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Thread: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Thumbs down Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    I'm a little annoyed that a year later, people are apparently still mad at me for something that they should have never been mad at me for at all. Please bear with me and tell me why this seems to happen, and what I should do about it...

    Last year, I was seeing this guy that was the half brother of these guys that I'd known since high school. Let's call him "Dipshit." It started out as a friendship thing, where I reunited Dipshit with his older half brother "Ed"(they shared the same dad) and Ed's half brother "Jay"(Ed and Jay share the same mom, but Jay was unrelated to Dipshit...but they knew each other growing up). (Long story short -- when Ed's parents divorced, each parent got remarried and had another kid with the new spouse) They hadn't talked to Dipshit in years, partly because Ed considered Dipshit to be "boring" and "nerdy", but I helped them to start hanging out and relating. Ed and Jay were grateful for this. We would all hang at Ed's place every weekend with Ed's girlfriend and Jay's wife. Very quickly, Dipshit and I started hooking up and casually seeing each other. Next thing you know, we were "going out" after Ed blatantly encouraged him to become my boyfriend.

    A little less than two months later, Dipshit started avoiding Ed and I. He blew off Ed on the weekend that Ed was planning to give him the special tattoo that he was giving all of his brothers. Dipshit started saying that he was "busy" that weekend with his buddies, and me being too nice and complacent, didn't protest it. He started being really aloof and I suspected that he was cheating. Meanwhile, I was being loyal...simply because being loyal is the "right" thing to do. Also, Ed had drunkenly threatened to "kill me" if I ever cheated on his little brother LOL. I frustratingly reached my wit's ends when Dipshit avoided me on the big drinking holiday and only answered his phone when I called from my friend Revolution's phone(i.e., a strange phone number). I was done, finito! Even before all this, there were other things that were starting to annoy me about Dipshit...e.g, him wanting me to always pick him up, and him making snide remarks that implied that he was using me for rides more than he should have, or the time that I was over his house and his ugly stepbrothers/friends(NOT Ed or Jay) were very curt, not saying two words to me the entire time I was there.

    I put up with Dipshit's coldness only as a "test" to see what would happen next(just to confirm my suspicions), and to see if I could get any real evidence that he was cheating.

    Only a day after the holiday that Dipshit had avoided me on, I got my proof that Dipshit was cheating(it was VERY blatant on his Myspace site) after he was already treating me badly, so I dumped him in a humiliating way...via posting a Myspace bulletin + a comment on his Myspace site. Admittedly he deserved it, and most of my Myspace friends told me this. Besides, how is it "okay" for him to let his new girl post "I love you!" all over his site, which made me look foolish, but it's not "okay" for me to dump him on his site? It's not like he was going to actually answer his phone for me if he was avoiding me, and his cell phone didn't have voicemail set up. I wasn't "heartbroken" by his cheating, but I DID feel extremely disrespected and insulted...for once I wasn't gonna be a fuckin' doormat!

    Within the same day that I posted the "it's over, bitch" Myspace bulletin, Dipshit's half brother Ed removed me from his Myspace friends list. I immediately knew that Ed was angry that I'd dumped Dipshit. I tried e-mailing and calling Ed, trying to explain that I had NOT been cheating on Dipshit, but in fact Dipshit had been extremely rude to ME. Ed would not even let me explain! He refused to hear me out...WTF? When I finally got a few words out about the situation, he didn't even care that I'd been loyal to Dipshit as I'd promised, but that Dipshit was cheating on me. He responded, "So what" and "Well you shoulda gotten a hint"(when in reality, I was only waiting it out as a "test" to get proof that he was cheating). He started proclaiming that I was his "enemy" and over the next week or two we got into immature little text message "battles" of mockery with each other. NOTE: Ed is REALLY immature and mentally unstable this way and everyone in the entire town is aware of this.

    As for me and Dipshit, yeah we got into some similar phone/text message battles over the next few weeks. Dipshit got his new girlfriend to threaten to beat me up. Dipshit actually admitted and BRAGGED about how he cheated and said that I was dumb to stay loyal!(and here the only reason I stayed loyal was b/c it was the "right" thing to do grrrr) Dipshit started lying about having a "kid" with this girl(in reality, he hadn't even met for the first time until just a few weeks ago; and I know for a fact that the "kids" he speaks of are the girl's nephews). To spite him back, I retaliated with a made-up story about cheating on him back, and claimed that I was now resultingly pregnant from the guy I'd "cheated" on Dipshit with. My girl friends kept my pregnancy story going for the next 8 months! LOL.

    Meanwhile, Dipshit and Ed stopped talking completely very soon after. Dipshit disowned himself from Ed and Jay, rehashing the past(when Ed never visited him) as his reasons why.

