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Thread: Severe burnout? What to do?

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    TheSexKitten
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    Last edited by TheSexKitten; 10-10-2008 at 08:04 AM.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    i feel. the. exact. same. way. :[

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    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I can totally relate to everything you just wrote

    I'm not even close to the person I pretend to be at work.

    Save Save Save your money! I can't stress this enough. It really helps not being stressed about cash when going to work when you feel burned out.

    Trim as much expenses as possible so that you can take a break if need be. Even if this doesn't help your immediate situation it will in the long term.

    I go through this a lot and it will pass. I'm so sick of where I work I'm thinking about working in a different geographic, even if it is a slight pay cut. Then when I do come back I won't look at every custy as a perverted, loser, cheap, douche.

    This will pass, hon, hope you feel better!

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Time for a break. If you can't afford a vacation, get a different job for awhile. You can go back to dancing later if you want, after a break.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I want to address the last part of what you wrote first. Some of that might be part of growing up, taking on responsibility, taking care of yourself and not being a little girl anymore. This hits people at different times. You've been on your own for a while, but sometimes it takes a while to sink in.

    The feelings about dancing are making it worse. You've gone through the honeymoon phase. I wouldn't force yourself to go in. Take time off if you can. If you can't, try working the minimum shifts that will cover your expenses for a few weeks. Do what makes you happy. Geek out and stay in your pjs all day and play computer games, or go for a run, or read a trashy novel. Feed your soul. Have fun. You don't have to decide anything right now.
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    That pizza job soounds so good right now. I've been so burnt out for months now.

  7. #7
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I could have written that post. Everything described my situatio n exactly.

    One thing that realyl really helps me is going to work to just have fun and party. Sometmies, my boyfriend comes into work with me. We sit at the bar, have some drinks, I might give him a lapdance to get me in the mood. We just relax and have fun for a bit. Then I leave him to go work. If I am having a hard time, I check back in with him, have a drink, then off I go again.

    You might try this with a friend, or even by yourself. On nights I do this, the amount of money I make doesn' matter. If I only make back house, it's ok, because I had a positive, fun night and it sets the positive tone for the rest of the week. Usually though, I tend to make good money on these nights, because what I make doesn't matter. When you remove that stress, money usualyl comes easier.

    I have discovered personally, takign a break doesn't work vety well for me. I need to feed off the momentum, and if I take a break, I'll never go back.

  8. #8
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Thanks for all the suggestions!! This forum is such a blessing sometimes.

    I think I'll try Kailynn's bf thing next time I work.

  9. #9
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    ^ Just to be clear, cause I tend to get flack for my bf comming to work with me....The point of my post was just to have a fun work night where making money isn't the goal, having fun is. Even if you make no money, you can say, at least I had fun and enjoyed myself. Tomorrow, I can use that same energy to make money. It jjust refreshes you on the club.

    My boyfriend at work with me is a positive motivator and supprt system. I definately do not recommend it for everyone, because not all boyfriends are like mine when it comes to dancing. My guy is content to sit and drink while I'm givign a lapdance in the chair next to him. If we have money, he might get a few of his own dances while I'm busy. I can check in with him throughout the night to take a break and regroup, or for him to tell me I'm doing awesome and look hot and keep up the good work.

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    The false intimacy gets to me, and the fact that I would sock any other guy in the jaw if he grabbed my ass or tried to keep licking my neck, but in the club I play it off. Cutesy warnings and blaming it on club policy really gets to me. Getting patronized night after night by stupid fucks gets to me. Getting all antsy about making any money, and then enough money, and then when I get money giving a bunch away to some more men for no reason gets to me.
    ^^^I totally feel you for that. I get tired of lending my body and personality for rent. I cried on my boyfriend before going into work two nights in a row when I came back after being sick. The extra time off made me think of how nice it was to not be up all freakin night and get nothing done during the day, and how nice it was to have my mind back because dancing consumes my life for days at a time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
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    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
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    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  11. #11
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    It's so hard to explain this to my friends and the bf who don't dance. My closest friend at work is also exceedingly positive so she doesn't quite get my griping.

    They're like... but you make $400+ a night!!!!! It IS work after all, of course it's not going to be all ice cream and cake.

    I showed the bf this thread and he wants to come in and support me. He's really unjealous in the club, he's too busy checking out his babe.

