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Thread: getting turned on during dances

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default getting turned on during dances

    I'm kind of disappointed that the earlier thread in this forum ("too turned on during dances") was closed. I guess I understand the reasons for closing it -- it had basically turned into a bunch of name-calling anyway -- but I'm sorry that we couldn't address the topic maturely in this forum. Maybe we can try again.

    It seems to me that the question is really one of boundaries, and how we set out boundaries when we're dancing. Theoretically, those boundaries are set for us by law enforcement and management, but we all know that at many clubs those boundaries are VERY theoretical.

    Sometimes the enforcement of boundaries is pretty much up to us. That's fine if your personal boundaries happen to align with what is legal in your state and/or normal at your club, but what if they don't? There a million, million threads on here from dancers who have more personal boundaries than is the local standard -- clean dancers in dirty clubs. What about the opposite problem, someone who has fewer boundaries?

    I mean, yeah, we all hope that the other dancers at our clubs will stay within the law, no matter what their personal inclinations might be. But what kind of advice can we give them about doing that?

    It seems to me that the OP in the earlier thread was asking for that kind of advice. Instead, we just called her an extras girl and closed the thread. Considering that we all want fewer extras girls in the clubs, that's not a very helpful way of handling her request.

    Being naked in a room full of strangers is a novel experience the first time...or the first many times. Some of us are scared, some of us are exhilarated, some of us are aroused. The standards of behavior are already so different from what we're used to, how do we figure out what is and isn't OK?

    I started dancing at a very small club where everybody knew everybody else's business. It was mostly an airdance club...too small to really have any dark corners where anything naughty could happen. The girls at that club got mad at me for leaning over during dances and whispering in customers' ears. Mind you, no one had ever told me not to do it. But no one else did it, so they didn't want me to do it either, and they all got together and threatened to beat me up if I didn't stop. That scared the bejeezus out of me. Since then, at every club I've danced at, I have set my boundaries by watching what other dancers do.

    Personally, I may have more relaxed boundaries than a lot of other people at my current club, or on this board. If I like someone reasonably well, I don't mind touching them or being touched. This is true in real life or in the club. But I have also learned over time what feels right and what doesn't. I know to stop myself before I do something that could get me fired, or get me beat up, or keep me up at night.

    And that's basically how I learned to set my boundaries. It was a process of trial and error. I'll shamelessly admit that I have done a few things I wouldn't do again. But that's how I learned.

    Anyone else care to comment?

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I'm actually scared to post in this thread! I just read the other one and, and, and....


    *runs and hides*

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    And that's basically how I learned to set my boundaries. It was a process of trial and error. I'll shamelessly admit that I have done a few things I wouldn't do again. But that's how I learned.
    Oh, I'll have to agree with that. Very well put.

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Well, I never read the other thread and I don't think i want to. But I will take the plunge and comment here. I get turned on during LDs sometimes.
    Sometimes I come to work so super horney and sometimes customers just surprise me. Like last month a hot custy grabs my ankle in the CR. He proceeds to talk into my ear and tell me what he was thinking about while he grabed my ankle. His shit was WAY hotter than literotica.com. I almost came from listening. I felt transported.

    When he was done spouting his sexy thoughts he was like, "yeah so that's what grabbing your ankle makes me think about." So non-chalant-like. It took me a while to get back to reality.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    I'm kind of disappointed that the earlier thread in this forum ("too turned on during dances") was closed. I guess I understand the reasons for closing it -- it had basically turned into a bunch of name-calling anyway -- but I'm sorry that we couldn't address the topic maturely in this forum. Maybe we can try again.
    that may not be such a good idea. that thread got closed for a reason, whether you agree with it being closed or not, and i dont think you should've started another one about the same thing. just my opinion.

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I was also very disappointed that the last thread got closed. Unfortunately, some self-righteous members jumped in to bash this easy target. So much for an open-hearted community... Before that happened, there was some interesting conversation generated.

    I for one have done a couple of things on the job that I'd never do again. That's how I learned. I grew up in a very repressed home, and dancing brought about feelings and powers that I was previously unaware of. Sometimes it takes nothing less than a mistake to learn that you don't want to do something again. For some, a mistake repeated becomes a pattern. Patterns are harder to break. The poster in the other thread seemed to be aware of a pattern starting, and was reaching out for help.