    So now it's a full year later...I'm STILL not friends with Ed, but then again I haven't run across him either. And before this ever happened, Ed and I always had a friend/enemy type relationship for years...so it's not exactly uncommon for Ed and I to be like this. Ed's half brother Jay has been uninvolved in this whole scenario...I hadn't seen him since over a year ago, before Dipshit and I started growing distant. I recently discovered that Jay and his wife have Myspace sites now, so I sent them both friends requests and a casual "hi how are you doing" e-mail to Jay...not mentioning any of the drama that occured between me, Dipshit, and Ed last year.

    So I check my Myspace site today, and find that Jay has read my e-mail, hasn't responded, AND he rejected my friends request! WTF? This isn't about Myspace...this is about the frustration that this guy is snubbing me presumably because of the drama that happened last year, which wasn't my fault! I don't think I was "wrong" to break up with Dipshit, who was treating me like shit. It was VERY insulting when Ed refused to hear me out last year and made ME feel "wrong" for his brother's wrongdoings...but now this? WTF?

    Why do you think Jay rejected my polite gesture? Do you think Ed is influencing him and telling him not to talk to me(a whole year later)? It makes me wonder how many people hate me now, simply because Dipshit decided to treat me like a doormat(the using me for rides, cheating, etc). Advice? What should I do? I'm thinking of writing Jay a brief e-mail, asking if I'd offended him in any way(I haven't) and if there were any rifts between us when we'd always been cool before. Do you think this is a good, asssertive idea? Thanks in advance for the advice.

  2. #2
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Wow, that was a novel!

    Any ways without reading the whole thing I can tell you why you were snubbed. \

    It's your ex's brother. Blood is thicker than water. The brother will almost always take his brother's side in situations like this, even if their relationship wasn't perfect before.

    Sorry. It probably has less to do with you and more to do with your ex still being bitter.

  3. #3
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    He probably just doesn't want any drama, honestly...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red View Post
    He probably just doesn't want any drama, honestly...
    That is a logical explanation, but keep in mind that I'd never started drama with Jay before and he was completely absent from this whole annoying episode last year. As I mentioned before, the last time I've seen Jay or his wife Darlene was a full year ago, weeks before Dipshit and I started growing apart. Perhaps it's possible that Ed said some recent shit about me and so Jay thinks there's more drama than is actually involved...

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Again, they're brothers. You're apparently not worth the drama of being friends with for them. Many people would just rather keep the family peace than rock the boat.

  6. #6
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrunetteGoddess View Post
    Wow, that was a novel!

    Any ways without reading the whole thing I can tell you why you were snubbed. \

    It's your ex's brother. Blood is thicker than water. The brother will almost always take his brother's side in situations like this, even if their relationship wasn't perfect before.

    Sorry. It probably has less to do with you and more to do with your ex still being bitter.
    Sorry about it being a "novel"...I was trying to explain the whole situation so you would get a clear perception(and not a "half truth"). LOL.

    I understand the whole part about family sticking by family, even if family did something wrong, but...Jay isn't related to Dipshit. Jay is half brothers with Ed, and Ed is half brothers with Dipshit...but Jay is not related to Dipshit. Or do you think perhaps Jay is taking Ed's side? Do you think that Ed's still "mad" at me about this whole thing? If Jay is "annoyed" at me for this, that's a really watered-down situation to be mad at someone for...one of those aunt's mom's friend's brother's cousin's hairdresser type of thing...don't you think?

    So...what do you think I should do? Should I write Jay an assertive e-mail, asking if I'd done anything wrong, and perhaps even saying that any drama he might have caught gist of is behind me and I'm hoping that others do the same? I'm worried that this apparent rift between Jay and I is going to affect how a lot of mutual friends are going to treat me now.

  7. #7
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrunetteGoddess View Post
    Again, they're brothers. You're apparently not worth the drama of being friends with for them. Many people would just rather keep the family peace than rock the boat.
    Thanks for your feedback and your patience with my long post, by the way.

    Two things:

    1) Ed and Dipshit haven't talked at all in almost a full year(right after I dumped Dipshit, coincidentally shit went down with him and Ed). Before I reunited them, they weren't talking either. Does that factor into it any?

    2) Damn I wish my family had been NEARLY as supportive of me. When I was growing up, my younger sister was "ashamed" of me for no real reason at all, and didn't want her teachers catching on that we were sisters despite looking somewhat alike and having the same last name. And I was a straight A student who never got in any truoble(at least that the teachers were aware of lol ) either! During this time, my cousin was spreading untrue gossip that she'd heard about me and years later, she excluded me from the wedding that she invited all of my 4 other siblings to. To be honest, it angers me and fills me with jealousy when people take the side of family when family's in the wrong...since my family was never NEARLY that nice to me.

