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Thread: Really truly bad jokes

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    Default Really truly bad jokes

    Okay, there's only so long I can NOT tell a horrid joke.

    Recently told to me by the boy:
    What did Eminem say to 50 cent when given a handmade scarf for Xmas? Gee, you knit?

    Also: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear!

    Share your bad ones! (not racist ones or anything like that, just dopey!)

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    God/dess BalletBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    ^^^Hahahaha, those are cute!

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    Lysondra, can I taste your Abortion?
    Quote Originally Posted by Snowles View Post
    BalletBaby + Alice in Chains >>> Pie.

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Q: Why did the Watermelon and the Honeydew have to stay and get married?

    A: Canteloupe.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Alaska
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Why was ET's eyes so big?



    yours would be too if you saw his phone bill!!!

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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    ^^Those are both awesome!

  6. #6
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    This one needs to be said out loud for maximum giggling/eye rolling:

    Hydrogen and helium are hanging out in a bar. Gold walks in. Hydrogen yells, "AU!! What are you doing here?"

    Yup. Nerd. That's me.
    Last edited by stellaforstars; 01-16-2008 at 11:33 AM. Reason: Why did I put periods there? *is dumb*

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    I can always remember that for gold because of a Facts of Life episode. They were trying to remember the periodic table for exams.

    "what do you do when someone steals you gold watch?"
    "AU, come back with my watch!"

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    LOL!! Cute jokes!

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseLeigh View Post
    Okay, there's only so long I can NOT tell a horrid joke.

    Recently told to me by the boy:
    What did Eminem say to 50 cent when given a handmade scarf for Xmas? Gee, you knit?

    Also: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear!

    Share your bad ones! (not racist ones or anything like that, just dopey!)
    Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! I am in tears over this joke. It is too funny to me.

    So a neutron walks into a bar, says "Hey bartender, how much for a drink?"
    Bartender says, "For you? No charge."

    So a rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "Get out of here! We don't serve rope here."
    The rope leaves the bar, thinking hard. He ties himself up and then pulls at his tip so it's all stringy, and he goes back into the bar.
    The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, aren't you that rope that just came in here?"
    The rope says, "I'm a frayed knot." (I'm afraid not)

    A pirate walks into a bar. He's holding a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what's with the steering wheel on your junk?"
    The pirate says, "Yarr, it be driving me nuts!"


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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."

    Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    Right where you left him.

    What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
    Does this taste funny to you?

    How are a chicken and a grape alike?
    They are both purple... except for the chicken.

    How do you get holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it.

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    Anyone can roast beef.

    Where did they first make French Fries?
    In grease.

    Why didn't Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
    Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.

    How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it may take as long as 5 years.

    How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? That depends. Does the bulb have medical insurance?

    How many Oregonians does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to chase away the Californians who've come to share the experience.

    How many Eugenians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and three to talk about how they used to do it in the sixties.

    And finally, how many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to turn it most of the way, and the other to give it the final twist.


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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."

    Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
    Those two killed me.

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    A man walks into a bar, slams the door, and shouts "All lawyers are assholes!"
    A man on the other end of the bar stands up and says, "Hey, I resent that!"
    "Why, are you a lawyer?"
    "No, I'm an asshole!"


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    Featured Member Meea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes



    Two atoms are walking along. One suddenly stops and exclaims "Oh SHIT!!! I think I just lost an electron!" The other atoms looks at him in disbelief and says "Oh my god, are you sure?" The first one goes "I'm positive!"

    *laughs histerically at own joke*


    This one is translated from Russian, but I think it still works.


    During the court proceedings for a couple accused of public indecency, a 90 year old lady is called to the stand as a witness. The prosecutor walks over to the old lady at the witness stand and says "Please tell the court what you saw on Monday night"
    The old lady says "Well, I was walking home from the store, I looked in the bushes, and they were fuckin'." The judge turns to her and says "Ma'am, you can't say that word here". The lady's like, "Ok. On Monday night I was walking home, looked in the bushes, and saw that they were fuckin'." Once again, the judge says "Ma'am, you are in the court of law! you can't talk like that! Use a word like... Fornicating" So the old lady is like "Oh, OK. So I was walking home Monday night, looked in the bushes and saw them fornicating. I looked closer - and they were fuckin'!"

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    Member loopylou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    On the lightbulb theme. .

    Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A. Only 1, but the lightbulb really has to want to change!

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    A group of chess enthusiasts are at a tournament, and are gathered in the hotel reception area telling each other about their best games, when the hotel manager comes and throws them all out.
    Why? "I don't like chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Evenutally, the scientist got sick of his clone, and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested.
    Why? "Making an obsene clone fall."

    Then there was the ship carrying red paint that collided with another carrying blue paint.
    What happened? Both crews were marooned.

    A new car has been designed especially for the Los Angeles rush hour....
    It's called a stationary wagon.

    The length of a minute is variable according to which side of the bathroom door you are on.

    If in doubt, mumble.

    I haven't lost my mind! I know exactly where I put it.

    The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

    When in doubt, make it sound convincing.

    A man with four aces never asks for a re-deal.

    The difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman?
    The car salesman knows when he's lying.

    what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental

    Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.

    What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog

    What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.

    what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore

    What falls down but never gets hurt? -- snow

    What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb

    How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up

    Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost

    Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich

    Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map


    Look like a woman
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    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve mushrooms." The 'shroom replies, "that's too bad I'm a real fun-gi"

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

    The bartender looks up, and says "What is this, a joke?"

  18. #18
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

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    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    This thread is making me chuckle so much, i always forget jokes here is one i heard yesterday;
    What is the difference between a Kangeroo and a Kangeroot?
    A Kangeroo is an Australian animal and a Kangeroot is what a Scotsman says when stuck in a lift .
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Veteran Member MissAlethea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None- the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
    Haikus are easy,
    But sometimes they don't make sense:
    Refrigerator.


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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really truly bad jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    How many Eugenians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and three to talk about how they used to do it in the sixties.
    I'd laugh if weren't so true! (Gah! I wish I lived somewhere else)


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