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Thread: roommate trouble...

  1. #1
    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default roommate trouble...

    I was holding off telling one of my roommates that I'm stripping, because a) she's a *very* judgmental person and b) she knows a lot of people in town, and I work with kids, so I don't want it getting around and fucking that up for me.

    Still, I felt weird keeping this big secret from her. It's awkward for some other roommates to know but for her to be in the dark. (To avoid confusion, I'll call her T. and the roommate who knows, a gay guy, B.)

    So B told me tonight that T had started asking why I was coming home late and how I had cash after I was bitching for so long about not having a job. So I figured, eff it, I'll just tell her rather than make up a web of lies. She and I had been getting along pretty good lately, so it seemed safe. Though in the past, we had clashed a bit.

    Well, I told her tonight, and I think it was a mistake. Her demeanor changed right away. She said something like, "That doesn't sound like a fun job." I replied that I am actually enjoying it and that it's not for everybody, and I can't see her doing it. Well, she's overweight, and she took that the wrong way. (I meant I couldn't see her doing it because she's a hardcore Christian and very judgmental and shit, not because of her appearance.) She goes, "Stop talking before I get offended." So I just changed the subject and that was it.

    But I can see it's fucked up our dynamic. She's insecure already, and threatened by me. I'm not worried that she's going to tell people -- she's a good person who wouldn't do that since I asked her not to -- but she is going to resent me and it's going to suck to live here.

    Any advice on how I can make her feel better / smooth our relationship?

  2. #2
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Can you move?



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  3. #3
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Yea ugh, esp. the "stop talking before I get offended"....I don't know how ppl with roomates do it! Unless they're best friends....I dunno I'm with the non-confrontational crowd and would zoom out of there as fast as possible, but it seriously is not yr fault and you shouldn't be punished for it....damn.

    I feel like talking about it and explaining stuff is just going to make it worse and bring more attention to it.

    I guess in that case, I'd have one more discussion about it, but be really really affirmative and say: I like what I do. It's a job. A job is a job. I understand if you don't agree, but I won't tolerate anymore discussions about it or you treating me a certain way bc of it, case closed. And like, seriously not tolerate it or talk about it, even if she tries to jab at you in little subtle ways as ppl like that like to do. And P.S. in your one discussion you have, downplay your $$ and say, "everyone's got the impression that strippers make amazing $$, but that stopped being true in the last 7-10 years. I honestly don't make anymore than a bartender." Cuz watchout when she starts insisting YOU buy all the toilet paper and household stuff bc yr so rich.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    If you have to keep living with her, I would just make sure you never ever mention stripping to her again and make sure you keep anything stripping-related out of her way.

  5. #5
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    I have dealt with these "hardcore Christian and very judgmental" people before. Nothing will change their opinion. They are very stubborn and set in their ways. If anyone has any advice on how to smooth things over like you asked, by all means try it, and good luck! I really can't see you being comfortable in that house now though. I hate to be negative, but I am going to be real. Plus this is just my opinion, and it's a little biast.....
    I give you props for being able to live under the same roof with one of these people! Personally I can't stand them and have been in numerous confrontations with these types. Never in a roomate situation but I have worked in close quarters with them before (not stripping of course but at "normal" jobs in the past)
    Once again good luck to you.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member Snappa's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Corrupting self-righteous folks is always fun. Inside every hard-core Jesus crispy, there's a freak waiting to let their hair down.

    But seriously, roommate situations are always difficult if there isn't an underlying friendship there (and often when there is). Differences in morals, lifestyle, etc can exacerbate the problem, true. However, it's not an unmanageable situation. If having at least a cordial relationship with this person is important, try to find some common ground. If you both get along well with B, focus on that. Through your mutual friendships with B, you might find some common ground together that will have her seeing you as an individual, and not as her stereotypical expectation of an exotic dancer.

    To respond to CherryBomb, I agree, most of them are. However, I've found a few hardcore Christians who, while very stuck on their beliefs, are willing to at least admit that there are other views out there. In fact, I work with an office full of them. Were it not for some common interests and their acceptance of differing viewpoints, a pagan heathen like myself would have been looking for a new job long ago.
    Last edited by Snappa; 01-18-2008 at 04:31 PM. Reason: posted before i finished my thoughts

  7. #7
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Move out right away. Save up some money and do it. The relationship will not get any better when she's insecure and quick to judge like that, those people will not change. So it's up to you to decide if you want to stay or leave.

  8. #8
    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Thanks for the feedback. It's not a big enough issue for me to have to move over. I really don't want to have to do that for a lot of reasons -- for one, my rent is too cheap to give up! $180 a month! Also, she's one of three roommates,a nd the other two are AWESOME.

    In general, I don't think the problem here is that she's judging me for stripping, because I don't give a rat's ass what she thinks there. If she goes there blatantly (Which she probably won't because she is passive agressive) then I'll let her know that she can shove it. And she'll probably respect that.

    The problem is more that she's insecure about her appearance and reacted to me stripping from that standpoint. Like she's one of those competitive women I guess and sees this as rubbing the disparity in her face on some level. She didn't say that, but it seems obvious from little things she's said in the past.

    So, I'm looking for ideas on subtle ways to boost her ego or at least take away the competitiveness in her mind. Focusing on other things is a good one.

    Fortunately we don't tend to run into each other much; we have opposite schedules.

  9. #9
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Quote Originally Posted by BrodieLux View Post

    Fortunately we don't tend to run into each other much; we have opposite schedules.
    Perfect! So just keep it outta sight, outta mind. Don't give her any information about you and your personal life.







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  10. #10
    Senior Member pixiekittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    ^^Agreed. Good thing you don't really run into her much anyway. But I don't agree about you having to "boost her ego or at least take away the competitiveness in her mind." It isn't your job. I understand you want to take away some of the tension or uncomfortableness between the two of you, but she really needs to just get over it. If not, you always have the option to move out. Good luck.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Quote Originally Posted by BrodieLux View Post
    $180 a month!
    You go girl!

    God it's freakin killin me how you see ads to live with 1-4 people you don't even know, for 4, 5, 6 hundred a month....and look where I live! A one br is $450-6 right now.

    Just out of curiousity and way off topic, how did you find a situation like that?

  12. #12
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: roommate trouble...

    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    Move out right away. Save up some money and do it. The relationship will not get any better when she's insecure and quick to judge like that, those people will not change. So it's up to you to decide if you want to stay or leave.
    Couldn't agree more with this!! I once told a roomie I was stripping after months of her thinking I was waitressing....ugh. Of course she launched into some tirade of "What would your parents think? You need to GO BACK TO SCHOOL!" (ugh) Oh yeah and she also told me that my boyfriend didn't really love me, because he "let" me strip. Bitch.

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