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Thread: so discouraged!!

  1. #1
    Curious Guest
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    Angry so discouraged!!

    I am a new dancer. Started last night for the first time EVER. Something I have always wanted to do and also thought would help with my mounting debt from school loans and family loans. I had such a horrible night, I don't know if I can go back!

    The night was slow so others didn't make as good as they usually do. I was trying my damn-dest to fake confidence I wasn't feeling. I am a bit of a shy wallflower so I thought this would also be a personal growth experience. So I was trying to play up the first night dancing thing and I need practice to everyone. No one believed me that it was my first night! I would try to ask questions that couldn't be answered with a no: "would you like a dance now or later?" Most just said "maybe later" so I lost confidence to go back to them. But I had no idea how to ask them for a VIP or hourly conversation rate. So I ended up chatting up people for free! I thought that was better than standing around looking like a dud of a dancer.

    I fell during 2 stage shows in my fucking shoes. Luckily the falls were salvageable and I wasn't hurt. There were many times I couldn't put my breakaway back on because I couldn't figure out the side snap, making me feel really foolish asking other dancers how my goddamn thong worked. I probably made around $80 after tipping working about 11-2:30 (7-10:30 was training). I had a couple of enjoyable dances where the tips were decent but most were definitely bad (low). The entire time I was thinking how I am standing here breathing in all this smoke til my eyes watered and my throat felt like it was bleeding, feeling dizzy from tiredness, torturing my feet, missing out on putting my daughter to bed, for a few fucking dollars an hour.


    Then to top off this night of misery, I got pulled over on my way home. For no reason but to see if my registration was valid. Guess what? It wasn't!!
    It was expired almost a year because my husband forgot it expired on his birthday. The cop informed me he was impounding the car and giving me a court date and dropping me off at the nearest gas station so my husband could wake the sleeping baby and load her into the car to pick me up at 3:00am. So I am bawling in the gas station with all the homeless men asking how they can help! lol

    I know that first days on any job are rarely fun and easy. I just don't know how to psyche myself to go back. Course the fact that I have already put so much money into getting this job (license, clothes, shoes, supplies ~ $600) from money we don't have, makes it an easy decision on what I SHOULD do.

    Help! Does anyone have a shred of hope that it will get better? Will confidence dancing happen for sure as I go? I feel like I can't afford to give it years before I start making money.

    Then there is the problem of what car I am going to use to get back there.

    On another note, my first night dancing was also my first encounter with a strip club. The place is pretty upscale but I was struck by what a surreal situation it is. I am walking around in my underwear and it is totally ok and accepted! I know most won't see this as a big deal, but for a newbie, it is quite a shock. Then there is the fact that I am standing amongst so many beautiful naked women! There haven't been many situations in my life that had me around so many who were so comfortable with their bodies. More women should try dancing at least one for that experience alone!
    I also don't think I can look at men the same way. One guy I danced for was chatting with me before I started dancing for him. He was conversing with me like any self-conscious guy OTC would. So he was looking at me like I was a person. Then I started dancing for him, and his face totally changed! Like all of a sudden he was staring at a pot of gold he just found! It was really strange for me and unsettling at first.

    Thanks for reading. I feel better having at least discussed this with someone. No one except my husband knows about my new job.

    Any words of advice are greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
    Senior Member scarlet_is_yummy's Avatar
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    Oh man that i'm sorry you had such a shitty first night!! why not trying to just ask 'can i dance for you, i wanna have some fun!' rather than a closed question where they can easily say 'maybe later', and if you ask the first question - you wont feel unwelcome about going back to ask again.

    look at the positives: you DID make some money and i can guarantee that the next shift will be even better!! You sound like you're good at chatting and flirting with guys, but as soon as you have their attention and their having fun: ask for a dance and if they say no thanks, say it was really great to chat but you have to get back to work (they'll like that you think talking to them isnt 'work')

    You can do it! i'd recommend reading the hustle hut, there are really great tips in there hope this helped!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    First off, chill out! That sucks big time about your car but you were bound to get pulled over eventually, bad girl!

    As for first day jitters so many people get that. Newbies don't know how to hustle yet! If the newbie thing doesn't work (it worked for me, but I know others who bombed with it) then stop doing it. If people say 'maybe later' tell them "alright well I'm coming back in a few songs, so be ready ::big smile::" and then do it. Just because someone says that doesn't mean its a no. It's just like when you go to a restaurant and the waiter immediately asks what you want. You tell them to come back later, you haven't even got a chance to look at the menu. Same principle applies to stripping. Of coarse some guys really do mean 'no' when they say maybe later, but it shouldn't hurt your confidence, EVERYONE gets told 'no' EVERYONE!

