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Thread: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Sex/relationship problem. Has this ever happened to you?

    Thanks, everyone. Never ye mind...
    Last edited by Dottie Rebel; 01-26-2008 at 01:53 AM.

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    God/dess TheTempest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Before I married my (now) ex-husband, he once asked me if we could do something BESIDES have sex. He was in the military and we only saw each other every other week at that time. I should have known then that it wasn't going to last.

    I guess the best advice I can give is that your friend should talk to her husband about how she's feeling and explain she doesn't want to go outside the marriage but that she is unsatisfied. She may have already tried that. Is there any reason he doesn't want to have sex? Fatigue? Performance anxiety? Stress?

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    She's tried talking to him. He doesn't like to talk about it.

    I think being "tired" is the usual excuse, but according to her he's been "tired" for 7 years so there is obviously something else going on.

    What do you think was up with your ex? Did you ever figure it out?

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    I had an ex like that once. The lack of intimacy was a huge reason why it did not work out. It killed my self esteem and is probably doing the same to your friend. In my case, honestly, there was no way I could go on like that and be happy. The only solution was to leave and find someone more compatible. Even just being single and on the receiving end of casual attention was better than living like that.

  5. #5
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    If he wasnt always like this...I'd consider therapy. I'd also have him see a Dr to rule out any psysiological issues that may cause it. Couples counseling with a sex therapist may mean a differance for them.

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Is he "allowed" to get it from other girls? If so, does he? It may have nothing to do with being attracted or not, and more to do with a difference in sex drives. If he used to want more sex than he does now, it could be something medical, and therapy might be helpful.

    If he wants it from other people, but not her, then there's something that really really needs to be addressed.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Is there are way for your "friend" to get some booty action without him knowing? If he has said that it is totally okay with your friend to seek sexual satisfaction outside of the relationship... really.. what is stopping her? Why not do so and just not tell him about it? Pretend she is visiting a friend, going to the gym or something.

    Personally, I'm done with denying myself sexually. If someone cannot fulfill me sexually then they are more like a friend who I may "get off" with every so often............and thus this friend canNOT expect me to stay loyal/exclusive when I am feeling sexually frustrated.

    Thus the reason I have two men going right now. They compliment each other. One is my main playmate and the other is purely booty call whenever I'm feeling sexually frustrated due to conflict of schedule (or otherwise) from my main playmate.

    I'm all for open relationships especially if your "friend" is not sexually compatible with her husband. It will save the marriage and make it last instead of heading for the divorce court.

    If nothing else is wrong with the relationship except sexually, then why doesn't the wife just go get some loving herself ? Especially since it seems her husband is okay with her doing so? Where is the problem here?


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    Nothing has changed. He was no more interested in sex when they'd known each other 2 months than he is after 7 years.

    He only has sex with other women when they do it together. And he's ALWAYS excited about a threesome. That'll usually light his fuse and maybe they'll do it a couple days in a row after that. But then it's back to normal.

    But in general, no, he doesn't want to have sex with other women any more than he does with her. He doesn't want to run around on her or anything.
    Well, it really sounds like he's just not interested in sex period, and it has nothing to do with her. Maybe she can find out what it is about threesomes that excites him so much, and use it to get him more interested in sex in general.
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Oh, yes, I have been there, and it ended things eventually, because I wrap up the physical affection with the emotional affection and a lack of physical closeness (not just sex) makes me sad. One of the things I love about Mr. W is our compatible sex drives.

    So in no way is this unheard of -- when one partner has less of a sex drive than the other, yeah, sometimes it's the male in the relationship. And if it is making the unfulfilled partner feel sad and unloved, or otherwise unfulfilled, I think they should part ways and seek people with whom they are more compatible. I would not go back to that lonely feeling ever again, ugh, it was awful. Much empathy for your friend.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    They've got a pretty brilliant relationship in every other way. Just no magical spark from him--Never was. Neither emotionally nor physically. She said he told her when they first met that he wanted a relationship like old people have. She should have known then she was in trouble.

    It would be such a shame to throw it all away over this. Seven years.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    ^or it would be a shame to throw away the next seven years.

    depends on how you look at it.

    besides, they could always have a brilliant friendship-- like having a gay roommate who's your companion.

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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Have they considered that he may be asexual, or nearly so? The "relationship like old people have" comment made me think of that.

    I would say that no long-term relationship is "thrown away." Hopefully that time still helped them grow into the people they are today and they can be grateful for that. Most relationships by far are not forever, but that doesn't mean they are failures or not worth having had. My parents split up after seventeen years and were in their forties and both are into the double digits on second marriages now. I'm sure they wouldn't take back their marriage and time together, and yet even after that huge investment have moved into other relationships that suit them better.

    Is there hope for friendship outside of a relationship? I can understand how difficult it would be if they like everything else about each other and otherwise share a life. At the very least they are probably best friends in many ways and it has to be terrifying to think about losing such an important relationship.

  13. #13
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    Related article: No Sex Please, Im not Into It.

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    God/dess TheTempest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex/relationship problem. What do you think? What would you do?

    I hope everything works out Dottie!

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