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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I think all of us have had this exact feeling at one point or another and I think its very common to have a big burn out after the first year as the reality suddenly hits that its not fun, its a job and you realise the monotony of pretending your someone else night after night. Take a break if you can. When I had the big burn out I stopped dancing for 6 months and it really helped me. I know not everyone can afford to take this time off but even cutting down and doing another job part time will help a lot. i know what you mean about others not understanding. No matter what they say, no one can understand what its like to have this burn out feeling unless you are a dancer. My bf tries to get it but e just doesn't. I get the feeling sometimes that he thinks I'm being a drama queen. He just doesn't see how physically and mentally demanding this job can be. Don't worry hon, it is possible to get the mojo back and love this job again but you've just got to give yourself a bit of time out first. Hope you feel better soon.



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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Time off is the only thing I've found that works for me, and it has to be a good ammount of time, too. A week or two won't cut it. At the moment I haven't danced since mid-December, and am only just now feeling like I could drag myself in again.

    Dancing sucks big donkey balls when you're not feeling it, and nobody who hasn't danced seems to get it. My boyfriend also thinks I'm lazy and/or over-dramatic when I tell him I'm burned out. Thankfully, he's learned not to express that opinion out-loud.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Here's the thing about stripping. Your mind wants the money. Your mind knows that $500 x whatever amount of nights per week would solve all the money stress that hangs over your head. And it would. And the mind can override the resistance of the body and haul it into the club to do it's job. The problem, as I see it, is more energetic, meaning that the deeper part of you does NOT want to hustle, be groped, licked, or all those other strippery things the mind wants to override because it wants the money.

    This is where the internal craziness comes from, that battle between wanting to want to go to work, and NOT wanting to go in. The mind wanting the money and the energetic body refusing to do it anymore (even to the point of making deals like "I can always do a double tomorrow" or "That bill isn't really that late"). Very few people can handle that energetic pull night after night from guy after guy. Sexual energy is energy and they pull it from you like fuel. It makes total sense to be running on empty after a while.

    I remember seeing the title of a book about women who dated soldiers returning from the Viet Nam war. It was called "The women who slept with the men to take the war out of them". It reminded me of what strippers do. Guys come in stony faced and at the very least leave having exhaled, hopefully with a smile on their face. People in the outside world just see a physical body strutting around in heels and don't understand why we find it so draining. It's hard to explain because we can't see it either, but we can FEEL it.

    If you're severely burned out take a few days off to refill the tank and become YOU again, which is what you ultimately have to draw from. However, I strongly caution against the burn out/take a break pattern because what happens is the "take a break" part feels great, but then you have to go back and pay the piper for the free time you just bought yourself. Then you won't ever want to quit stripping because you'll miss that wonderful free time you get to have. AND you're setting up the stage for a kind of bipolar honeymoon/burnout pattern.

    My favorite overall remedy for still getting the money advantage of stripping but not going completely crazy from it, is to dance 2/3 times a week and have another job 3 days a week. I hated full time stripping and when I switched to doing it part time it made a world of difference for me. My other job was in a field I was interested and it was good for me to have part of the week surrounded by people who had nothing to with a strip club.

    Do not underestimate what you're feeling. Stripping these days IS HARD. One more thing that has helped me on the days I dreaded going in is making my only goal be to walk through the doors of the club. Just get there. Once I'm there of course I stay, but it eases the pressure brought on by the mind's big money agenda. You don't always have to be positive about going in. Go through the motions and have your goal be just to get through the door. 9 times out of 10 the stripper in you will take over and do the job once you're actually in the club.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    ^^This makes so much sense. I know a lot of what takes it out of me is the need to make such a connection at my club recently-phone numbers, promises, etc. I can probably do dances till the cows come home as long as I am not being roughed up in anyway, but the forced "intimacy" is what makes me not wanna go. Which is why I think I've been sick so much recently.

    This is a great thread. Makes me think.

  17. #16
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Shakti, that was a wonderful post. Absolutely hit the nail on the head and got to the root of the problem, really.

    Thanks again for all the great input, I'm already feeling more optimistic.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I love the geek out part. I'm geeky me who watches reruns of x-files and simpsons. I read books and attempt to clean my house and of course cruise SW for hours. I feel totally unstrippery.

    I highly recommend of course try to pick up another job during this time. Its not a bad thing at all just taking some time to take care of yourself. When I go to work I put everything else aside. I do my hair and slap my hair extensions and slip on the shoes. Bam - I am now a stripper not myself. Do whatever you do puts you in the mood of being your stripper self.

