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Thread: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I thought it would keep being fun before I was ready to quit, that I'd be sad to go. I thought I'd work hard, save money, manage my finances well, and walk away from it with something to show for it. I thought my worth would increase with age.

    Nope. I totally fucked up. I've been doing it since I was 18, and I'm almost 25. I have no savings (though if I had put away $20 from every shift, I'd be loaded), I have no college degree (but a lot of credits that amount to nothing), I have car debt (I'm upside down), and my expenses are crippling me from getting any other job.

    My hustle buddy at work is my age, but has only been doing it a year. She's done it right, and it's brought into sharp focus how badly I've screwed up. She works 5 days a week (I usually make it in 2-3), she doesn't drink at all (I think all the liquor I've drank in my career would fill an olympic sized pool), she stays her whole shift (I leave if I'm discouraged), and even worse, she's accomplishing my dream. I've always wanted to be a small business owner, to work for myself, and with the money she's made she has a lease and is in the process of opening her own business and getting out of stripping. Although I'm naturally jealous, I'm also happy for her, and inspired by her example. It's a reminder that you can take that job for all it's worth and not let it take you.

    I just want a normal job that I enjoy and make decent money at, to be at home with my boyfriend at night and on the weekends, to not die from cancer from secondhand smoke inhalation, to get married and have babies, to not have to lie about my job, to not be groped on a daily basis, to not feel ugly everytime someone rejects me - I could go on for a while.

    I just have to get out from under it. I have to pay off my car and finish school at the very least. I make good money pretty consistently, but I spend it on stupid stuff - I take trips, I go out to eat almost every day, I buy pretty much anything I want to.

    I'm that dumb bitch stripper who totally squandered her chance. If I'm lucky I'll walk away from it with a degree into a good job having broken even. At least I'm not a crackwhore, but that's not saying much.

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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I don't know what to say, except to say it's not too late to turn it around. You are still really young, even if you feel like you wasted a lot of time. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you have your whole life ahead of you. Learn from your mistakes, but don't dwell on them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Helle View Post
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    ^^ What she said. I'm 31 and I feel like I'm just getting it right this time.

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    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I look at my stripping career as having two Chapters. Chapter one: I was exactly like you just described.

    Chapter two: I finally graduated, after years of taking useless classes, got a "normal job", went broke quick ( I still had all my expensive, nasty stripper habits, just not the income).

    Started dancing again, earned and saved with a vengeance, started fixing my credit, purchased a car with cash and am now investing.

    It's never too late, decide to make a lifestyle change.

    Create a budget and stick to it, learn how to cook, engage in activities that are free or low cost. Instead of eating out everyday invite friends over and cook ect...

    When you do splurge you will enjoy yourself more because you rarely do it. Start saving NOW.

    You haven't squandered your chances, I think I was 27 when I started getting it together and I've come a long way in three years.

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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    stripping distracts some from their goals. i had to quit stripping to accomplish my goals. my debt's paid off, my credit is AWESOME, i invest my money and it's returning pretty well, the line of work i'm in is recession-proof (in fact does better during recessions and even depressions), i'll own my own home(s) in two states by the end of this decade (in cash, potentially, but haven't made a strict decision on that yet), and i am a lot happier overall.

    stripping can give a nice cashflow, but it narrows your focus down to the shift, the hour, the dance-sell. and it can be extremely difficult to rip oneself away from that focus and build a future beyond being naked on demand.

    don't feel bad-- don't even feel cheated. sometimes the experience is useful in other, non-monetary ways. my own experience stripping showed me that it's possible to overcome racist mindsets through cleverness and industry and come out ahead of such people-- which is a valuable lesson in the non-stripping world.

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    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    It's not too late! I feel exactly where you're coming from, I started 2 months after my 18th birthday and fucked off most of my money til my 22nd. I also had that friend whom I worked with and she was a lot wiser than me her first go, and she owns her own home and a couple of luxury vehicles, I could go on. She did really good for herself because she was so consistent with going into work, saving her money and staying motivated. I used to be jealous of her (just for what she had material and work ethic wise, but I have to be honest it frustrated me because I knew I looked way better than her) but now I respect and I'm totally happy for her. I learned to save (finally) and be responsible... but I ended up retireing from stripper land to really learn how to do that. Since I no longer have a disposable "I can go in tonight and make back the money I blew yesterday." kind of job, it REALLY kicked me in the ass and taught me how to save and not lose track of where the fuck all my money goes. I'll be ready to go back someday, and when I do I'm going to OWN it this time around! You will too, recognizing what you've fucked up is your first step. You can still focus, and stack away some serious cash (more than just breaking even) if you're serious and FOCUS. Get a notebook, write up a game plan w/$$$goals, but start kind of low (just a lil less than what you usually average) so you don't get discouraged. Record everything to keep track of what you're bringing in, and what you're putting away in your savings. Force yourself to go in those days you commit yourself for, try for 1 extra shift a week than you usually would. Just start kind of slow to discipline yourself and get into a new solid routine. You can do it girl! It's not too late, I know of strippers who finally got their act together at 30, and retired happily with businesses or a new career (and had plenty of money in the bank) 5 years later.
    Last edited by Miss Jessica; 01-21-2008 at 05:18 AM.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    you know what i always say? stripping give me the freedom to do a whole hell of a lot. everything except quit. because then how would i pay for the house i plan to buy, etc?

