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Thread: Feeling guilty about leading them on

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Yeah, I know this is a huge part of the job. But I do. I feel bad. What do you say when they ask you to be their girlfriend? Or when they ask you to meet them at the diner sometime? Where are your boundaries?
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    I have never felt guilty about selling a fantasy. People should know what time it is when they step foot inside a strip club. I never flat out tell anyone 'Yes, I'll be your girlfriend" to lead them on, I just let them know that I am a working girl and we can have a really good time in the club if they take care of everything.

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    I have never felt guilty about selling a fantasy. People should know what time it is when they step foot inside a strip club. I never flat out tell anyone 'Yes, I'll be your girlfriend" to lead them on, I just let them know that I am a working girl and we can have a really good time in the club if they take care of everything.
    What I've done so far is say, "Hmmm...I'll think about it..." I think what prompts these questions is that I give a lot of compliments and try to make the guy feel like I'm into him. That is, after all, the point. Am I doing too much of this?

    What do you say as a direct response to that girlfriend question, when prodded?
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    When directly asked I tell them I will be MORE then happy to be their girlfriend...in the VIP room for as long as their credit card holds out.

    Say it jokingly and with a smile and they willget the point without thinking you are a bitch(you'd be amazed what shit you can say to a guy as long as you say it witha smile!)

    If they complain or push the issue past that...THEY are crossing the line, not you. And dont think they dont know it. The sheer amount of guys on here posting "I KNOW all strippers want is my money but I cant help thinking THIS one really likes me..." shows that they know what the deal is...but they want to believe the fantasy anyway. So let them believe it. Until they stop spending on you..then move on to the next one.

    There are a MILLION excuses why you cant go out TONIGHT...you cant get a babysitter(whether you have kids in real life or not...), you have to get home to let your dog out, you have a shit ton of homework to do(again...even if you arent in school)...etc....etc......

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    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Get it thru your head that you work in sales. You are a sales person.

    If you approach this business as nothing more than a sales job and are ethical in the way you do so (whilst still being flexible) then I honestly do not see where the problem lies.

    If you need help, Hustle Hut is your friend. Some of your questions have been answered ad nauseum in that section... go have a search there


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl View Post
    Get it thru your head that you work in sales. You are a sales person.

    If you approach this business as nothing more than a sales job and are ethical in the way you do so (whilst still being flexible) then I honestly do not see where the problem lies.

    If you need help, Hustle Hut is your friend. Some of your questions have been answered ad nauseum in that section... go have a search there
    I'm very interested in being ethical. What does it mean to be ethical here, when my whole stripper identity is a big fat lie...ahem, fantasy?
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

  7. #7
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    You arent lying..try to understand that. You are ACTING. Do you think Angelina Jolie is a liar because she isnt REALLY a secret spy named Mrs.Smith? Is Hayden Panetierre a liar because she isnt REALLY an indestuctable cheerleader?

    Some crazy people really believe that what they see on tv and in the movies is real. Same with strip clubs. Thats THEM not you. Most normal people who come in know what it is and that it is a fantasy.

    And I'm starting to feel "troll"here...am I alone? "She" is just a BIT too self-effacing.

    Honey...if you ARE a stripper and you feel stripping is so unethical...stop doing it. Pretty simple.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Brodie - if you don't want to lead guys on... don't. Tah dah! Problem solved. No guy leaves me thinking (if he is at all sane or rational) that I want to be his girlfriend. Don't say "you'll think about it." Say "I can't do that - it wouldn't be fair to all the other guys in here who want me." Or, you know, whatever you want. There is no particular reason you have to "lead them on" in that way if you feel uncomfortable with it.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    You arent lying..try to understand that. You are ACTING. Do you think Angelina Jolie is a liar because she isnt REALLY a secret spy named Mrs.Smith? Is Hayden Panetierre a liar because she isnt REALLY an indestuctable cheerleader?

    Some crazy people really believe that what they see on tv and in the movies is real. Same with strip clubs. Thats THEM not you. Most normal people who come in know what it is and that it is a fantasy.

    And I'm starting to feel "troll"here...am I alone? "She" is just a BIT too self-effacing.

    Honey...if you ARE a stripper and you feel stripping is so unethical...stop doing it. Pretty simple.
    Um, you're feeling wrong. I'm far from a troll. Which you'd see is obvious is you search my posts, or read my blog. I'm just a very reflective person who cares a lot about being good to others in all that I do. I think it's possible to do that as a stripper. I'm new at it and just figuring out what my boundaries are.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Brodie - if you don't want to lead guys on... don't. Tah dah! Problem solved. No guy leaves me thinking (if he is at all sane or rational) that I want to be his girlfriend. Don't say "you'll think about it." Say "I can't do that - it wouldn't be fair to all the other guys in here who want me." Or, you know, whatever you want. There is no particular reason you have to "lead them on" in that way if you feel uncomfortable with it.
    Thanks. I'll try those.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

  11. #11
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by BrodieLux View Post
    Um, you're feeling wrong. I'm far from a troll. Search my posts.

    I did read your posts...thats how I got the feeling. I said FEELS like a troll...not IS one. You've said a few things that just set off my Spidey sense, thats all. For example: you've only been dancing a week but have already learned to double your dance prices and keep the custies you fleece happy while hating yourself for "lying" to them??
    Not saying it isnt all true...but a few things you've said are contradicting each other just a WEE bit....

    dont take offense...if you arent a troll I'm sure that will be plainly obvious once I get to know you better. Some things just take time. Otherwise...I've answered your questions and given my advice. Wouldnt have dont either if I KNEW you were a troll...take heart in that at least.