    When I first started dancing, I was so surprised about how many flash decisions I was having to make about what was and was not okay. I even began a thread a long time ago when I was new to the biz asking what dancer's personal boundaries were just to get an idea of how girls set them and what they deemed okay and not okay. It was a huge learning process that happened so long ago that I almost forgot.

    Actually, I recently changed clubs from a hoity toity gentleman's club to a much more layed back club where nothing is enforced. It's really challenged me on what boundaries were personal and what boundaries were just easier to adhere to because they were accepted and enforced club rules. I think i'm still on a learning curve, every once in a while I come home thinking, I hate that man. No wait.... I hate myself for letting him get away with touching my boobies after I said it wasn't okay. Or I am almost ashamed for getting wet occasionally or getting turned on... then I realize that it is my biology and not my morals in that case.
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    Veteran Member misslizzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I think it's good that someone who's been here a while and has the credibility and articulation skills to go with that has re-opened the topic.

    Why should getting turned on be some taboo that nobody's alowed to talk about without calling each other names? That sounds like when people thought I was getting laid in middle school before everyone else (I wasn't) and called me a slut, right?

    I'm personally a little more relaxed about my personal boundaries than the rules are for quite a few clubs I work in. I figured it out through trial and error, just like others have (and I wouldn't have admitted that if someone else hadn't said it first ). If someone's not yucky, or even *sometimes* if they're yucky and spending enough, it doesn't make me feel dirty or bad to be touched in some places. I'm physically pretty sensitive, to the point where in clubs where grinding is allowed at all, I had to figure out a weird angle that looks and feels to the guy like I'm grinding but actually isn't. So sometimes it physically feels good. (And nobody ever gets to touch the kitty.)

    All that said, I stay within the boundaries of what's normal for the club, even if the club's boundaries are stricter than mine. Like what Grace said, I don't need to be fired, or beat up, or feel like shit about myself. I figured out what I am ok with by stumbling into some clubs with... ahhh... much looser boundaries than I think I could ever learn to deal with, and decided to be a sport and figure out what I could handle, since I was there for the shift anyway.

    We can't help our nerve endings. But we damn sure can learn to control our reactions.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by misslizzy View Post
    I think it's good that someone who's been here a while and has the credibility and articulation skills to go with that has re-opened the topic.

    Why should getting turned on be some taboo that nobody's alowed to talk about without calling each other names? That sounds like when people thought I was getting laid in middle school before everyone else (I wasn't) and called me a slut, right?

    I'm personally a little more relaxed about my personal boundaries than the rules are for quite a few clubs I work in. I figured it out through trial and error, just like others have (and I wouldn't have admitted that if someone else hadn't said it first ). If someone's not yucky, or even *sometimes* if they're yucky and spending enough, it doesn't make me feel dirty or bad to be touched in some places. I'm physically pretty sensitive, to the point where in clubs where grinding is allowed at all, I had to figure out a weird angle that looks and feels to the guy like I'm grinding but actually isn't. So sometimes it physically feels good. (And nobody ever gets to touch the kitty.)

    All that said, I stay within the boundaries of what's normal for the club, even if the club's boundaries are stricter than mine. Like what Grace said, I don't need to be fired, or beat up, or feel like shit about myself. I figured out what I am ok with by stumbling into some clubs with... ahhh... much looser boundaries than I think I could ever learn to deal with, and decided to be a sport and figure out what I could handle, since I was there for the shift anyway.

    We can't help our nerve endings. But we damn sure can learn to control our reactions.
    I think the point was how it was put and that it was a first post. I think if someone posted how they got off or got too wet during an ld, they'd have been razzed but not attacked.

