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Thread: how do you talk to the haters?

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default how do you talk to the haters?

    Oh, man. So my best friend from high school (whom I haven't seen in years and years) came to visit this week. She brought with her this male friend I'd never met before, and they were both staying with me and my boyfriend in our very tiny apartment, sleeping in our living room.

    Her friend was kind of a douchebag chauvinist, to be honest, but I was tolerating it, because he'd only 24, so I figured he had a lot left to learn about life. Then this morning I took the two of them out to brunch, and Friend starts asking me about my job. I answer his questions honestly for a bit, and then it becomes obvious that he has that whole "socially conscious"/self-righteously narrow-minded attitude about dancing. He's telling me that he's heard that girls just dance for the money (like there's anything wrong with that) and that most of them hate the job, and that everybody involved is being totally exploited. Just the usual bullshit.

    I ask him what he's basing his opinion on.

    He says, from women he's talked to.

    Women who were strippers?

    Well, no. Non-stripping females who also held the opinion that dancing was wrong and exploitative.

    So, you talked to some women who choose not to strip and came away with the idea that no woman would choose to strip, therefore those of us who do have made some sort of self-destructive pact with the devil?

    Anyway, he got really belligerant about it and was trying to get me to admit that I hate what I do and feel bad about it. The punchline? He's studying to be a corporate attorney, but I'm the one who's supposed to feel bad about supposedly exploiting people to make money.

    Long story short, I went outside, got calmed down and rational, went back inside and asked him to find another place to stay for the rest of the week. I just couldn't imagine having this dude in my house any longer.


    Fortunately, my friend totally understands and doesn't have any problem with what I did. She's still staying here and he got a motel room.

    Just wondering, how do you deal with folks like that? Do you think there's any point in trying to argue, or do you just wash your hands of them?

    I feel kind of weird for doing something as extreme as kicking him out of my house. I'm generally not an angry person at all. I'm, like, the opposite of that. I just couldn't imagine having this dude stay under my roof and eat my food when it's all paid for by my job, which he disapproves of so much.

    End rant. Awaiting your input.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    You did the right thing. I applaud your calmness and logic in the situation. I would have blown up and told him to get the fuck out of my house as soon as he started on that shit. Good for you.

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Don't feel weird for kicking him out. He was being an incredibly disrespectful douche to give you such attitude when you were gracious enough to offer him a place to stay. You did the right thing. You were doing him a favor, he should have at least been nice. F-him.

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    You let him stay with you and he was an asshole. You did the right thing by asking him to leave, I would've lost my cool right then. Why would your best friend let such a loser tag along? Not many people will understand a dancer's life and there's no point in attempting to educate all of them.

  5. #5
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I would have kicked him out too. You are generously offering up your hospitility and he is disrespecting you. How DARE he??

    I had one friend(EX friend...she was a bridesmaid at my wedding but we havent spoken after this incident) do this to me. Stayed at my house while visiting, ate all my food AND drank a LOT of my very expensive liquor while I was at work and had the AUDACITY to preach to ME and my friends about our lack of morals. Oh..and BTW, she was hitting on my friends 17 year old brother whiole she was here too(she was 28 and knew damn well how old he was).

    So...being an adult and still mooching off everyone else(she lived at home with her mother because at 28 she still had delusions of being a movie star...even though she lived in Jersey, wasnt willing to move or travel to get work and has never even tried to talk to an agent or anything no matter what anyone told her. She thought she would just "get discovered" uh huh...), drinking yourself stupid every day and attempting statutory rape was WAY more moral then I could EVER be.

    We've never spoken again after I kicked her out and I feel no guilt whatsoever, nor do I miss her.

    Now I had no problem with the mooching thing....she WAS my friend and when I invite friends to stay at my home I invite and expect them to treat my home as if it were their own. Because I trust my friends not to take advantage of that fact or steal from me or anything...if I had worries like that, I wouldnt invite them to stay with me in the first place. So she could have emptied my kitchen and bar every day and I wouldnt have said or thought a single disparaging thing.

    But when my friend pulled me aside and told me what she tried to do to her brother...who, despite his age was actually VERY mature and not at all interested in her..yet had to physically pull her off of him and told his sister he wasnt comfortable in my home anymore as long as she was there. AND everyone(I had a party while she was here, which she refused to participate in since we were all SO immoral and locked her self in the spare room during it instead. And I told her about the party being planned for that day BEFORE she decided to come down and visit) told me about her trying to preach to them in the brief moments she came out to grace us with her presence in order to get more alcohol....that was the last straw!
    Last edited by cameron_keys; 01-26-2008 at 03:54 PM.