    i'm where you are, i don't save. well, not much. but i've only been doing it a year and a half, and i've already realized that i needed to get into it before i could look at it this way. i was drinking, doing drugs, whatever. not working hard.. but now i work very hard, i do well, and i have a savings plan set up. you can always get back on track, dont get discouraged!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I've sort of been feeling like this, too. On one hand, I've saved my money, my car is paid off, and I've finished school. On the other hand, I'm 25 (as of next month) with a college degree and I'm still just doing the same thing... Only worse because I didn't drink as much when I started. Yea, I wrote my (itty bitty) resume, posted it on monster.com and a temp agency and sent it out to a couple of places. There was no response and I feel crappy. (I don't plan on quitting when I get my "real" job, I just need to start building experiance... which I don't have because "stripper" wouldn't exactly win me any brownie points.) I thought I'd be in a totally different place at 25. I should have paid more attention to my future instead of, "Woo hoo, I'm making so much money!" I should have done more volunteer work or done some internships over the summer breaks.

    On the other hand, Viola. It's not too late... it's just going to take us longer to get there because we got the fire lit under our butts a little later than others.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    It's already been said, but I'll repeat: It is NOT too late. No at all. 25 is nothing. Especially given the self-awareness it took to write that post in the first place! You can totally turn it around, I have no doubt.

    And those college credits? They may not amount to anything specific taken as they are right now, all by themselves, but you can always apply at least some of them - whichever ones are appropriate - towards a degree. It's totally not for nothing.

    Would making a fresh start in a new club help you to leave old, less productive habits behind? You could get a fresh start (new club or not - it's more symbolic & a motivating tool than anything), apply yourself the way you really want to, and have that grand finale in a year or two!

    I know from reading your posts here that you are strong & determined. You CAN DO THIS!
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    It's already been said, but I'll repeat: It is NOT too late. No at all. 25 is nothing.

    Yes yes yes!!!! I'm 3 (OMG almost 4!) years older than you and I've only been saving for a year. I felt just like you at 25 but you can do so much in only one year!! Really. I think you could probably buckle down and pay off your car and save a small chunk by 2009, and then move on to working towards your next goal.

    I mean, I'm trying to get out and start my own thing by 30. That sounds crazy old to me, so 25 is nothing.

    But I understand your frustration, it's a taxing job. It really, really is. I know you've said things in other posts about how unhealthy it is and I've completely agreed with you. I feel the same way. I mean I do lapdances next to a speaker at my club that is so load sometimes that my body vibrates - I know I'm blowing out my ears. And I spend too much too, on stupid crap. You know how you write your numbers down every day of how much you made? Well this year I'm making myself write down how much I spent each day. That really sucks to see.

    Anyway, try not to stress, you can be in a place where you're happy, it'll just take a little work.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

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    Veteran Member Daisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I have totally been there. Fast money can be both a blessing, and a curse. I danced for years, blowing money like you wouldn't believe. Fortunately, I never had a drug habit, mine went on stupid shit: clothes, makeup, home decor. Suddenly, I developed tarsal tunnel syndrome and required foot surgery. This kept me out of work for two years. I didn't have a DIME saved. Did not qualify for disability because I didn't have enough tax credits. Somehow, I made it through.

    I still have some foot pain, but am now able to dance again. I'm viewing this as my second chance. Instead of harping on my mistakes, I am trying to look toward the future, and just learn from them.

    Don't be hard on yourself. You are definitely not alone. Many girls reach the end of their dancing career and realize they have nothing. You have a CHANCE...isn't that all you need?
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    this thread is inspiring to me. ive been dancin since i was 22 and i am 28 now. i used to have a lot of really nice furniture and a nice car (still got the car, working on the nice furniture. im having to start over due to a bad relationship) but i have no savings, no house and all that. i work 2-3 days a week. im going to start busting my ass and hope that it becomes regular like my 2-3 day a week shift.