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    The op of the other thread sounded like a troll to me, that's why I didn't contribute anything useful to their thread. But about being turned on while giving a dance, yes, it has happened to me before. Usually it's with a Puerto Rican or Italian dude. It's refreshing to come across a big spender who is very handsome, smells good, has a good attitude, and is respectful during a dance. This rarely, if ever, happens to me. One time I did a champagne room with a guy who was Puerto Rican and French.. OMG, like the finest dude I've seen in forever! I almost couldn't believe he wanted to give me $700, but he was so wasted that he didn't care. Although it's very rare that I get turned on, when I do, I just keep it at that. Just a fantasy. I don't pursue it any further because it's just business.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I think it spiraled out of control when I said I sometimes let them feel down south, lol. I was gonna say, before it got closed, was that I was proud that I hadn't let anyone touch me there in a long while. I got very serious one night, I even prayed and meditated, told myself NEVER AGAIN. I didn't want to be that girl. It worked.

    What I still go through, is I get turned on A LOT. I feel like I wanna cum. Sometimes, I just wanna cum, that bad. I still feel reallllllllly guilty about that. And I still feel really bad for letting that other stuff happen in the past. It's embarassing. So I brought it up to see what other girls in my position would say.

    There's no one else I can talk to. My friends and family don't understand, and I can't tell the girls at work about this.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    The op of the other thread sounded like a troll to me, that's why I didn't contribute anything useful to their thread. But about being turned on while giving a dance, yes, it has happened to me before. Usually it's with a Puerto Rican or Italian dude. It's refreshing to come across a big spender who is very handsome, smells good, has a good attitude, and is respectful during a dance. This rarely, if ever, happens to me. One time I did a champagne room with a guy who was Puerto Rican and French.. OMG, like the finest dude I've seen in forever! I almost couldn't believe he wanted to give me $700, but he was so wasted that he didn't care. Although it's very rare that I get turned on, when I do, I just keep it at that. Just a fantasy. I don't pursue it any further because it's just business.
    not a troll, I swear!!

  12. #12
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    The girls at that club got mad at me for leaning over during dances and whispering in customers' ears. Mind you, no one had ever told me not to do it. But no one else did it, so they didn't want me to do it either, and they all got together and threatened to beat me up if I didn't stop.

    Anyone else care to comment?
    This happened to me but it's not going to change the way I work. I don't care if a bunch of Uggo cows have a problem with me. They can eat a knuckle sandwich or get my heel down their throat.

    If I'm sexier than them and enjoying my job to boot, piss on them.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I've let a lot of guys do a lot of stuff during dances. Something about a dude spending over $1,000 in lapdances is a turn on, and I've touched myself and let them touch me "down south." It wasn't necessarily for more money, because it was flowing. Sometimes one gets caught in the moment. But I'm retired now, so you ladies don't have to worry about me stealing your regulars.

    Besides, I think an "extras" girl is one who promises sexual acts so she can get dances, or consistently performs sexual acts on multiple customers a night.

    Sometimes, you just have a good time. Alcohol excacerbates all of that. FTR, I havn't read most of the other thread. Thanks.

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    The girls at that club got mad at me for leaning over during dances and whispering in customers' ears. Mind you, no one had ever told me not to do it. But no one else did it, so they didn't want me to do it either, and they all got together and threatened to beat me up if I didn't stop. That scared the bejeezus out of me. Since then, at every club I've danced at, I have set my boundaries by watching what other dancers do.
    I really can't see how they would get mad at you for whispering in a customer's ear??? Are you sure that's all they're upset about, because that is some bullshit. Some girls get jealous or mad when they watch other people hustle. Guys like the dirty talk sometimes, so if it makes you money then screw the haters.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Besides, I think an "extras" girl is one who promises sexual acts so she can get dances, or consistently performs sexual acts on multiple customers a night.

    Sometimes, you just have a good time. Alcohol excacerbates all of that. FTR, I havn't read most of the other thread. Thanks.
    now, im not judging. but i dont agree with your def of an extras girl at all. in an air dance club, a full grind lap dance would be an extra. so that really depends on the club and the area. and promising things but not following through isn't at all doing extras. its not right, but i wouldnt call that an extras girl.

    i do agree, however, that alcohol changes things. i dont want to post more than that on the internet, but yeah.

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post

    Being naked in a room full of strangers is a novel experience the first time...or the first many times. Some of us are scared, some of us are exhilarated, some of us are aroused. The standards of behavior are already so different from what we're used to, how do we figure out what is and isn't OK?