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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I don't see any point in arguing with someone like that. Some people are just ignorant, and some people have their stubborn minds made up, and you can't chage that. The ignorance can be improved upon, as you have no doubt seen in people since you've started dancing. But the stubborn kind won't stop. Even when they know they're wrong (I know because this is me a lot!).

    Just consider it dirt off your shoulder. Even if he doesn't agree with what you do, even if you're an axe murderer, you took him in and let him stay in your house. All he had to do was shut his mouth and smile and nod. So fuck him.

  7. #7
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyCurlieQ View Post
    I don't see any point in arguing with someone like that. Some people are just ignorant, and some people have their stubborn minds made up, and you can't chage that.

    Exactly. When people like that are SO confrontational up front they are HOPING you get pissed and scream at them because it will re-inforce their idea that all strippers are just dysfunctional and crazy. Plus if you get mad they will just say that their comments must have "touched a nerve" and therefore they are right.

    Just ignore their ignorance, and tell them that you dont allow other people to disrespect you, therefore you cant have anything to do with them ever again.

  8. #8
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I would have ripped him a new asshole and told him to get the fuck out of my house.

    So, I think you did fine!

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    Exactly. When people like that are SO confrontational up front they are HOPING you get pissed and scream at them because it will re-inforce their idea that all strippers are just dysfunctional and crazy. Plus if you get mad they will just say that their comments must have "touched a nerve" and therefore they are right.
    Yeah, this drives me crazy. He went so far as to say that if his comments were bothering me I must be feeling insecure about what I do. I had to go outside and cool my head before I could deal with it without throwing hot coffee in his lap.

    My friend is so awesome...I can't believe she lets that clown hang around. The way he talks to her is incredibly condescending, too. It's been making my blood boil all week, but she's really patient with him for some reason.

    Anyway, I'm really, really glad he's gone. I don't feel any regret about asking him to go. My apartment is tiny, and if I'd had to see much more of him I would have lost it and said or done something really mean. I do wish I could have thought of some magic words to say that would make him understand how shallow and judgemental and hypocritical he was being, but I don't think he was going to budge. There was no way for me to "win" that interaction.

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    Just wondering, how do you deal with folks like that? Do you think there's any point in trying to argue, or do you just wash your hands of them?
    No point in arguing. Due to working on becoming a lawyer he obviously thrives on conflict ... so I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. If he wanted to know why he "hit a nerve", I would say: Because I do not suffer assholes lightly now could you please stop abusing my hospitality and find another place to stay while you are here.

    Thus wash my hands of him. Besides, he is your best friend's friend.. not your friend. He is only "someone you know thru someone else" ... no more therefore he doesn't deserve the same treatment as your best friend.



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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    No point in arguing. Due to working on becoming a lawyer he obviously thrives on conflict ...
    So he's a male Jenny?

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Banned LatinaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I really don't think you could have handled this situation better. Good for you!

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    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    what a disrespectful jerk! I can't belive he had the audacity to speak to you in that manner.. good for you for not putting up with that... He can rot in his hotel room.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I just realized what I wish I'd said. (I always do this!) The thing was, he got me answering questions and on the defensive. If I were in this situation again, I'd just tell the person that they obviously had lots of information and opinions about strip clubs, so maybe they could just tell me everything they know. Then I could sit back and be amused rather than getting defensive and angry.

    I hate getting drawn into arguments I can't win...

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    Anyway, he got really belligerant about it and was trying to get me to admit that I hate what I do and feel bad about it. The punchline? He's studying to be a corporate attorney, but I'm the one who's supposed to feel bad about supposedly exploiting people to make money.
    This is just an absolute GEM. Couldn't resist repeating it. Chee-rist!

    You were perfectly justified. I'm very glad, too, that your other friend understood and supported your decision. Maybe she'd had enough of his nonsense too.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

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    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Some people's minds are just dead set on a narrow path but your pretty awesome for keeping your calm like that.

    I don't really deal with people who are going to talk down on me and want to force their opinions on me thats based on BS.
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Bravo! I don't know that I would have been as calm as you in that situation. I wouldn't have wanted him in my house any longer either. And kudos to your friend for staying with you.