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    Veteran Member SexyJess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Please don't get discouraged. These ladies are right- you've still got plenty of time. Besides- not to downplay your situation, but- it could be a lot worse. I have known girls who have made so much money and would blow it so fast, they could never even get their own apartments. They were so bad at managing money, they'd have to sleep on their friends' couches and bum rides to work because they didn't have cars... and these weren't even the crackheads! So, don't beat yourself up too badly.

    I'm somewhat in the same boat. While I have done a few smart things with my dancing money (started a Roth IRA, paid off a car laon a year and a half early, got a nice house), I also blew a lot on unnecessary clothes, nights out, and vacations... although I definitely don't regret my amazing honeymoon. I have a small savings account but it's nowhere near where it should be. I'm trying to get out of dancing after this year and use my degree, so I've decided to do it right this year... build up my savings, pay off my credit card, and be more frugal. You can do a lot in a year. Don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that you recognize where you went wrong and want to change speaks volumes about your good character.

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Thanks you so much everybody. I really REALLY appreciate the encouragement, and agree with your sentiments that it's not too late to turn it all around when I'm not in a pessimistic funk.

    I think starting with working more consistently and writing down my goals would help.

  15. #15
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Viola, Just like everyone said, you are still very young. I've noticed a lot of people on this board have said a girl shouldn't even start stripping until she's 24. So look, you're only one year older than that. But like you said too, you don't want to be realizing this five years down the road. You realized it just in time!!

    Plot out what you have to get done this year. (Don't overwhelm yourself with goals that are too big.) Talk with a counselor about your credits and what they actually add up to so you have a realistic view of how much longer until you finish school. If you don't know what you want to do for a job, you could just major in something broad like business. I agree though -- definitely get that degree.

    Try not get depressed and pessimistic when things don't change overnight. Just think about where you're going to be at a year from now and achieving those goals.

    Even if you get a degree and a few months of living expenses in savings, that is so, so much more than so many people have. I think you are smart and amazing for making this post. Just wanted to be your cheerleader!!!

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I'd like to point out that your collection of credits might qualify you for a degree in General Studies. That's what one of my BAs is in; the other is in English. General Studies is not a super powerful degree to have, but if you seriously have so many assorted credits that it would be several years until you completed a major, you might as well. I also think, but am not certain, that if you have good enough grades, General Studies should get you into grad school just fine, if that's something you wanted to do. I will probably hype my General Studies degree more if/when I apply to grad school, because I think I'd like to go for Public Health.

    I'm not sure if all schools offer such a degree. Mine did, but they didn't make it widely known. It only came up when I asked, "WTH do I do with all these leftover credits?!"

    And also, don't fret so much. All you're doing is psyching yourself out. You have the capacity to change your behavior; you have the capacity to set goals and stick to them. Holy crap, you're the 30 days/10k girl! If you sincerely resolve to change, I have not a single molecule of doubt that you can do so.
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  17. #17
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    It's not too late to turn things around. If you have a bunch of "useless college credits," look at the types of majors you took classes in, pick the one that is both the most interesting + most lucrative(in terms of a career), and go back to school. I'd recommend a large state university such as Penn State or Temple University, because the tuition will be a little cheaper but you will still get the same quality education.

    As far as the car loan, you can either suck up the years of payments ahead, you can sell the car, or you can cut expenses + work another job so that you can put more money towards your car loan than the minimum. That is what I am doing...I will work extra shifts or cut out things like cable or eating out, so that I can pay extra towards my car loan each month...as a result, I will have a 6yr loan for a $30,000 car paid off before it's halfway through.

    From the reasons that you state, perhaps it is a good idea that you are looking for another job, since dancing didn't seem to do a lot for you. If you feel the need to drink at work or leave your shift early, perhaps that is a sign that you are burned out or you do not have a passion for the job. That's okay though...I was the same way. At the end of the time I was dancing, I started getting exasperated to the point that it wasn't even all that financially lucrative for me to stay dancing. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with "retiring" and finding another job!

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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    It's amazing how fast things can change once you change your thinking! There are a lot of inspiring stories in this thread, so hopefully you can see potential and take it one-day-at-a-time!

    Another thing, as women, we do really live in a great time, where age limitations are lifted like never before. Outside dancing (and, I guess within the business, but the limitations are more obvious) there are amazing stories of people changing their lives and careers when they are twice your age. AND, they are looking damn good doing it!!