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I did read your posts...thats how I got the feeling. I said FEELS like a troll...not IS one. You've said a few things that just set off my Spidey sense, thats all. For example: you've only been dancing a week but have already learned to double your dance prices and keep the custies you fleece happy while hating yourself for "lying" to them??
    Not saying it isnt all true...but a few things you've said are contradicting each other just a WEE bit....

    dont take offense...if you arent a troll I'm sure that will be plainly obvious once I get to know you better. Some things just take time. Otherwise...I've answered your questions and given my advice. Wouldnt have dont either if I KNEW you were a troll...take heart in that at least.
    I'll take it as a compliment that you were surprised at how quickly I caught on to the biz. Not trying to be arrogant, but I'm really, really, really intelligent and I learn very fast. I also have a whopper of conscience -- I have a B.A. in philosophy from a top university, with a concentration in ethics -- and I don't naturally feel comfortable in anything resembling a gold-digger role. At the same time, I am a total narcissist and a born performer. So, mix the two things and you do get something of a contradiction.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    I usually tell them thank you, but I prefer to keep all my fun ITC.

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Tell them you've had problems with guys from the club before, you've had a stalker, whatever, and that you have to get to know them really, really well in the club first. Works for me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Well..at work you are character Tiffany Brookes(or whatever your stage name is) and she is a party girl who LOVES bein out and naked and havim fun! While at home Jane Smith(your real name) wants nothing other then to be with her bf and pay her bills

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    BTW, I just want to say for the record, that I think most successful strippers are above average intelligence. At least it seems that way from reading this board. There's a lot of psychology involved in hustling.
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    ^^ I agree Cameron. As someone persuing a career in acting, working at a SC has been an excellent training ground.

    A club is a place for fantasy. If they want to date a girl, they should meet one at a regular bar.

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    Featured Member BrodieLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    ^^^I love that idea! Stripping as acting is a lot more fun!
    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousSeeker View Post
    ^Pssssttttt, your stripper is showing.

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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Yeah. You have to think of the club as a live interactive theatre. You have to do a lot of improv. My hustle is to make the guy laugh. This way not only is he having fun, but he is also more relaxed and willing to spend $$$.

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    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    I think it's pretty natural, as an intelligent and ethical human being, to overanalyze the strip club experience. I did this for years until I came up with solutions that worked for me.

    The "acting" method is probably the most common way of reconciling your ethical concerns. I agree with it wholeheartedly as good business practice in this industry. But it's not the only solution. When I am at work, I'm 100% authentically me. I don't lie, lead anyone on, or make promises I don't intend to keep. I actually answer every sincere question with honesty, and if that costs me money then so be it. I feel that my naked body and charming personality are well worth the $$, and I can usually find men willing to pay for just that. I don't need to offer more, in reality or as part of a "fantasy".

    It won't work for everyone, but plenty of guys find it refreshing. Most guys know the deal anyway, and the ones who don't I either set straight of leave them alone. It helps of course that I genuinely enjoy my job as well as most of my custies. So I don't really need to "fake it" at all.

    Of course I'm not perfect either. I've bent some of my personal ethical rules along the way, and felt a bit badly afterwards. But I try to remind myself that so many of the guys who come into the club are not nearly as concerned with these moral dilemnas as I might be. Plenty just want T&A as cheap as they can get it and are willing to use whatever methods necessary.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    I laugh at them and lead them on to get more money. I have no respect for dumbasses. Plus, when they ask you to meet them OTC or be their gf, they think that they are pulling the wool over YOUR eyes; they're not being serious. Generally, I giggle and make a dismissing motion with my hands before telling them how "cute" they are. (It seems to work for me, but I guess I don't really put a lot of thought into that reaction.)
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Many dancers have agreed to a "sugar or sugar FREE" daddy types of relationships with customers, some are just platonic some or not. There are even a few that turn out to be exclusive boyfriends-girlfriends. If you develop an outside the club (OTC) relationship with customers, I think both parties should be UPFRONT about the rules; although things change all the time knowing the ground rules at least keeps both parties involved on the same page, book and chapter (in theory)... If this isn't understood upfront, the line between is this PERSONAL or BUSINESS ??? can become very CLOUDY with thunderstorms looming and a tornado around the corner.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    I'm really honest in that sarcastic funny kind of way. I do it all the time when I'm working, "Oh honey, I'd LOVE to go out with you... but you see, I'm a woman. And women only will want you for your money. So I suggest you give me some first. Hey! I'm better than a wife! I take less than half! And I'm honest!" I also play into stereotypes to be funny and sarcastic, "Oh DARLIN'... you wanna take me to dinner? I'm so flattered but my friends were coming by to snort coke lines of my tits tonight. You want to come? No, sorry doll, it's ladies' night. You know how it is - only dirty hoes allowed."

    But this is my personality. It definitely wouldn't work for everyone. I somehow manage to pull of being funny, rude and sarcastic all at the same time. They usually get a laugh and it cuts the bullshit without being rude and plays on cheap stereotypes.

    If they REALLY push it and I stop caring, I usually say, loudly (in front of their friends), "DINNER YOU SAY?! WELL I WOULD GO OUT WITH YOU BUT WHEN I WAS ON YOUR LAP I FELT NOTHING. I ONLY DATE MEN WITH DICKS I CAN FEEL!!!"


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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    Well, if it makes you uncomfortable don't do it. That's pretty basic and important. You can say something like, "aw, that's so sweet, but I'm just here for your entertainment."



  25. #25
    sun child
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    Default Re: Feeling guilty about leading them on

    These people care nothing about you. And it's perfectly fine to say no.

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