    But I have also learned over time what feels right and what doesn't. I know to stop myself before I do something that could get me fired, or get me beat up, or keep me up at night.
    Quote Originally Posted by paintgoddess View Post
    When I first started dancing, I was so surprised about how many flash decisions I was having to make about what was and was not okay.

    These are really excellent points, and your guyses whole posts are so well said, thank you for them.

    Dude. I REALLY thought Pura was a troll. The writing sounded like a guy's, and I just would assume more measures would have been taken in the OP to "prove" their non-trollness.

    Then as Pura posted more I started to think, well maybe....but then the line about down south....it was the bluntness and the way it was worded that made me think, oh no that's definitely a guy.

    I apologize if I was mean Pura. But damn if you compiled all the troll posts (haha we should) that would have fit right in there no problem, and many on the same subject. (I lurked for a long time too )


    I too have had this happen, but not so much where it's been a problem. But the points Grace and PaintGoddess make are truly.......true. Bah I wish I could write like you guys.

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    Veteran Member Snappa's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Removing my comments because I really don't belong in this thread.

    Never post on ecstasy folks. Just because you're in an empathic state of mind doesn't mean anyone cares.
    Last edited by Snappa; 01-18-2008 at 04:18 PM. Reason: came to my senses

  18. #18
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Ill agree with Kat that sometimes alcohol can lead you to do things you wouldnt normally do. In the "Stripper Sins" thread I posted about having done things I regretted afterwards - and 100% of the time booze was involved.

  19. #19
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Is it something to really be ashamed of, to enjoy your job? Is it really that "virtuous" to hold back from feeling the things your body and mind want you to feel? What if you cum while you're giving a dance and nobody even knows about it? This has happened to me. I've gotten off while not giving away that it was happening. The guy was oblivious. Now tell me why it's wrong or disgusting to enjoy your job, because I wasn't using it to get more dances. Does this make me an extras girl?

  20. #20
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    ^^ IMO no. Extras girls promise extras with the intent of receiving money (or extra money) Just having a good time and getting more into the dances than usual doesnt = extras girl to me.

  21. #21
    Alaska
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    ^nah I'm more like.....how do you hide it! I was just thinking about that yesterday....pretending I was masturbating under a blanket on a plane....I really sucked at being subtle. I'm OBVIOUSSSSS. Too bad. I don't think it's "unvirtuous", more like it would fuck with my $$ and I'd have to go get myself off in the bathroom 7 more times. Yea I try real hard not to go there at work.

  22. #22
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    I guess I breathed a little heavier than normal, and I probably shuddered or something but it wasn't like I was screaming or thrashing around and being obvious. Maybe some women are better at hiding it than others?

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    in an air dance club, a full grind lap dance would be an extra.
    In an airdance club, many things would be considered extras.

    * Putting boobs in his face
    * Inserting your own fingers (or his) in your private areas (ass and p***y)
    * Leaning back in his lap during the lap

    An airdance is just that..a dance with absolutely no contact. I would see girls bending the rules all the time.







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  24. #24
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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexxaHex View Post
    I guess I breathed a little heavier than normal, and I probably shuddered or something but it wasn't like I was screaming or thrashing around and being obvious. Maybe some women are better at hiding it than others?
    hmmm.....I dunno about screaming and thrashing, maybe thrashing, or shaking, convulsing, holding breath for 2 minutes at a time every other minute and stuff, taking at LEAST 5 minutes to regain composure. But I guess we're all different das why we're beautiful. But I don't think anyone on here's arguement was that it is dirty or unpuritanical or anything, just best to avoid when possible!

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    Default Re: getting turned on during dances

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    In an airdance club, many things would be considered extras.

    * Putting boobs in his face
    * Inserting your own fingers (or his) in your private areas (ass and p***y)
    * Leaning back in his lap during the lap

    An airdance is just that..a dance with absolutely no contact. I would see girls bending the rules all the time.
    right, i just think there's a difference in slightly bending the rules and an extra. i was just giving one example.. there are lots of things that are extras, my point was that i dont think it's as simple as promising sex acts or performing sexual acts on multiple people in one night, as kat said. you can blow one single guy and that's still giving extras, you dont have to blow 10.

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