  8. #8
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    1. As someone said, "Blood is thicker than water". "Bros before Hos" also applies.
    2. I've noticed you tend to overanalyze things to a point where you can no longer see the simple truth, you think there MUST be a more intense/deep explanation. Occam's Razor.
    3. You should get over it, move on and stop obsessing over little things like this. Oh my god he unfriended you on myspace, something big is obviously happening. Really... cmon. Just move on from it and go about having a happy life already.
    4. You always seem to make yourself the "victim" of circumstances that have "no explanation". They ALWAYS have an explanation, people just don't always care to have to explain it. Move on.
    5. Move on.
    6. Move on.
    7. Move on.


    It sounds harsh, but I think it needed to be said. Stop obsessing about life and fucking live it. Go out and work what you have, don't worry about why other people have a problem with you. If they do, then they aren't meant to be in your life anyway.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  9. #9
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Definitely agree 100% with everything DJMachismo said.

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Machismo View Post
    1. As someone said, "Blood is thicker than water". "Bros before Hos" also applies.
    2. I've noticed you tend to overanalyze things to a point where you can no longer see the simple truth, you think there MUST be a more intense/deep explanation. Occam's Razor.
    3. You should get over it, move on and stop obsessing over little things like this. Oh my god he unfriended you on myspace, something big is obviously happening. Really... cmon. Just move on from it and go about having a happy life already.
    4. You always seem to make yourself the "victim" of circumstances that have "no explanation". They ALWAYS have an explanation, people just don't always care to have to explain it. Move on.
    5. Move on.
    6. Move on.
    7. Move on.


    It sounds harsh, but I think it needed to be said. Stop obsessing about life and fucking live it. Go out and work what you have, don't worry about why other people have a problem with you. If they do, then they aren't meant to be in your life anyway.
    Okay point taken, and if it's a little thing with a simple impersonal explanation(supposedly having nothing to do with me), then does that mean that they're not really angry at me, they're just not getting involved? And does that mean that I should ignore him cold-turkey, or should I write an assertive e-mail as I already stated?

    Quote Originally Posted by DJMachismo
    They ALWAYS have an explanation, people just don't always care to have to explain it.
    Yeah and usually when that happens, it's because the explanation is something that isn't completely fair or ethical when that happens. Of course people don't "care" to explain a reason that is easy to find fault with, because that is just setting themselves up to get criticized.

  11. #11
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Just let it go. Period. If you have to work this hard for a friendship, it isn't worth it. No email. Just live your life.

  12. #12
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrunetteGoddess View Post
    Just let it go. Period. If you have to work this hard for a friendship, it isn't worth it. No email. Just live your life.

    Yes yes yes yes yes.


    Philly you are still obsessing over this. What would you be doing right now if you weren't thinking of this? Watching a movie? Jogging? Reading? Having some porn quality sex? What?

    It took me years to figure out that just not getting worked up over stuff, moving on and focusing on the good people in life and having fun is what life is all about. I can not begin to tell you how much less stress I have no and how much happier life is.

    Just go live life, stop responding to this or trying to figure it out. Ignore the bad shit, move on and have some fucking fun (could be a pun, could not be).


    Looking for closure or an explanation in a situation like this, and most of the bad things in life, is a lot like looking for the toy in a box of shit cereal. Even if you find what you are looking for its still covered in shit and you don't want to use it once you've found it.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  13. #13
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Okay, I was just trying to be assertive. For example, last year I did NOT act assertive when I chose to wait around for a week or two instead of doing what I really wanted to do, which was to dump Dipshit right away or to at least ask him to be straight-up with me. As a result, Dipshit taunted me for sticking around like a loyal puppy, and Ed told me that I "should have taken a hint"...when I KNEW the damn hint...all because I simply wasn't assertive about it. For most of my life I got shortchanged as a result of not being assertive enough(my not-high earnings at the strip club are just the beginning!).

    I am just trying to make sure that I am sticking up for myself enough, that's all. I am obsessed with trying to prove to myself that I'm not the same unassertive doormat that I was last year and prior.

  14. #14
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Assertive, confident. Good.

    Obsessive, very very bad in these cases.

    Just remember you don't have to prove it to yourself. Just make sure you are happy and when you look back on life, you'll fully understand what we are talking about.