    If youve spent anytime on this board you know that pretty much all of us have fallen. No biggie as long as you don't get hurt. I've fallen a few times and then I'll ask people "dude did you just see me wipe out?!" not one person said yes. not the DJ, the managers, the guys...no one cares, really.

    I think you probably just sent off a desperate/irritated/frustrated/scared vibe. Go back again with a smile on your face and think about how hilariously ridiculous your first night was. Don't think about the money, just focus on asking everyone for that dance (twice if they say maybe later!) and seeming confident. You know what a strip club is now and how it works, no reason to be nervous. Your so new, I don't think you should be pressuring yourself with money goals. It will only distract you from developing a hustle (look in hustle hut for ideas).

    If you go back and all your thinking about is negative things, not being with your baby/ getting stressed in general then maybe stripping isn't for you. That's no big deal. A lot of people aren't fit for dancing, just like I'm not fit for being a teacher. You can probably sell your shoes/ outfit to another dancer if you decide not to continue and get some of that money back.

    I hope I helped you out a little, btw where do you live? This time of year is a high hustle environment right now, look at the "would you be happy with 300$" thread in Stripping General. Even seasoned dancers are having a hard time, cut yourself a break!

  4. #4
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    It will get better. Look at it this way...you made $80 in 3 hours, right? That's $26 an hour. Not to shabby at all. And that's just your first night1 After you learn the ropes, your sure to double that!

    Now..go stick your nose in hustle hut, and don't come out! Seriously, when I found this site, I had been a dancer for a few years, and I read hustle hut from front to back, every single page. I clicked on topics that interrested me, skimmed over stuff, but I checked out the entire thing. There is soo much helpful info in there. It will help you immensly.

    But don't get discouraged You did good for your first night, and you'll get better after you get over newbie akwardness and learn the ropes.

    Your on the right track with not asking wuestions that lead to no, but askign would you like a dance now or later is basicially asking the same thing as want a dance or not? You are setting yourself up for the maybe later answer.

    Just sit down, talk to the guy for a few minutes and say, Are you ready for your dance now? or I'm ready to dance for you now, let's go. Or would you like to get 1 dance or 2? Would you like to dance here or in VIP?
    After you get the dance say, would you like me to keep going here, or in VIP where it's more intimate?

    After chatting with them for a few minutes, ask if they are ready for the dance. Don't chat for free! If they want conversation, invite them to VIp where you can chat, cause it's quieter and more intimate there.
    If they turn you down, say well, I'll check back later, it was great talkingto you! Bye. Never talk for free. Guys love to sit and bs with girls all night if u let them. Take control of the conversation.
    At all times, you should be in control of the conversation, and directing it in the place you want it to go ( towards a sale)
    but anyway...get your butt in HH and you'll find everything u need to know.
    Good luck hun. It'll get better!

  5. #5
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    Great advice been given here so far!

    Honestly, babe, that was about a textbook example of "1st Night Gone Wrong." Which means that it can only get better! The next time you go in, you'll already know what the club looks like, what they expect from stage and lap dances, how to dress--even how to put on your thong! They may seem like little things but your confidence will be exponentially higher when you have these things under control.

    Relax. Don't take yourself too seriously. Read up in HH on closing the deal and upselling to VIP and acknowledge the little victories. You actually went in and danced! That's huge! And you sold dances! That took you out of the group of girls who sit backstage and don't even try to make money. Now it's just a process of fine-tuning your hustling and dancing skills and making the money you have the potential to make.

    Go take care of your body, read up, and psyche up to do it again--but better!


  6. #6
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    Thanks for the encouragement! In retrospect, I don't feel so bad about the evening as I did first leaving (and getting pulled over! lol). And you're right, Joplin, the car thing doesn't have much to do with dancing - just adds to my pity party! I was asking for that trouble not paying attention to registration (note to self - never rely on a man!)

    I am uptight and perfectionist and I felt like a fish out of water and that really upped the anxiety level for me. But that is part of the reason I am doing this, do something different and not so easy for me. I recently read that people who live in Iceland are fine with failure and they are much happier people than Americans. So I will hustle my butt off (after reading hustle hut - good advice) and if I fail that is fine too. Life is not about doing everything perfectly. Failing once in a while is fine. Hopefully this will sink in.

