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Thread: Do you ever just want..

  1. #1
    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Do you ever just want..

    Do you sometimes just wish that someone would just put their arms around you and tell you everything is gona be ok?
    I know I am such a mardy bitch right now, but I just want someone to make things better because I am not really coping by myself.
    I went to the doctors the other day because I had been sent home from work as my bosses decided I needed time to get myself together. I suffer from depression and don't want to start feeling really bad again, so anyway the doctor agreed with me that the way I am feeling right now is reactive to everything thats happening to me. ( My friend died just over a week ago, is her funeral on Tuesday, might be getting evicted, struggling with uni work.) He actually said that instead of resorting to tablets straight away I should come home get bf to wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe.
    Well that is good in theory, but when I get sad he gets sad and withdraws. So so far no hugs.
    I just feel so sad so I called my dad and basically we ended up arguing because he reckons that if bf can't help me out with eviction then I should kick him out cos what is the point of him being here.
    I am kinda hurt that he isn't trying a little harder to keep a roof over our head and that he isn't very supportive right now. I do wish that even if he can't help with money that he would at least make me feel like we are in this together.
    So anyway now I am really confused because we have a good relationship, but now I am considering that I might be better off by myself even though I know I will be devastated if he went back to his mums.
    Like I said ever wish someone would just put their arms around you and tell you everything will be okay?

  2. #2
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    WTF?

    I hate it when people automatically say "DUMP HIM!" the minute they read a post about some guy who isn't happy with her dancing, whatever. We don't know what the deal is, we aren't there.

    However...

    If your guy cannot even give you a hug after your friend died, what the hell good is he? That's just wrong.

    My sympathies, I lost my best friend two years ago, it still gets me now and then.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    I think he just doesn't know what to do with me I just walk around on the brink of tears all the time.

    Its really horrible about my friend because although I know she is dead I still think I have to go to hospital to see her like for a second i forget. She was old and I was caring for her and went to the hospital every day over Christmas and New year to feed her etc.

  4. #4
    zxcire
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Yes, I do wish that. I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

    I know that when I get really depressed, my husband's first instinct is to withdraw from me too. Not because he doesn't love me or want me to feel better, but because it's hard to be around someone who is in pain and know you can't fix it.

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Last edited by LuckyOne; 01-19-2008 at 12:40 PM.

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..



    My suggestion is, as a survival method, deal with one problem at a time (by order of importance) and honestly, if your boyfriend can't be helpful at all he needs to leave.

    Find some quiet moments for yourself during this time and when you feel strong enough, reach out to your friend's family. They would appreciate it.

    & I strongly advise you to get your dad or someone close to make sure you don't get evicted. Do you have somewhere good to go if that happens..?

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Sorry to hear about what you're going through. The LEAST your boyfriend can do for you is give you a hug. If he seriously can't do that because he's sad and withdrawn, then I agree with your father that you should kick him to the curb.

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    Senior Member Private-intellectual's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Of course, you could go to your boyfriend and start hugging him, say simply : 'that's what I need right now' and then see that he reacts properly.

    Don't always wait for the men to take the lead, most of them have no idea whatsoever.

  9. #9
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty69 View Post
    Like I said ever wish someone would just put their arms around you and tell you everything will be okay?

    OMG, YES! There have been many times that I have had Boyfriend do this exact thing for me. It goes something like this:

    Me: "Please hold me and tell me everything will be okay."
    Him: "Everything's going to be just fine."
    Me: "How do you know?"
    Him: "Because I'm going to make sure of it."

    It really helps alot.

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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Yeah I know that feeling, A friend of mine died 2 nights ago, I'm going thru a divorce, my soon to be ex fucked me on our taxes and I have to pay in and my mom just fell at the nursing home and broke her arm and maybe her hip!! I soooo need someone to hold me and tell me I'm going to be ok!!!

    Kick him in the ass first and it that don't bring him around kick him to the curb!
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    ^^^^ Big Daddy things will be ok x x They say that things make you stronger, but it doesn't make you feel any better at the time.

    I don't even know how to explain what has happened to night other than my brother has just nearly died and it was my bf who saved his life. Long story short my brother been on drugs and drink all day was in a real state so I went to his house to calm him down and Dan my bf met me there because he is friends with my brother (that is how we met). Anyway after about 2 hours of drama my brother put his hand through a glass door ( the third one that night) and sliced through his artery Dan managed to get something over the wound and managed to keep him laid down until the ambulance got there. He has lost over 4 pints of blood and is waiting to go to theatre. I am pretty much in shock as I sit here, but omg the blood I can't believe how close he was to dying. Dan really did save his life by doing exactly the right things. I suppose he isn't such a bad bloke and we will work out all the eviction stuff.

  12. #12
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    ^ Dang, quite the save!

    Well, good luck with everything. I still hope you won't lose the house.



  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    You are not alone Kitty69. Men just seem to go to their caves when there are problems...Give him a hug, he will hug you back

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    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Thank you it is strange, but even though I will never meet anyone on this site it does actually mean alot when someone takes the time to reply or offer advice. I just sometimes feel it is unbelievable all the stuff that happens.
    My bf is out of the doghouse now anyway. I got some hugs but I wasn't sure if it was to make me feel better or him! :-/

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    I just prayed for you.

    And I totally understand about just needing a hug and an understanding voice sometimes.

    My bf retreats when I cry. He's said before that he feels like he failed in some way when I come to him with tears. Boys like to fix stuff. Tears fall into the realm of the un-fixable!

    Things will get better. Take it a day at a time. And some of the things you mentioned are things you can't fix. You just gotta ride it out... and we're here for you.
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    I hope your brother gets well soon.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty69 View Post
    ^^^^ Big Daddy things will be ok x x They say that things make you stronger, but it doesn't make you feel any better at the time.
    I recall one real f-ing winner of a year was my mother died, I got divorced, and a person considered a friend screwed me over for a bunch of $$$. That was a real motherfu*&er of a year. Took a real toll on me, I can tell you. Your BF should be there for you, but he may simply be incapable of it in the way you need it. That’s not an excuse, just a possible explanation.

    Focus on yourself and getting through the death of your friend, talk with the doc/therapist regularly, at least for a while, see friends, call dad back and tell him you don’t need a lecture you just need him to be there for you right now (men want to fix a thing, women just want the man to listen and be there, which is where the conflict comes in) and keep busy. As my departed mother used to say “this too shall pass.” She was right of course, but it never feels that way at the time. Virtual hugs to you kiddo.
    A cunning linguist...

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    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Quote Originally Posted by paintgoddess View Post

    My bf retreats when I cry. He's said before that he feels like he failed in some way when I come to him with tears. Boys like to fix stuff. Tears fall into the realm of the un-fixable!
    I think you are right with this I think he just really doesn't know what to say or do to make it better. I know it makes him sad if I am sad because he doesn't like to see me upset. I am usually a really happy, optimistic person so this is hard for him as well right now. I think Will is right men have a need to fix things yet sometimes we just need emotional support.

    My brother has come out of surgery now they managed to reconnect his artery etc and he hasn't damaged his tendons so he was really lucky. Just hope I can get some sleep soon.

    To everyone who has posted thanks your words mean alot to me ( am gona stop the soppy stuff now ).

  19. #19
    Veteran Member kitty69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you ever just want..

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyOne View Post
    LuckyOne, I am so sorry that I didn't respond to this sooner. I just want to say thank you so much and from my heart I have to say that it is probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever read and I hope that you don't mind that I have taken it as a personal message to me. (does that make sense?) Once again thank you.

    It made me cry sooo much, but they were good tears honest.

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