    Just remember we are rooting for you, and if we give you tough love, its meant to be helpful (and hell it has love right in the title girl).
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  15. #15
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Okay so I'm going to write off Jay and never send him another Myspace friends request again. His wife Darlena hasn't rejected my friends request yet, so perhaps I should go and cancel that friends request before she decides what to do with it. I'm going to move on with my life and hopefully find a guy that I WILL be happy with and actually have a kid with, so then I won't have to gain little bits of gratification by lying to Dipshit about pregnancies that I don't really have. So screw them.

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    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982 View Post
    Okay so I'm going to write off Jay and never send him another Myspace friends request again. His wife Darlena hasn't rejected my friends request yet, so perhaps I should go and cancel that friends request before she decides what to do with it. I'm going to move on with my life and hopefully find a guy that I WILL be happy with and actually have a kid with, so then I won't have to gain little bits of gratification by lying to Dipshit about pregnancies that I don't really have. So screw them.
    Well put, and I wish you the best. If you ever need some more help...

    *Cue Ghostbusters Theme Song*

    "WHO YOU GONNA CALL!!!!!?????


    STRIPPERWEB!!!"
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  17. #17
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Machismo View Post
    Well put, and I wish you the best. If you ever need some more help...

    *Cue Ghostbusters Theme Song*

    "WHO YOU GONNA CALL!!!!!?????


    STRIPPERWEB!!!"
    LOL you crack me up.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Family can be weird about stuff like this, and it sounds like they already had their fair share of problems.

  19. #19
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Shit. Right when I had a spare minute to log onto Myspace and cancel my friends request to Jay's wife Darlena as I said I would, I find that she BEAT ME TO IT and REJECTED my friends request before I had a chance to cancel it. Admittedly that makes me a little mad. I waited too long AGAIN...just like last year when I didn't dump Dipshit in time, and as a result looked stupid.

    I am soooo tempted to send Jay(not Darlena, because she already has antisocial/social anxiety disorder) a message that says "Thanks for approving my friends request! : )" and then blocking him so he can't message back. I know I shouldn't do that, and I won't, but it's tempting.

  20. #20
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    See? This is the thing that angers me...that I know what to do, but I wait too long to do it. In the case of Dipshit, it was waiting until I had "proof" that he was cheating. Why wait for proof?...one of my exes "Donnie" automatically dumped me before HE had any proof that I was cheating, which I WASN'T. So if it's "okay" for Donnie to have dumped me without explanation, why did I feel the need to wait it out with Dipshit? It just made me look stupid/naive/oblivious in the end, a lot more than I actually was. Ditto for the situation with Darlena. GO FUCKING FIGURE that she'd get to Myspace before I would. It's these kinds of situations, in which my waiting makes me look dumb in the end, that makes me wonder if I'll never have kids. I'm 25, the age that my mom was when she was pregnant with me, and I keep seeing all these SWers and friends and even a few of my anti-friends having kids...I really hope to God that I don't wait so long to have kids, that I'm unable. Risk of miscarriage increases with age, and I've already had like 10000 miscarriages in the past so I really wonder if I'm going to lose my chance like what seems to happen with virtually everything else.

  21. #21
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Overanalyzing and letting it get to you.

    Its myspace, if you care what happens on myspace, then stop that, real friends have your phone number and use it.

    Forget them, and have fun. Life isn't worth the worry.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  22. #22
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Okay, but what about the "time's running out" situation with having a kid? Any good advice about that?

  23. #23
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    You still have plenty of time. Everyone's time is theoretically running out, as every second we live is also another second closer to death and/or infertility.

    However, at your age to be worried about it being too late to have kids? Don't even worry about it. You could wait 10 years easily and still be just as good if not better a mother.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

  24. #24
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    Yeah but the reason why I worry is -- again, due to overanalyzing -- because I feel like I've waited too long with too many things. Even stripping is one of those things. I really shoulda started stripping when I was 19 or 20, and had major money problems and the guy who was stealing all my money...then I coulda prevented all the financial problems and the big snowball effect that resulted...plus, back when I was 19/20 the industry had a lot more money to be made than these days. I feel that with a lot of things, I wait too long...and I honestly wonder if I'll ever get a guy who will want to be with me and want to have my kid. I really do wonder this. I'm not alone...my friend was writing about this issue on Myspace last week, saying that she has nightmares of ending up "alone with a bunch of cats," and her friend was relating to her.

  25. #25
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Snubbed by ex's brother -- advice?

    UPDATE: Apparently Darlena didn't cancel the friends request, it's still pending...I just didn't see it before. Now I know that she saw it before because she's logged in a few times since I sent it, but luckily I got to do the honor of cancelling it before she rejected it! Wah-hooo! (does happy dance) I feel a lot better now.

    I just didn't want to feel like I had waited too long and in the end, looked like a dolt.

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