    Ok, I am going back tonight. There is a convention in town (Atlanta), hopefully I should do better.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    the thing that gets me is that newbies come in and expect this to be a miracle job that will cure all their debt and i think they have unrealistic expectations.

  8. #8
    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    the thing that gets me is that newbies come in and expect this to be a miracle job that will cure all their debt and i think they have unrealistic expectations.
    I kind of did. I kind of still do. But I realize that "good money" means totally different things to every person. To me, a crappy night is still more than I made as middle management, so it's a short path to Happyville. It doesn't mean I don't work work work for it, though!


  9. #9
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning View Post
    I kind of did. I kind of still do. But I realize that "good money" means totally different things to every person. To me, a crappy night is still more than I made as middle management, so it's a short path to Happyville. It doesn't mean I don't work work work for it, though!
    but that's the difference. to you that isn't discouraging. i dont think anyone should be discouraged that on their first night, when the economy is in recession, they made $80. now, i'll be the first to say that the economy isnt bugging me (and i have said it ) but as a first night dancer? high expectations only set you up for failure. and most of the time they are very, very unrealistic.

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    ^ Yeah that is true that perhaps newbies hold high expectations for their first few nights as a dancer. That's the difference with me...when I started, I too was in a LOT of debt, but I was also making literally next to nothing at my bullshit hostess job, so ANYTHING I made dancing seemed "great" in comparison. Hells, I was happy just to get the job, considering that I was flat chested, had no prior experience, and couldn't dance for shit. As a result, I spent the first few days simply adjusting to the club atmosphere, watching others, and getting a little more comfortable with the idea of dancing, since I had tons of stage fright and nervousness. I don't even think I even asked anyone for a dance until my 3rd day! As a result, I didn't do a single lapdance until the 3rd day(pitiful, isn't it?) The OP made $80 in under 4 hrs?...Ha I made like $60 my first day in about 7 hrs of work. Horrible, isn't it?...but even that didn't seem so bad compared to the $5.15/hr I was making at my other job. But I viewed the first few days to be more of an "adjustment period" or "job orientation" than actual money-maker days.

    Now I'm not saying that I took the best approach...hells no, considering that I didn't even get my first lapdance until my 3rd day. Dancers should be more outgoing and daring than I was on my first few days. But perhaps dancers should follow my approach a LITTLE bit, such as viewing the first few days on the job to be an "orientation" or "training period." This might help them to get a little more comfortable and acquainted with the job, without the stress of feeling the need to make "X" amount of money. The same way that waitresses have that initial training period, in which they mostly shadow other waitresses and they get paid straight min wage(if they're lucky). They aren't even allowed to make tips until their initial training/orientation period is completed.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    So here is an update. I have been doing better (money-wise) each night I work (4 nights so far). It has been going ok. Occasionally I have some really good customers that make it fun. The other dancers have been nice for the most part. The club is nice. I have managed to get a few VIPs. I am almost accustomed to being up til 4 in the morning 3 nights a week. The problem is the goddamned secondhand smoke!

    I used to smoke and remember when I would go off that I would be hacking up all this phlegm during my recovery days. Now I have the same phlegm and I don't even smoke! My throat feels bloody raw after one night of working and I can barely talk. I have a health care degree and know all the dangers of smoking for smokers but there are just as many for the non-smokers who are in smoky environments!

    I know I am still at high risk for many cancers simply because I am a former smoker, but now I am increasing my risk and it isn't even by choice! (except to keep working)...

    So now I am debating if I should quit. I wouldn't be fair to my family to die young of cancer (even if I am in debt). Anyone else with this dilemma? With all the chemicals we put on ourselves to look good and the joint problems we endure to wear heels, we should be entitled to at least breathe clean air. I doubt Atlanta clubs will be going smoke free any time soon...

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: so discouraged!!

    If the money is getting to be pretty good, I wouldn't quit. Yeah it can suck to succomb yourself to a smoke-filled environment that is making your throat and lungs sore, but I don't think it's extreme enough to give you cancer anytime soon. I could be wrong about the effects of second hand smoke though, so somebody please correct me if I am wrong.

    It is possible that once you get accustomed to the smoke-filled environment, your throat and lungs will adjust. Also, I've noticed that former smokers are VERY sensitive to smoke and get easily agitated by it.

    If your club is really that much of a smokehouse, perhaps it is a good idea to think about moving onto a different club, perhaps one that is less smokey or bans smoking outright(e.g., smoking is prohibited in most NJ and Philly bars). It is possible that your club attracts a heavy smoking crowd, heavier than average.

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