I thought it was just a migraine so I somehow managed to go to sleep through the screaming agony (mine was painful, not all are) and the next morning I was fine. A week later, I had another one that was much worse. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. I can't imagine going through anything so horrible ever again.

    If he doesn't fix the problem, he will have a stroke and he will either die, or spend the rest of his life disabled. Ask him if he wants to lie around drooling in a wheelchair, unable to speak, and if he wants you to have to take care of him like that for the rest of your long life.

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Thanks very much for for support, SundayMorning.

    yekhefah,

    his tia started with a massive headache too. I gave him some over the counter pain pills and a few minutes later he started not making sense verbally and so I knew something was really wrong and called 911.

    I've mentioned to him about what a full fledge stroke could do to him but it doesn't seem to be hitting home because he feels fine. He thinks I over reacted and so are the Dr's.

    I'll keep trying though.
    Last edited by Tara_SW; 01-15-2008 at 05:39 PM.

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    God/dess TheTempest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Obviously he's terrified. It's hard to accept your own mortality. Not only that, but he will probably have to completely change his life.

    Since it was so recent, he's still in that denial stage and you just have to try and work with him. It's frustrating, I'm sure, but you have to get him to deal with it because his health is important to you.

    Stay strong!!

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    if he's scared he's hiding it well, but gosh how could he not be, right?

    he's only 46, not over weight and we eat pretty decent. He was smoking a pack of cigs every few days though and not working out. I don't think he has smoked since the attack thankgod, but he travels a week or so a month for work and I'm worried he will smoke during those trips

    I think I'm going to try bribing him with extra sex if he will start taking a daily walk around the block and maybe go from there to increase his workouts. Do you all think that will begin to get him on the right track? Any men reading this? if so would extra sex get you to be more physically active?

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Quote Originally Posted by Tara_SW View Post
    Any men reading this? if so would extra sex get you to be more physically active?
    I'm not a guy, but just thought I would add my experience bribing my hubby to work out due to high bp a couple of yrs ago. It only worked for a couple of weeks. And I was doing the "Whatever you want" bribe. Nothing seems to get his hiney active. Not even the threat of other guys hitting on me at the gym.

    Hope you have better luck with it than I did. Maybe if there is something he really likes that you won't normally do that would work. I'm freakier than the hubby which might have been a prob.

    Good Luck!
    Jasmine

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Quote Originally Posted by Tara_SW View Post
    ...Any men reading this? if so would extra sex get you to be more physically active?
    Probably not.

    Unfortunately, he is an adult, and is going to make his own choices. All you can do is provide some reasonable motivation, but you can't make him do what he doesn't want to do.

    Do you have a home elliptical trainer or treadmill? Sometimes those can work for a while for the guy who doesn't feel motivated to drive to a gym.

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    thanks for some male input xdamage.

    no treadmill here at the house just my pole, ab ball and some girly level hand weights and various workout dvd's. Nothing a guy would get into. I'd like to get a treadmill but with the 5 grand deductible on the health insurance I don't know if we'll have the kind of money to through around for a treadmill anytime soon

    one a positive note I did get him to join me in a walk around the neighborhood today as well as some sit ups.

    I think I may have found something that might keep him interested in being a bit more active, his competitive spirit!


    He had a bit of a "grr" thing going on when it was his turn to hold my feet for situps because they were easier for me than they were for him because well I do them everyday. I could tell he wants to 'out do' me, LOL!

    I made sure to praise him plenty for doing this minor level workout. I'm going to see if he'll do it again tomorrow and the day after and so on and ofcourse increase difficulty and add variety.

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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Tara, you're post hits me where I live because I am your hubby's age and my father had a number of TIA's and larger strokes before we lost him to diabetes. He REALLY got after me as a young guy to take better care of myself because--as the nurses told me--his problems were my future problems. So it is a fear that I have going into my future. Frankly, your post is a reminder of what things could come if I don't think of my health. This is something that works well with males...we need to see evidence of things to come, and then we'll act on them...it was no accident that Dickens put the ghost of things to come in his Christmas Carol. I know you've probably tried to sit down with your husband and tell him how much he means to you, and it is important to repeat this. But I would include also what the doctors have told you, what the future can look like if he does not start to follow their advice: maybe you could ask the doctor about this, and he could give you reading material on it, and perhaps he could also speak with you about a few patients who both took advice, and how that worked out, and a few who didn't, and how that worked out...ie give your man some evidence. And approach things calmly--that will have a serious effect, I think.

    (By the way--what kind of health is your hubby's father in? Maybe that has something to do with how your hubby is feeling now.)

    Men can be weird this way. I was dating a much younger woman some time ago and I had a back problem which I just shrugged off, and refused to go to the doctor. Finally, a friend of mine pointed out to me that because of my bravado my younger girlfriend was seeing her future as one where she would be taking care of a man who didn't care for himself. That got me to the doctor quickly.

    Finally, I like the idea of the sex--that would, also, certainly help change MY behavior. And with a bow to your husband--he should thank me for this--I'll say it will help inspire him. But ultimately you shouldn't have to bribe him to take better care of himself, you know? Somehow you need to get through to him that he should get after this. I have a feeling that, after presenting him with the evidence, he may need to be left alone for a while, to feel like he is making the decisions himself. Men also need this: the illusion that we are in control of our own destiny. He probably feels now that he's lost this, and that's why he's acting like he doesn't care. He CAN be in control of not caring, if that makes any sense. But he'll come around, I'm sure of it, because I can see there is love between the two of you, and he'll want more time with you on the earth.

    And you've certainly helped bring this to the forefront of MY thinking--thank you. Now go to work on your hubby (feel free to read him this if you think it will help). I understand his worries and the feeling of losing control, but we can take control by taking our health back over. And if you get to spend life with a sexy woman and your health stays good, what more could you ask for? He is one of the lucky ones, your husband, to have you in his corner. Good luck to you both and sorry about my long-winded answer.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Tara--another thing I'll mention while I'm thinking of it. My father was of course much older, but I saw on a couple of occasions that TIAs followed some heavy emotional situations--I don't know if doctors would agree with this but it was a pattern I noticed. Certainly things like yoga would be helpful with this--with calming your husband down; I've taken up the yoga and more or less stick to doing some moves each day, and it has certainly helped me. What this really requires is listening to the doctors and gradually changing lifestyle.
    JK Jim

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    Senior Member Tara_SW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Jhunka,

    thankyou so much for your very heart felt reply and for sharing your own personal story with me.

    I'm glad to know that at least one good thing has come from the health crisis at my house and that is someone out in the world has been inspired to take better care of their own health.

    again thankyou for your reply. I appreciate it more than I can explain.


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    Default Re: Help! Hubby had a TIA aka mini stroke and in denial

    Thank you, Tara. I shall continue to think good thoughts for you and your husband.
    JK Jim

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