    I started dancing after I got a liberal arts degree that didn't do a lot for me. I decided I wanted to be a nurse. That's when I started dancing. I'm a nurse now, still dancing, and have a new set of goals to become a nurse practitioner. Goals never end (hopefully) and there's always something. We learn and change course as needed, and life goes on. But really, it's the day-in-day-out that will make it happen. The money, everything, kind of works out in a strange way. One thing for sure, though, being regretful, unhappy, and feeling stuck will only lead to more of that. A million examples of that, unfortunately. SO, get up, get over your issues NOW, and get going (sounds a little mean, sorry!)....GOOD LUCK!

  19. #19
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Margo, you gave really good advice and I found it to be very helpful for a lot of different people.

    Quote Originally Posted by margo80 View Post
    One thing for sure, though, being regretful, unhappy, and feeling stuck will only lead to more of that. A million examples of that, unfortunately. SO, get up, get over your issues NOW, and get going
    That's my friend M--k in a nutshell...one of the "million examples" lol. He is constantly "bitter and burned out"(his own words). When he goes out with my friends and I to a bar, he mopes around with his hand propping up his face, and you can read his lack of self-esteem, hope, or contentment with his life, as easily as reading a book. He keeps saying "Well, how do I get hope or confidence, when nothing has been working out well in years? How do I get confidence when I have nothing to be confident about?" Admittedly it is very difficult for him. But he has such a miserable attitude, that it seems to keep him down in the mud...year after year after year...and yes, that's as grim as it sounds. Perhaps he should follow your optimistic advice!

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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    I know how you feel. I started at 23 and at 27 I have nothing to show for it....almost nothing. I did gain some valuable life experience and I got to do all the traveling I was itching to do with no worries about money.
    I'm back in college now so that I can be out of the business by the time I'm 30.
    I wish you the best of luck and I think your going to be just fine. Now that you realize what you want out of the business, you'll likely set yourself to accomplishing it.

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    Veteran Member pheno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    What they said! ^^

    Something else to think of: When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones. I imagine you have experiences and personal achievements others can't even imagine. That counts for something too.
    "By 'them' do you mean people like me?"

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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Definitely talk to a college counselor about what you can do with your credits. You may be closer to a degree than you know. Tell them you want to graduate as soon as possible, and they should help you figure it out.

    As for the car payment, well, you can either accept making payments for the next several years, or you can sell it and use the money to get a used car.

    If I were you, I'd also consider taking a break. It's so easy to waste money when you have the mentality that you can always go in the next day and make hundreds of dollars. Sometimes we need a little hardship to teach us discipline.

    If you've been dancing for seven years, since you were a teenager, maybe you haven't learned to live cheaply. If you quit dancing for a little while and got another job, you would learn to live within your means -- make the big monthly payments first (rent, bills, car, etc.) and budget for weekly expenses like groceries. Get used to making a payment into your savings EVERY month, even if it's a small ammount. Treat it like another bill payment. Then, if you have money left over, get something small for yourself. (It's easier to stay disciplined if you give yourself the occasional treat; otherwise you set up a standard that's difficult to maintain.)

    Maybe after several months learning to live small, you could try dancing again. If you kept all the good habits you made while living without dance income, you'd be back on your feet in no time.

    Good luck! You realize that you have a problem, and that's a big step.

  24. #23
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    omg. i TOTALLY hear you!!!
    i get bummed every now and then thinking about the money ive made, and spent, on nothing. i started at 18, and im now almost 24, i used to work just 2-3 nights-enough to cover bills, and rent, and have a little bit left over for a few cheap clothes or holidays.
    its only been in the past 12 months ive gotten off my ass and started working 4-6nights a week, and only in the past 2 months i have started trying to STAY till the end. i usually leave early and fuck around a bit, drink, or sit out the back gossiping.
    i get down that i never saved anything, never brouight property etc, but shit, neither have ANY of my friends. and some of them are in their 30s!

    we compare ourselves to people in the industry, but really, compare yourself to other people who work a 9-5, bet they dont all own houses and run their own businesses either.

    and yeah, its never too late to start saving!! theres alot of dancers who dont even start DANCING till they hit 25, so just pretend your one of them makes em feel better sometimes.

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    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Don't be discouraged. As long as you find yourself even if it's later. It'll be worth it to have done it right.

    I think everyone has their ups n downs. I go through these not wanting to work moods and I totally mess it up and regret it later. Just retain a strict schedule and keep at it and you'll be there before you know it
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







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    Veteran Member Toki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being a stripper kind of sucks (learn from me)

    Think of it this way: at least you've realized that you need and want to change your ways. 25 is still young and if you follow a plan and work hard, you'll be back on track in no time!

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