    This is definately a pick you battle kind of thing. Some people just aren't going to see any other point of view other than their own. If someone wants to openly and honestly as questons about my job I'll talk to them.

    When I was working full time at a call center and dancing part time, one of my coworkers was asking me how could I parade around in front of men half naked (this was before LD's were in my city), didn't I feel like I was committing a sin? So I asked the very religious, bible quoting, goes to church twice a week lady if she feels like a sinner for having just had her second child out of wedlock with a different man than her first child.

    That shut her up.

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    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    Bravo! I don't know that I would have been as calm as you in that situation. I wouldn't have wanted him in my house any longer either. And kudos to your friend for staying with you.

    This is definately a pick you battle kind of thing. Some people just aren't going to see any other point of view other than their own. If someone wants to openly and honestly as questons about my job I'll talk to them.

    When I was working full time at a call center and dancing part time, one of my coworkers was asking me how could I parade around in front of men half naked (this was before LD's were in my city), didn't I feel like I was committing a sin? So I asked the very religious, bible quoting, goes to church twice a week lady if she feels like a sinner for having just had her second child out of wedlock with a different man than her first child.

    That shut her up.
    damn son!!! tell her like it is. u sure as heck shut her down.

  19. #19
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Grace, you did the right thing. Good for you!

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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    He's telling me that he's heard that girls just dance for the money (like there's anything wrong with that) and that most of them hate the job
    Doesn't that describe 98% of the working population in the country??

  21. #21
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Exellent - I love the fact that you kicked him out and your friends still staying hahahaha!
    Dont feel wierd, just have a GREAT time without him :-D

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I'm very happy he's gone. The whole apartment feels better without him. Thanks for all your support guys. I tried to be really calm about it, but I was upset as hell. And sad.

    Last night, at my friend's request, I took her and two of her other friends (also in town, but not staying at my place) to P10. I was kinda dreading it and didn't want to be subjected to anymore interrogation about my job. I mean, what am I, the Ambassador or Stripperland?

    I got a pleasant surprise, though. None of them had been to a club before, but they were model customers and had a really great time. They got to meet and get dances from some of my all-time favorite fellow dancers, who are neither exploited nor miserable. (They probably were just doing it for the money, though. Well, I don't know....I think that one stripper really liked me. )
    Last edited by xoxoGracexoxo; 01-27-2008 at 10:56 AM.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    This is definately a pick you battle kind of thing. Some people just aren't going to see any other point of view other than their own. If someone wants to openly and honestly as questons about my job I'll talk to them.
    This is how I see it, too. I don't mind answering questions that are asked with an open mind. If I didn't like talking about stripping, I wouldn't be glued to SW ten hours a day.

    But it sucks when the person asking the questions has an agenda, and is only interested in your answers so far as they suit it. Then again, the kid is an attorney, after all.

    Is there something to this whole rumor about Australian guys being massive pricks? (NO offense, honored Australian ladies. I'm from Texas, after all. Texas guys have a reputation for asshattery world around. Sometimes richly deserved and sometimes not.)

  24. #24
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post

    Long story short, I went outside, got calmed down and rational, went back inside and asked him to find another place to stay for the rest of the week. I just couldn't imagine having this dude in my house any longer.
    I congratulate you for staying calm and mature, but moreso, I congratulate you for being assertive enough to look out for your own wellbeing by kicking the dumb male cunt out of your place. Why should be stay with you when he's being condescending, hypcritical, and disagreeable? Yeah you felt a little bad, but look at it this way...you said that he'd been acting chovanistic all week long. Ugh he doesn't live there and he doesn't even pay rent, so I am glad that you saw the ability to kick him out. That's YOUR place, not his. There were times in the past where I was in a similar spot but I didn't have the balls to kick out the person and/or make them find their own ride, etc(whatever the situation might have been)...I sure regret not standing up for myself enough back then! You go girl!

  25. #25
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you talk to the haters?

    I think you were right. I mean, people are allowed to have opinions on commercial sex trade even if they aren't in it - there is nothing wrong with forming opinions on it. But I mean - he should still be respectful of the fact that it is your life you are talking about. Like he can have opinions and thoughts on exploitation without being disrespectful to you. Like I don't think the issue is that he has opinions about exotic dancing, or even that he doesn't change his mind on talking to you - it's that he is treating you with innate disrespect over what is, largely, a social-political issue while staying in your home. Any reasonable adult should know to either express themselves with some respect or shut up.
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