    I also agree with everyone elses words in this thread. Yes, the honeymoon period has worn off but that doesn't mean your money has to go along with it. Heres to hoping you can get back on track.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  19. #18
    Featured Member iambonbon05's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    How often do you go in, anyway? I had a week where I stripped six days in a row- never AGAIN. Really, I make more money working just three or four days a week than six or seven.
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    Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.

  20. #19
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    I go in like .5 - 2 USUALLY, trying to get in 3+... Really bad...

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    That was an awesome post, Shakti! I think that's the best explanation I've heard of why the job can be so draining.

    I agree that a pattern of working hard/taking time off might not work for everyone. It depends on what else you're doing with the rest of your life. For me, when I'm not dancing I work for myself in my own business. Doing both jobs at the same time is pretty draining, so for me it works well to take time off from dancing every few months and put a lot into the dayjob, which I love working on. Then I can let the dayjob stuff coast for a few weeks (still working on it, but only part-time as needed) and dance to make money.

    I can definitely see how a pattern of dancing til burn-out, then taking time off and doing nothing, could be a trap, though. I've known women who would work for weeks running, make a lot of money, and then spend the next month vegging until they were out of money, then come back to work desperate. That's unhealthy for sure.

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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    After reading your post several times to try and understand your real issues with the job, these statements are the highlight of the post:

    A dislike of false intimacy
    A dislike of making only commission
    Having to "pay rent" and tip out the staff
    Not comfortable flirting
    Not liking mindgames

    All the things that are "stressing you out" are the things a girl needs to be comfortable with in order to do this job and accomplish anything from it.

    Dancing is a commission only job. We are independent contractors and pay the club rent in order to use their facilities and make our income. Commission only jobs are best for people who don't want a cap on their earnings, but earnings are not consistent when working on commission. One week you may work 5 nights and net $2500, and the next week only net $1000 working the same amount of time.

    Guys are horny for us. We look good to them all made up and scantily clad in our heels. Some guys will proposition us, others fall in love with us, others are less pressure and just want some stimulating dances. And other guys are a pain in the ass justg to get a tip from or to sell a dance.

    False intimacy is essential in keeping good regulars, and being able to shrug off sex talk and laugh with the guys is par for the course.

    This business is not for everyone. That is why some people are geared to an 8-5 salaried job, and others are geared to working for themselves, and accepting the unstable but higher earning potential of having their own business.

    This business has slowed down for most of us, and many of us who are doing ok engage in a lot of mind games and false intimacy to keep decent spending regulars.

    If you are uncomfortable with the ups and downs of this business and having to be a sex object and a flirt to make money, then maybe finding another line of work that is more straightforward would be better for you.

  23. #22
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post
    I think all of us have had this exact feeling at one point or another and I think its very common to have a big burn out after the first year as the reality suddenly hits that its not fun, its a job and you realise the monotony of pretending your someone else night after night. Take a break if you can. When I had the big burn out I stopped dancing for 6 months and it really helped me. I know not everyone can afford to take this time off but even cutting down and doing another job part time will help a lot. i know what you mean about others not understanding. No matter what they say, no one can understand what its like to have this burn out feeling unless you are a dancer. My bf tries to get it but e just doesn't. I get the feeling sometimes that he thinks I'm being a drama queen. He just doesn't see how physically and mentally demanding this job can be. Don't worry hon, it is possible to get the mojo back and love this job again but you've just got to give yourself a bit of time out first. Hope you feel better soon.
    OMFG, polekitten you hit the nail on the head.

    How did you know when you were ready to go back to work?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: Severe burnout? What to do?

    hang in there sexkitten. Maybe getting the pizza delivery job and working 1-2 nights a week would be best. Stripping can distort one's perception of money, and in the past when I've had a "regular" job and stripped only part time, I was always grateful for the $400+. Kind of kept me in check, like, "Well, I would have had to work 4 days for this waitressing, so its still good."

    Lately (and this is corny), I've been motivating myself for work by seeing how hard my boyfriend works all week, and I want to show him that I'm trying hard too so he can be proud of me. True, non-strippers don't understand burnout, but I can't stand seeing him disappointed in me when I slack off on work. Also, looking at the big picture can help. I don't want to look back and think "Man, if only I worked harder when I was 23, I'd have more money and not be kicking myself."

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