yeah but yeah


yeah but yeah
Last edited by J_Lynne; 07-24-2009 at 02:46 AM. Reason: lkfaskdflaskfaskd
Support his parents certainly, but not other members of the family.
Well...You know the situation, you can either take it or leave it. Don't marry him if you cannot accept the responsibility he has choosen, and don't hope that after you marry you can change his mind or attempt to come in between him and his family. It's his choice if he wants to support them, and you can marry into that choice or not.





In a nutshell: It's a cultural thing. I agree with Kaylinn wholeheartedly..you either take it or leave it.
Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"
I agree that it is very much a cultural thing, but throw in another couple of cents worth.
Parents are those people who have struggled through your childhood to bring you up and to get you the best start in life that they can - with or without your help! If they have sacrificed everything for you - particularly in this case - then there should be a certain level of obligation to help them in times of hardship in return, at least to the best of your abilities.
That the other children are not prepared - or not interested - in helping is sad, and there must be some way of getting them to take on their share of the burden too.
Theres not really much you can do about this. He has to support his family, theres no way round it. i know it must be really hard with them not liking you and all but its his choice and his responsibility and to be honest, i don't think you would have much respect for him if he tried to back out of it and leave his family in the lurch. Your not a bad person for feeling this way, its natural that your apprehensive as its a lot to take on but you only have 2 choices, accept the situation as it is and take on board everything that comes with it, or, decide its too much and move on.


yeah but yeah
Last edited by J_Lynne; 07-24-2009 at 02:47 AM. Reason: klflasdjflsk
^^I'm really curious of what your boyfriend's response was to his sister doing that. Did he try to cover for her or did he stand by you? That will tell you a lot about how he'll handle things in the future.
Before you get married, try to define how much you're going to help them, define which relatives you are going to help and which you are not (and under what circumstances). Get all of this figured out before you get married so you don't have any crazy surprises. It's kind that he is helping his parents. Just make sure he is willing to take input from you and that if you become his wife these will be decisions you'll make together.
You can be with someone for a long time without getting married. It's not a committment to be taken lightly. These problems are big enough and they will only get bigger if you get married now. I wouldn't commit to marriage until you can either come to terms with the way things are, or resolve some of this stuff with his family.
Cultural differences like this are major. You might as well be from different planets in terms of how you look at the world. Again, time is good. No one regrets taking a little more time before taking the plunge.




so, this guy was seeing other people for five whole years before finally deciding to be exclusive with you, has parents to support, a disabled sister to support, and two other siblings who are just selfish, spoilt brats to support, and the parents can't find out about your job?
so, what happens if, after you marry him, he stops working and lets you and your stripper money pay for everything?
best choice: start over and find a guy with less shit.
Sounds like he comes from a really messed up family. I would probably break up with him just for the fact that he did nothing when his sister stole and used your stuff without permission. Sounds like if you get married, you will be giving him the money to support his family. I agree, start over and find a guy with less shit, more sunshine.
I think as hard as it is. It's because you've invested so much time into this guy. If it's so much drama already and you guys aren't even married it will only roll out ten fold when you two are.
When you look at someone, take a look at their habits from the past. Bad habits die hard and sometimes don't even die at all.


I agree that it's a cultural thing. And I guess you need to get to know what you truly want for yourself, your values and thinking. Then communicate them to him. He needs to give a little and you need to give a little so you can start your own family (talking marriage) with similar paths. It sounds like he needs to take care of his family though (in his mind). Some people might say that's horrible (especially with our culture being more individualistic), and others would say he's an absolute hero. It does sound pretty universally bad, though, if he's having to take care of his siblings. If you really love this guy, though, you'll be happy and the challenges will come and go, like any good marriage experiences. Good luck!


Sorry, I have to add. It might be a problem, if he's so close to his family and obviously cares what they think of him, that they don't fully accept you. I don't NORMALLY think this would be a great consideration, as it's between you and your future husband, not necessarily his family. It does sound, though, that in this situation, you kind of are "marrying" his family, since they are so much a part of his life.
I dated a Farsi speaking Muslim from Afghanistan when I was first in college. He was extremely kind and generous, also family-oriented (and his family had money, so it wasn't a money issue). I wasn't accepted in his family, though they treated me nicely. I found myself starting to wear clothing that covered more, just because of the unspoken values they had and to make things easier for him (okay, and me). I found myself giving way too much (changing my "identity") without truly realizing it. BTW, I wasn't dancing at the time, and his family would have either killed him or killed me (not really joking here) if I was. We spoke of marriage, and actually got engaged. Deep inside, I knew it was wrong. It was tough to break up with him. He showed up at my place, with flowers, crying and stuff. That really hurt, and I truly cared about him and still do. Now, though, I don't regret breaking up with him. It was wrong for me. I would have made his life hell and he would have my life hell without meaning to do that to each other.
Didn't really want to share all that, but after the last post, I realized I needed to share a little of my experience for you. AND, really, as the first bit of advice, discover what YOU want, for you, your values,..this is your life and marriage is a big deal.


Sorry, I have to add. It might be a problem, if he's so close to his family and obviously cares what they think of him, that they don't fully accept you. I don't NORMALLY think this would be a great consideration, as it's between you and your future husband, not necessarily his family. It does sound, though, that in this situation, you kind of are "marrying" his family, since they are so much a part of his life.
I dated a Farsi speaking Muslim from Afghanistan when I was first in college. He was extremely kind and generous, also family-oriented (and his family had money, so it wasn't a money issue). I wasn't accepted in his family, though they treated me nicely. I found myself starting to wear clothing that covered more, just because of the unspoken values they had and to make things easier for him (okay, and me). I found myself giving way too much (changing my "identity") without truly realizing it. BTW, I wasn't dancing at the time, and his family would have either killed him or killed me (not really joking here) if I was. We spoke of marriage, and actually got engaged. Deep inside, I knew it was wrong. It was tough to break up with him. He showed up at my place, with flowers, crying and stuff. That really hurt, and I truly cared about him and still do. Now, though, I don't regret breaking up with him. It was wrong for me. I would have made his life hell and he would have my life hell without meaning to do that to each other.
Didn't really want to share all that, but after the last post, I realized I needed to share a little of my experience for you. AND, really, as the first bit of advice, discover what YOU want, for you, your values,..this is your life and marriage is a big deal.
All I can say is what I put above, if you want to go ahead do it, but make sure that it is clear from the very start, only his parents and no one else in the family gets supported and not even overnight stops for one night.
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